Reparation
Page 19
“A lame one. I don't know what to say, Tate. I didn't know it was still bothering you, that it even bothered you this much,” he told her. She took a deep breath. Being a bad girl hadn't worked; maybe she should shoot for sainthood and be completely honest.
“I know. I hid it really well, because I wanted ..., I wanted ...,” she kept trying to start.
“If it's something even you're nervous to say, then I am really scared,” he commented.
“I wanted to break you up. I wanted you to have sex with me, so I could rub it in her face. I was mad at Jameson, too, so I figured doing it in his bed would be like killing two birds with one stone. Tonight, I was going to convince you that I was in love with you, so you'd leave Ellie for me and Jameson would let me go. And then I was going to dump you. I wanted to make all of you regret fucking with me,” she explained quickly.
There. That wasn't so bad. And you only kinda-sorta sounded like the worst person ever.
“That is so fucked up,” Ang breathed. She nodded.
“I know.”
“I think you need help.”
“Me, too.”
“I can't believe it. That is so fucked up. After everything we've been through, last fall, the last five years, everything, and you would do that to me!?” he snapped.
“I had a very similar thought, when I walked in on you fucking her,” she snapped back.
“I didn't do that on purpose!” he practically shouted. “I have never done anything to intentionally hurt you!”
“Oh really? Remember that time you accidentily anger-banged Rusty? Cause I haven't forgotten that – she still texts me about you, you know. Pretty 'intentional',” Tate hissed at him. He turned a little red.
“Okay, well ... so ... Jameson is the goddamn devil, and you let him get away with murder!” he switched tactics. She laughed.
“Oh, no I don't. Not even a little. Not at all,” she replied, her voice low.
“You're a crazy fucking bitch,” Ang swore. She nodded.
“No shit.”
“If my phone hadn't rang, we would've had sex. And you would've told Jameson, and you would've rubbed it in Ellie's face. Would that really have made you happy?” he demanded.
“At the time, I thought so. Now ..., not so much. I don't want to hurt you. I'm ..., tired of being a crazy fucking bitch,” she finally laughed, and he chuckled as well. “I'm so tired, Ang. All the time. Tired, and lonely, and I feel like a crazy person. I hate it. I hate myself most of the time. Just ..., just tell me you didn't sleep with Ellie on purpose. Tell me it was an accident so I can save my soul.”
“I did not sleep with her on purpose. Why do you think I hid it for so long? I was ..., ashamed. Mad at myself. I knew you would hate me for it, Tate. I felt like a piece of shit. I'm really, really sorry,” he told her, reaching out and sliding his hand over hers.
“Any chance of you dumping her? Preferably in some horrific, public manner?” she asked. He smiled at her.
“Is that what you really want? I'll do it, if that's what you really want,” he replied in a soft voice.
“Ang,” she sighed.
“Hmmm?”
“Why didn't we fall in love?”
“Great mysery of life. I tried my hardest, but couldn't seal the deal. I was never mean enough for you,” he teased. She laughed.
“No, I guess you weren't. Don't dump Ellie. Do whatever you want, have weird, pregnant sex. Whatever. God. I just ..., well ..., don't fuck anyone else I hate,” she snapped, pulling her hands away to wipe at her eyes.
“Deal. And next time you're this upset with me – upset enough to try to use me in some horrible plan to ruin both the relationships we're in – just talk to me, you silly cunt.”
“Deal.”
Tate walked across the driveway, feeling lighter than she had in a while. Since Paris. It felt good to get it all out with Ang, better than she would have thought possible. She didn't know why she always went against Sanders' advice; it was always right.
That's why when she got out of the car, she hightailed it to the guest house. The back of it faced the main house, so she had to practically beat her way through hedges and bushes. By the time she got to the front door, Sanders was standing on the porch.
“There is a path,” he pointed out. Tate kicked her way through a rhododendron bush and took the hand he offered. He pulled her up the side of the stairs.
“Too easy. How are you?” she asked, brushing her hair out of her face as she walked through his door.
“I am well. How was dinner with Mr. Hollingsworth?” he asked, reaching to take her jacket. She slid it off and he hung it on a coat rack.
“Good. Great. I finally did what you said, I talked to somebody. I told Ang I didn't want him dating Ellie. I told him that I had basically been plotting their deaths this whole time,” she said quickly. Sanders raised his eyebrows, but that was it.
“And how did he respond?” he asked, leading her into his living room.
“He was angry. Called me a crazy fucking bitch. We yelled at each other. Then we laughed, and we forgave each other, and I told him he could do whatever he wants with her,” Tate replied.
“Good. Do you feel better?” Sanders asked.
