Rock Chick Regret
Page 47
Right when it was getting good and, later, when I thought about it, when I knew that he knew that he had me right where he wanted me, his mouth broke from mine. He lifted his head barely an inch but he kept me locked to him.
His eyes were as fiery as the kiss and back to intense and they scanned my face quickly before he said, “Now that my Sadie is back, I’ll tell her that I’ll be at the gallery to pick her up and take her to the hospital to have the cast removed. I don’t give a f**k if Bex is there, mamita, you aren’t f**kin’ goin’ without me and I won’t be pleased if you make me look for you. I’ll also tell you that tonight, we’re goin’ out to dinner, just the two of us. We’re gonna enjoy the goddamned meal and after we’re gonna have another talk. If I’m not at the gallery to pick you up at closing then I’ll be here at the house at seven.”
I was breathing heavily and trying to sort out my thoughts when he continued.
“You do somethin’ stupid, Sadie, Buddy, Ralphie and I’ll have a conversation and we might have to rethink your situation and you may not like what we come up with. But I’m tellin’ you this, I’m keepin’ you safe and you agreed to let me take care of you and that’s what I’m f**kin’ gonna do whether you like it or not.”
Then without another word he let me go.
I teetered a bit without his arms around me and his body to lean into and before I got myself sorted, he’d walked around me without looking back.
When I turned and stared into the living room doorway, he was nowhere to be seen.
After a couple of seconds, I heard Ralphie ask from the kitchen, “Is she okay?”
“She will be,” was Hector’s very firm and also very annoyed answer.
I closed my eyes.
This was not going well for me.
Not at all.
* * * * *
I stared at my exposed wrist and felt a weird sense of calmness settle in me.
My wrist looked kind of strange but the cast was gone.
I only thought about the cut on my face when I saw myself in a mirror or noticed someone’s gaze on it. I could forget it, sometimes lately for hours.
But for the last five weeks, the cast was a second-by-second reminder of what Ricky Balducci did to me.
And now it was gone.
I pulled in a deep breath as I let the calm settle. One more step toward healing. One more step toward the time when I might go whole days or even weeks without remembering.
“Sadie, girl,” Bex called and I looked up at her and I couldn’t help it, I smiled.
Bex and I were alone in an exam room. They’d taken the cast off then a physical therapist had shown me some exercises to strengthen my wrist. He gave me a squeezy ball and some leaflets filled with instructions and diagrams. He left and the nurse had gone off to get the paperwork for me to sign and then we could go.
Hector was there but outside the room talking on his cell.
As Hector told me, he showed up at Art at ten to two (double-parking again) just in time to take me to the hospital. In preparation (because I figured Hector would do as he said and I was not wrong), I called Bex and asked her to meet us there.
On the way over, I’d given Hector a blast of The Ice but he acted like I was “His Sadie” (whoever the heck that was) and not a wintry cold bitch, thus he totally ignored The Ice.
This, I had to admit, both irritated me and kind of scared me but I’d started practicing The Ice Treatment when I was eleven. Eighteen years and I’d perfected the art of The Ice Treatment. I knew if I stuck with it, I could and would deep freeze Hector.
Eventually.
I mentally shook my thoughts clear and said to Bex, “Yes?”
Her eyes moved to the door and back to me. “What’s going on with Hector?” she asked. “You two seeing each other?”
Even though I wanted to explain it to her, I didn’t.
Firstly, she might not get it. Secondly, she might feel like giving me a lecture and I could not deal with another lecture right now. Hector had delivered the powder room and hallway lectures and after I came down from getting ready both Buddy and Ralphie had lectured me in a g*y roommate tag-team talking to and I had to say I was up to there with well meaning lectures. Lastly, I was feeling a calm I hadn’t felt in a long time and I didn’t want anything to shatter that.
So I responded, “Kind of.”
“You been intimate?” she asked.
By the way, Bex was a pretty straightforward woman, she could be softly-softly but most of the time she cut to the chase.
I pulled my lips in, feeling the calm slip away and then replied, “Just making out a couple of times.”
It was her turn to smile. “That’s good.”
She didn’t know the half of it.
She watched my face and her smile got bigger.
“It’s not going anywhere,” I said quickly before she got the wrong idea and, at my words, her smile disappeared.
“Why not?” she asked.
I shrugged and my eyes slid away.
She pulled her chair closer but she didn’t touch me. Still, her getting closer made my gaze come back to her.
Her face was gentle. “Sadie, you know, what Ricky Balducci did to you was not an act of intimacy. It was an act of violence.”
I inhaled sharply through my nose but nodded fervently in the hopes she’d think I understood and she’d move off this particular subject.
My hopes were quickly dashed.
“What you do with someone who cares about you is an entirely different thing. It’s a good thing, giving and, hopefully, getting.” She gave me a small grin.
I nodded again and squirmed a little bit. I did not want to be talking about this. Ever.
My Mom had disappeared way before it was time to have The Sex Talk and my father never bothered. I’d had a couple of lovers, one in college, one after, both of whom I liked as much as I would allow myself to like anyone. Also, both of whom my father frowned upon and sent packing.
I knew what sex was, I’d even had good sex.
I knew what Ricky did to me wasn’t that.
Bex, unfortunately, did not have clairvoyant powers so she couldn’t read my mind and therefore she kept talking.
“It’s going to be difficult, you can get it confused but try to remember that letting someone close to you like that, letting them show you why it’s good, having that togetherness, it’s part of healing.”
“Okay,” I responded immediately.
