Rebel Heart
Page 35
The Pathfinder, I says, pretendin like I never heard of him.
That’s the top man, he says. He’s a great thinker, he has, uh . . . whaddya call ’em? . . . visions.
You ever met him? I says.
Me? Not likely, says Slim. Although I heard he rides with his men sometimes, slips in among ’em without their knowin, so maybe I seen him somewhere. Maybe he stopped me at some guardpost. Maybe—
Maybe you could stop talkin fer a bit, I says. You make my ears hurt.
He cain’t stay silent fer long. Five of you, he says, only one horse. Makes me think you might of run into trouble somewhere. You didn’t by any chance come over the Yann Gap?
We might of, I says.
You mean, you made it past them crazy skull collectors? he says.
Uh huh, I says.
Ha! He slaps his knee. Well, I’ll be damned! Yer quite the thing, sister. I tell you, them weirdos has bin causin trouble there ferever an day. They caught my cousin Lister, oh, must be ten year back now. He was okay, Lister, fer a relation, essept he never knew when to shut up. Despitin that, I wouldn’t of minded so much if he hadn’t of bin wearin my best hat at the time. He borrowed it without tellin me. No, somebody oughta do somethin about that Yann Gap bridge.
I did, I says. It’s gone.
He looks at me. Shakes his head an grins. Ha ha! Well, whaddya know! I give you my personal thanks, on behalf of cousin Lister an my best hat. You wanna be at the Lost Cause in two days? I’ll git you there, by gum, I will.
Not at this pace, you won’t, I says. Don’t this mangy beast of yers go no faster?
You ever heard the old sayin, never judge a book by its cover?
No, I says.
Well, hang onto yer girdle, he says. Then he yells, Yeeha! an slaps the reins down.
Moses goes off like a shot. A startled squawk an Nero takes to the air. I only jest stop myself tumblin out by grabbin Slim.
He flashes me a yellow-toothed grin. Grand Champeen of the Pillawalla Camel Race! he shouts. Five years runnin! His bloodline goes back to the Great Pyramid of Egypt!
As the Cosmic Compendalorium rackets along in a cloud of dust, Slim starts to holler out a song. His voice rasps through the day like a rusty saw.
Oh, chase me, Suzie, run around town
Catch me, tickle me, tie me down
If you shiver my shanks, I’ll buy you a gown . . .
But I’ll be gone in the mornin a-rovin!
We leave the red blight forests behind. We ford wide brown rivers, shallow an sluggish. Skirt around the southern end of a giant, dyin lake. The sharp pong scours our noses. Makes our eyes water an our hair stand on end. The sticky white shore’s alive with tiny flies that rise in black clouds as we pass. The iron skellentons of Wrecker buildins litter the shoreline.
We don’t run into no Tonton, on patrol or otherwise. There’s a small garrison at the top of the lake, Slim tells me, some fifteen leagues north. Why they’re here is anybody’s guess. They might of found a Wrecker mine site that’s still got work in it. All he knows is, they don’t patrol this far down. He says we shouldn’t hafta worry about patrols an guardposts till tomorrow. But I’ll keep us outta their way, he says. I know all the byways an I know the ways of the men in black.
I’d sooner be back in the Waste than here. It ain’t till daylight starts to wane that we see the end of it. An then, the sight, the smell of livin trees – juniper, jack pine an fir – the sound of clean, runnin water, come as sweet, merciful relief. Like a cool hand on a brow hot with fever. Slim slows the Cosmic down an turns it off the trail into a little clearin.
What’re you doin? I says. Drive on.
We gotta take a break, says Slim. Moses needs a rest. Yer horse does too, I’ll warrant. We’ll be safe here.
I press the shooter to his temple. I said, drive on, I says.
Slim raises his hands. Hey, hey! Calm down, sister. I said I’d git you to the Lost Cause in good time an I will. I aim to keep this eye of mine.
The man’s right, says Lugh. You know he is. We gotta rest.
I’m numb with tiredness. We gotta keep goin, I says.
Don’t be crazy, he says. When was the last time you slept?
As he says it, I try to think. Must of bin . . . no, I cain’t think when. Weariness circles me, rubs itself aginst me, warm an friendly. I mustn’t give in to it.
You cain’t even remember, says Lugh.
He’s dismounted an plucked Emmi from Hermes’ back. Maev an Tommo’s clambered outta the back of the Cosmic. I look at everybody’s drawn faces.
Okay, three hours, I says.
Four, says Lugh.
At least, says Slim. You gotta be sharp here. Alert. Ready fer anythin. An it’s plain foolish not to rest yer beasts proper.
All right, four, I says. But not a moment longer.
I’m talkin to myself. Everybody’s bustlin around, helpin Slim set up camp an light a fire. I climb down from the Cosmic, stiff an sore all over. As I ease my back an rub my achin behind, I think, gimme a horse over a cart any day. I felt every bump of that damn road.
