Retreat
Page 37
I snorted at the memory of his blasé reaction. “He was surprised I cared that he was married. He told me that he figured I knew after the first few months because I was always so eager and agreeable when he had to go. He figured I knew he had a wife at home and that I was making his life easier by not being clingy or needy. I thought he was being considerate of my feelings, but what he was actually doing was taking advantage of all the things that are inherently wrong with me.”
I pointed at myself and made a face. “I was so excited to have someone who seemed to really understand me. I was blinded by his acceptance of what I wanted out of a relationship. I never checked his Facebook or Googled him. I never checked into his work or his background. When I did, it was obvious he was married, and when we started the work for his wife, it was clear I was far from his first affair. She still has no idea, but Chris has fucked his way through half the women on her staff.” I sighed. “I like my job. I’m good at it and I don’t want to start over somewhere else.” Not only that, but the idea of getting fired for a lapse of judgment in my personal life made me want to throw up.
“Sounds to me like the guy gets off on manipulating strong women. His wife owns a company that can afford you, you’ve got your own shit going on and aren’t interested in anyone messing that up, so this guy finds women who are doing just fine without him and makes it his mission to fuck with them. That’s what he gets off on, that’s what gets him hard. I bet he has a small dick.” Cy’s voice had a furious shake making it sound like an earthquake ready to take everything down around him. I was seriously getting turned on by the fact that he was so annoyed on my behalf.
Finally, a real laugh, light and free, made its way out of where it had been trapped inside me. Cy made it sound like I really had been a target rather than a desperate and foolish woman. And I had to admit, I liked the reasons he laid out for Chris going after me in the first place. I really hoped he saw me as a woman who had her act together, rather than the one who was scrambling to find her footing.
I leered at him and lifted my eyebrows up as I looked pointedly at his belt buckle. “It wasn’t anything to write home about. I’ve seen bigger and better.” His deserved more than a letter home, it deserved a whole novel of descriptive words and flowery admiration. I would even go so far as to say it deserved a medal and an award of honor.
He lifted his eyebrows in return and a cocky grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. I felt a flush work into my cheeks as we both were clearly recalling exactly how much bigger and better he was.
Pulling myself back to reality, I sheepishly admitted, “The worst part was how awful I was to everyone after it all happened. I blew Emrys off. I let my grandmother, who raised me, move across the country without a proper goodbye. I let my coworkers handle the brunt of the work for the cosmetic contract, even though I was the one in charge of the research. I had a hard time looking Chris’s wife in the eye knowing what he was doing behind her back. I wanted to tell her, but I wanted to keep my job more and that makes me a shitty person and a horrible woman. We’re supposed to look out for one another because the man never will.”
I made him chuckle. “When is your contract with the wife’s company up? Can’t you break the news to her then?”
I groaned and let out a frustrated harrumph. “The contract will be up in three more months. I could tell her then but I’m still afraid of it getting back to my boss and what that would mean for me long term.”
“That’s a tough spot to be in.” There was such sympathy in his voice showing yet another way all his hardness was tempered by hidden bits of something more. I wanted to press my body into the parts of him that were firm and stiff, while burying my fingers into all the things that were pliable and velvety. He was a giant sensory overload and I wanted to let every single one of my senses gorge on him. I wanted to run my tongue across the rough and smooth parts of his skin, while inhaling the fresh and sharp scent that was all his. Man and wilderness, with a hint of wild and west thrown in to make it all the more masculine and authentic. I was dying to hear him say my name, low and deep. The sound rumbling across naked skin and echoing forever into the vast solitude surrounding us.
“Well, this entire trip has been about forcing myself to take risks and do things I wouldn’t normally do. Maybe when I get back, some of this newfound bravery will hitch a ride back to the Bay Area with me.”
I waited for him to respond with something snarky, or maybe something sweet since he was showing me that side of himself when I least expected it, but the mules chose that moment to come to a complete stop, which yanked Cy’s horse to a grinding halt. The swiftness of the stop sent Boss skirting nervously to the side, and had the domino effect of making the entire line behind us stutter and skip to an awkward pause.
“What’s the holdup?” Lane’s voice carried up the line, and before Cy or I could answer him, the sound of something motorized and very out of place in the quiet came from up head at the bend in the trail.
The mules brayed nervously as the unmistakable whir of an engine roared from somewhere up ahead. Cy’s horse jerked its head as he fought the big animal to purposely move him in front of me instead of off to the side of the trail into the trees, where he obviously wanted to retreat.
