Rock Me
Page 62
“I understand,” she said quietly, thinking that she loved him more at that moment than she ever had before. He was so sincere and devoted to them. There was no question in her mind he would be that way with her, too, if she would let him. “I’m not trying to push you. I was just throwing an idea out there.”
“I’ll do whatever you need me to,” Macy said to him. “I feel awful about this.”
Brian frowned at her. “Wait a second. What were you doing here?”
“Can I plead the Fifth on that? For now, at least? I wasn’t vandalizing anything, honest.”
Candace grinned. “Yeah, except maybe for Gh— Ow!”
He couldn’t believe she was here. Any second now, he expected to wake up with his face smashed to his keyboard, having finally succumbed to exhaustion. But so far it hadn’t happened. She was here and she’d just told him news he’d been waiting to hear for weeks.
And she was asking him not to do anything with it.
He couldn’t make a decision about that now, because it wasn’t only his to make. As he’d told her, it was about all his artists who’d busted their asses for weeks helping him get this place cleaned up, who hadn’t deserted him to find other jobs. It was even about his brother, who’d argued cases all day long and then shown up here in the evenings, taking time away from his wife and son to roll up his sleeves and get dirty with them. It was about Kara and Marco, whose equipment he was still using for the time being. There hadn’t been time to get his own yet, but he would be taking care of that in the next few days.
But on the flip side, it was also about Candace, whom he’d realized he loved more than his own soul. It was about giving her what she needed to be happy and stable and to balance the scales in her life.
Macy had left them alone. Candace sat in the extra chair in the office while he perched on the corner of his desk, letting his gaze roam over her. Shimmering blond hair, catching the overhead light in every strand. Downturned blue eyes, as if she was too shy to meet his gaze now that they were alone with their intimate memories of each other.
He cataloged every detail of her, from the slightly accelerated rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathed to the pulse jumping so, so faintly in her throat. He wanted to put his mouth there, feel it throb against his tongue. Feel it race as he touched her.
Without a conscious thought to do so, he went down on his knees in front of her, grasping both her hands. If she wouldn’t look up at him, she could look down at him.
Her tiny, surprised intake of breath caught in the air between them. He lifted her knuckles to his lips, aching so hard to touch some part of her. “Being away from you has been…hell. I could wax poetic and tell you it’s been like being torn away from my own soul, or missing a shard of my heart, but in the end it’s been absolute torment. I’m missing all those things if I’m not with you.”
“I love you so much,” she whispered. “So many times I’ve wanted to break down and run to you, but I’ve been doing well. I’m afraid…afraid to—”
“I realize it’s important to you to try to make your own way. I’m so sorry if I jeopardized that and scared you off. That was never my intent. You tried to tell me, but I kept on bullying you, telling you it would be okay, when you weren’t okay. I know you’ve never felt this way before, and I shouldn’t have pushed for so much so fast. I should’ve given you plenty of time to get used to me. I’m fully aware I can be an unendurable bastard sometimes. People make sure to remind me of it pretty much on a daily basis.”
“You’re a good guy, Brian. The people who know you best know that.”
“Not good enough for you. But I’ve pretty much made peace with that fact.”
“Well, that’s good. Too much angst gets tiresome after a while.”
“I’ll try to remember that,” he said, wanting to laugh but unable to force the sound out. Her face held him mesmerized, he was so intent upon reading her emotions. And again, he didn’t want to push. He needed an answer from her, something concrete, or hell, even a hint of what the future she foresaw might hold. If she wasn’t ready to give it, he was simply screwed.
“I just don’t know right now.”
What don’t you know? Tell me and I can make it right. Those were the words that crowded up in his throat, but if he spoke them, she would only bolt, grab her friend, and leave him again. This was requiring a delicate touch he didn’t have. Naturally, he only wanted to break something.
She went on, her voice high and cracking with emotion. “I can’t be the reason you’re punching people out and my brother is running around committing felonies. I can’t go on hurting people because this wildness you make me feel is so irresistible that I would forsake them all to be with you. I can’t be in the middle of this anymore. I don’t want to be the cause of all this strife. I won’t be.”
