Rock My Body
Page 38
“Yeah,” he confirms. “I just feel like it’s been forever since he and I really connected. These past few weeks, being here, having a clear head, have allowed me to look back on things I’ve said or done to him and see how big an asshole I’ve been. It’s hard for me to admit that I hurt him pretty bad. Hell, not just my brother, but Noel and Riff, too. I can’t believe I let prescription drugs take me over like that. It makes me never want to touch that shit again.”
I reach over and pat his knee. “I’m so happy that you’re ready to make big changes in your life. It’s epiphanies like this that will give you the drive to stay on the straight and narrow.”
He stares at my hand on his knee and then drags his gaze up to my face. “When did you know you were ready to change?”
I pull away from him as I think about one of the darkest moments in my life. I debate whether I should tell him or not, but figure we’ve already crossed the line of professionalism, so I might as well be open with him.
“The moment I stared at my own reflection in the mirror and was disgusted at what I saw. I’d just had sex with a married man while his pregnant wife was home tending to their other children. I knew he was married before I slept with him, but in the moment, that didn’t matter—nothing did. All I cared about was getting my fix and forgetting my life just for a while. I wasn’t thinking about how what I was doing could destroy someone else’s family. I was selfish and I hated myself for it, so I decided I was going to change. I swore off sleeping with random men—even threw out my birth control to make myself stay clean.”
He bites his lip as he processes my story. “I’m sorry I screwed up your sobriety—I truly am—but I can’t say I’m sorry for what happened out in the woods. I know you believe that it was just sex, but I care for you, Frannie. You’re more than some random lay to me.”
Tears begin to threaten my eyes. “I am?”
“Yes.” He reaches over and takes my hand, threading his fingers through mine. “Much more. I want to know you.”
“What do you want to know?” I whisper.
“Anything. Everything,” he replies quickly. “You fascinate me.”
I shake my head. “I don’t...how...what if someone finds out?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “Let them. There are other jobs out there, Frannie. Don’t let a stupid job keep us from discovering if we could be happy together.”
“This is a huge risk,” I admit.
“Isn’t it worth it? Give me a chance to make you happy. All I’m asking for is a chance.”
My brain drifts to the thought of what a life with Tyke might be like. There’s a fire between us that neither of us can deny, but what happens if that fire goes out? Will we still last then? Will I still be enough? It worries me that if things go south, we might revert to our old ways. But I’ll never know what might happen unless I take a risk and follow through with what my heart truly wants.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He smiles. “Okay.”
He leans over and cradles my face in his hands before pressing his lips to mine. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I whisper against his lips.
“For giving me a shot at your heart,” he says as he gazes into my eyes.
It’s then, at that moment, that I know that my heart’s a goner. I’ve never had someone be so sweet to me, not to mention the romantic little note he left on the pick as well as the heartfelt songs he sang about me. A heart can only take so much thoughtfulness and love being thrown at it before it gives in. I’m not going to rush in, though. My heart still needs to be guarded until I know for sure that he’s not going to hurt me.
“All right, everyone line up for a head count,” Randall orders.
The clients stand in front of the two vans, waiting for Randall to come through and mark them off on his clipboard. Tyke winks at me the moment Randall passes by him and my cheeks heat up, surely causing a severe blush.
“It’s a beautiful day for an art show,” Wayne says, causing me to jump.
I place my hand over my heart. “You startled me. I didn’t expect to see you here today.”
Wayne crosses his hands behind his back in a way that makes his already perfect posture even straighter. “I wasn’t planning on attending, but it seems that every client in the facility wanted to join in on this little expedition, so Timothy and I had to come as extra chaperones.”
I nod. “Yes, most of them seemed excited when it was announced a couple of weeks ago, so it doesn’t surprise me that none of them wanted to stay behind.”
There’s a long pause of silence between us as we listen to Randall go over the rules with everyone.
“There’s no wandering off alone. Everyone must stay paired up.”
“I’ve had nothing but good reports from the clients, Frannie,” Wayne says, as soon as Randall’s finished.
“Really? Wow. That’s great news.” Pride fills me, and I’m starting to think that maybe I’m a pretty decent therapist after all. Sometimes it’s hard to know if I’m actually helping someone or not.