She leaned into him then, wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind. He stiffened up and hesitated for a second, but then she felt his hands clasp her wrists. Give her a squeeze. She pressed her cheek to his shoulders.
“I know. I hid it really well, because I wanted ..., I wanted ...,” she kept trying to start.
“If it's something even you're nervous to say, then I am really scared,” he commented.
“I wanted to break you up. I wanted you to have sex with me, so I could rub it in her face. I was mad at Jameson, too, so I figured doing it in his bed would be like killing two birds with one stone. Tonight, I was going to convince you that I was in love with you, so you'd leave Ellie for me and Jameson would let me go. And then I was going to dump you. I wanted to make all of you regret fucking with me,” she explained quickly.
There. That wasn't so bad. And you only kinda-sorta sounded like the worst person ever.
“That is so fucked up,” Ang breathed. She nodded.
“I know.”
“I think you need help.”
“Me, too.”
“I can't believe it. That is so fucked up. After everything we've been through, last fall, the last five years, everything, and you would do that to me!?” he snapped.
“I had a very similar thought, when I walked in on you fucking her,” she snapped back.
“I didn't do that on purpose!” he practically shouted. “I have never done anything to intentionally hurt you!”
“Oh really? Remember that time you accidentily anger-banged Rusty? Cause I haven't forgotten that – she still texts me about you, you know. Pretty 'intentional',” Tate hissed at him. He turned a little red.
“Okay, well ... so ... Jameson is the goddamn devil, and you let him get away with murder!” he switched tactics. She laughed.
“Oh, no I don't. Not even a little. Not at all,” she replied, her voice low.
“You're a crazy fucking bitch,” Ang swore. She nodded.
“No shit.”
“If my phone hadn't rang, we would've had sex. And you would've told Jameson, and you would've rubbed it in Ellie's face. Would that really have made you happy?” he demanded.
“At the time, I thought so. Now ..., not so much. I don't want to hurt you. I'm ..., tired of being a crazy fucking bitch,” she finally laughed, and he chuckled as well. “I'm so tired, Ang. All the time. Tired, and lonely, and I feel like a crazy person. I hate it. I hate myself most of the time. Just ..., just tell me you didn't sleep with Ellie on purpose. Tell me it was an accident so I can save my soul.”
“I did not sleep with her on purpose. Why do you think I hid it for so long? I was ..., ashamed. Mad at myself. I knew you would hate me for it, Tate. I felt like a piece of shit. I'm really, really sorry,” he told her, reaching out and sliding his hand over hers.
“Any chance of you dumping her? Preferably in some horrific, public manner?” she asked. He smiled at her.
“Is that what you really want? I'll do it, if that's what you really want,” he replied in a soft voice.
“Ang,” she sighed.
“Hmmm?”
“Why didn't we fall in love?”
“Great mysery of life. I tried my hardest, but couldn't seal the deal. I was never mean enough for you,” he teased. She laughed.
“No, I guess you weren't. Don't dump Ellie. Do whatever you want, have weird, pregnant sex. Whatever. God. I just ..., well ..., don't fuck anyone else I hate,” she snapped, pulling her hands away to wipe at her eyes.
“Deal. And next time you're this upset with me – upset enough to try to use me in some horrible plan to ruin both the relationships we're in – just talk to me, you silly cunt.”
“Deal.”
Tate walked across the driveway, feeling lighter than she had in a while. Since Paris. It felt good to get it all out with Ang, better than she would have thought possible. She didn't know why she always went against Sanders' advice; it was always right.
That's why when she got out of the car, she hightailed it to the guest house. The back of it faced the main house, so she had to practically beat her way through hedges and bushes. By the time she got to the front door, Sanders was standing on the porch.
“There is a path,” he pointed out. Tate kicked her way through a rhododendron bush and took the hand he offered. He pulled her up the side of the stairs.
“Too easy. How are you?” she asked, brushing her hair out of her face as she walked through his door.
“I am well. How was dinner with Mr. Hollingsworth?” he asked, reaching to take her jacket. She slid it off and he hung it on a coat rack.
“Good. Great. I finally did what you said, I talked to somebody. I told Ang I didn't want him dating Ellie. I told him that I had basically been plotting their deaths this whole time,” she said quickly. Sanders raised his eyebrows, but that was it.
“And how did he respond?” he asked, leading her into his living room.
“He was angry. Called me a crazy fucking bitch. We yelled at each other. Then we laughed, and we forgave each other, and I told him he could do whatever he wants with her,” Tate replied.
“Good. Do you feel better?” Sanders asked.
She leaned into him then, wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind. He stiffened up and hesitated for a second, but then she felt his hands clasp her wrists. Give her a squeeze. She pressed her cheek to his shoulders.
