Revive
Page 48
I knew it was a stupid reaction, but I couldn’t control it. Jealousy tore through me at the sight of them together. I’d seen them together at Madison’s wedding and presumed they hooked up afterwards. The chemistry between them was clear for all to see.
“How long you staying for?” Nash asked as he came back in with two bags. “Your car is fuckin’ loaded, babe. Looks like you’re moving in.”
Serena and Madison blasted megawatt smiles in unison. “I am moving in!” Serena announced delivering another blow to me.
Nash’s face lit up, and J grumbled, “Fucking hell, why did I ever agree to this?”
Serena poked her tongue at him. “Oh hush, biker boy.” Then she looked at Nash, and said, “Maybe I’ll move in with Nash instead. He wouldn’t whine like a school girl about having me.”
Laughter erupted from everyone; everyone except me. I stilled, waiting to see where this would all end up. Nash’s eyes found mine, and my heart began beating faster in anticipation of what he would say or do. I hated this; it was exactly why I didn’t do relationships. The not knowing where you stood with someone sucked. This afternoon, I thought I knew where we were at, but now that was all up in the air as far as I was concerned. And that it all rested with Nash paralysed me.
My gut churned with the jealousy I desperately didn’t want to feel while I waited for Nash to make his move. He smiled at me before saying something to Serena. She listened intently to what he said. His gaze was focused on me while he spoke and when he’d finished talking, her gaze followed his until she found me. She smiled, and then smacked him on the back, propelling him in my direction.
He didn’t need much propelling though, he was striding towards me with determination. When he reached me, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me along as he kept walking into the kitchen.
“Talk to me, sweet thing. What’s going through that mind of yours?” he asked when we were alone.
Nerves gripped me. I didn’t want to admit my jealousy to him. God, we’d only been sleeping together for a week, and it wasn’t like we’d made any promises to each other. In fact, I was sure Nash came with a warning that read ‘no promises will ever be made to any woman’. And even though he’d told me he felt something for me, I wasn’t delusional; men were fickle creatures and he could change his mind at any moment.
Here he was though, looking at me with what looked like worry, and he managed to coax the truth out of me. “It’s not pretty, Nash. You sure you want to know?”
He chuckled. “Baby, none of the shit in my mind is ever pretty. I can cope with ugly; we’re old friends.”
I blew out a breath, and pushed through my fear. He could do what he would with it; at least I’d know where I stood and there would be no more worrying and wondering. “It’s obvious that you and Serena shared something at J’s wedding, and still have some kind of connection. I won’t bullshit you; I was jealous when I saw her all over you.”
“Fuck, Velvet, you amaze me.”
I frowned. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
He smiled, and traced his thumb over my cheek. “It’s a really fuckin’ good thing, sweetheart.”
Impatience circled me. “Okay, so I’m glad it’s a really fuckin’ good thing, but can you tell me why?”
“I haven’t dated a lot of women - ” he stopped when I fixed him with a ‘you’re kidding’ look. “Baby, I won’t lie, I’ve slept with a fuckload of women, but I haven’t dated many. The few I dated, were jealous bitches and never failed to accuse me of shit and argue with me every fuckin’ time they were jealous. We spent more of our time together arguing instead of loving, so for you to have a rational conversation with me about it fuckin’ amazes me.”
“So, continuing this rational conversation, where are you at with Serena?”
Nash looked pissed, and I figured I’d said something wrong. He threw me off when her asked, “He really did a number on you, didn’t he?”
I instinctively knew that he was referring to James. “Why do you say that?”
“Because I told you last week that I wanted to see where this went for us, that I feel something for you. But at the first hurdle, you assume that I’m out. I’ve watched my mother and sister get dragged down by men, watched them struggle with doubt about themselves. That doubt was put there by those men, and I see that same doubt in you, baby. And I fuckin’ hate it.”
I had to stop my mouth from falling open. Seriously, this man was shocking the shit out of me. Repeatedly. I’d never met a man so in tune with my feelings; a man so perceptive, and willing to get it all out there in the open. Maybe there really was a chance at something here.
“Yes, he did a number on me,” I admitted. “He shredded my self belief and then he kicked me out with nothing to my name, and even less to my self worth. I’ve spent years building myself back up, Nash, and I honestly thought I was over it, but being with you has brought my insecurities out.”
“I can see that, and I want to fix it. I don’t want you to have any doubt about this shit. As far as Serena is concerned, yeah we had sex, but that’s all it was. She and I are too alike to ever work, and to be completely honest, I’m not interested. And I doubt she is either. We kept in touch but just as friends so you have to trust me on that one. Can you do that?”
