Red Lily
Page 32
“You’ve got this calm surface,” she said after a moment. “It’s deceptive, seeing as there are all these little hot pockets under it. Shows me I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”
“Back at you.”
She sighed, looked down at her hands as they sat on the side of her bed together. “I can’t just sleep with you. I thought I could—at first. Then I thought, I can’t go jumping on that. I do and he’s going to get hurt. She’s going to hurt him.” She looked up. “You were right about that.”
He only smiled. “Duh.”
She gave his arm a swat. “Think you’re so clever and smart.”
“Only because I am. You can ask my mama, when she’s in a good mood.”
“You’re easy to be around, except when you’re not.” She studied him, trying to take in all the new things she was learning. “I like that, I guess, finding all those under-the-surface pockets. And God knows you’re nice to look at.”
“How big a fall are you building me up for?”
“It’s not—” She shook her head, rose to wander the room. “I’ve got all these feelings stored up, and all these needs. It’d be so easy to set them loose on you.”
“I don’t recall putting up a fight.”
“I didn’t know you looked at me, not that way. Knowing you did, you do, just adds to everything. I’ve never been kissed like that in my life, and I’ve been kissed pretty good now and then. If she hadn’t come in here when she did, it’s likely we’d be in bed right now, going where that kiss was leading.”
“That’s no way to make me feel fonder of my great-great-grandmother.”
“I’m not feeling so fond of her myself. But it gave me time to think instead of just want.” Ordering herself to be sensible, for both of them, she sat on the arm of a chair. “I’m not shy about sex, and I think if you and I were somewhere else, in some other sort of situation, we could be lovers without all these extra complications.”
“Why do people always think being lovers shouldn’t be complicated?”
She frowned, then shook her head. “Well, that’s a question. A good one. I don’t know.”
“Seems to me,” he began, crossing to her. “That there are flings, and that’s uncomplicated by design. Nothing wrong with it. But being lovers, going into it thinking about more than a night or two, that should have weight. You’ve got weight, you’ve got some complications.”
“You’re right, I can’t say you’re not. But there’s a lot to consider before we take a step like this. I think we need to be sure it’s the right thing for both of us before we take that step. There are things we don’t know about each other, and maybe we should.”
“How about dinner?”
She stared up at him. “You’re hungry?”
“Not now, Hayley. I’m asking you for a date. Have dinner with me. We’ll go into the city, have a meal, listen to some music.”
Her shoulders relaxed and the tight coil in her belly loosened. “That’d be good.”
“Tomorrow?” he said as he drew her to her feet.
“If your mama or Stella can mind Lily, tomorrow’s fine. Ah, we’ll need to tell them about what happened. About Amelia.”
“In the morning.”
“It’s a little awkward, explaining how you were in here, and what we were doing when—”
“No.” He took her face in his hands, laid his lips on hers. “It’s not. You going to be all right now?”
“Yeah.” She looked over his shoulder to the doors he’d shut. “Storm’s passing, you should go now, in case it decides to rain some more.”
“I’ll bunk in Stella’s old room.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“We’ll both sleep easier that way.”
SHE DID FEEL better, even though it didn’t exactly cajole sleep to imagine him just down the hall. Or to imagine how easy it would be to tiptoe down there, slide into bed beside him.
She had no doubt they’d both sleep a lot easier that way.
It was hell being responsible and mature.
Even a bigger hell to realize she cared about him more than she’d bargained for. But that was good, wasn’t it? she thought as she tossed and turned. She wasn’t a slut who hopped into bed with a guy just because he was good-looking and sexy.
Some people might think differently, because of Lily, but it hadn’t been that way. She’d cared for Lily’s father. She’d liked him. Maybe she’d been careless, but it hadn’t been cheap.
And she’d wanted the baby. Maybe not at first, she admitted. But after the panic and pity, the anger and denial, she’d wanted the baby. She’d never wanted anything in her life as much.
Her beautiful baby.
She’d taken nothing from the father, had she? The spineless, selfish bastard who’d used her grief to have his way. That hadn’t been stupid. She’d been smart not to tell him, to go away, keep her child to herself. Only hers. Always.
But she could have more, couldn’t she? She was thinking about this all the wrong way. Why should she work? Sweat and slave, settle for a room in the great house. She could have it all. Her child would have it all.
He wanted her. She could play this well. Oh yes, who knew better how to play a man. He would come begging before she was done, and she would bind him to her.
When it was done, Harper House would be hers, hers and her child’s.
At last.
Chapter Eight
IN THE PROPAGATION house, Hayley watched Roz set a ceanothus cutting in a rockwood plug. “Are you sure you don’t mind watching Lily?”
“Why would I mind? Mitch and I will spend the evening spoiling her rotten while you aren’t around to run interference.”
“She loves being with you. Roz, I feel so weird about everything.”
“I don’t know why you’d feel weird about going out on a date with Harper. He’s a handsome, charming young man.”
“Your young man.”
“Yes.” Roz smiled as she dipped another cutting in rooting compound. “Aren’t I lucky? I also have two other handsome, charming young men, and wouldn’t be the least surprised if they had dates tonight.”
