Rock Chick Reckoning
Page 60
I thought back and I had begged and then he’d let me and it was nice, for both of us.
Shit, I was so weak!
I took my hand from his mouth, shut my eyes tight, lifted my arms and grabbed my hair in both of my fists.
This, I decided, was not going my way.
At al .
And it was al my fault.
Then it hit me, something else we had to talk about.
I dropped my arms, opened my eyes and looked right into his.
He was ful on amused now.
I ignored his amusement.
“Tel me about yesterday morning in the kitchen,” I said quietly.
The amusement disappeared instantly.
Oh dear.
“What about it?” he asked, his voice was guarded.
“You know,” I answered, my voice stil soft.
His hands stil at my waist, he made to move again but I did the hands-pressing-on-shoulders, thighs-locking-on-hips move again and he stil ed.
His eyes came back to mine and now t h e y were guarded. No warm amusement, no determination, no impatience, nothing.
Blank.
Hidden.
He didn’t say a word.
And that’s when I knew.
Mace was going to do whatever he had to do to win me.
Except what would actual y work.
“I get it,” I whispered.
I watched his eyes flash with anger. “I don’t think you do,” he replied.
“No, you’re right. I don’t. And you aren’t gonna give it to me,” I retorted, knowing he wasn’t going to share, knowing he was wil ing to take but he wasn’t wil ing to give. This hurt, it shouldn’t hurt, I didn’t want it to hurt but it was a kick to the gut al the same.
Then I said softly, “Same shit, Mace, just a year later.” It was my turn to try to get away but he twisted and we ended with me on my back, he was on top of me and we were face-to-face.
“You think you got it figured out, Kitten, but you don’t.
Bottom line, you aren’t ready for it,” he told me.
I probably wasn’t ready for it, if the look in his eyes yesterday morning was anything to go by.
But I had to know. I knew I shouldn’t want to, shouldn’t need to, but I had to.
“And you get to decide when I’m ready?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“And when’s that gonna be?”
“I’l tel you when it’s not gonna be, it’s not gonna be when you’re trying to push me away because you stil don’t trust me,” he returned.
“So you get to screw with my head, f**k with my life, take what you want and you give me nothing?”
“You got it,” he answered, total y calm.
He could not be serious.
“I don’t believe you. You’re just… unbelievable, ” I spat my earlier thought out loud.
His hand travel ed down my arm, locked around my wrist and pul ed it up. When he had it between us, his hand shifted, pressing mine flat against his beating heart.
“You want in here?” he murmured, his eyes intense, so intense I felt my gut clench with fear. This was a fear I didn’t understand, it wasn’t even logical, but it scared me al the same. It was the same fear as yesterday morning, huge and uncontrol able.
“No,” I lied. Except for the ability to play my music, being in his heart was the only thing I’d ever wanted in my whole effing life.
He shook his head. “Until that answer changes, babe, you get what I’m wil in’ to give you. My protection, my attention and my cock.”
I gasped at his frankness and my body went solid with fury.
“Unbelievable,” I hissed.
“When the time comes where you give me somethin’
without me havin’ to pul it out of you, where you give me a piece of you without me havin’ to take it then I’l give you a piece of me.”
“That time’s never going to come,” I snapped back though I wanted a piece of him. I wanted more than a piece of him, I wanted al of him. I even wanted a chance to help him battle those demons. In fact, I wanted the chance to take them on al on my own if it meant Mace wouldn’t have them anymore.
I knew it, I hated myself for my weakness but it was the truth.
I might not be able to be honest with him but I had to be honest with myself or at least this once.
“It’l come,” he promised, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I glared at him to hide the emotional tumult in my head.
He calmly returned my glare.
“Don’t you have shit to do?” I reminded him, my voice sharp.
I was done.
Done, done, done!
He kept watching me for a few beats then his gaze went soft. Instead of moving away from me, his head came down and his face disappeared in my neck.
I pushed at his shoulders. “What are you doing?”
“Don’t wanna leave it this way.”
“There’s no other way to leave it,” I informed him and his face came out of my neck. He rol ed off me to his side, taking me with him, his arms around me. Both hands slid up my back, he pressed the area between my shoulder blades so my torso was tight against his and he threw a thigh over mine, pinning me.
I didn’t fight this. I was beginning to learn (belatedly) that fighting him physical y was detrimental to my abilities to fight him emotional y.
One of his hands tangled in my hair, giving it a gentle tug so my head tilted back. He dipped his chin down to look at me.
Then he said, “Al right, Stel a, I’l give you one.” Uh-oh.
One? One what? My brain asked.
“One what?” I said out loud.
“A piece of me.”
Oh dear.
He kept talking. “The worst part of breaking up with you was you lettin’ me walk away.”
My breath packed up and took a shuttle flight to the moon.
“What?” I whispered.
“It was so good between us, I didn’t think in a mil ion f**kin’ years you’d let me walk away,” Mace went on.
“What?” I asked. Yes, again!
His arms got tighter, his hand fisted gently in my hair, right before he said, “It was a test.”
His words hit me like blows, my body froze rigid then I shouted, “What? ”
“You failed,” he continued.
Effing hel . Effing hel . Effing bloody hell.
“You… are… joking,” I breathed, careful y enunciating each word.
“Babe, I hope you get that I’m prepared to fight for you but I gotta know you’l fight for me too. This shit goes both ways. This doesn’t end until I know you won’t walk away but also you won’t let me walk away. Never again.” What he was saying wasn’t quite penetrating my brain.
