Remember Me?
Page 59
Thank God. At last, something I've heard of. “Ah yes,” I say briskly. “Well, unfortunately I gather Southeys isn't up to scratch, Simon. We'll have to look elsewhere for a distributor.” “I beg to differ, Lexi!” Byron cuts in with a laugh. “Southeys has just offered us an improved rate and service package.” He turns to Simon. “I was with them all day last week, along with Keith from Soft Furnishings. James Garrison has turned the place around. We were impressed.” My face is burning. Bastard. “Lexi, don't you agree with Byron?” Simon turns to me in surprise. “Have you met James Garrison?” “I...um...no, I haven't.” I swallow. “I'm...I'm sure you're right, Byron.” He has completely shafted me. On purpose. There's a horrible pause. I can see Simon regarding me with puzzled disappointment. “Right,” he says at last. “Well, I must be off. Good to see you, Lexi.” “Bye, Simon.” I usher him out of my office, trying my best to sound confident and senior-?management-?like. “Look forward to catching up again soon. Maybe we can do that lunch sometime...” “Hey, Lexi,” Byron says suddenly, gesturing at my bum. “There's something on your skirt.” I grope behind me, and find myself peeling off a Post-?it. I look at itand the ground seems to swivel beneath me like quicksand. Someone's printed, in pink felt-?tip: I fancy Simon Johnson. I can't look at Simon Johnson. My head feels like it's about to explode. Byron snorts with laughter. “There's another one.” He jerks his head and numbly I peel off a second Post-?it: Simon, do it to me! “Just a silly prank!” I crumple up the Post-?its desperately. “The staff having a bit of... fun” Simon Johnson doesn't look amused. “Right,” he says after a pause. “Well, I'll see you, Lexi.” He turns on his heel and heads away, down the corridor, with Byron. After a moment I hear Byron saying, “Simon, now do you see? She's absolutely...”
I stand there, watching them go, still quivering in shock. That's it. My career's ruined before I've even had a chance to try it out. In a daze I walk back into my office and sink into my chair. I can't do this job. I'm knackered. Byron's shafted me. No one wants my muffins.
At that last thought I feel an enormous pang of hurt and then suddenly I can't help it, a tear is running down my face. I bury my face in my arms and soon I'm convulsing with sobs. I thought it was going to be so great. I thought being boss would be fun and exciting. I never realized... I never thought... “Hi.” A voice pierces my thoughts and I raise my head to see Fi standing just inside the doorway. “Oh. Hi.” I wipe my eyes roughly. “Sorry. I was just...” “Are you okay?” she says awkwardly. “I'm fine. Fine.” I scrabble in my desk drawer for a tissue and blow my nose. “Can I do anything for you?” “Sorry about the Post-?its.” She bites her lip. “We never 240 thought Simon would come down. It was just supposed to be a laugh.” “ 'S all right.” My voice is shaky. “You weren't to know.” “What did he say?” “He wasn't impressed.” I sigh. “But he's not impressed with me anyway, so what's the difference?” I tear off a bit of chocolate-?chip muffin, stuff it in my mouth, and feel immediately better. For about a nanosecond. Fi is just staring at me. “I thought you didn't eat carbs anymore,” she says at last. “Yeah, right. Like I could live without chocolate.” I take another massive bite of muffin. “Women need chocolate. It's a scientific fact.” There's silence, and I look up to see Fi still gazing at me uncertainly. “It's so strange,” she says. “You sound like the old Lexi.” “I am the old Lexi.” I feel suddenly weary at having to explain all over again. “Fi... imagine you woke up tomorrow and it was suddenly 2010. And you had to slot into some new life and be some new person. Well, that's what this is like for me.“ I break off another piece of muffin and survey it for a few moments, then put it down again. ”And I don't recognize the new person. I don't know why she is like she is. And it's kind of... it's hard.”
There's a long silence. I'm staring fixedly at the desk, breathing hard, crumbling the muffin into little pieces. I don't dare look up, in case Fi says something else sarcastic or laughs at me and I burst into tears again.
