Rebel Hard
Page 18
Unsmiling, Raj cupped her cheek, and for the first time since she’d known him, his actions were tentative. When she didn’t pull away, he ran the pad of his thumb over her cheekbone and stepped closer until her breasts pressed up against his chest. She hadn’t put on a bra under her navy T-shirt, and her nipples felt like tiny bullets sizzling against the heat of him.
The kiss was slow, deep, demanding, one of Raj’s hands in her hair, the other one plastered flat to her back to press her against him. The thick ridge of his erection pushed into her abdomen, causing inner muscles to spasm in need. A whimpering sound escaped her, her hands sliding up his chest to link around his neck as she rose on tiptoe in an attempt to get closer.
Raj’s chest rumbled… and a car went past on the road, the beams of its headlights momentarily flashing past them. Jerking, Nayna put at least a foot of distance between them.
“We can’t do this.” It wasn’t fair to Raj. “Not when I’m not even sure I want to be married anymore.”
Lines forming on his forehead. “What’s changed?”
Nayna told him the unpalatable truth. “I realized that my life isn’t mine. I’m allowing everyone else to drive it.” It was about damn time she took control. “And as for us…”
Uneasiness bloomed in her stomach at the memory of his letter, of her understanding of his wariness against the kind of love and trust she’d need to have in a man to walk into marriage. “I don’t want to end up living the same life for decades to come. I don’t want to end up resentful toward my husband. I have dreams that don’t involve living in a suburban house and raising babies. At least not yet.”
Hands on his hips, Raj watched her with those eyes, so serious and intent. “Will you trust me with your dreams?”
Lips twisting, Nayna spoke quietly. “They’re nothing extraordinary. Things millions of people do every day. Travel, adventure, being free to make my own choices.” She pushed her fingers through her hair. “You know how my parents said I didn’t go to parties as a student?” Her breath came faster now, her chest heaving. “It wasn’t a choice. I haven’t had a lot of choice since I was fourteen and Madhuri ran away. Now… sometimes I feel as if I can’t breathe.”
* * *
Raj didn’t stagger under the weight of Nayna’s words. He’d braced himself for the worst, and though what she’d said wasn’t good, she’d kissed him back as passionately as she had at the party. So he hadn’t fucked up to the point that she found him repulsive now.
Relief a cold rain in his blood, he said, “Meeting and kissing a man in a park after dark, does that count as adventure?” He needed direction here; Raj was used to laying straight lines and using a level to get it exactly right. But clearly Nayna wanted to go off-plan.
She looked intrigued at his question. “It’s definitely not a good-girl thing to do.”
“Then how about you give me—us—a chance to figure this out?” Raj was a builder, a fixer, and already his mind was trying to work out ways to fix this so that Nayna saw a future in them. “Don’t end us before we begin.”
“Raj.” Her teeth sank into her lower lip, causing his body to harden all over again.
He moved closer because she reacted to his body, and he’d use every advantage he had to fight for her. Whatever this was between them, this thing that had scared him with its potential power, it wasn’t a thing that came around every day. “I don’t want to be kissing any other woman. Do you want to be kissing another man?” The last words came out a growl.
“Ugh!” With that infuriated sound, she hauled down his head and kissed him with a ferocious kind of fury. “Fine, I won’t call off the entire thing yet. But you should know you’re fighting an uphill battle.”
“I know.” It had taken him a while to work through her words, but he got it now. Nayna wanted no more bonds after a lifetime of being held prisoner to the bonds of family.
Yeah, he damn well knew the battle he’d have to fight. And fight it he would. Because this was a war he intended to win. He wanted Nayna to love him as fiercely as she loved the family for whom she’d swallowed her dreams. “I looked up Lizzy Bennet.” It had been an eye-opener.
A blink, followed by a twitch of her lips. “Oh?”
“Does that make me Mr. Darcy?”
Nayna snorted. “You can only wish.” A glance at the night. “I should get back.”
Walking her home, Raj said, “Do you like that book? Pride and Prejudice?”
“It’s one of my absolute favorites,” she said before adding, “along with a zillion historical romances.”
