Reclaiming the Sand
Page 41
“They were ruined in the fire,” Flynn responded and my hands gripped the plate so tightly my knuckles went white.
But before I could freak out and run away, Flynn took the plate from my hands and placed it on the table.
“Come, eat,” he urged, sitting down and carefully opening the box containing Dania’s cheeseburger.
I sat down across from him and took the other box but didn’t open it. I watched as he lifted the bun and scrapped off the lettuce and tomato with a fork and then wrapped the discarded condiments in a napkin before throwing it away. He pushed the French fries off to the side, making sure they didn’t touch anything before picking up the burger with both hands and taking a small bite.
“Stop watching me,” Flynn said firmly when I hadn’t started eating yet.
I blinked and looked away, flushing at having been caught. I flipped open the box and started picking at my sandwich. My appetite still hadn’t come back but I couldn’t just sit there doing nothing.
Flynn polished off his burger quickly and then ate his fries, one at a time. Dipping each in ketchup and then wiping the excess off with his fork before popping it in his mouth.
I tried not to stare. But his eating habits were so ritualistic that it was fascinating.
“I told you to stop looking at me. I hate it when people look at me,” he mumbled, taking a drink of water.
“Why do you hate people looking at you?” I asked him. Though I could hazard a guess why.
“Because people aren’t very nice when they look at me.” He reached over and speared one of my French fries that I had yet to eat and dipped it in his ketchup.
Then without asking, he claimed a few more from my plate.
“Uh, you wanna ask before you take my shit,” I told him. Flynn took another fry and I dropped my hand down on top of his before he could escape with it.
“Don’t cuss,” he said crossly, wiggling his hand beneath mine, trying to pull away.
He released the fry and I allowed him to withdraw his hand and pulling it into his lap. He didn’t apologize. He didn’t excuse his deplorable manners. He just began to rub his hands together.
“People aren’t nice to me a lot of the times. They look at me a lot. Kevin said I had to learn to deal with it. That getting upset and angry would just make them look at me more. It’s hard though. Because I just want to tell them to f**k off,” he grinned then and I grinned back, forgiving his French fry transgression.
“Flynn, don’t cuss,” I teased, parroting the words he had just spoken.
He didn’t pick up on my attempts at a joke and instead hung his head. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
I clucked my tongue in frustration. “I was kidding, Flynn. It’s cool. I like a good f**k as much as the next gal,” I said. Flynn’s cheeks turned an alarming shade of red and then I realized what I said.
I cleared my throat, feeling suddenly embarrassed and self-conscious.
“Well, Kevin sounds like he knows what he’s talking about. Is he a friend?” I asked, trying to turn the conversation back into more comfortable territory.
“No, he’s my therapist. He helps me a lot. He tells me how to act in public and when I’m being rude. I can tell when people are angry now. And when I say something to upset someone, I know by the look on their faces. But I still mess up a lot. I still have a lot to learn.”
We had never talked about his disability much before. When we were younger I had been too ignorant and self-involved to think about what was going on with him. But I hoped I had grown up a bit in the last six years since to understand a little of what he went through.
He was different. He was more than a little odd.
But looking at him, staring into his lap, chewing on his bottom lip, I also knew he was more than a little special.
“That’s awesome, Flynn,” I said and I meant it.
Flynn jumped to his feet and took my plate that held the remnants of my food. He picked up the club and took a bite of it.
“I wasn’t done with that,” I admonished.
Flynn dropped the sandwich back on the plate and handed it back to me.
“Here,” he said and I pushed it back towards him.
“I’m not going to eat it now that you’ve taken a bite out of it, am I?” I cocked my eyebrow.
Flynn took my plate back and looked down at the half-eaten club. “Yeah, I guess not. That was pretty gross, huh?”
“Yeah, it was. But I’m not that hungry, so it’s cool,” I told him.
“I have banana bread if you want. It’s my mom’s recipe,” he offered, going to the counter and putting a slab onto a plate and bringing it back to me.
“Sure, banana bread sounds great,” I replied, taking it from him. I might not be very hungry, but I couldn’t pass up banana bread.
“I like being with you. I missed you,” Flynn said, surprising me. Of all the things for him to say, I had not expected that. It was such an innocent thing but it held so much weight.
He missed me.
After everything I had done to him.
He missed me.
I couldn’t respond. I had nothing to say to that. I couldn’t reciprocate because I hadn’t missed him. I had spent most of the last six years despising him. Blaming him for things that weren’t his fault. It had just been easier to hate him than to hate myself.
“You stopped talking to me. After my birthday. You never called me again. Mom said to leave you alone. That you weren’t my friend. But you were my friend. Because you told me I was and I believed you.” His eyes were bright and even though he wouldn’t look directly at me, I knew his eyes were wet.
