Rock Chick Regret
Page 42
“Double H, you the man,” was Ralphie’s bizarre goodnight.
Then they were gone.
Now what did I do?
I twisted to look at Hector. “You want to watch another movie?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“An episode of Veronica Mars?” I tried.
More head shaking.
“A game?”
Still more head shaking.
Oh no.
I was out of options.
Hector wasn’t.
His arm around my waist curled and his other hand came to my hip, he turned me and pulled me into his lap.
His eyes warm on my face, his arms around me loosely, he asked, “You doin’ okay?”
“Yes,” I answered.
He gave me a mini-squeeze. “Tough day for you,” he said softly.
Something about that question hit me somewhere deep.
It wasn’t fun, reliving what Ricky did to me in front of a camera in an interrogation room, even if Bex was with me, Detective Marker was really nice and I knew Daisy and Shirleen were out in the hall. It also wasn’t fun reliving what Harvey did to me.
The fact that Hector would realize this would take its toll, even if I was trying to set it aside and not make a big deal of it, meant a lot.
I pulled in my lips and bit them.
I could have gone all Ice Princess on him but when he was being nice and I had nothing to keep myself shielded from that would just mean I was a bitch.
So I whispered, “I’ll be okay.”
At my whisper, he grinned. “I knew you could do it.”
The warmth in his tone and the approval in his eyes made my stomach pitch.
It was then I decided I needed my Ice Shields up.
“Nobody likes a know-it-all,” I said coldly.
His grin got bigger, he shook his head and I got the impression he thought my Ice Shields were lame and scrawny.
He got to his feet, taking me with him then setting me on mine.
With his head tilted down to look at me, his hand slid around to the back of my neck and up into my hair and I just barely controlled a delicious shiver (but I did it).
“I gotta get home. Get some sleep,” he told me.
I felt a wave of disappointment hit me. I’d spent all but about five hours in the last twenty-seven with him (yes, I’d counted). It would be weird for him just to go.
I didn’t tell him that. Instead, I nodded.
He dropped his hand but caught mine and took me with him as he walked to the door.
Once there, he stopped, turned to me, his fingers wrapped around my cast and he looked down at it.
“Who’s takin’ you to get this removed?”
“Bex.”
His gaze lifted to mine. “She can’t do it, you call me.”
It wasn’t really a request but I still said, “Okay.”
He dropped my cast, tugged on my other hand, I leaned forward, his head came down and he kissed me, slow and sweet.
He lifted his head an inch and murmured, “I wanna hear the locks.”
I wasn’t breathing really well so I decided not to try to talk and simply just nodded again.
He left, I went to the door, turned the locks and put my ear to it so I could hear his boots walking away.
When I couldn’t hear them anymore, I said to the door, “Blooming heck.”
I walked up the stairs, into my room and went to my nightwear drawer.
I used to wear nothing but silky, lacy nighties to bed. On Day Nine at Ralphie and Buddy’s house, after they moved my stuff in, I took every last one of them and threw them in the kitchen garbage.
I don’t know why, I just did.
From that point, I wore t-shirts and yoga pants to bed.
On about Day Seventeen at Ralphie and Buddy’s, Ralphie and I came home from the gallery and there were two big pink and white striped Victoria’s Secret bags on my bed. In them were two pairs of silky, lacy pajama bottoms with matching camisoles, two pairs of soft cotton and lacy pajama bottoms and matching camisoles, two pairs of soft knit pajama bottoms and matching camisoles and two pairs of silk, tailored women’s pajamas.
Buddy’d had the day off and he’d obviously gone shopping.
They must have seen my nighties in the garbage.
I didn’t say anything. Neither did they. But I mentally added a percent to Ralphie’s merit increase at his next performance evaluation.
I pulled off my clothes, pulled on my jade green pajama bottoms and matching camisole with smoky gray lace at the bodice and hem of the camisole and at the hem of the pajama pants (they were very pretty, Buddy had good taste in women’s nightwear), went to the bathroom off my bedroom, brushed my teeth and washed my face.
Then I went to bed. I tried to settle in but I couldn’t.
I tossed and turned thinking of Harvey in jail and Ricky still “at large”. Thinking Ricky was likely pretty angry at me while he was still “at large”. Thinking that Hector had taken me to his Mom’s house on our first date and how weird and scary that was. Thinking that Daisy was again my friend, Ally intrigued me, Indy and Jet were sweet and Shirleen gave good hugs.
I tried to clear my mind and tossed and turned some more. But I couldn’t settle.
It was all going to get worse, I knew it. If either Harvey or Ricky fought it, I’d have to testify. I’d have to tell a room full of people what happened to me and I’d have to see both of them again and I didn’t want to do that.
Not ever again.
And I didn’t know what was happening with Hector. I was getting in deep and it seemed I couldn’t stop myself, not that he was giving me the chance.
If I was honest with myself I liked to be around him, he made me feel things, things I hadn’t felt since Mom left. It was more than safe, it was comfy, snug and content like I didn’t have to be looking over my shoulder all the time, wondering what his true intentions were, guarding myself from the sharks circling. He was real, he wasn’t hiding anything, he wasn’t out for anything.
He was just Hector.
And in the very, very back of my mind where I let my true feelings lie, I had to admit that it was more than just liking being with him, I liked him kissing me, touching me. I liked it loads. So much, when it was happening it didn’t even occur to me to push him away.
I should be pushing him away.
I couldn’t get used to this, I knew. I knew better than to let anyone in.
I was going to have to get rid of him and to do it I was going to have to bring back the Ice Princess.
It was on that thought, my cell rang.
I threw my covers back, jumped out of bed and ran to the fluffy, chintz armchair in my bedroom, snatching my cell off the top of my purse before it woke Ralphie and Buddy.
