Rock Chick Redemption
Page 32
“Let’s get her inside.” Nancy was there and had her good hand on me. It was stronger than I expected it to be.
She turned me toward the house, her face fil ed with concern.
Uncle Tex’s arm came around my shoulders as I saw lights rounding the corner down the block.
I froze.
It was dark, but I could see, in the streetlamps, it was Hank’s 4Runner.
“No,” I whispered, panic flying through me.
“Roxie?” Uncle Tex asked, he and Nancy stopped with me.
My eyes flew to Tex. “I can’t see Hank.”
Uncle Tex glanced at the oncoming car. “Darlin’ girl…” Tex started and I knew he didn’t agree with me.
“No! No, I can’t see him and… and he can’t see me. Not like this. Please, please, please,” I chanted.
The SUV was close. I had no time. I stopped chanting, shook off Nancy’s hand, Uncle Tex’s arm and I ran.
* * * * *
I went into the house, tearing through it, to the room at the back. I threw the door closed. It was Uncle Tex’s bedroom.
I ran to the windows, cats flying everywhere, sensing my panic, and I pul ed the drapes. Then I went back through the dark room to the door, feeling the knob for a lock but there was none. I put my back to the door and slid down it, sitting with my shoulders pressed against the door.
Then, I heard the voices, Uncle Tex’s a soft boom, Hank’s deep voice control ed and patient, Nancy’s butting in every once in awhile. The boom got louder and then I could tel , even though I couldn’t make out the words, that Hank’s control slipped.
I put my hands over my ears, pul ed my knees up and rested my forehead on them but I could stil hear the voices, I could feel Hank’s impatience and I knew Uncle Tex was trying to protect me.
I started humming.
God, I was so tired. So, f**king, tired.
I couldn’t give into the exhaustion.
I hummed, forcing the voices out of my head, and I planned.
Get my clothes from the hotel.
Get my car.
Go to Chicago.
Go to Annette’s.
Get my money, my stuff and escape.
There came a soft knock at the door and I stil ed.
“Roxie, honey, it’s me. Nancy.”
I got up slowly from the door and opened it a crack. She was alone.
The voices were gone.
“Where’s Hank?”
“Lee and Eddie are here, they’ve got him outside. Let me in, baby dol ,” she said gently. I opened the door enough so she could slide in and I closed it right behind her.
She switched on a light and then turned to me. “Eddie and Jet went to your hotel today. It’s good having a cop in the family.” I watched as she smiled a mother’s satisfied smile and my heart wrenched at the sight. I’d never seen my Mom smile at Bil y and me like that. Never.
Nancy kept talking. “Eddie explained to management and they checked you out. Your car’s outside. Jet and Indy brought in your stuff. They’re making up the second bedroom right now.”
I was leaning against the door, trying to hear what was happening outside at the same time trying not to hear.
“We al think you should go home with Hank,” Nancy said softly. “Even Tex.”
I shook my head, looking at the floor.
“I’m going to sleep for a while, then I’m going to go,” I told her.
Nancy got close to me, leaned against the door with me, more for real support than moral support, I could tel . She reached out and grabbed my hand. “Where are you going to go?”
“I don’t know,” I was stil looking at the floor. “Away.”
“You should know, Hank wanted to look for you. Jet told me. Lee and Eddie talked him out of it. When he got to his house…” she stopped. “Baby dol , look at me.” I looked at her. Her green eyes were kind and I felt my nostrils start to burn and I sucked in deep breaths to control the tears.
She continued talking. “When he got to his house and you were gone, it wasn’t good. Tex knew exactly what had happened and told them about this Bil y person. Lee was worried what Hank would do if he caught up with you and Bil y was with you. Tex told me that Lee and his boys can do things Eddie and Hank can’t do. Stil , it took a lot to talk Hank out of coming after you.”
I realized that Nancy thought I was upset that Vance had come after me, not Hank.
“It’s not that,” I told her.
“What is it?” she asked.
I looked at the floor again and swal owed.
She squeezed my hand. “What is it, honey?” she asked, her voice so soft, I could barely hear her.
My nose started burning and so did my eyes. I closed them, hard, and blinked the tears away.
“I’m dirty,” I whispered in a voice lower than hers. “He’s good and clean and wonderful and he deserves better than me.”
“Oh baby dol ,” she whispered and she moved, sliding across the door, her hand letting go of mine and her arm coming around me. “You gotta know that’s just not true.” I stood there and let her hold me as best she could. She was smal er than me and she’d had a stroke, but she was stil stronger than me. So was Jet, so was Indy, so was Al y.
Everyone was stronger than me.
Hank needed someone like them. Someone who knew good from bad, was strong enough to stand for the good or turn away from the bad.
And that was not me.
John Mel encamp sang an old adage, “You gotta stand for something, or you’re gonna fall for anything.” Mel encamp was right.
Miracle of miracles, I didn’t cry and final y I said, “I have to go to sleep.”
She pul ed away and looked at me closely. I could tel she didn’t like what she saw.
Even so, she sighed and let me be.
“I’l see how Indy and Jet are doing with that bed. You want me to send them in here?”
“No!” I said it louder than I needed to but I liked these people and spending any more time with them would make it harder to leave. “No. I want to be alone. I haven’t been alone in three days.”
She nodded, but I could tel she stil didn’t agree.
“I’l knock on the door when the coast is clear.” I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you,” I said.
She reached up, kissed my cheek, then slid out the door, not opening it any more than she needed to. I found myself hoping, again, that Uncle Tex and Nancy worked out.
I turned out the lights and resumed my position on the floor, shoulders against the door.