She scooted even closer and I got the impression she wasn’t buying into what Tex would call my “bullshit”.
His eyes were as fiery as the kiss and back to intense and they scanned my face quickly before he said, “Now that my Sadie is back, I’ll tell her that I’ll be at the gallery to pick her up and take her to the hospital to have the cast removed. I don’t give a f**k if Bex is there, mamita, you aren’t f**kin’ goin’ without me and I won’t be pleased if you make me look for you. I’ll also tell you that tonight, we’re goin’ out to dinner, just the two of us. We’re gonna enjoy the goddamned meal and after we’re gonna have another talk. If I’m not at the gallery to pick you up at closing then I’ll be here at the house at seven.”
I was breathing heavily and trying to sort out my thoughts when he continued.
“You do somethin’ stupid, Sadie, Buddy, Ralphie and I’ll have a conversation and we might have to rethink your situation and you may not like what we come up with. But I’m tellin’ you this, I’m keepin’ you safe and you agreed to let me take care of you and that’s what I’m f**kin’ gonna do whether you like it or not.”
Then without another word he let me go.
I teetered a bit without his arms around me and his body to lean into and before I got myself sorted, he’d walked around me without looking back.
When I turned and stared into the living room doorway, he was nowhere to be seen.
After a couple of seconds, I heard Ralphie ask from the kitchen, “Is she okay?”
“She will be,” was Hector’s very firm and also very annoyed answer.
I closed my eyes.
This was not going well for me.
Not at all.
* * * * *
I stared at my exposed wrist and felt a weird sense of calmness settle in me.
My wrist looked kind of strange but the cast was gone.
I only thought about the cut on my face when I saw myself in a mirror or noticed someone’s gaze on it. I could forget it, sometimes lately for hours.
But for the last five weeks, the cast was a second-by-second reminder of what Ricky Balducci did to me.
And now it was gone.
I pulled in a deep breath as I let the calm settle. One more step toward healing. One more step toward the time when I might go whole days or even weeks without remembering.
“Sadie, girl,” Bex called and I looked up at her and I couldn’t help it, I smiled.
Bex and I were alone in an exam room. They’d taken the cast off then a physical therapist had shown me some exercises to strengthen my wrist. He gave me a squeezy ball and some leaflets filled with instructions and diagrams. He left and the nurse had gone off to get the paperwork for me to sign and then we could go.
Hector was there but outside the room talking on his cell.
As Hector told me, he showed up at Art at ten to two (double-parking again) just in time to take me to the hospital. In preparation (because I figured Hector would do as he said and I was not wrong), I called Bex and asked her to meet us there.
On the way over, I’d given Hector a blast of The Ice but he acted like I was “His Sadie” (whoever the heck that was) and not a wintry cold bitch, thus he totally ignored The Ice.
This, I had to admit, both irritated me and kind of scared me but I’d started practicing The Ice Treatment when I was eleven. Eighteen years and I’d perfected the art of The Ice Treatment. I knew if I stuck with it, I could and would deep freeze Hector.
Eventually.
I mentally shook my thoughts clear and said to Bex, “Yes?”
Her eyes moved to the door and back to me. “What’s going on with Hector?” she asked. “You two seeing each other?”
Even though I wanted to explain it to her, I didn’t.
Firstly, she might not get it. Secondly, she might feel like giving me a lecture and I could not deal with another lecture right now. Hector had delivered the powder room and hallway lectures and after I came down from getting ready both Buddy and Ralphie had lectured me in a g*y roommate tag-team talking to and I had to say I was up to there with well meaning lectures. Lastly, I was feeling a calm I hadn’t felt in a long time and I didn’t want anything to shatter that.
So I responded, “Kind of.”
“You been intimate?” she asked.
By the way, Bex was a pretty straightforward woman, she could be softly-softly but most of the time she cut to the chase.
I pulled my lips in, feeling the calm slip away and then replied, “Just making out a couple of times.”
It was her turn to smile. “That’s good.”
She didn’t know the half of it.
She watched my face and her smile got bigger.
“It’s not going anywhere,” I said quickly before she got the wrong idea and, at my words, her smile disappeared.
“Why not?” she asked.
I shrugged and my eyes slid away.
She pulled her chair closer but she didn’t touch me. Still, her getting closer made my gaze come back to her.
Her face was gentle. “Sadie, you know, what Ricky Balducci did to you was not an act of intimacy. It was an act of violence.”
I inhaled sharply through my nose but nodded fervently in the hopes she’d think I understood and she’d move off this particular subject.
My hopes were quickly dashed.
“What you do with someone who cares about you is an entirely different thing. It’s a good thing, giving and, hopefully, getting.” She gave me a small grin.
I nodded again and squirmed a little bit. I did not want to be talking about this. Ever.
My Mom had disappeared way before it was time to have The Sex Talk and my father never bothered. I’d had a couple of lovers, one in college, one after, both of whom I liked as much as I would allow myself to like anyone. Also, both of whom my father frowned upon and sent packing.
I knew what sex was, I’d even had good sex.
I knew what Ricky did to me wasn’t that.
Bex, unfortunately, did not have clairvoyant powers so she couldn’t read my mind and therefore she kept talking.
“It’s going to be difficult, you can get it confused but try to remember that letting someone close to you like that, letting them show you why it’s good, having that togetherness, it’s part of healing.”
“Okay,” I responded immediately.
She scooted even closer and I got the impression she wasn’t buying into what Tex would call my “bullshit”.
