Rock Chick Redemption
Page 78
He touched me as he kissed me and then one of his fingers slid inside.
“Hank,” I breathed before I nipped his beautiful lower lip gently with my teeth because I could not stop myself. If someone paid me ten mil ion dol ars not to, I would stil have done it.
Without warning, his hand slid away and he was inside me.
He started moving, rocking deep, pounding hard, it was unlike any time before. I got the sense there was control, if there wasn’t he might have hurt me, but there was just not much of it.
I liked it. No, I loved the thought of making him lose control.
I lifted my knees and hips, encouraging him to lose more. I started panting, my body jerking with each of his thrusts. I whispered in his ear, running my hands across the skin of his back, stroking the damp hair at his nape.
Then there was no way I could talk.
We breathed into each other’s open mouths until I felt it and every muscle in my body clenched, even the secret ones, and I moaned against his lips just as he groaned against mine.
After, he let his body weight rest on me for half a minute then he rol ed us over, stil connected, him on his back, me on top.
My face was pressed against his neck and his hands were on my bottom.
“Holy cow,” I whispered against his neck.
His fingers dug into me but he didn’t answer.
A little later he asked, “Did I hurt you?”
“Not even close,” I responded.
His hands roamed up my back, one wrapped around my waist, one slid into my hair.
He turned his head and murmured in my ear, “Jesus, Roxie, you undo me.”
My body stil ed and, for once, I was silent.
I didn’t know how to process this information. I didn’t even know how to process the fact that Hank would share it.
It was an admission of grand proportions, especial y for a man like Hank. It was an admission bigger than the one I’d made that morning. It was the kind of thing that was said that changed lives.
Final y, I said, “I thought you were just jazzed after catching the bad guys.”
“That’s part of it,” he replied. “Most of it was knowin’
when I was done, I’d come home to you.”
Good God.
“It helped that you weren’t wearing any underwear,” he finished.
That did seem to be the impetus that speeded things up a bit.
He rol ed us to our sides and his hand went to my jaw.
“We have to talk,” he said.
“We are talking.”
“Not after-sex talk. We need to have a conversation.” Oh no.
I wasn’t ready for a conversation, at least not the kind of conversation he seemed to be talking about.
“It’s late. You have to be tired. I don’t –”
“I know you’re pul in’ away even as you get closer,” he told me.
I started shivering because this was getting plain, old scary.
He was so tuned into me was unreal.
“Hank –”
He stil didn’t let me talk. “I don’t like sayin’ it just as much as you aren’t gonna like hearin’ it, but I understand one thing about Flynn. I don’t like you pul in’ away.” My breath caught in my lungs.
“Don’t say that,” I whispered.
His hand gripped my waist. “It’s not that. It’d never be that. There’s no way I’d ever hurt you, Sweetheart.” My body was shivering like I was cold and Hank’s arms wrapped tight around me.
“We’re different, you and me,” I told him.
“I know, Sunshine.”
Even though he agreed, I kept on. “We’re something else.”
Something special, I thought, but did not say.
“Roxie, I know.”
“I’ve never been with Bil y how I am with you.”
“Sweetheart –”
“And because of Bil y, I can’t have you.”
It was his body’s turn to stil . “Sorry?”
I was so freaked out, I was on a rol and let my mouth run away from me.
“This’l always be between us. You knowing about him, what he’s done to me, how I let him, comparing yourself to him, me comparing us to what Bil y and I used to have. It’l color us forever. It’l make it go bad.”
“Roxanne –”
“It’s too soon. I was meant to have time, after I got rid of Bil y, time to feel good about myself, time to feel worthy, time to feel clean again. But you saw it, you’re in the middle of it now and I hate that. I’ve got used to his stink on me, I can’t al ow his stink to settle on you.”
“Roxanne, be quiet for a second and –”
I pressed my face in his throat. “It’s not just protecting you from seeing me under that f**king sink, Hank. Even without you seeing that, you’l always know that I’m gray.
You’l always be white and, now, for you, I’l always be gray.” If his body was stil before, it was hard as rock now.
“Roxanne,” his voice was as solid as his body; solid and sharp. My name cut through the air like a cleaver. It was fil ed with warning, so fil ed it was dangerous but I was lost in making him understand.
I ignored the warning and went on. “We were over before we even began.”
I barely finished the sentence when he rol ed, his weight settling on me and pushing me into the bed.
“Quiet!” The word hit the room like a gunshot and it shocked me so much, my mouth snapped shut.
Even in the dark, I could feel his eyes on my face.
Then he said, “You’ve been talkin’ to Jet.” I nodded but didn’t speak.
“Jet and I were havin’ a conversation about an internal struggle she was having. We were talkin’ about some people we know, friends we both like, friends who deal drugs and run games and likely murder other people.” Holy cow.
What friends were those?
And what conversation was he talking about?
I didn’t have a chance to ask, Hank continued. “What I said about them in no way… Roxie, hear this right f**king now… in no way does it transfer to you.”
“Hank –”
Now he was on a rol and he was angry.
Way angry.
“You need to learn to give yourself a goddamned break.
You’re so f**kin’ hard on yourself, I wouldn’t even begin to be able to make you feel as badly about yourself as you do.
Even if I wanted to. Christ!”
“You don’t understand.”
“I think I f**king wel do.”
“No you don’t!” I pushed at him but he wouldn’t budge so I carried on anyway. “You didn’t see us together, when we’d visit my folks, the looks on their faces. My friends who’d try to be nice to him even though they knew he was a piece of dirt. I knew they wondered about me. Why was I with him?
