Retreat
Page 67
I straightened up and gathered my hair into my hands so I could wring the kinky mass out. The stands were slippery and chilly to the touch. There was also a knot on the underneath side that I was pretty sure was going to require scissors to remove. Typically, I didn’t belong here and this wasn’t my place, but right now I did and there wasn’t anything that would convince me otherwise . . . even the uncomfortable truth of her not-so-friendly warning.
I raised a shoulder and let it fall. “I’ll be gone but not forgotten. I went into this thing with Cy knowing that had to be enough.”
She cocked her head to the side a little and a wry grin pulled at her lips. “Again, you’re very brave. Most of the women he burns through are so blinded by that face and that body that they ignore the fact that every flame flickers out eventually. You see the burnout right in front of you and you’re still playing with fire.”
I nodded a little bit and gave her my own grin. “Why wouldn’t I? I’ve never had the opportunity to get my hands on something that hot before. I might as well enjoy the heat while I can.”
She slapped her soggy hat back on her head and gave me a smile that was full of perfectly straight white teeth and revealed an adorable dimple in her cheek. The woman was physically something else, she really had to be as perfect as any human could be in order to offset her cool and standoffish demeanor. “I like you, Cali girl, and I like that Cy likes you. It’s a shame you can’t stick around a little longer because I think you might actually do the man some good. He almost smiled today.”
I didn’t tell her as she turned and walked away from me that I made him smile all the time when we were together.
Not in the Plan
We left the makeshift camp before the first rays of dawn were in the sky. No one slept very well on the wet ground and everyone was on high alert, so the tension and unease made sleep nearly impossible. Officer McKenna called into her headquarters and let them know the general direction we were headed. She also instructed whoever was on the other end of the radio transmission to send someone to where the field was located, just in case we couldn’t make it back for the horses. The idea of leaving the animals alone and untended didn’t sit well with Cy, but it was the idea of any of us not making it back to take care of them that had me breaking out in a sweat despite the frosty chill in the morning air.
Before we set off on foot through the woods, Cy made sure I knew how to handle, load, and shoot the long barreled shotgun, which ended up slung over my shoulder. My hands shook when I shoved the shells into the weapon, but I was pretty sure I could point and shoot it, if the need arose. I’d never felt so far away from my normal life as I did trudging in a line, barely able to see, chilled to the bone, armed to the teeth, on a rescue mission to save my best friend from men who may or may not be tied to a drug cartel. This all while quickly slipping and falling dangerously close to something that looked like being in love with a man who was never meant to be for me. The whole thing was more than any single, normal person should experience in a lifetime. It was the bombardment of new knowledge and understanding that I was struggling to keep my head above. It felt like if I faltered at all, everything that was going on around me would swallow me up and spit me out, battered and lost on the other side of it. As long as I kept my head up and my eyes firmly focused on what lay ahead, I believed there was a fighting chance to make it through all of this happy and whole, with a wealth of new experiences under my belt. Experiences that would fill up all of the empty spaces when I made my way back to my boring and basic life. Experiences that would keep me company in the dark, while my body longed for Cy’s touch and the rough sound of his deep voice vibrating across my skin.
I let out a sigh that I thought was quiet, but it had all three of the men in front of me turning their heads to look at me. The attention made me blush, so I waved a hand and told them, “Don’t mind me. This is more exercise than I’m used to. I don’t think I was made to hike endless miles through the woods loaded down with gear.” I worked in a high rise office, for goodness sakes. The only time I took the stairs was when the elevator was down and even then I complained the entire way.
“Isn’t San Francisco all hills?” Webb tossed the question over his injured shoulder and I was annoyed by how even his tone was. He was breathing easy, even though his injured shoulder was drooping obviously lower than his good one. He was still pale and a little bit shaky, but doing a damn good job trying to hide whatever pain he was in. He didn’t want to be a liability and neither did I.
“It is, but I don’t spend my free time trekking up and down those hills carrying a shotgun and marching into secret drug dens where my best friend may or may not be held captive.” There was frost in my tone and the younger man had the sense to look contrite.
“Sorry, Leo. I didn’t mean anything by it.” His apology had me sighing again.
“I know, I’m just edgy. I’m worried about Emrys and Sutton. I’m worried about what’s going to happen when we get to where the clearing is. I don’t do well with situations that I can’t control and there is nothing about what we’re walking into that is controllable or safe.” I was drowning in uncertainty and I hated it.
Webb’s features contorted into something serious and pensive. His eyebrows lowered into a sharp V over the bridge of his nose, as the corners of his mouth tugged downwards in a deep frown. “Control is an illusion. You think you’re pulling the strings in life but you’re not. All you’re doing is dangling at the end of them and shifting whatever way the wind decides to blow you. The only thing you are responsible for is your own actions, so you might as well make those actions matter. Sutton and Emrys stumbling across these assholes was bad luck and being in the worst place at the right time, nothing more, nothing less. The fact that you’re here, that you are willing to do whatever it takes to help your friend, those actions are within your control and speak volumes about the person you are.”