“How long you staying for?” Nash asked as he came back in with two bags. “Your car is fuckin’ loaded, babe. Looks like you’re moving in.”
Serena and Madison blasted megawatt smiles in unison. “I am moving in!” Serena announced delivering another blow to me.
Nash’s face lit up, and J grumbled, “Fucking hell, why did I ever agree to this?”
Serena poked her tongue at him. “Oh hush, biker boy.” Then she looked at Nash, and said, “Maybe I’ll move in with Nash instead. He wouldn’t whine like a school girl about having me.”
Laughter erupted from everyone; everyone except me. I stilled, waiting to see where this would all end up. Nash’s eyes found mine, and my heart began beating faster in anticipation of what he would say or do. I hated this; it was exactly why I didn’t do relationships. The not knowing where you stood with someone sucked. This afternoon, I thought I knew where we were at, but now that was all up in the air as far as I was concerned. And that it all rested with Nash paralysed me.
My gut churned with the jealousy I desperately didn’t want to feel while I waited for Nash to make his move. He smiled at me before saying something to Serena. She listened intently to what he said. His gaze was focused on me while he spoke and when he’d finished talking, her gaze followed his until she found me. She smiled, and then smacked him on the back, propelling him in my direction.
He didn’t need much propelling though, he was striding towards me with determination. When he reached me, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me along as he kept walking into the kitchen.
“Talk to me, sweet thing. What’s going through that mind of yours?” he asked when we were alone.
Nerves gripped me. I didn’t want to admit my jealousy to him. God, we’d only been sleeping together for a week, and it wasn’t like we’d made any promises to each other. In fact, I was sure Nash came with a warning that read ‘no promises will ever be made to any woman’. And even though he’d told me he felt something for me, I wasn’t delusional; men were fickle creatures and he could change his mind at any moment.
Here he was though, looking at me with what looked like worry, and he managed to coax the truth out of me. “It’s not pretty, Nash. You sure you want to know?”
He chuckled. “Baby, none of the shit in my mind is ever pretty. I can cope with ugly; we’re old friends.”
I blew out a breath, and pushed through my fear. He could do what he would with it; at least I’d know where I stood and there would be no more worrying and wondering. “It’s obvious that you and Serena shared something at J’s wedding, and still have some kind of connection. I won’t bullshit you; I was jealous when I saw her all over you.”
“Fuck, Velvet, you amaze me.”
I frowned. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
He smiled, and traced his thumb over my cheek. “It’s a really fuckin’ good thing, sweetheart.”
Impatience circled me. “Okay, so I’m glad it’s a really fuckin’ good thing, but can you tell me why?”
“I haven’t dated a lot of women - ” he stopped when I fixed him with a ‘you’re kidding’ look. “Baby, I won’t lie, I’ve slept with a fuckload of women, but I haven’t dated many. The few I dated, were jealous bitches and never failed to accuse me of shit and argue with me every fuckin’ time they were jealous. We spent more of our time together arguing instead of loving, so for you to have a rational conversation with me about it fuckin’ amazes me.”
“So, continuing this rational conversation, where are you at with Serena?”
Nash looked pissed, and I figured I’d said something wrong. He threw me off when her asked, “He really did a number on you, didn’t he?”
I instinctively knew that he was referring to James. “Why do you say that?”
“Because I told you last week that I wanted to see where this went for us, that I feel something for you. But at the first hurdle, you assume that I’m out. I’ve watched my mother and sister get dragged down by men, watched them struggle with doubt about themselves. That doubt was put there by those men, and I see that same doubt in you, baby. And I fuckin’ hate it.”
I had to stop my mouth from falling open. Seriously, this man was shocking the shit out of me. Repeatedly. I’d never met a man so in tune with my feelings; a man so perceptive, and willing to get it all out there in the open. Maybe there really was a chance at something here.
“Yes, he did a number on me,” I admitted. “He shredded my self belief and then he kicked me out with nothing to my name, and even less to my self worth. I’ve spent years building myself back up, Nash, and I honestly thought I was over it, but being with you has brought my insecurities out.”
“I can see that, and I want to fix it. I don’t want you to have any doubt about this shit. As far as Serena is concerned, yeah we had sex, but that’s all it was. She and I are too alike to ever work, and to be completely honest, I’m not interested. And I doubt she is either. We kept in touch but just as friends so you have to trust me on that one. Can you do that?”
