Rock My World
Page 13
“I’m going to take your silence as confirmation that it’s sinking in? You and I both know she’s not the girl for you. She needs to be with someone like Brady—a guy with his head on straight, and a solid future. You shouldn’t be selfish and stop that from happening for her.”
I pull my eyes up from the floor and stare at him. I have no doubt he’d smear both me and Trip to the press if given a chance. While we know about each other’s pasts and have moved on, it doesn’t mean the rest of the world will.
I sink my head into my hands. As much as I love Aubrey, I don’t want to be the one to hurt her someday. I don’t want her to resent me. She deserves the best life she can possibly have—the nice house, a husband home every night, kids.
God. Kids.
The last part stings the most. I’ve never let the fact that I can’t have kids bother me before, but knowing I can never give her something like that fucking kills me.
The thought of Aubrey pregnant, with a soft glow, smiling as she carries my baby inside her taunts me like a nightmare—one that, no matter how much money I have, will never be fixed.
I sigh, knowing that deep-down I’m still a fucked-up loser who doesn’t deserve my red-headed goddess. “What do you want me to do?”
“I want you out of her life. For good.”
“I can’t just leave her here. She’d expect an explanation, and I don’t want her to know what an evil dick you are. It would ruin her whole perception of you.”
He laughs bitterly. “Very well. Finish out the weekend here, and on Monday I want you on the first plane out of Texas and forget she doesn’t exist.”
My lips pull into a tight line. “I might be on a plane, but you’ll never make me forget her.”
I don’t give him a chance to say anything else before I storm out of the room, grab my computer and head for the car. I can’t stay here one more second and listen to him tell me that he’s ripping the one thing I care about in this world away from me.
I toss my shit on the passenger seat and crank the car alive, nearly squealing the tires as I back pull out onto the street.
I rub my forehead vigorously as I come to a red light. “FUCK!”
My entire body shakes as it hits me that once again I’ve lost everything that’s important to me. The light turns green just as my eyes burn and tears stream down my face.
Anger wells inside me, and I pound the steering wheel with my hands. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!” I scream at the top of my lungs.
How is this happening? This isn’t what’s supposed to happen. It’s me and Aubrey against the world. I should go back and tell him to go ahead and tell the fucking world I killed my family. It wouldn’t matter if he did. I’m nothing without her anyway.
I slam on my breaks ready to turn around and the car behind me blares its horn, pulling me back to reality. I can’t go back. That would make me a selfish prick, just like the Judge says. I’d destroy Trip, probably royally fuck the band, and never allow Aubrey the chance to have a baby.
I take a deep breath and mash the gas. I can’t be here anymore. If I can’t have her, I can’t see her. I won’t be able to play it off that everything is fine. She’ll know. She’ll see how fucked up I am.
I park the Fusion in the hotel lot and head to my room. I let myself in and stare at the rumpled sheets on the bed, picturing her naked body laying there, begging me to take her. My chest constricts and suddenly I find it hard to breathe. I crawl into bed and bunch the sheets up in my arms, burying my nose in the soft cotton as I inhale her scent.
“I’ll always fucking love you,” I whisper, doing my best to picture Aubrey in my arms.
The next thing I know someone’s pounding on the door. I shake my head and stare down at the sheets and pray the last few hours of my life was a fucking nightmare. I drag myself out of bed and yank the door open.
Aubrey’s face twists the moment she sees me. “Really, Zach? You couldn’t wait on me?”
I sigh and close the door behind her. I’m a fucking idiot to think I wouldn’t have to see her again. All her shit’s here. “I’m sorry alright. I was tried and you were taking forever.”
“I was only gone two and a half hours. I thought you were okay with waiting. If you didn’t want me to go, all you had to do was say so.” She crosses her arms over her chest and waits for me to apologize.
More than anything I want to. I want to tell her I’m sorry for thinking I could have her—that I’m worthy of her. But as I stare into her eyes, all I feel is shame for the hurt I know I’m going to cause her soon.
She frowns and closes the distance between us so she can touch my face. “What’s wrong?”
I glance over at the bed and lick the corner of my mouth, fighting the sting in my eyes. I can’t let her see me break. “Nothing. Just tired.”
“Did something happen while I was gone?” There’s a slight inflection in her voice. “The Judge trying to scare you off? Because if he is, don’t let him. No matter what it is—I won’t care. I love you.”
I open my mouth to tell her exactly what her father is trying to pull, but quickly close it. I don’t want to be the reason she never speaks to her family. God knows I wish I still had a family to be close to.