Raj took the blow she hadn’t realized she’d thrown. He had a very clear memory of telling her romance was for children. It was what he’d always believed—that it was commitment and hard work that mattered to hold a relationship together. Romance was fluff and daydreams and disappeared liked cotton candy under the first rain of reality.
His brother, Navin, was a case in point. He’d fallen head over heels for Komal in college, sending her roses and chocolates, writing bad love songs that he recorded for her, spending hours mooning over her on the phone. Navin had waited only until he and Komal had both graduated and he had a job before he asked her to marry him.
Raj’s parents had been surprised, but since there was nothing objectionable about Komal, a nurse who had a position at the city’s major hospital, they’d celebrated the wedding with fanfare. Raj had been happy for his brother too, had cheerfully helped with anything the couple needed for their wedding.
Two years on and Navin was ducking his wife more often than not.
As for Komal, she’d become impossibly more shrewish.
Raj was glad every single day that he didn’t live in the large family home with the rest of the Sens. The flat he’d built for himself at the far end of the garden was close enough to his parents and sister that he was there for them whenever they needed him, but far enough from Navin and Komal that he didn’t get caught in the cross fire of their disdain for each other.
Poor Aditi often hid out in his flat too.
“Romance doesn’t last,” he said to Nayna, unable to be dishonest about something so fundamental. “It fades. Loyalty lasts. Fidelity lasts.”
Nayna stopped at the end of her drive, her dark eyes holding his. “Do you know what my father did a month ago? He drove an hour to find the perfect cream buns my mother was craving. Romance lasts if you want it to last.”
Raj scowled. “That’s not romance. It’s just listening to your wife and being a good husband.”
Tilting her head to the side, Nayna gave him a considering look. Then, without warning, she walked back to him and crooked a finger. Frowning, he bent his head… and she kissed him all soft and slow, her hand on the back of his neck. A hand with bones far more delicate than his, but he couldn’t have broken her hold if his life depended on it.
He was still standing there on the sidewalk long minutes after she’d disappeared into the house, utterly befuddled about what he’d done that had earned him that kiss. Whatever it was, he had to figure it out quickly. Because he wasn’t about to lose a woman who looked at him that way, who touched him that way, who knew his secrets and hadn’t used them to hurt him.
The kiss was slow, deep, demanding, one of Raj’s hands in her hair, the other one plastered flat to her back to press her against him. The thick ridge of his erection pushed into her abdomen, causing inner muscles to spasm in need. A whimpering sound escaped her, her hands sliding up his chest to link around his neck as she rose on tiptoe in an attempt to get closer.
Raj’s chest rumbled… and a car went past on the road, the beams of its headlights momentarily flashing past them. Jerking, Nayna put at least a foot of distance between them.
“We can’t do this.” It wasn’t fair to Raj. “Not when I’m not even sure I want to be married anymore.”
Lines forming on his forehead. “What’s changed?”
Nayna told him the unpalatable truth. “I realized that my life isn’t mine. I’m allowing everyone else to drive it.” It was about damn time she took control. “And as for us…”
Uneasiness bloomed in her stomach at the memory of his letter, of her understanding of his wariness against the kind of love and trust she’d need to have in a man to walk into marriage. “I don’t want to end up living the same life for decades to come. I don’t want to end up resentful toward my husband. I have dreams that don’t involve living in a suburban house and raising babies. At least not yet.”
Hands on his hips, Raj watched her with those eyes, so serious and intent. “Will you trust me with your dreams?”
Lips twisting, Nayna spoke quietly. “They’re nothing extraordinary. Things millions of people do every day. Travel, adventure, being free to make my own choices.” She pushed her fingers through her hair. “You know how my parents said I didn’t go to parties as a student?” Her breath came faster now, her chest heaving. “It wasn’t a choice. I haven’t had a lot of choice since I was fourteen and Madhuri ran away. Now… sometimes I feel as if I can’t breathe.”
* * *
Raj didn’t stagger under the weight of Nayna’s words. He’d braced himself for the worst, and though what she’d said wasn’t good, she’d kissed him back as passionately as she had at the party. So he hadn’t fucked up to the point that she found him repulsive now.