Shit, I was so weak!
I took my hand from his mouth, shut my eyes tight, lifted my arms and grabbed my hair in both of my fists.
This, I decided, was not going my way.
At al .
And it was al my fault.
Then it hit me, something else we had to talk about.
I dropped my arms, opened my eyes and looked right into his.
He was ful on amused now.
I ignored his amusement.
“Tel me about yesterday morning in the kitchen,” I said quietly.
The amusement disappeared instantly.
Oh dear.
“What about it?” he asked, his voice was guarded.
“You know,” I answered, my voice stil soft.
His hands stil at my waist, he made to move again but I did the hands-pressing-on-shoulders, thighs-locking-on-hips move again and he stil ed.
His eyes came back to mine and now t h e y were guarded. No warm amusement, no determination, no impatience, nothing.
Blank.
Hidden.
He didn’t say a word.
And that’s when I knew.
Mace was going to do whatever he had to do to win me.
Except what would actual y work.
“I get it,” I whispered.
I watched his eyes flash with anger. “I don’t think you do,” he replied.
“No, you’re right. I don’t. And you aren’t gonna give it to me,” I retorted, knowing he wasn’t going to share, knowing he was wil ing to take but he wasn’t wil ing to give. This hurt, it shouldn’t hurt, I didn’t want it to hurt but it was a kick to the gut al the same.
Then I said softly, “Same shit, Mace, just a year later.” It was my turn to try to get away but he twisted and we ended with me on my back, he was on top of me and we were face-to-face.
“You think you got it figured out, Kitten, but you don’t.
Bottom line, you aren’t ready for it,” he told me.
I probably wasn’t ready for it, if the look in his eyes yesterday morning was anything to go by.
But I had to know. I knew I shouldn’t want to, shouldn’t need to, but I had to.
“And you get to decide when I’m ready?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“And when’s that gonna be?”
“I’l tel you when it’s not gonna be, it’s not gonna be when you’re trying to push me away because you stil don’t trust me,” he returned.
“So you get to screw with my head, f**k with my life, take what you want and you give me nothing?”
“You got it,” he answered, total y calm.
He could not be serious.
“I don’t believe you. You’re just… unbelievable, ” I spat my earlier thought out loud.
His hand travel ed down my arm, locked around my wrist and pul ed it up. When he had it between us, his hand shifted, pressing mine flat against his beating heart.
“You want in here?” he murmured, his eyes intense, so intense I felt my gut clench with fear. This was a fear I didn’t understand, it wasn’t even logical, but it scared me al the same. It was the same fear as yesterday morning, huge and uncontrol able.
“No,” I lied. Except for the ability to play my music, being in his heart was the only thing I’d ever wanted in my whole effing life.
He shook his head. “Until that answer changes, babe, you get what I’m wil in’ to give you. My protection, my attention and my cock.”
I gasped at his frankness and my body went solid with fury.
“Unbelievable,” I hissed.
“When the time comes where you give me somethin’
without me havin’ to pul it out of you, where you give me a piece of you without me havin’ to take it then I’l give you a piece of me.”
“That time’s never going to come,” I snapped back though I wanted a piece of him. I wanted more than a piece of him, I wanted al of him. I even wanted a chance to help him battle those demons. In fact, I wanted the chance to take them on al on my own if it meant Mace wouldn’t have them anymore.
I knew it, I hated myself for my weakness but it was the truth.
I might not be able to be honest with him but I had to be honest with myself or at least this once.
“It’l come,” he promised, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I glared at him to hide the emotional tumult in my head.
He calmly returned my glare.
“Don’t you have shit to do?” I reminded him, my voice sharp.
I was done.
Done, done, done!
He kept watching me for a few beats then his gaze went soft. Instead of moving away from me, his head came down and his face disappeared in my neck.
I pushed at his shoulders. “What are you doing?”
“Don’t wanna leave it this way.”
“There’s no other way to leave it,” I informed him and his face came out of my neck. He rol ed off me to his side, taking me with him, his arms around me. Both hands slid up my back, he pressed the area between my shoulder blades so my torso was tight against his and he threw a thigh over mine, pinning me.
I didn’t fight this. I was beginning to learn (belatedly) that fighting him physical y was detrimental to my abilities to fight him emotional y.
One of his hands tangled in my hair, giving it a gentle tug so my head tilted back. He dipped his chin down to look at me.
Then he said, “Al right, Stel a, I’l give you one.” Uh-oh.
One? One what? My brain asked.
“One what?” I said out loud.
“A piece of me.”
Oh dear.
He kept talking. “The worst part of breaking up with you was you lettin’ me walk away.”
My breath packed up and took a shuttle flight to the moon.
“What?” I whispered.
“It was so good between us, I didn’t think in a mil ion f**kin’ years you’d let me walk away,” Mace went on.
“What?” I asked. Yes, again!
His arms got tighter, his hand fisted gently in my hair, right before he said, “It was a test.”
His words hit me like blows, my body froze rigid then I shouted, “What? ”
“You failed,” he continued.
Effing hel . Effing hel . Effing bloody hell.
“You… are… joking,” I breathed, careful y enunciating each word.
“Babe, I hope you get that I’m prepared to fight for you but I gotta know you’l fight for me too. This shit goes both ways. This doesn’t end until I know you won’t walk away but also you won’t let me walk away. Never again.” What he was saying wasn’t quite penetrating my brain.