“Hank,” I breathed before I nipped his beautiful lower lip gently with my teeth because I could not stop myself. If someone paid me ten mil ion dol ars not to, I would stil have done it.
Without warning, his hand slid away and he was inside me.
He started moving, rocking deep, pounding hard, it was unlike any time before. I got the sense there was control, if there wasn’t he might have hurt me, but there was just not much of it.
I liked it. No, I loved the thought of making him lose control.
I lifted my knees and hips, encouraging him to lose more. I started panting, my body jerking with each of his thrusts. I whispered in his ear, running my hands across the skin of his back, stroking the damp hair at his nape.
Then there was no way I could talk.
We breathed into each other’s open mouths until I felt it and every muscle in my body clenched, even the secret ones, and I moaned against his lips just as he groaned against mine.
After, he let his body weight rest on me for half a minute then he rol ed us over, stil connected, him on his back, me on top.
My face was pressed against his neck and his hands were on my bottom.
“Holy cow,” I whispered against his neck.
His fingers dug into me but he didn’t answer.
A little later he asked, “Did I hurt you?”
“Not even close,” I responded.
His hands roamed up my back, one wrapped around my waist, one slid into my hair.
He turned his head and murmured in my ear, “Jesus, Roxie, you undo me.”
My body stil ed and, for once, I was silent.
I didn’t know how to process this information. I didn’t even know how to process the fact that Hank would share it.
It was an admission of grand proportions, especial y for a man like Hank. It was an admission bigger than the one I’d made that morning. It was the kind of thing that was said that changed lives.
Final y, I said, “I thought you were just jazzed after catching the bad guys.”
“That’s part of it,” he replied. “Most of it was knowin’
when I was done, I’d come home to you.”
Good God.
“It helped that you weren’t wearing any underwear,” he finished.
That did seem to be the impetus that speeded things up a bit.
He rol ed us to our sides and his hand went to my jaw.
“We have to talk,” he said.
“We are talking.”
“Not after-sex talk. We need to have a conversation.” Oh no.
I wasn’t ready for a conversation, at least not the kind of conversation he seemed to be talking about.
“It’s late. You have to be tired. I don’t –”
“I know you’re pul in’ away even as you get closer,” he told me.
I started shivering because this was getting plain, old scary.
He was so tuned into me was unreal.
“Hank –”
He stil didn’t let me talk. “I don’t like sayin’ it just as much as you aren’t gonna like hearin’ it, but I understand one thing about Flynn. I don’t like you pul in’ away.” My breath caught in my lungs.
“Don’t say that,” I whispered.
His hand gripped my waist. “It’s not that. It’d never be that. There’s no way I’d ever hurt you, Sweetheart.” My body was shivering like I was cold and Hank’s arms wrapped tight around me.
“We’re different, you and me,” I told him.
“I know, Sunshine.”
Even though he agreed, I kept on. “We’re something else.”
Something special, I thought, but did not say.
“Roxie, I know.”
“I’ve never been with Bil y how I am with you.”
“Sweetheart –”
“And because of Bil y, I can’t have you.”
It was his body’s turn to stil . “Sorry?”
I was so freaked out, I was on a rol and let my mouth run away from me.
“This’l always be between us. You knowing about him, what he’s done to me, how I let him, comparing yourself to him, me comparing us to what Bil y and I used to have. It’l color us forever. It’l make it go bad.”
“Roxanne –”
“It’s too soon. I was meant to have time, after I got rid of Bil y, time to feel good about myself, time to feel worthy, time to feel clean again. But you saw it, you’re in the middle of it now and I hate that. I’ve got used to his stink on me, I can’t al ow his stink to settle on you.”
“Roxanne, be quiet for a second and –”
I pressed my face in his throat. “It’s not just protecting you from seeing me under that f**king sink, Hank. Even without you seeing that, you’l always know that I’m gray.
You’l always be white and, now, for you, I’l always be gray.” If his body was stil before, it was hard as rock now.
“Roxanne,” his voice was as solid as his body; solid and sharp. My name cut through the air like a cleaver. It was fil ed with warning, so fil ed it was dangerous but I was lost in making him understand.
I ignored the warning and went on. “We were over before we even began.”
I barely finished the sentence when he rol ed, his weight settling on me and pushing me into the bed.
“Quiet!” The word hit the room like a gunshot and it shocked me so much, my mouth snapped shut.
Even in the dark, I could feel his eyes on my face.
Then he said, “You’ve been talkin’ to Jet.” I nodded but didn’t speak.
“Jet and I were havin’ a conversation about an internal struggle she was having. We were talkin’ about some people we know, friends we both like, friends who deal drugs and run games and likely murder other people.” Holy cow.
What friends were those?
And what conversation was he talking about?
I didn’t have a chance to ask, Hank continued. “What I said about them in no way… Roxie, hear this right f**king now… in no way does it transfer to you.”
“Hank –”
Now he was on a rol and he was angry.
Way angry.
“You need to learn to give yourself a goddamned break.
You’re so f**kin’ hard on yourself, I wouldn’t even begin to be able to make you feel as badly about yourself as you do.
Even if I wanted to. Christ!”
“You don’t understand.”
“I think I f**king wel do.”
“No you don’t!” I pushed at him but he wouldn’t budge so I carried on anyway. “You didn’t see us together, when we’d visit my folks, the looks on their faces. My friends who’d try to be nice to him even though they knew he was a piece of dirt. I knew they wondered about me. Why was I with him?
