Rebel Heart
Page 32
You don’t git it, do you? she says. The way he sees it, while he was weak an helpless, Jack stole what belonged to him. You.
I stop. Turn to stare at her. Nobody stole me, I says. Lugh don’t own me.
Try tellin him that, she says. An while yer at it, tell yerself.
I’ll tell you to shut the hell up, I says. I go on, shovin my way along the overgrown path.
We better find some horses quick, she says. Two days ain’t long to git to a place when you don’t know where it is.
Saba! Emmi comes runnin after us. Lugh says you gotta come back, she cries. He says we gotta talk things over, make a plan.
He’s got a tongue in his head, he can tell me hisself, I says.
Oh, he ain’t speakin to you. She joins in behind Maev. Where’re we goin?
The path comes outta the trees. We’re standin on a little ridge. The land sprawls in front of us. What used to be a wooded plain with lakes, an mountains in the far distance. But the trees got some kinda blight – they’re jest dried red sticks, trunks, branches, needles an all. Sad memories of trees, that’s all they are now. The remains of Wrecker light towers here an there. We can see the trail cuttin pretty much straight across. One road only. Headed one way. East.
I dunno where yer goin, I says. But I’m goin that way.
Hey! Lugh shouts from the trees behind us. Hey! He barrels up to me, his face a black cloud. Tommo’s like a worried dog at his heels, leadin Hermes along.
I thought you warn’t speakin to me, I says.
I ain’t, he says. An you ain’t takin another step till we got a plan.
I start to move down the ridge. Tracker an Maev follow. I got a plan, I says. I’m goin to the Lost Cause.
You got no idea where it is, says Lugh. It could be anywhere.
It’s in the storm belt, I says. Lilith told me. Anyways, I didn’t know where you was, but I managed to find you okay.
That’s true, says Emmi.
Lugh stands at the top of the ridge, hands on his hips. He glares down at me an Maev. We keep on goin. You ain’t got no horses, he calls.
We’ll git us some! We’ll steal us some! I call back to him. Go back to the Snake, Lugh. Take Hermes an Emmi an Tommo. Go back. I got a price on my head, I ain’t safe company.
I knew there was a reason I liked you, says Maev.
We slip-slide through some scree the last few foot to the bottom of the ridge. We start runnin the moment we hit flat ground. Lugh’s angry shout follows us. Saba! Come back here right now! Saba!
We set off across the plain, at a run.
Tracker feels it first. The rumble of hoofs behind us. We ain’t bin runnin more’n a few minutes. He stops, looks back the way we jest come. He barks. Me an Maev stop too. Dammit anyways, I says.
Don’t pretend yer surprised, she says.
Nero lands on my shoulder. We wait.
I don’t want ’em to come. Truly I don’t. It ’ud be best fer everybody if they jest did what I told ’em to.
Hermes gallops into view. He’s got Emmi an Tommo on his back.
Saba! yells Emmi. Maev!
Hermes trots up an pushes his nose at my head.
Where is he? I says.
He’s comin, says Tommo. He says he ain’t bloody runnin.
They stare at me. I stare at them. They don’t look happy. I don’t s’pose I do.
We’re comin with you, says Emmi.
You don’t say, I says.
We walk east in silence.
Lugh’s decided to stick with bein mad at me. It’s like travellin with a storm cloud. One of them ones that hangs low an heavy. The kind that builds an broods an keeps on buildin an broodin till everybody’s got a sick headache. I ignore him. Me an Maev keep the pace fast. Emmi rides on Hermes. Tommo keeps in with Lugh.
We gotta git some transport soon. But we don’t meet nobody. No sight of no homesteads or settlements. Jest this endless forest of dead red trees.
Emmi tries to make cheery conversation with one or other of us. But she only gits a grunt or silence in reply, an it ain’t long before she gives up. By mid-mornin, we bin walkin at least five hours. Lugh’s the first to break.
We’ll git us some horses! He says it in that sarcastical voice of his that I hate. We’ll steal some! Gee, Saba, what horses should we take? There’s so many to choose from!
Shut up, I says.
You shut up, he says. You an yer stupid ideas.
If it’s so stupid, then why’re you here? I says. Why’d you come, Lugh?
Becuz yer gonna find out that I’m right about Jack, he says. An when you do, yer gonna need me to pick you up offa the ground.
Go to hell, I says.
Don’t need to, he says. I’m already there.
Midday. A fierce orange sun fries the land. We come to a crossroads with a couple of crabby old sourfruit trees. They’re about the only livin things we’ve seen since startin on this road. We argue the toss over which way to go. While they’re still at it, I strike out east. Always east.