I stand apart. Exhausted but jangly. Like I don’t know what to do with myself, how to be, once I stop movin.
Maev comes over. She glances at Slim, jibber jabberin to Emmi. He talks a lot, she says, but he don’t say much. Makes you wonder.
I know, I says. Don’t worry, I got my eye on him.
She crosses her arms on her chest. Stubs her boot into the ground.
Somethin on yer mind? I says.
I cocked things up today, she says. Talk about Jack bein a know-all, I take the cake. Any fool could of seen that stupid camel wouldn’t move fer nobody but Slim. What the hell’s wrong with me?
Well, you punished yerself, I says. You rode inside the cart all day.
It’s the least I deserve, she says. I’ve lost my edge.
C’mon, Maev, I says. What about today? Back at the Gap? Gittin everybody across like that, fightin them headhunters . . . that was quite somethin.
She brightens. It was kinda fun, she says. She glances over at Lugh. He crouches, layin the fire. He must feel us watchin him becuz he looks up. Jest fer a moment, then he goes back to what he’s doin. I was showin off, says Maev. Pathetic. Like some kid, wantin him to notice me.
Oh, he notices you, I says, never fear. You saved their lives, Maev. They was in danger – you all was – becuz of me. If anybody’s lost their edge, it’s me. You done good.
Well, at least I got their three lives to my credit, she says. But it don’t make up fer what happened at Darktrees. Fer the Hawks an the Raiders. Nuthin ever will. If only I hadn’t of bin so arrogant. If only I’d of listened to Ash an Creed. They kept sayin we should leave, but I wouldn’t. Forty lives, Saba. My friends. Dead becuz of me. That’s hard to live with.
It don’t serve nobody to keep count, I says.
Oh, but it does, she says. I must. Every single one eats at me. Every time I close my eyes, I see their faces. They walk in my dreams.
I know, I says.
Ruby, she says. Taz. Ash. Creed. Jest thinkin their names feels like knives in my heart. So that’s what I do. I think their names, over an over an over agin. I need to keep the pain sharp. Till I can make amends fer what I did. Maybe then I’ll be able to sleep.
Maybe, I says.
We’re quiet, then I says, D’you ever feel old, Maev?
I was born old, she says.
Her an me look at each other a long moment. Then she nods an heads over to the fire. She passes Tommo on the way.
That’s the top man, he says. He’s a great thinker, he has, uh . . . whaddya call ’em? . . . visions.
You ever met him? I says.
Me? Not likely, says Slim. Although I heard he rides with his men sometimes, slips in among ’em without their knowin, so maybe I seen him somewhere. Maybe he stopped me at some guardpost. Maybe—
Maybe you could stop talkin fer a bit, I says. You make my ears hurt.
He cain’t stay silent fer long. Five of you, he says, only one horse. Makes me think you might of run into trouble somewhere. You didn’t by any chance come over the Yann Gap?
We might of, I says.
You mean, you made it past them crazy skull collectors? he says.
Uh huh, I says.
Ha! He slaps his knee. Well, I’ll be damned! Yer quite the thing, sister. I tell you, them weirdos has bin causin trouble there ferever an day. They caught my cousin Lister, oh, must be ten year back now. He was okay, Lister, fer a relation, essept he never knew when to shut up. Despitin that, I wouldn’t of minded so much if he hadn’t of bin wearin my best hat at the time. He borrowed it without tellin me. No, somebody oughta do somethin about that Yann Gap bridge.
I did, I says. It’s gone.
He looks at me. Shakes his head an grins. Ha ha! Well, whaddya know! I give you my personal thanks, on behalf of cousin Lister an my best hat. You wanna be at the Lost Cause in two days? I’ll git you there, by gum, I will.
Not at this pace, you won’t, I says. Don’t this mangy beast of yers go no faster?
You ever heard the old sayin, never judge a book by its cover?
No, I says.
Well, hang onto yer girdle, he says. Then he yells, Yeeha! an slaps the reins down.
Moses goes off like a shot. A startled squawk an Nero takes to the air. I only jest stop myself tumblin out by grabbin Slim.
He flashes me a yellow-toothed grin. Grand Champeen of the Pillawalla Camel Race! he shouts. Five years runnin! His bloodline goes back to the Great Pyramid of Egypt!
As the Cosmic Compendalorium rackets along in a cloud of dust, Slim starts to holler out a song. His voice rasps through the day like a rusty saw.
Oh, chase me, Suzie, run around town
Catch me, tickle me, tie me down
If you shiver my shanks, I’ll buy you a gown . . .
But I’ll be gone in the mornin a-rovin!