Relief a cold rain in his blood, he said, “Meeting and kissing a man in a park after dark, does that count as adventure?” He needed direction here; Raj was used to laying straight lines and using a level to get it exactly right. But clearly Nayna wanted to go off-plan.
She looked intrigued at his question. “It’s definitely not a good-girl thing to do.”
“Then how about you give me—us—a chance to figure this out?” Raj was a builder, a fixer, and already his mind was trying to work out ways to fix this so that Nayna saw a future in them. “Don’t end us before we begin.”
“Raj.” Her teeth sank into her lower lip, causing his body to harden all over again.
He moved closer because she reacted to his body, and he’d use every advantage he had to fight for her. Whatever this was between them, this thing that had scared him with its potential power, it wasn’t a thing that came around every day. “I don’t want to be kissing any other woman. Do you want to be kissing another man?” The last words came out a growl.
“Ugh!” With that infuriated sound, she hauled down his head and kissed him with a ferocious kind of fury. “Fine, I won’t call off the entire thing yet. But you should know you’re fighting an uphill battle.”
“I know.” It had taken him a while to work through her words, but he got it now. Nayna wanted no more bonds after a lifetime of being held prisoner to the bonds of family.
Yeah, he damn well knew the battle he’d have to fight. And fight it he would. Because this was a war he intended to win. He wanted Nayna to love him as fiercely as she loved the family for whom she’d swallowed her dreams. “I looked up Lizzy Bennet.” It had been an eye-opener.
A blink, followed by a twitch of her lips. “Oh?”
“Does that make me Mr. Darcy?”
Nayna snorted. “You can only wish.” A glance at the night. “I should get back.”
Walking her home, Raj said, “Do you like that book? Pride and Prejudice?”
“It’s one of my absolute favorites,” she said before adding, “along with a zillion historical romances.”
Raj took the blow she hadn’t realized she’d thrown. He had a very clear memory of telling her romance was for children. It was what he’d always believed—that it was commitment and hard work that mattered to hold a relationship together. Romance was fluff and daydreams and disappeared liked cotton candy under the first rain of reality.
His brother, Navin, was a case in point. He’d fallen head over heels for Komal in college, sending her roses and chocolates, writing bad love songs that he recorded for her, spending hours mooning over her on the phone. Navin had waited only until he and Komal had both graduated and he had a job before he asked her to marry him.
Raj’s parents had been surprised, but since there was nothing objectionable about Komal, a nurse who had a position at the city’s major hospital, they’d celebrated the wedding with fanfare. Raj had been happy for his brother too, had cheerfully helped with anything the couple needed for their wedding.
Two years on and Navin was ducking his wife more often than not.
As for Komal, she’d become impossibly more shrewish.
Raj was glad every single day that he didn’t live in the large family home with the rest of the Sens. The flat he’d built for himself at the far end of the garden was close enough to his parents and sister that he was there for them whenever they needed him, but far enough from Navin and Komal that he didn’t get caught in the cross fire of their disdain for each other.
Poor Aditi often hid out in his flat too.
“Romance doesn’t last,” he said to Nayna, unable to be dishonest about something so fundamental. “It fades. Loyalty lasts. Fidelity lasts.”
Nayna stopped at the end of her drive, her dark eyes holding his. “Do you know what my father did a month ago? He drove an hour to find the perfect cream buns my mother was craving. Romance lasts if you want it to last.”
Raj scowled. “That’s not romance. It’s just listening to your wife and being a good husband.”
Tilting her head to the side, Nayna gave him a considering look. Then, without warning, she walked back to him and crooked a finger. Frowning, he bent his head… and she kissed him all soft and slow, her hand on the back of his neck. A hand with bones far more delicate than his, but he couldn’t have broken her hold if his life depended on it.
He was still standing there on the sidewalk long minutes after she’d disappeared into the house, utterly befuddled about what he’d done that had earned him that kiss. Whatever it was, he had to figure it out quickly. Because he wasn’t about to lose a woman who looked at him that way, who touched him that way, who knew his secrets and hadn’t used them to hurt him.