I close my eyes and lean my forehead against hers. Can I really give this up?
“Zach, you’re scaring me. Please tell me what’s wrong.”
I pull my eyes up from the floor and stare at him. I have no doubt he’d smear both me and Trip to the press if given a chance. While we know about each other’s pasts and have moved on, it doesn’t mean the rest of the world will.
I sink my head into my hands. As much as I love Aubrey, I don’t want to be the one to hurt her someday. I don’t want her to resent me. She deserves the best life she can possibly have—the nice house, a husband home every night, kids.
God. Kids.
The last part stings the most. I’ve never let the fact that I can’t have kids bother me before, but knowing I can never give her something like that fucking kills me.
The thought of Aubrey pregnant, with a soft glow, smiling as she carries my baby inside her taunts me like a nightmare—one that, no matter how much money I have, will never be fixed.
I sigh, knowing that deep-down I’m still a fucked-up loser who doesn’t deserve my red-headed goddess. “What do you want me to do?”
“I want you out of her life. For good.”
“I can’t just leave her here. She’d expect an explanation, and I don’t want her to know what an evil dick you are. It would ruin her whole perception of you.”
He laughs bitterly. “Very well. Finish out the weekend here, and on Monday I want you on the first plane out of Texas and forget she doesn’t exist.”
My lips pull into a tight line. “I might be on a plane, but you’ll never make me forget her.”
I don’t give him a chance to say anything else before I storm out of the room, grab my computer and head for the car. I can’t stay here one more second and listen to him tell me that he’s ripping the one thing I care about in this world away from me.
I toss my shit on the passenger seat and crank the car alive, nearly squealing the tires as I back pull out onto the street.
I rub my forehead vigorously as I come to a red light. “FUCK!”
My entire body shakes as it hits me that once again I’ve lost everything that’s important to me. The light turns green just as my eyes burn and tears stream down my face.
Anger wells inside me, and I pound the steering wheel with my hands. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!” I scream at the top of my lungs.
How is this happening? This isn’t what’s supposed to happen. It’s me and Aubrey against the world. I should go back and tell him to go ahead and tell the fucking world I killed my family. It wouldn’t matter if he did. I’m nothing without her anyway.
I slam on my breaks ready to turn around and the car behind me blares its horn, pulling me back to reality. I can’t go back. That would make me a selfish prick, just like the Judge says. I’d destroy Trip, probably royally fuck the band, and never allow Aubrey the chance to have a baby.
I take a deep breath and mash the gas. I can’t be here anymore. If I can’t have her, I can’t see her. I won’t be able to play it off that everything is fine. She’ll know. She’ll see how fucked up I am.
I park the Fusion in the hotel lot and head to my room. I let myself in and stare at the rumpled sheets on the bed, picturing her naked body laying there, begging me to take her. My chest constricts and suddenly I find it hard to breathe. I crawl into bed and bunch the sheets up in my arms, burying my nose in the soft cotton as I inhale her scent.
“I’ll always fucking love you,” I whisper, doing my best to picture Aubrey in my arms.
The next thing I know someone’s pounding on the door. I shake my head and stare down at the sheets and pray the last few hours of my life was a fucking nightmare. I drag myself out of bed and yank the door open.
Aubrey’s face twists the moment she sees me. “Really, Zach? You couldn’t wait on me?”
I sigh and close the door behind her. I’m a fucking idiot to think I wouldn’t have to see her again. All her shit’s here. “I’m sorry alright. I was tried and you were taking forever.”
“I was only gone two and a half hours. I thought you were okay with waiting. If you didn’t want me to go, all you had to do was say so.” She crosses her arms over her chest and waits for me to apologize.
More than anything I want to. I want to tell her I’m sorry for thinking I could have her—that I’m worthy of her. But as I stare into her eyes, all I feel is shame for the hurt I know I’m going to cause her soon.
She frowns and closes the distance between us so she can touch my face. “What’s wrong?”
I glance over at the bed and lick the corner of my mouth, fighting the sting in my eyes. I can’t let her see me break. “Nothing. Just tired.”
“Did something happen while I was gone?” There’s a slight inflection in her voice. “The Judge trying to scare you off? Because if he is, don’t let him. No matter what it is—I won’t care. I love you.”
I open my mouth to tell her exactly what her father is trying to pull, but quickly close it. I don’t want to be the reason she never speaks to her family. God knows I wish I still had a family to be close to.
I close my eyes and lean my forehead against hers. Can I really give this up?
“Zach, you’re scaring me. Please tell me what’s wrong.”