There was such fierceness in her eyes that he knew trying to persuade her to give him another chance would be a lost cause. She was broken, but she was determined.
“Please don’t look at me like that,” she said.
“How am I looking?”
“Like your heart is breaking.”
“It is, sunshine.”
“Brian, don’t!” Her face dropped into her hands, and she took a long breath. He reached over and pushed the door closed in case anyone ventured back their way, then simply sat, watching her and stroking her knee. Afraid if he opened his mouth, he might shatter the fragile mood.
Suddenly, she pitched herself forward, wrapping her arms around his neck as amazement swept through him. He held her, breathing in her scent as if it were the antidote to a poison in his veins. Her lips trailed gently over his cheek, seeking his own, finding them, melting into them. Warm, whisper-soft and searching. So f**king sweet. Every sense he possessed exploded, the surge of arousal practically supernatural as he resisted every urge to throw her down and get inside her. Her hands sank into his hair, her body slid forward to join him on the floor.
“Oh my God,” he rasped, trying to catch his breath around her hungry, fevered kisses. She whimpered and shuddered against him, pulling him closer as if she was trying to crawl through him. Her tongue teased its way past his teeth, her mysterious, delicate flavor flooding his mouth. He plundered hers in return, desperate for more of it. He didn’t think this thirst for her would ever be quenched, but he was damn sure dying to attempt it.
That’s why it took every atom of his self-control to reach up and seize her wrists and push her back.
She stared at him as if he’d just left a blade stuck in her heart, wounded astonishment churning in her blue eyes.
“No,” he whispered. “Not with all this uncertainty between us.” That delectable bottom lip trembled. “Trust me, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. But for your sake, for ours, I’m going to do what you asked me to do. I’ll lie here on the floor and hold you all night, if you need me to. But if I touch you any more than that, I’ll lose my mind.”
She blinked at him, a sort of wounded bravado filling her expression. What the hell did he do now? He’d never felt so completely and pathetically helpless before, not even when he’d pulled up to see his place of business trashed to hell. As Evan had told him then, the only thing to do was wait. Wait on her to figure things out. There were scant few virtues God had seen fit to bless him with, and patience was probably the least of them.
“I’ll do whatever you need me to,” Macy said to him. “I feel awful about this.”
Brian frowned at her. “Wait a second. What were you doing here?”
“Can I plead the Fifth on that? For now, at least? I wasn’t vandalizing anything, honest.”
Candace grinned. “Yeah, except maybe for Gh— Ow!”
He couldn’t believe she was here. Any second now, he expected to wake up with his face smashed to his keyboard, having finally succumbed to exhaustion. But so far it hadn’t happened. She was here and she’d just told him news he’d been waiting to hear for weeks.
And she was asking him not to do anything with it.
He couldn’t make a decision about that now, because it wasn’t only his to make. As he’d told her, it was about all his artists who’d busted their asses for weeks helping him get this place cleaned up, who hadn’t deserted him to find other jobs. It was even about his brother, who’d argued cases all day long and then shown up here in the evenings, taking time away from his wife and son to roll up his sleeves and get dirty with them. It was about Kara and Marco, whose equipment he was still using for the time being. There hadn’t been time to get his own yet, but he would be taking care of that in the next few days.
But on the flip side, it was also about Candace, whom he’d realized he loved more than his own soul. It was about giving her what she needed to be happy and stable and to balance the scales in her life.
Macy had left them alone. Candace sat in the extra chair in the office while he perched on the corner of his desk, letting his gaze roam over her. Shimmering blond hair, catching the overhead light in every strand. Downturned blue eyes, as if she was too shy to meet his gaze now that they were alone with their intimate memories of each other.
He cataloged every detail of her, from the slightly accelerated rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathed to the pulse jumping so, so faintly in her throat. He wanted to put his mouth there, feel it throb against his tongue. Feel it race as he touched her.
Without a conscious thought to do so, he went down on his knees in front of her, grasping both her hands. If she wouldn’t look up at him, she could look down at him.