“Mr. Douglas, especially, has been showering you with compliments. He says you’ve been working with him about showing more emotion through music. That’s very clever, reaching out to the clients through channels they’ll relate to best. I think you’ll do very well here.”
I reach over and pat his knee. “I’m so happy that you’re ready to make big changes in your life. It’s epiphanies like this that will give you the drive to stay on the straight and narrow.”
He stares at my hand on his knee and then drags his gaze up to my face. “When did you know you were ready to change?”
I pull away from him as I think about one of the darkest moments in my life. I debate whether I should tell him or not, but figure we’ve already crossed the line of professionalism, so I might as well be open with him.
“The moment I stared at my own reflection in the mirror and was disgusted at what I saw. I’d just had sex with a married man while his pregnant wife was home tending to their other children. I knew he was married before I slept with him, but in the moment, that didn’t matter—nothing did. All I cared about was getting my fix and forgetting my life just for a while. I wasn’t thinking about how what I was doing could destroy someone else’s family. I was selfish and I hated myself for it, so I decided I was going to change. I swore off sleeping with random men—even threw out my birth control to make myself stay clean.”
He bites his lip as he processes my story. “I’m sorry I screwed up your sobriety—I truly am—but I can’t say I’m sorry for what happened out in the woods. I know you believe that it was just sex, but I care for you, Frannie. You’re more than some random lay to me.”
Tears begin to threaten my eyes. “I am?”
“Yes.” He reaches over and takes my hand, threading his fingers through mine. “Much more. I want to know you.”
“What do you want to know?” I whisper.
“Anything. Everything,” he replies quickly. “You fascinate me.”
I shake my head. “I don’t...how...what if someone finds out?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “Let them. There are other jobs out there, Frannie. Don’t let a stupid job keep us from discovering if we could be happy together.”
“This is a huge risk,” I admit.
“Isn’t it worth it? Give me a chance to make you happy. All I’m asking for is a chance.”
My brain drifts to the thought of what a life with Tyke might be like. There’s a fire between us that neither of us can deny, but what happens if that fire goes out? Will we still last then? Will I still be enough? It worries me that if things go south, we might revert to our old ways. But I’ll never know what might happen unless I take a risk and follow through with what my heart truly wants.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He smiles. “Okay.”
He leans over and cradles my face in his hands before pressing his lips to mine. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I whisper against his lips.
“For giving me a shot at your heart,” he says as he gazes into my eyes.
It’s then, at that moment, that I know that my heart’s a goner. I’ve never had someone be so sweet to me, not to mention the romantic little note he left on the pick as well as the heartfelt songs he sang about me. A heart can only take so much thoughtfulness and love being thrown at it before it gives in. I’m not going to rush in, though. My heart still needs to be guarded until I know for sure that he’s not going to hurt me.
“All right, everyone line up for a head count,” Randall orders.
The clients stand in front of the two vans, waiting for Randall to come through and mark them off on his clipboard. Tyke winks at me the moment Randall passes by him and my cheeks heat up, surely causing a severe blush.
“It’s a beautiful day for an art show,” Wayne says, causing me to jump.
I place my hand over my heart. “You startled me. I didn’t expect to see you here today.”
Wayne crosses his hands behind his back in a way that makes his already perfect posture even straighter. “I wasn’t planning on attending, but it seems that every client in the facility wanted to join in on this little expedition, so Timothy and I had to come as extra chaperones.”
I nod. “Yes, most of them seemed excited when it was announced a couple of weeks ago, so it doesn’t surprise me that none of them wanted to stay behind.”
There’s a long pause of silence between us as we listen to Randall go over the rules with everyone.
“There’s no wandering off alone. Everyone must stay paired up.”
“I’ve had nothing but good reports from the clients, Frannie,” Wayne says, as soon as Randall’s finished.
“Really? Wow. That’s great news.” Pride fills me, and I’m starting to think that maybe I’m a pretty decent therapist after all. Sometimes it’s hard to know if I’m actually helping someone or not.
“Mr. Douglas, especially, has been showering you with compliments. He says you’ve been working with him about showing more emotion through music. That’s very clever, reaching out to the clients through channels they’ll relate to best. I think you’ll do very well here.”