“Lexi, I'm sorry.” When she speaks, her voice is so quiet, I barely hear it. “I didn't... we didn't realize. I mean, you don't look any different.” “I know.” I give her a rueful smile. “I look like a brunette Barbie.“ I lift a strand of chestnut hair and let it fall. ”When I saw myself in the mirror in hospital, I nearly died of shock. I didn't know who I was.“ ”Look...“ She's chewing her lip and twisting her bangles. ”I'm sorry. About the muffins, and the Post-?its and... everything. Why don't you have lunch with us today?“ She comes toward the desk with a sudden eagerness. ”Let's start again.“ ”That'd be nice.“ I give her a grateful smile. ”But I can't today. I'm seeing Loser Dave for lunch.“ ”Loser Dave?“ She sounds so shocked, I can't help laughing. ”Why are you seeing him? Lexi, you're not thinking of“ ”No! Of course not! I'm just trying to work out what's happened in my life during the last three years. Put the pieces together.“ I hesitate, suddenly realizing that Fi probably has the answers to all my questions. ”Fi, do you know how it ended with me and Loser Dave?“ ”No idea.“ Fi shrugs. ”You never told us how you broke up. You shut us all out. Even me. It was like...all you cared about was your career. So in the end we stopped trying.“ I can see a flicker of hurt in her face. ”I'm sorry, Fi,“ I say awkwardly. ”I didn't mean to shut you out. At least, I don't think I did ” It's surreal, apologizing for something I have no memory of. Like I'm a werewolf or something.
I stand there, watching them go, still quivering in shock. That's it. My career's ruined before I've even had a chance to try it out. In a daze I walk back into my office and sink into my chair. I can't do this job. I'm knackered. Byron's shafted me. No one wants my muffins.
At that last thought I feel an enormous pang of hurt and then suddenly I can't help it, a tear is running down my face. I bury my face in my arms and soon I'm convulsing with sobs. I thought it was going to be so great. I thought being boss would be fun and exciting. I never realized... I never thought... “Hi.” A voice pierces my thoughts and I raise my head to see Fi standing just inside the doorway. “Oh. Hi.” I wipe my eyes roughly. “Sorry. I was just...” “Are you okay?” she says awkwardly. “I'm fine. Fine.” I scrabble in my desk drawer for a tissue and blow my nose. “Can I do anything for you?” “Sorry about the Post-?its.” She bites her lip. “We never 240 thought Simon would come down. It was just supposed to be a laugh.” “ 'S all right.” My voice is shaky. “You weren't to know.” “What did he say?” “He wasn't impressed.” I sigh. “But he's not impressed with me anyway, so what's the difference?” I tear off a bit of chocolate-?chip muffin, stuff it in my mouth, and feel immediately better. For about a nanosecond. Fi is just staring at me. “I thought you didn't eat carbs anymore,” she says at last. “Yeah, right. Like I could live without chocolate.” I take another massive bite of muffin. “Women need chocolate. It's a scientific fact.” There's silence, and I look up to see Fi still gazing at me uncertainly. “It's so strange,” she says. “You sound like the old Lexi.” “I am the old Lexi.” I feel suddenly weary at having to explain all over again. “Fi... imagine you woke up tomorrow and it was suddenly 2010. And you had to slot into some new life and be some new person. Well, that's what this is like for me.“ I break off another piece of muffin and survey it for a few moments, then put it down again. ”And I don't recognize the new person. I don't know why she is like she is. And it's kind of... it's hard.”
There's a long silence. I'm staring fixedly at the desk, breathing hard, crumbling the muffin into little pieces. I don't dare look up, in case Fi says something else sarcastic or laughs at me and I burst into tears again.
“Lexi, I'm sorry.” When she speaks, her voice is so quiet, I barely hear it. “I didn't... we didn't realize. I mean, you don't look any different.” “I know.” I give her a rueful smile. “I look like a brunette Barbie.“ I lift a strand of chestnut hair and let it fall. ”When I saw myself in the mirror in hospital, I nearly died of shock. I didn't know who I was.“ ”Look...“ She's chewing her lip and twisting her bangles. ”I'm sorry. About the muffins, and the Post-?its and... everything. Why don't you have lunch with us today?“ She comes toward the desk with a sudden eagerness. ”Let's start again.“ ”That'd be nice.“ I give her a grateful smile. ”But I can't today. I'm seeing Loser Dave for lunch.“ ”Loser Dave?“ She sounds so shocked, I can't help laughing. ”Why are you seeing him? Lexi, you're not thinking of“ ”No! Of course not! I'm just trying to work out what's happened in my life during the last three years. Put the pieces together.“ I hesitate, suddenly realizing that Fi probably has the answers to all my questions. ”Fi, do you know how it ended with me and Loser Dave?“ ”No idea.“ Fi shrugs. ”You never told us how you broke up. You shut us all out. Even me. It was like...all you cared about was your career. So in the end we stopped trying.“ I can see a flicker of hurt in her face. ”I'm sorry, Fi,“ I say awkwardly. ”I didn't mean to shut you out. At least, I don't think I did ” It's surreal, apologizing for something I have no memory of. Like I'm a werewolf or something.