I heard Nancy talking to Indy and Jet, their voices a murmur and I couldn’t hear what they said.
She turned me toward the house, her face fil ed with concern.
Uncle Tex’s arm came around my shoulders as I saw lights rounding the corner down the block.
I froze.
It was dark, but I could see, in the streetlamps, it was Hank’s 4Runner.
“No,” I whispered, panic flying through me.
“Roxie?” Uncle Tex asked, he and Nancy stopped with me.
My eyes flew to Tex. “I can’t see Hank.”
Uncle Tex glanced at the oncoming car. “Darlin’ girl…” Tex started and I knew he didn’t agree with me.
“No! No, I can’t see him and… and he can’t see me. Not like this. Please, please, please,” I chanted.
The SUV was close. I had no time. I stopped chanting, shook off Nancy’s hand, Uncle Tex’s arm and I ran.
* * * * *
I went into the house, tearing through it, to the room at the back. I threw the door closed. It was Uncle Tex’s bedroom.
I ran to the windows, cats flying everywhere, sensing my panic, and I pul ed the drapes. Then I went back through the dark room to the door, feeling the knob for a lock but there was none. I put my back to the door and slid down it, sitting with my shoulders pressed against the door.
Then, I heard the voices, Uncle Tex’s a soft boom, Hank’s deep voice control ed and patient, Nancy’s butting in every once in awhile. The boom got louder and then I could tel , even though I couldn’t make out the words, that Hank’s control slipped.
I put my hands over my ears, pul ed my knees up and rested my forehead on them but I could stil hear the voices, I could feel Hank’s impatience and I knew Uncle Tex was trying to protect me.
I started humming.
God, I was so tired. So, f**king, tired.
I couldn’t give into the exhaustion.
I hummed, forcing the voices out of my head, and I planned.
Get my clothes from the hotel.
Get my car.
Go to Chicago.
Go to Annette’s.
Get my money, my stuff and escape.
There came a soft knock at the door and I stil ed.
“Roxie, honey, it’s me. Nancy.”
I got up slowly from the door and opened it a crack. She was alone.
The voices were gone.
“Where’s Hank?”
“Lee and Eddie are here, they’ve got him outside. Let me in, baby dol ,” she said gently. I opened the door enough so she could slide in and I closed it right behind her.
She switched on a light and then turned to me. “Eddie and Jet went to your hotel today. It’s good having a cop in the family.” I watched as she smiled a mother’s satisfied smile and my heart wrenched at the sight. I’d never seen my Mom smile at Bil y and me like that. Never.
Nancy kept talking. “Eddie explained to management and they checked you out. Your car’s outside. Jet and Indy brought in your stuff. They’re making up the second bedroom right now.”
I was leaning against the door, trying to hear what was happening outside at the same time trying not to hear.
“We al think you should go home with Hank,” Nancy said softly. “Even Tex.”
I shook my head, looking at the floor.
“I’m going to sleep for a while, then I’m going to go,” I told her.
Nancy got close to me, leaned against the door with me, more for real support than moral support, I could tel . She reached out and grabbed my hand. “Where are you going to go?”
“I don’t know,” I was stil looking at the floor. “Away.”
“You should know, Hank wanted to look for you. Jet told me. Lee and Eddie talked him out of it. When he got to his house…” she stopped. “Baby dol , look at me.” I looked at her. Her green eyes were kind and I felt my nostrils start to burn and I sucked in deep breaths to control the tears.
She continued talking. “When he got to his house and you were gone, it wasn’t good. Tex knew exactly what had happened and told them about this Bil y person. Lee was worried what Hank would do if he caught up with you and Bil y was with you. Tex told me that Lee and his boys can do things Eddie and Hank can’t do. Stil , it took a lot to talk Hank out of coming after you.”
I realized that Nancy thought I was upset that Vance had come after me, not Hank.
“It’s not that,” I told her.
“What is it?” she asked.
I looked at the floor again and swal owed.
She squeezed my hand. “What is it, honey?” she asked, her voice so soft, I could barely hear her.
My nose started burning and so did my eyes. I closed them, hard, and blinked the tears away.
“I’m dirty,” I whispered in a voice lower than hers. “He’s good and clean and wonderful and he deserves better than me.”
“Oh baby dol ,” she whispered and she moved, sliding across the door, her hand letting go of mine and her arm coming around me. “You gotta know that’s just not true.” I stood there and let her hold me as best she could. She was smal er than me and she’d had a stroke, but she was stil stronger than me. So was Jet, so was Indy, so was Al y.
Everyone was stronger than me.
Hank needed someone like them. Someone who knew good from bad, was strong enough to stand for the good or turn away from the bad.
And that was not me.
John Mel encamp sang an old adage, “You gotta stand for something, or you’re gonna fall for anything.” Mel encamp was right.
Miracle of miracles, I didn’t cry and final y I said, “I have to go to sleep.”
She pul ed away and looked at me closely. I could tel she didn’t like what she saw.
Even so, she sighed and let me be.
“I’l see how Indy and Jet are doing with that bed. You want me to send them in here?”
“No!” I said it louder than I needed to but I liked these people and spending any more time with them would make it harder to leave. “No. I want to be alone. I haven’t been alone in three days.”
She nodded, but I could tel she stil didn’t agree.
“I’l knock on the door when the coast is clear.” I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you,” I said.
She reached up, kissed my cheek, then slid out the door, not opening it any more than she needed to. I found myself hoping, again, that Uncle Tex and Nancy worked out.
I turned out the lights and resumed my position on the floor, shoulders against the door.
I heard Nancy talking to Indy and Jet, their voices a murmur and I couldn’t hear what they said.
