Retreat
Page 49
Lane had turned in for the night since he had to be up before dawn to switch shifts with Cy. Em was playing a game of cards with Evan’s mom and brother while her dad did his best to look down her shirt when he didn’t think anyone else was looking. The other two men had also turned in early but both offered to help keep an eye on camp if Cy didn’t want to stay up all night. There was something about the eager way they both seemed to anticipate running into whomever was responsible for our change in plans . . . that set Cy’s jaw in a hard line and made me stare at them questioningly. They had ulterior motives for being out here and were hardly bothering to hide them anymore.
Everyone else was occupied or distracted, which was why Evan thought she was safe in launching her verbal attack. “That’s a pretty ugly thing to say to someone you don’t know very well.” I kept my tone light and low so that we didn’t draw attention to ourselves. It was about time someone set her straight.
“Everyone knows why you went into the woods with Cy. You’ve known him for like a day. That’s disgusting and totally slutty. I would be so embarrassed if I were you.” Her expression was defiant but there was hurt in her eyes that didn’t come from being rejected by a man completely inappropriate for her.
I took another sip of the coffee that I was holding carefully in my good hand. Without Cy’s particular style of distraction my wrist was back to throbbing and aching with every beat of my heart. The hot water from the spring and a few Advil had knocked the pain down to where it was bearable.
“The thing is, I don’t think you’re upset at what’s happening between me and Cy, because you’re smart and observant so you know there is no way he would ever put himself or his business at risk by messing around with a very young guest. Even if she is very pretty.” She looked away at the compliment, and for the umpteenth time I wanted to knock some sense into her parents.
“I think you’re tired of being overlooked and ignored by the man in your life who should be paying attention to you. I also think you’re bothered by the way he treats your mom. I completely understand why you’re crushing on Cy, he’s gorgeous and is almost a cowboy, but I think your feelings toward him and toward me are more about what’s going on at home than it is about us.” I lifted my eyebrows at her as she continued to glare at me, her hands curled into tight fists where they rested on top of her thighs. “You want your mom to tell you to knock it off and your dad to swoop in and defend your honor. You want them to join forces and actually parent you and your brother because that should be their primary job, and they aren’t doing it. You want their attention because you spend most of your time separated from them, and when you are all together, it’s obvious things aren’t working out so great for any of you.”
Her bottom lip quivered and she turned away so that her hair covered her face. I lowered myself next to her where she was sitting on Boss’s discarded saddle as she whispered out, “You don’t know anything.”
I laughed a little as my fingers tightened on my tin mug. “You would be surprised how much I know about having a parent who’s oblivious to how bad they can hurt you, even if you don’t see them every day.” I bumped her shoulder lightly with my own and gave her a tiny grin. “My mom didn’t want me, still doesn’t. She handed me off to my grandparents and they raised me.” I shook my head. “When I was growing up I was so oblivious to how good I had it with them because all I could focus on was why she didn’t want me. It made me miss out on so much. I was terrified of failure and of coming up short so it made me overly careful and cautious. I was no fun. I’m still not most of the time.”
Evan cocked her head to the side and considered me thoughtfully for a long minute. “Why are you telling me this? Do you want me to feel sorry for you?”
I shook my head again and reached out to pat the back of her hand. I was silently thrilled when she didn’t pull away from the touch. “I’m telling you because you have a mom who can and will fight for you if she has a reason to. She spends so much time fighting for a love that isn’t there she’s missing the love that still surrounds her. I did the same thing and I regret it so much now. My granddad passed away before I could tell him how much I appreciated him and everything he did for me. He wasn’t here to see me get back on the horse, literally and figuratively.”
She wouldn’t know what that meant but the way my voice twisted and the way it made moisture cloud my vision communicated how important the gesture was. “If your parents won’t focus on you, you focus on them. Remind them of the love they still have even if the love they had for each other is no longer there. Your mom needs someone on her side and you father needs a wakeup call. Be better than they are.”
“That’s a lot of responsibility.” She sounded sad and lost so I put an arm around her and gave her a little squeeze.
“All you can do is try, and if it doesn’t do anything for them it will do something for you and for your brother. Be someone you both can rely on. If you do that you’re already miles and miles ahead of where I was when I was your age.”