Somebody’s yellin. Lugh. I break stride. Stop an turn around. He’s still at the crossroads, wavin his arms over his head an shoutin at me. We glare at each other long distance. At last, with a curse, I trot back to see what’s what.
Everybody’s sat or flopped down in the shade of the trees.
What’re you doin? I says. C’mon, git up!
I’m callin a rest, says Lugh. We’re tired an hungry an thirsty. You are too, if you’d only admit it. But yer so damn stubborn, you’d sooner walk yerself to death.
We ain’t got time, I says.
Too bad, he says.
All right, I says, but five minutes. No more.
I’ll say when, he says.
I’ll say when! says Maev. Fergawdsake.
I throw Lugh a look. I don’t sit. I give my hot face an sweaty neck a swipe with my kercheef. Tommo shares out the eatables from my saddlebags. Dried deer strips, a few twists of berry jerky an a handful of hazelnuts. He portions out half an puts the rest aside fer later. It makes a poor meal, hardly worth the effort of chewin, but we do. I give Tracker my deer strip, but the other two beasts gotta settle fer what there is. Hermes tears at the sad-lookin grass. Nero nibbles the wormy sourfruit.
A gritty hotwind blows from the south. The sky’s white an sharp an melts into heavy walls. Nobody speaks. We pull our sheemas low. Rub fat into our dry lips.
I pace back an forth. A naggin little voice starts up inside me. Pretty soon, it’s shoutin so loud I’m surprised nobody else can hear it.
Go! it yells. Go! Go! Go! Jack’s in trouble. He needs you. Take off on Hermes. Now! They cain’t stop you. Go on, do it!
It’s shameful. I know it. It’s my fault they’re here. It’s me that’s put ’em all in danger, nobody else. Still.
Go on! Take off! What’re they gonna do, shoot you?
Don’t even think about it, says Lugh.
Huh? I says.
What yer thinkin about doin, he says. You think I dunno what yer thinkin, but yer thinkin it so loud, I can hear you thinkin it. Don’t even think about it.
I ain’t thinkin about nuthin, I says.
Oh, yes, you are, he says.
Am not.
Are too.
Hey! I glare at him. I know very well what’s goin on in my own head. Too bad some other people I know cain’t say the same.
What’s that s’posed to mean? he says.
Would you shut up? says Maev. Jest shut up! Yer drivin us all crazy!
I stop. Turn to stare at her. Nobody stole me, I says. Lugh don’t own me.
Try tellin him that, she says. An while yer at it, tell yerself.
I’ll tell you to shut the hell up, I says. I go on, shovin my way along the overgrown path.
We better find some horses quick, she says. Two days ain’t long to git to a place when you don’t know where it is.
Saba! Emmi comes runnin after us. Lugh says you gotta come back, she cries. He says we gotta talk things over, make a plan.
He’s got a tongue in his head, he can tell me hisself, I says.
Oh, he ain’t speakin to you. She joins in behind Maev. Where’re we goin?
The path comes outta the trees. We’re standin on a little ridge. The land sprawls in front of us. What used to be a wooded plain with lakes, an mountains in the far distance. But the trees got some kinda blight – they’re jest dried red sticks, trunks, branches, needles an all. Sad memories of trees, that’s all they are now. The remains of Wrecker light towers here an there. We can see the trail cuttin pretty much straight across. One road only. Headed one way. East.
I dunno where yer goin, I says. But I’m goin that way.
Hey! Lugh shouts from the trees behind us. Hey! He barrels up to me, his face a black cloud. Tommo’s like a worried dog at his heels, leadin Hermes along.
I thought you warn’t speakin to me, I says.
I ain’t, he says. An you ain’t takin another step till we got a plan.
I start to move down the ridge. Tracker an Maev follow. I got a plan, I says. I’m goin to the Lost Cause.
You got no idea where it is, says Lugh. It could be anywhere.
It’s in the storm belt, I says. Lilith told me. Anyways, I didn’t know where you was, but I managed to find you okay.
That’s true, says Emmi.
Lugh stands at the top of the ridge, hands on his hips. He glares down at me an Maev. We keep on goin. You ain’t got no horses, he calls.
We’ll git us some! We’ll steal us some! I call back to him. Go back to the Snake, Lugh. Take Hermes an Emmi an Tommo. Go back. I got a price on my head, I ain’t safe company.
I knew there was a reason I liked you, says Maev.
We slip-slide through some scree the last few foot to the bottom of the ridge. We start runnin the moment we hit flat ground. Lugh’s angry shout follows us. Saba! Come back here right now! Saba!