“Sounds like a dirt bike,” Cy hollered the response back to Lane, sounding calm but I could see the way his spine went arrow straight and the way his broad shoulders stiffened and squared like he was preparing himself for a battle.
I pointed at myself and made a face. “I was so excited to have someone who seemed to really understand me. I was blinded by his acceptance of what I wanted out of a relationship. I never checked his Facebook or Googled him. I never checked into his work or his background. When I did, it was obvious he was married, and when we started the work for his wife, it was clear I was far from his first affair. She still has no idea, but Chris has fucked his way through half the women on her staff.” I sighed. “I like my job. I’m good at it and I don’t want to start over somewhere else.” Not only that, but the idea of getting fired for a lapse of judgment in my personal life made me want to throw up.
“Sounds to me like the guy gets off on manipulating strong women. His wife owns a company that can afford you, you’ve got your own shit going on and aren’t interested in anyone messing that up, so this guy finds women who are doing just fine without him and makes it his mission to fuck with them. That’s what he gets off on, that’s what gets him hard. I bet he has a small dick.” Cy’s voice had a furious shake making it sound like an earthquake ready to take everything down around him. I was seriously getting turned on by the fact that he was so annoyed on my behalf.
Finally, a real laugh, light and free, made its way out of where it had been trapped inside me. Cy made it sound like I really had been a target rather than a desperate and foolish woman. And I had to admit, I liked the reasons he laid out for Chris going after me in the first place. I really hoped he saw me as a woman who had her act together, rather than the one who was scrambling to find her footing.
I leered at him and lifted my eyebrows up as I looked pointedly at his belt buckle. “It wasn’t anything to write home about. I’ve seen bigger and better.” His deserved more than a letter home, it deserved a whole novel of descriptive words and flowery admiration. I would even go so far as to say it deserved a medal and an award of honor.
He lifted his eyebrows in return and a cocky grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. I felt a flush work into my cheeks as we both were clearly recalling exactly how much bigger and better he was.
Pulling myself back to reality, I sheepishly admitted, “The worst part was how awful I was to everyone after it all happened. I blew Emrys off. I let my grandmother, who raised me, move across the country without a proper goodbye. I let my coworkers handle the brunt of the work for the cosmetic contract, even though I was the one in charge of the research. I had a hard time looking Chris’s wife in the eye knowing what he was doing behind her back. I wanted to tell her, but I wanted to keep my job more and that makes me a shitty person and a horrible woman. We’re supposed to look out for one another because the man never will.”
I made him chuckle. “When is your contract with the wife’s company up? Can’t you break the news to her then?”
I groaned and let out a frustrated harrumph. “The contract will be up in three more months. I could tell her then but I’m still afraid of it getting back to my boss and what that would mean for me long term.”
“That’s a tough spot to be in.” There was such sympathy in his voice showing yet another way all his hardness was tempered by hidden bits of something more. I wanted to press my body into the parts of him that were firm and stiff, while burying my fingers into all the things that were pliable and velvety. He was a giant sensory overload and I wanted to let every single one of my senses gorge on him. I wanted to run my tongue across the rough and smooth parts of his skin, while inhaling the fresh and sharp scent that was all his. Man and wilderness, with a hint of wild and west thrown in to make it all the more masculine and authentic. I was dying to hear him say my name, low and deep. The sound rumbling across naked skin and echoing forever into the vast solitude surrounding us.
“Well, this entire trip has been about forcing myself to take risks and do things I wouldn’t normally do. Maybe when I get back, some of this newfound bravery will hitch a ride back to the Bay Area with me.”
I waited for him to respond with something snarky, or maybe something sweet since he was showing me that side of himself when I least expected it, but the mules chose that moment to come to a complete stop, which yanked Cy’s horse to a grinding halt. The swiftness of the stop sent Boss skirting nervously to the side, and had the domino effect of making the entire line behind us stutter and skip to an awkward pause.
“What’s the holdup?” Lane’s voice carried up the line, and before Cy or I could answer him, the sound of something motorized and very out of place in the quiet came from up head at the bend in the trail.
The mules brayed nervously as the unmistakable whir of an engine roared from somewhere up ahead. Cy’s horse jerked its head as he fought the big animal to purposely move him in front of me instead of off to the side of the trail into the trees, where he obviously wanted to retreat.
“Sounds like a dirt bike,” Cy hollered the response back to Lane, sounding calm but I could see the way his spine went arrow straight and the way his broad shoulders stiffened and squared like he was preparing himself for a battle.