I raised a shoulder and let it fall. “I’ll be gone but not forgotten. I went into this thing with Cy knowing that had to be enough.”
She cocked her head to the side a little and a wry grin pulled at her lips. “Again, you’re very brave. Most of the women he burns through are so blinded by that face and that body that they ignore the fact that every flame flickers out eventually. You see the burnout right in front of you and you’re still playing with fire.”
I nodded a little bit and gave her my own grin. “Why wouldn’t I? I’ve never had the opportunity to get my hands on something that hot before. I might as well enjoy the heat while I can.”
She slapped her soggy hat back on her head and gave me a smile that was full of perfectly straight white teeth and revealed an adorable dimple in her cheek. The woman was physically something else, she really had to be as perfect as any human could be in order to offset her cool and standoffish demeanor. “I like you, Cali girl, and I like that Cy likes you. It’s a shame you can’t stick around a little longer because I think you might actually do the man some good. He almost smiled today.”
I didn’t tell her as she turned and walked away from me that I made him smile all the time when we were together.
Not in the Plan
We left the makeshift camp before the first rays of dawn were in the sky. No one slept very well on the wet ground and everyone was on high alert, so the tension and unease made sleep nearly impossible. Officer McKenna called into her headquarters and let them know the general direction we were headed. She also instructed whoever was on the other end of the radio transmission to send someone to where the field was located, just in case we couldn’t make it back for the horses. The idea of leaving the animals alone and untended didn’t sit well with Cy, but it was the idea of any of us not making it back to take care of them that had me breaking out in a sweat despite the frosty chill in the morning air.
Before we set off on foot through the woods, Cy made sure I knew how to handle, load, and shoot the long barreled shotgun, which ended up slung over my shoulder. My hands shook when I shoved the shells into the weapon, but I was pretty sure I could point and shoot it, if the need arose. I’d never felt so far away from my normal life as I did trudging in a line, barely able to see, chilled to the bone, armed to the teeth, on a rescue mission to save my best friend from men who may or may not be tied to a drug cartel. This all while quickly slipping and falling dangerously close to something that looked like being in love with a man who was never meant to be for me. The whole thing was more than any single, normal person should experience in a lifetime. It was the bombardment of new knowledge and understanding that I was struggling to keep my head above. It felt like if I faltered at all, everything that was going on around me would swallow me up and spit me out, battered and lost on the other side of it. As long as I kept my head up and my eyes firmly focused on what lay ahead, I believed there was a fighting chance to make it through all of this happy and whole, with a wealth of new experiences under my belt. Experiences that would fill up all of the empty spaces when I made my way back to my boring and basic life. Experiences that would keep me company in the dark, while my body longed for Cy’s touch and the rough sound of his deep voice vibrating across my skin.
I let out a sigh that I thought was quiet, but it had all three of the men in front of me turning their heads to look at me. The attention made me blush, so I waved a hand and told them, “Don’t mind me. This is more exercise than I’m used to. I don’t think I was made to hike endless miles through the woods loaded down with gear.” I worked in a high rise office, for goodness sakes. The only time I took the stairs was when the elevator was down and even then I complained the entire way.
“Isn’t San Francisco all hills?” Webb tossed the question over his injured shoulder and I was annoyed by how even his tone was. He was breathing easy, even though his injured shoulder was drooping obviously lower than his good one. He was still pale and a little bit shaky, but doing a damn good job trying to hide whatever pain he was in. He didn’t want to be a liability and neither did I.
“It is, but I don’t spend my free time trekking up and down those hills carrying a shotgun and marching into secret drug dens where my best friend may or may not be held captive.” There was frost in my tone and the younger man had the sense to look contrite.
“Sorry, Leo. I didn’t mean anything by it.” His apology had me sighing again.
“I know, I’m just edgy. I’m worried about Emrys and Sutton. I’m worried about what’s going to happen when we get to where the clearing is. I don’t do well with situations that I can’t control and there is nothing about what we’re walking into that is controllable or safe.” I was drowning in uncertainty and I hated it.
Webb’s features contorted into something serious and pensive. His eyebrows lowered into a sharp V over the bridge of his nose, as the corners of his mouth tugged downwards in a deep frown. “Control is an illusion. You think you’re pulling the strings in life but you’re not. All you’re doing is dangling at the end of them and shifting whatever way the wind decides to blow you. The only thing you are responsible for is your own actions, so you might as well make those actions matter. Sutton and Emrys stumbling across these assholes was bad luck and being in the worst place at the right time, nothing more, nothing less. The fact that you’re here, that you are willing to do whatever it takes to help your friend, those actions are within your control and speak volumes about the person you are.”