We set off across the plain, at a run.
Tracker feels it first. The rumble of hoofs behind us. We ain’t bin runnin more’n a few minutes. He stops, looks back the way we jest come. He barks. Me an Maev stop too. Dammit anyways, I says.
Don’t pretend yer surprised, she says.
Nero lands on my shoulder. We wait.
I don’t want ’em to come. Truly I don’t. It ’ud be best fer everybody if they jest did what I told ’em to.
Hermes gallops into view. He’s got Emmi an Tommo on his back.
Saba! yells Emmi. Maev!
Hermes trots up an pushes his nose at my head.
Where is he? I says.
He’s comin, says Tommo. He says he ain’t bloody runnin.
They stare at me. I stare at them. They don’t look happy. I don’t s’pose I do.
We’re comin with you, says Emmi.
You don’t say, I says.
We walk east in silence.
Lugh’s decided to stick with bein mad at me. It’s like travellin with a storm cloud. One of them ones that hangs low an heavy. The kind that builds an broods an keeps on buildin an broodin till everybody’s got a sick headache. I ignore him. Me an Maev keep the pace fast. Emmi rides on Hermes. Tommo keeps in with Lugh.
We gotta git some transport soon. But we don’t meet nobody. No sight of no homesteads or settlements. Jest this endless forest of dead red trees.
Emmi tries to make cheery conversation with one or other of us. But she only gits a grunt or silence in reply, an it ain’t long before she gives up. By mid-mornin, we bin walkin at least five hours. Lugh’s the first to break.
We’ll git us some horses! He says it in that sarcastical voice of his that I hate. We’ll steal some! Gee, Saba, what horses should we take? There’s so many to choose from!
Shut up, I says.
You shut up, he says. You an yer stupid ideas.
If it’s so stupid, then why’re you here? I says. Why’d you come, Lugh?
Becuz yer gonna find out that I’m right about Jack, he says. An when you do, yer gonna need me to pick you up offa the ground.
Go to hell, I says.
Don’t need to, he says. I’m already there.
Midday. A fierce orange sun fries the land. We come to a crossroads with a couple of crabby old sourfruit trees. They’re about the only livin things we’ve seen since startin on this road. We argue the toss over which way to go. While they’re still at it, I strike out east. Always east.
Somebody’s yellin. Lugh. I break stride. Stop an turn around. He’s still at the crossroads, wavin his arms over his head an shoutin at me. We glare at each other long distance. At last, with a curse, I trot back to see what’s what.
Everybody’s sat or flopped down in the shade of the trees.
What’re you doin? I says. C’mon, git up!
I’m callin a rest, says Lugh. We’re tired an hungry an thirsty. You are too, if you’d only admit it. But yer so damn stubborn, you’d sooner walk yerself to death.
We ain’t got time, I says.
Too bad, he says.
All right, I says, but five minutes. No more.
I’ll say when, he says.
I’ll say when! says Maev. Fergawdsake.
I throw Lugh a look. I don’t sit. I give my hot face an sweaty neck a swipe with my kercheef. Tommo shares out the eatables from my saddlebags. Dried deer strips, a few twists of berry jerky an a handful of hazelnuts. He portions out half an puts the rest aside fer later. It makes a poor meal, hardly worth the effort of chewin, but we do. I give Tracker my deer strip, but the other two beasts gotta settle fer what there is. Hermes tears at the sad-lookin grass. Nero nibbles the wormy sourfruit.
A gritty hotwind blows from the south. The sky’s white an sharp an melts into heavy walls. Nobody speaks. We pull our sheemas low. Rub fat into our dry lips.
I pace back an forth. A naggin little voice starts up inside me. Pretty soon, it’s shoutin so loud I’m surprised nobody else can hear it.
Go! it yells. Go! Go! Go! Jack’s in trouble. He needs you. Take off on Hermes. Now! They cain’t stop you. Go on, do it!
It’s shameful. I know it. It’s my fault they’re here. It’s me that’s put ’em all in danger, nobody else. Still.
Go on! Take off! What’re they gonna do, shoot you?
Don’t even think about it, says Lugh.
Huh? I says.
What yer thinkin about doin, he says. You think I dunno what yer thinkin, but yer thinkin it so loud, I can hear you thinkin it. Don’t even think about it.
I ain’t thinkin about nuthin, I says.
Oh, yes, you are, he says.
Am not.
Are too.
Hey! I glare at him. I know very well what’s goin on in my own head. Too bad some other people I know cain’t say the same.
What’s that s’posed to mean? he says.
Would you shut up? says Maev. Jest shut up! Yer drivin us all crazy!