She nodded and I let her go as I climbed to my feet. I nudged her foot with the toe of my boot until she looked up at me. “Not very long ago I would never have taken a shot at anything with a guy like Cy, because you’re right, I hardly know him and everyone around us knows what’s going on. That would have been such a waste.” I lifted an eyebrow at her and told her, “The sisterhood needs strong, considerate members, so maybe pull back on the name calling. Women need to hold other women up and not drag them down.”
Everyone else was occupied or distracted, which was why Evan thought she was safe in launching her verbal attack. “That’s a pretty ugly thing to say to someone you don’t know very well.” I kept my tone light and low so that we didn’t draw attention to ourselves. It was about time someone set her straight.
“Everyone knows why you went into the woods with Cy. You’ve known him for like a day. That’s disgusting and totally slutty. I would be so embarrassed if I were you.” Her expression was defiant but there was hurt in her eyes that didn’t come from being rejected by a man completely inappropriate for her.
I took another sip of the coffee that I was holding carefully in my good hand. Without Cy’s particular style of distraction my wrist was back to throbbing and aching with every beat of my heart. The hot water from the spring and a few Advil had knocked the pain down to where it was bearable.
“The thing is, I don’t think you’re upset at what’s happening between me and Cy, because you’re smart and observant so you know there is no way he would ever put himself or his business at risk by messing around with a very young guest. Even if she is very pretty.” She looked away at the compliment, and for the umpteenth time I wanted to knock some sense into her parents.
“I think you’re tired of being overlooked and ignored by the man in your life who should be paying attention to you. I also think you’re bothered by the way he treats your mom. I completely understand why you’re crushing on Cy, he’s gorgeous and is almost a cowboy, but I think your feelings toward him and toward me are more about what’s going on at home than it is about us.” I lifted my eyebrows at her as she continued to glare at me, her hands curled into tight fists where they rested on top of her thighs. “You want your mom to tell you to knock it off and your dad to swoop in and defend your honor. You want them to join forces and actually parent you and your brother because that should be their primary job, and they aren’t doing it. You want their attention because you spend most of your time separated from them, and when you are all together, it’s obvious things aren’t working out so great for any of you.”
Her bottom lip quivered and she turned away so that her hair covered her face. I lowered myself next to her where she was sitting on Boss’s discarded saddle as she whispered out, “You don’t know anything.”
I laughed a little as my fingers tightened on my tin mug. “You would be surprised how much I know about having a parent who’s oblivious to how bad they can hurt you, even if you don’t see them every day.” I bumped her shoulder lightly with my own and gave her a tiny grin. “My mom didn’t want me, still doesn’t. She handed me off to my grandparents and they raised me.” I shook my head. “When I was growing up I was so oblivious to how good I had it with them because all I could focus on was why she didn’t want me. It made me miss out on so much. I was terrified of failure and of coming up short so it made me overly careful and cautious. I was no fun. I’m still not most of the time.”
Evan cocked her head to the side and considered me thoughtfully for a long minute. “Why are you telling me this? Do you want me to feel sorry for you?”
I shook my head again and reached out to pat the back of her hand. I was silently thrilled when she didn’t pull away from the touch. “I’m telling you because you have a mom who can and will fight for you if she has a reason to. She spends so much time fighting for a love that isn’t there she’s missing the love that still surrounds her. I did the same thing and I regret it so much now. My granddad passed away before I could tell him how much I appreciated him and everything he did for me. He wasn’t here to see me get back on the horse, literally and figuratively.”
She wouldn’t know what that meant but the way my voice twisted and the way it made moisture cloud my vision communicated how important the gesture was. “If your parents won’t focus on you, you focus on them. Remind them of the love they still have even if the love they had for each other is no longer there. Your mom needs someone on her side and you father needs a wakeup call. Be better than they are.”
“That’s a lot of responsibility.” She sounded sad and lost so I put an arm around her and gave her a little squeeze.
“All you can do is try, and if it doesn’t do anything for them it will do something for you and for your brother. Be someone you both can rely on. If you do that you’re already miles and miles ahead of where I was when I was your age.”
She nodded and I let her go as I climbed to my feet. I nudged her foot with the toe of my boot until she looked up at me. “Not very long ago I would never have taken a shot at anything with a guy like Cy, because you’re right, I hardly know him and everyone around us knows what’s going on. That would have been such a waste.” I lifted an eyebrow at her and told her, “The sisterhood needs strong, considerate members, so maybe pull back on the name calling. Women need to hold other women up and not drag them down.”