We leave the red blight forests behind. We ford wide brown rivers, shallow an sluggish. Skirt around the southern end of a giant, dyin lake. The sharp pong scours our noses. Makes our eyes water an our hair stand on end. The sticky white shore’s alive with tiny flies that rise in black clouds as we pass. The iron skellentons of Wrecker buildins litter the shoreline.
We don’t run into no Tonton, on patrol or otherwise. There’s a small garrison at the top of the lake, Slim tells me, some fifteen leagues north. Why they’re here is anybody’s guess. They might of found a Wrecker mine site that’s still got work in it. All he knows is, they don’t patrol this far down. He says we shouldn’t hafta worry about patrols an guardposts till tomorrow. But I’ll keep us outta their way, he says. I know all the byways an I know the ways of the men in black.
I’d sooner be back in the Waste than here. It ain’t till daylight starts to wane that we see the end of it. An then, the sight, the smell of livin trees – juniper, jack pine an fir – the sound of clean, runnin water, come as sweet, merciful relief. Like a cool hand on a brow hot with fever. Slim slows the Cosmic down an turns it off the trail into a little clearin.
What’re you doin? I says. Drive on.
We gotta take a break, says Slim. Moses needs a rest. Yer horse does too, I’ll warrant. We’ll be safe here.
I press the shooter to his temple. I said, drive on, I says.
Slim raises his hands. Hey, hey! Calm down, sister. I said I’d git you to the Lost Cause in good time an I will. I aim to keep this eye of mine.
The man’s right, says Lugh. You know he is. We gotta rest.
I’m numb with tiredness. We gotta keep goin, I says.
Don’t be crazy, he says. When was the last time you slept?
As he says it, I try to think. Must of bin . . . no, I cain’t think when. Weariness circles me, rubs itself aginst me, warm an friendly. I mustn’t give in to it.
You cain’t even remember, says Lugh.
He’s dismounted an plucked Emmi from Hermes’ back. Maev an Tommo’s clambered outta the back of the Cosmic. I look at everybody’s drawn faces.
Okay, three hours, I says.
Four, says Lugh.
At least, says Slim. You gotta be sharp here. Alert. Ready fer anythin. An it’s plain foolish not to rest yer beasts proper.
All right, four, I says. But not a moment longer.
I’m talkin to myself. Everybody’s bustlin around, helpin Slim set up camp an light a fire. I climb down from the Cosmic, stiff an sore all over. As I ease my back an rub my achin behind, I think, gimme a horse over a cart any day. I felt every bump of that damn road.
I stand apart. Exhausted but jangly. Like I don’t know what to do with myself, how to be, once I stop movin.
Maev comes over. She glances at Slim, jibber jabberin to Emmi. He talks a lot, she says, but he don’t say much. Makes you wonder.
I know, I says. Don’t worry, I got my eye on him.
She crosses her arms on her chest. Stubs her boot into the ground.
Somethin on yer mind? I says.
I cocked things up today, she says. Talk about Jack bein a know-all, I take the cake. Any fool could of seen that stupid camel wouldn’t move fer nobody but Slim. What the hell’s wrong with me?
Well, you punished yerself, I says. You rode inside the cart all day.
It’s the least I deserve, she says. I’ve lost my edge.
C’mon, Maev, I says. What about today? Back at the Gap? Gittin everybody across like that, fightin them headhunters . . . that was quite somethin.
She brightens. It was kinda fun, she says. She glances over at Lugh. He crouches, layin the fire. He must feel us watchin him becuz he looks up. Jest fer a moment, then he goes back to what he’s doin. I was showin off, says Maev. Pathetic. Like some kid, wantin him to notice me.
Oh, he notices you, I says, never fear. You saved their lives, Maev. They was in danger – you all was – becuz of me. If anybody’s lost their edge, it’s me. You done good.
Well, at least I got their three lives to my credit, she says. But it don’t make up fer what happened at Darktrees. Fer the Hawks an the Raiders. Nuthin ever will. If only I hadn’t of bin so arrogant. If only I’d of listened to Ash an Creed. They kept sayin we should leave, but I wouldn’t. Forty lives, Saba. My friends. Dead becuz of me. That’s hard to live with.
It don’t serve nobody to keep count, I says.
Oh, but it does, she says. I must. Every single one eats at me. Every time I close my eyes, I see their faces. They walk in my dreams.
I know, I says.
Ruby, she says. Taz. Ash. Creed. Jest thinkin their names feels like knives in my heart. So that’s what I do. I think their names, over an over an over agin. I need to keep the pain sharp. Till I can make amends fer what I did. Maybe then I’ll be able to sleep.
Maybe, I says.
We’re quiet, then I says, D’you ever feel old, Maev?
I was born old, she says.
Her an me look at each other a long moment. Then she nods an heads over to the fire. She passes Tommo on the way.