Then they were gone.
Now what did I do?
I twisted to look at Hector. “You want to watch another movie?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“An episode of Veronica Mars?” I tried.
More head shaking.
“A game?”
Still more head shaking.
Oh no.
I was out of options.
Hector wasn’t.
His arm around my waist curled and his other hand came to my hip, he turned me and pulled me into his lap.
His eyes warm on my face, his arms around me loosely, he asked, “You doin’ okay?”
“Yes,” I answered.
He gave me a mini-squeeze. “Tough day for you,” he said softly.
Something about that question hit me somewhere deep.
It wasn’t fun, reliving what Ricky did to me in front of a camera in an interrogation room, even if Bex was with me, Detective Marker was really nice and I knew Daisy and Shirleen were out in the hall. It also wasn’t fun reliving what Harvey did to me.
The fact that Hector would realize this would take its toll, even if I was trying to set it aside and not make a big deal of it, meant a lot.
I pulled in my lips and bit them.
I could have gone all Ice Princess on him but when he was being nice and I had nothing to keep myself shielded from that would just mean I was a bitch.
So I whispered, “I’ll be okay.”
At my whisper, he grinned. “I knew you could do it.”
The warmth in his tone and the approval in his eyes made my stomach pitch.
It was then I decided I needed my Ice Shields up.
“Nobody likes a know-it-all,” I said coldly.
His grin got bigger, he shook his head and I got the impression he thought my Ice Shields were lame and scrawny.
He got to his feet, taking me with him then setting me on mine.
With his head tilted down to look at me, his hand slid around to the back of my neck and up into my hair and I just barely controlled a delicious shiver (but I did it).
“I gotta get home. Get some sleep,” he told me.
I felt a wave of disappointment hit me. I’d spent all but about five hours in the last twenty-seven with him (yes, I’d counted). It would be weird for him just to go.
I didn’t tell him that. Instead, I nodded.
He dropped his hand but caught mine and took me with him as he walked to the door.
Once there, he stopped, turned to me, his fingers wrapped around my cast and he looked down at it.
“Who’s takin’ you to get this removed?”
“Bex.”
His gaze lifted to mine. “She can’t do it, you call me.”
It wasn’t really a request but I still said, “Okay.”
He dropped my cast, tugged on my other hand, I leaned forward, his head came down and he kissed me, slow and sweet.
He lifted his head an inch and murmured, “I wanna hear the locks.”
I wasn’t breathing really well so I decided not to try to talk and simply just nodded again.
He left, I went to the door, turned the locks and put my ear to it so I could hear his boots walking away.
When I couldn’t hear them anymore, I said to the door, “Blooming heck.”
I walked up the stairs, into my room and went to my nightwear drawer.
I used to wear nothing but silky, lacy nighties to bed. On Day Nine at Ralphie and Buddy’s house, after they moved my stuff in, I took every last one of them and threw them in the kitchen garbage.
I don’t know why, I just did.
From that point, I wore t-shirts and yoga pants to bed.
On about Day Seventeen at Ralphie and Buddy’s, Ralphie and I came home from the gallery and there were two big pink and white striped Victoria’s Secret bags on my bed. In them were two pairs of silky, lacy pajama bottoms with matching camisoles, two pairs of soft cotton and lacy pajama bottoms and matching camisoles, two pairs of soft knit pajama bottoms and matching camisoles and two pairs of silk, tailored women’s pajamas.
Buddy’d had the day off and he’d obviously gone shopping.
They must have seen my nighties in the garbage.
I didn’t say anything. Neither did they. But I mentally added a percent to Ralphie’s merit increase at his next performance evaluation.
I pulled off my clothes, pulled on my jade green pajama bottoms and matching camisole with smoky gray lace at the bodice and hem of the camisole and at the hem of the pajama pants (they were very pretty, Buddy had good taste in women’s nightwear), went to the bathroom off my bedroom, brushed my teeth and washed my face.
Then I went to bed. I tried to settle in but I couldn’t.
I tossed and turned thinking of Harvey in jail and Ricky still “at large”. Thinking Ricky was likely pretty angry at me while he was still “at large”. Thinking that Hector had taken me to his Mom’s house on our first date and how weird and scary that was. Thinking that Daisy was again my friend, Ally intrigued me, Indy and Jet were sweet and Shirleen gave good hugs.
I tried to clear my mind and tossed and turned some more. But I couldn’t settle.
It was all going to get worse, I knew it. If either Harvey or Ricky fought it, I’d have to testify. I’d have to tell a room full of people what happened to me and I’d have to see both of them again and I didn’t want to do that.
Not ever again.
And I didn’t know what was happening with Hector. I was getting in deep and it seemed I couldn’t stop myself, not that he was giving me the chance.
If I was honest with myself I liked to be around him, he made me feel things, things I hadn’t felt since Mom left. It was more than safe, it was comfy, snug and content like I didn’t have to be looking over my shoulder all the time, wondering what his true intentions were, guarding myself from the sharks circling. He was real, he wasn’t hiding anything, he wasn’t out for anything.
He was just Hector.
And in the very, very back of my mind where I let my true feelings lie, I had to admit that it was more than just liking being with him, I liked him kissing me, touching me. I liked it loads. So much, when it was happening it didn’t even occur to me to push him away.
I should be pushing him away.
I couldn’t get used to this, I knew. I knew better than to let anyone in.
I was going to have to get rid of him and to do it I was going to have to bring back the Ice Princess.
It was on that thought, my cell rang.
I threw my covers back, jumped out of bed and ran to the fluffy, chintz armchair in my bedroom, snatching my cell off the top of my purse before it woke Ralphie and Buddy.