“Back at you.”
She sighed, looked down at her hands as they sat on the side of her bed together. “I can’t just sleep with you. I thought I could—at first. Then I thought, I can’t go jumping on that. I do and he’s going to get hurt. She’s going to hurt him.” She looked up. “You were right about that.”
He only smiled. “Duh.”
She gave his arm a swat. “Think you’re so clever and smart.”
“Only because I am. You can ask my mama, when she’s in a good mood.”
“You’re easy to be around, except when you’re not.” She studied him, trying to take in all the new things she was learning. “I like that, I guess, finding all those under-the-surface pockets. And God knows you’re nice to look at.”
“How big a fall are you building me up for?”
“It’s not—” She shook her head, rose to wander the room. “I’ve got all these feelings stored up, and all these needs. It’d be so easy to set them loose on you.”
“I don’t recall putting up a fight.”
“I didn’t know you looked at me, not that way. Knowing you did, you do, just adds to everything. I’ve never been kissed like that in my life, and I’ve been kissed pretty good now and then. If she hadn’t come in here when she did, it’s likely we’d be in bed right now, going where that kiss was leading.”
“That’s no way to make me feel fonder of my great-great-grandmother.”
“I’m not feeling so fond of her myself. But it gave me time to think instead of just want.” Ordering herself to be sensible, for both of them, she sat on the arm of a chair. “I’m not shy about sex, and I think if you and I were somewhere else, in some other sort of situation, we could be lovers without all these extra complications.”
“Why do people always think being lovers shouldn’t be complicated?”
She frowned, then shook her head. “Well, that’s a question. A good one. I don’t know.”
“Seems to me,” he began, crossing to her. “That there are flings, and that’s uncomplicated by design. Nothing wrong with it. But being lovers, going into it thinking about more than a night or two, that should have weight. You’ve got weight, you’ve got some complications.”
“You’re right, I can’t say you’re not. But there’s a lot to consider before we take a step like this. I think we need to be sure it’s the right thing for both of us before we take that step. There are things we don’t know about each other, and maybe we should.”
“How about dinner?”
She stared up at him. “You’re hungry?”
“Not now, Hayley. I’m asking you for a date. Have dinner with me. We’ll go into the city, have a meal, listen to some music.”
Her shoulders relaxed and the tight coil in her belly loosened. “That’d be good.”
“Tomorrow?” he said as he drew her to her feet.
“If your mama or Stella can mind Lily, tomorrow’s fine. Ah, we’ll need to tell them about what happened. About Amelia.”
“In the morning.”
“It’s a little awkward, explaining how you were in here, and what we were doing when—”
“No.” He took her face in his hands, laid his lips on hers. “It’s not. You going to be all right now?”
“Yeah.” She looked over his shoulder to the doors he’d shut. “Storm’s passing, you should go now, in case it decides to rain some more.”
“I’ll bunk in Stella’s old room.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“We’ll both sleep easier that way.”
SHE DID FEEL better, even though it didn’t exactly cajole sleep to imagine him just down the hall. Or to imagine how easy it would be to tiptoe down there, slide into bed beside him.
She had no doubt they’d both sleep a lot easier that way.
It was hell being responsible and mature.
Even a bigger hell to realize she cared about him more than she’d bargained for. But that was good, wasn’t it? she thought as she tossed and turned. She wasn’t a slut who hopped into bed with a guy just because he was good-looking and sexy.
Some people might think differently, because of Lily, but it hadn’t been that way. She’d cared for Lily’s father. She’d liked him. Maybe she’d been careless, but it hadn’t been cheap.
And she’d wanted the baby. Maybe not at first, she admitted. But after the panic and pity, the anger and denial, she’d wanted the baby. She’d never wanted anything in her life as much.
Her beautiful baby.
She’d taken nothing from the father, had she? The spineless, selfish bastard who’d used her grief to have his way. That hadn’t been stupid. She’d been smart not to tell him, to go away, keep her child to herself. Only hers. Always.
But she could have more, couldn’t she? She was thinking about this all the wrong way. Why should she work? Sweat and slave, settle for a room in the great house. She could have it all. Her child would have it all.
He wanted her. She could play this well. Oh yes, who knew better how to play a man. He would come begging before she was done, and she would bind him to her.
When it was done, Harper House would be hers, hers and her child’s.
At last.
Chapter Eight
IN THE PROPAGATION house, Hayley watched Roz set a ceanothus cutting in a rockwood plug. “Are you sure you don’t mind watching Lily?”
“Why would I mind? Mitch and I will spend the evening spoiling her rotten while you aren’t around to run interference.”
“She loves being with you. Roz, I feel so weird about everything.”
“I don’t know why you’d feel weird about going out on a date with Harper. He’s a handsome, charming young man.”
“Your young man.”
“Yes.” Roz smiled as she dipped another cutting in rooting compound. “Aren’t I lucky? I also have two other handsome, charming young men, and wouldn’t be the least surprised if they had dates tonight.”