Her tiny, surprised intake of breath caught in the air between them. He lifted her knuckles to his lips, aching so hard to touch some part of her. “Being away from you has been…hell. I could wax poetic and tell you it’s been like being torn away from my own soul, or missing a shard of my heart, but in the end it’s been absolute torment. I’m missing all those things if I’m not with you.”
“I love you so much,” she whispered. “So many times I’ve wanted to break down and run to you, but I’ve been doing well. I’m afraid…afraid to—”
“I realize it’s important to you to try to make your own way. I’m so sorry if I jeopardized that and scared you off. That was never my intent. You tried to tell me, but I kept on bullying you, telling you it would be okay, when you weren’t okay. I know you’ve never felt this way before, and I shouldn’t have pushed for so much so fast. I should’ve given you plenty of time to get used to me. I’m fully aware I can be an unendurable bastard sometimes. People make sure to remind me of it pretty much on a daily basis.”
“You’re a good guy, Brian. The people who know you best know that.”
“Not good enough for you. But I’ve pretty much made peace with that fact.”
“Well, that’s good. Too much angst gets tiresome after a while.”
“I’ll try to remember that,” he said, wanting to laugh but unable to force the sound out. Her face held him mesmerized, he was so intent upon reading her emotions. And again, he didn’t want to push. He needed an answer from her, something concrete, or hell, even a hint of what the future she foresaw might hold. If she wasn’t ready to give it, he was simply screwed.
“I just don’t know right now.”
What don’t you know? Tell me and I can make it right. Those were the words that crowded up in his throat, but if he spoke them, she would only bolt, grab her friend, and leave him again. This was requiring a delicate touch he didn’t have. Naturally, he only wanted to break something.
She went on, her voice high and cracking with emotion. “I can’t be the reason you’re punching people out and my brother is running around committing felonies. I can’t go on hurting people because this wildness you make me feel is so irresistible that I would forsake them all to be with you. I can’t be in the middle of this anymore. I don’t want to be the cause of all this strife. I won’t be.”
There was such fierceness in her eyes that he knew trying to persuade her to give him another chance would be a lost cause. She was broken, but she was determined.
“Please don’t look at me like that,” she said.
“How am I looking?”
“Like your heart is breaking.”
“It is, sunshine.”
“Brian, don’t!” Her face dropped into her hands, and she took a long breath. He reached over and pushed the door closed in case anyone ventured back their way, then simply sat, watching her and stroking her knee. Afraid if he opened his mouth, he might shatter the fragile mood.
Suddenly, she pitched herself forward, wrapping her arms around his neck as amazement swept through him. He held her, breathing in her scent as if it were the antidote to a poison in his veins. Her lips trailed gently over his cheek, seeking his own, finding them, melting into them. Warm, whisper-soft and searching. So f**king sweet. Every sense he possessed exploded, the surge of arousal practically supernatural as he resisted every urge to throw her down and get inside her. Her hands sank into his hair, her body slid forward to join him on the floor.
“Oh my God,” he rasped, trying to catch his breath around her hungry, fevered kisses. She whimpered and shuddered against him, pulling him closer as if she was trying to crawl through him. Her tongue teased its way past his teeth, her mysterious, delicate flavor flooding his mouth. He plundered hers in return, desperate for more of it. He didn’t think this thirst for her would ever be quenched, but he was damn sure dying to attempt it.
That’s why it took every atom of his self-control to reach up and seize her wrists and push her back.
She stared at him as if he’d just left a blade stuck in her heart, wounded astonishment churning in her blue eyes.
“No,” he whispered. “Not with all this uncertainty between us.” That delectable bottom lip trembled. “Trust me, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. But for your sake, for ours, I’m going to do what you asked me to do. I’ll lie here on the floor and hold you all night, if you need me to. But if I touch you any more than that, I’ll lose my mind.”
She blinked at him, a sort of wounded bravado filling her expression. What the hell did he do now? He’d never felt so completely and pathetically helpless before, not even when he’d pulled up to see his place of business trashed to hell. As Evan had told him then, the only thing to do was wait. Wait on her to figure things out. There were scant few virtues God had seen fit to bless him with, and patience was probably the least of them.