But before I could freak out and run away, Flynn took the plate from my hands and placed it on the table.
“Come, eat,” he urged, sitting down and carefully opening the box containing Dania’s cheeseburger.
I sat down across from him and took the other box but didn’t open it. I watched as he lifted the bun and scrapped off the lettuce and tomato with a fork and then wrapped the discarded condiments in a napkin before throwing it away. He pushed the French fries off to the side, making sure they didn’t touch anything before picking up the burger with both hands and taking a small bite.
“Stop watching me,” Flynn said firmly when I hadn’t started eating yet.
I blinked and looked away, flushing at having been caught. I flipped open the box and started picking at my sandwich. My appetite still hadn’t come back but I couldn’t just sit there doing nothing.
Flynn polished off his burger quickly and then ate his fries, one at a time. Dipping each in ketchup and then wiping the excess off with his fork before popping it in his mouth.
I tried not to stare. But his eating habits were so ritualistic that it was fascinating.
“I told you to stop looking at me. I hate it when people look at me,” he mumbled, taking a drink of water.
“Why do you hate people looking at you?” I asked him. Though I could hazard a guess why.
“Because people aren’t very nice when they look at me.” He reached over and speared one of my French fries that I had yet to eat and dipped it in his ketchup.
Then without asking, he claimed a few more from my plate.
“Uh, you wanna ask before you take my shit,” I told him. Flynn took another fry and I dropped my hand down on top of his before he could escape with it.
“Don’t cuss,” he said crossly, wiggling his hand beneath mine, trying to pull away.
He released the fry and I allowed him to withdraw his hand and pulling it into his lap. He didn’t apologize. He didn’t excuse his deplorable manners. He just began to rub his hands together.
“People aren’t nice to me a lot of the times. They look at me a lot. Kevin said I had to learn to deal with it. That getting upset and angry would just make them look at me more. It’s hard though. Because I just want to tell them to f**k off,” he grinned then and I grinned back, forgiving his French fry transgression.
“Flynn, don’t cuss,” I teased, parroting the words he had just spoken.
He didn’t pick up on my attempts at a joke and instead hung his head. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
I clucked my tongue in frustration. “I was kidding, Flynn. It’s cool. I like a good f**k as much as the next gal,” I said. Flynn’s cheeks turned an alarming shade of red and then I realized what I said.
I cleared my throat, feeling suddenly embarrassed and self-conscious.
“Well, Kevin sounds like he knows what he’s talking about. Is he a friend?” I asked, trying to turn the conversation back into more comfortable territory.
“No, he’s my therapist. He helps me a lot. He tells me how to act in public and when I’m being rude. I can tell when people are angry now. And when I say something to upset someone, I know by the look on their faces. But I still mess up a lot. I still have a lot to learn.”
We had never talked about his disability much before. When we were younger I had been too ignorant and self-involved to think about what was going on with him. But I hoped I had grown up a bit in the last six years since to understand a little of what he went through.
He was different. He was more than a little odd.
But looking at him, staring into his lap, chewing on his bottom lip, I also knew he was more than a little special.
“That’s awesome, Flynn,” I said and I meant it.
Flynn jumped to his feet and took my plate that held the remnants of my food. He picked up the club and took a bite of it.
“I wasn’t done with that,” I admonished.
Flynn dropped the sandwich back on the plate and handed it back to me.
“Here,” he said and I pushed it back towards him.
“I’m not going to eat it now that you’ve taken a bite out of it, am I?” I cocked my eyebrow.
Flynn took my plate back and looked down at the half-eaten club. “Yeah, I guess not. That was pretty gross, huh?”
“Yeah, it was. But I’m not that hungry, so it’s cool,” I told him.
“I have banana bread if you want. It’s my mom’s recipe,” he offered, going to the counter and putting a slab onto a plate and bringing it back to me.
“Sure, banana bread sounds great,” I replied, taking it from him. I might not be very hungry, but I couldn’t pass up banana bread.
“I like being with you. I missed you,” Flynn said, surprising me. Of all the things for him to say, I had not expected that. It was such an innocent thing but it held so much weight.
He missed me.
After everything I had done to him.
He missed me.
I couldn’t respond. I had nothing to say to that. I couldn’t reciprocate because I hadn’t missed him. I had spent most of the last six years despising him. Blaming him for things that weren’t his fault. It had just been easier to hate him than to hate myself.
“You stopped talking to me. After my birthday. You never called me again. Mom said to leave you alone. That you weren’t my friend. But you were my friend. Because you told me I was and I believed you.” His eyes were bright and even though he wouldn’t look directly at me, I knew his eyes were wet.
