Rowdy
Page 39
I sighed again. “He asked my sister to marry him when he was eighteen and she turned him down.”
A collective gasp went up from all the other girls that again had the other restaurant patrons looking in our direction.
I shook my head ruefully and forced a lopsided grin. “I knew he had a thing for her, a crush, I thought. I had no idea he was thinking forever and ever with her. I worry that he might have lingering feelings that he can’t separate from this thing we have going on now.”
Cora snorted and poked the end of her fork at me. “We all do dumb things when we’re eighteen. You don’t even wanna know about the guy I was with when I was eighteen. It was just a mistake born out of loneliness and insecurity. We all made them back then.”
Ayden nodded vigorously. “I made really bad choices way before I turned eighteen and my idiot brother had already been locked up more than once by the time he was that age. It isn’t fair to hold the past against him.”
Saint even chimed in. “Nash broke my heart into a million pieces right around the time he was eighteen. It almost kept me from giving him a fair chance when he came back into my life last year. That would have been the worst mistake I ever made.”
I sighed again and picked up my drink to finish the last little bit of it. I needed another and maybe another when I started thinking about Rowdy and his feelings for my sister.
“It’s my sister.” That was a complication I don’t think any of them could really grasp, because as much as I cared about Rowdy, there was no way I was ever going to not have the same blood in my veins as, and undying loyalty to, Poppy.
“What does he say about it all now?” Man, I really did love Shaw. She was always so levelheaded and her entire demeanor was just so loving and open. She was going to make a spectacular mother even if the kid turned out as wild and unpredictable as its dad.
“He says it’s not all his story to tell. I’ve tried to get Poppy to fill in the blanks for years but she always changes the subject or assures me that whatever happened between the two of them was in the past. Something bigger than what I always thought is working underneath everything I’m trying to build on and I don’t like it.”
“So what if it doesn’t work out with you and Rowdy?” Ayden’s drawl sounded deceptively languid. “Are you just going to pack up and roll on to the next tattoo shop—the next guy?”
I should’ve told the sultry southern bell to mind her own damn business but I couldn’t fault her for being protective over her friend.
“That’s what I normally do.” The truth wasn’t pretty but it was what it was. “I don’t like it when things get messy and complicated.”
Her whiskey-tinted eyes narrowed just a fraction. “Sounds like you’re right in the middle of messy and complicated to me.”
“Yeah, and for once my inclination isn’t to cut and run but to stay and fight. Rowdy always mattered a lot to me. Now it’s in a different way, but I’m not about to let him go without a very good reason.”
Royal suddenly jumped in the conversation in her typically brash way.
“Okay, I’m not part of the inner circle, so I’m going to ask what I know we all have to be thinking.” Her eyes were almost as black as my own and they were sparkling with mischief. “Did he sleep with her—your sister, I mean? Because if he did that’s kind of weird and I think that along with the proposal might have you wanting to rethink the whole situation.”
I recoiled and made a face. There was no way I would’ve ever let him put his hands on me if I was following in my sister’s sexual footprints. “No. I asked her about it all the time when they left for the same college. She never even let him steal a kiss.”
Royal threw her fall of auburn hair over her shoulder and leaned forward intently. “So whatever reason he had for popping the question had to have been pretty major and wasn’t driven out of true love. I’ve met Rowdy, I’ve seen him around other women. That is not a guy that is going to tie himself to a woman he hasn’t gone to bed with. No way in hell.”
“He says he loved her and she broke him.” I hated the pain I heard in my own voice when I forced the words out.
“Maybe he did but there are different kinds of love. Maybe he loved her like a sister or a best friend and he just didn’t know the difference. Maybe he was just trying to protect her. I’m not a detective yet but I can tell those things don’t add up. Especially not with the way he hustled you into bed the second you gave him a green light. If your sister was the one, he never really would’ve been able to get past the guilt taking you to bed would have caused. Rowdy’s a good man, all your guys are. Just because he’s telling you that your sister was one thing doesn’t mean she really was. Look at his actions not his words.”
Her words stung and not just because they were no-nonsense and matter-of-fact but because I knew that if I did what she said I would be the one that ended up crippled by guilt. His actions back then had been clear. He needed me, relied heavily on me, and even knowing that, I still had left. My own wants and needs had outweighed everything else at the time, and now, looking back on it, I realized that while I’d had to leave, there was maybe a better way for me to have gone about it. I let my dad force my hand, had given in to the pressure to run away from all the bad things instead of leaving on my own terms and taking a stand for the shards of good that were buried deep in the Texas soil. Rowdy and I had shared everything—given each other the support we needed to make it in a place neither one of us wanted to be. I should have talked to him, included him in my choice to leave. It still would have sucked, still would’ve stunned him, but he wouldn’t have felt like I just abandoned him. My actions were the ones that spoke volumes and in retrospect I hated it.
However, Royal was also right about the love he had for my sister possibly being something other than true love. He had never treated Poppy the same way he treated me. With her he had always been reserved and quiet—with me there were no boundaries and no shame. I just wasn’t sure what that meant now that I was asking him for so much more than his friendship.
Luckily I didn’t have to dwell on it for too long because Royal was on a roll and her attention switched to Ayden.
“What is your brother’s story?” Her interest seemed far more than casual or professional curiosity.
Ayden snorted.
A collective gasp went up from all the other girls that again had the other restaurant patrons looking in our direction.
I shook my head ruefully and forced a lopsided grin. “I knew he had a thing for her, a crush, I thought. I had no idea he was thinking forever and ever with her. I worry that he might have lingering feelings that he can’t separate from this thing we have going on now.”
Cora snorted and poked the end of her fork at me. “We all do dumb things when we’re eighteen. You don’t even wanna know about the guy I was with when I was eighteen. It was just a mistake born out of loneliness and insecurity. We all made them back then.”
Ayden nodded vigorously. “I made really bad choices way before I turned eighteen and my idiot brother had already been locked up more than once by the time he was that age. It isn’t fair to hold the past against him.”
Saint even chimed in. “Nash broke my heart into a million pieces right around the time he was eighteen. It almost kept me from giving him a fair chance when he came back into my life last year. That would have been the worst mistake I ever made.”
I sighed again and picked up my drink to finish the last little bit of it. I needed another and maybe another when I started thinking about Rowdy and his feelings for my sister.
“It’s my sister.” That was a complication I don’t think any of them could really grasp, because as much as I cared about Rowdy, there was no way I was ever going to not have the same blood in my veins as, and undying loyalty to, Poppy.
“What does he say about it all now?” Man, I really did love Shaw. She was always so levelheaded and her entire demeanor was just so loving and open. She was going to make a spectacular mother even if the kid turned out as wild and unpredictable as its dad.
“He says it’s not all his story to tell. I’ve tried to get Poppy to fill in the blanks for years but she always changes the subject or assures me that whatever happened between the two of them was in the past. Something bigger than what I always thought is working underneath everything I’m trying to build on and I don’t like it.”
“So what if it doesn’t work out with you and Rowdy?” Ayden’s drawl sounded deceptively languid. “Are you just going to pack up and roll on to the next tattoo shop—the next guy?”
I should’ve told the sultry southern bell to mind her own damn business but I couldn’t fault her for being protective over her friend.
“That’s what I normally do.” The truth wasn’t pretty but it was what it was. “I don’t like it when things get messy and complicated.”
Her whiskey-tinted eyes narrowed just a fraction. “Sounds like you’re right in the middle of messy and complicated to me.”
“Yeah, and for once my inclination isn’t to cut and run but to stay and fight. Rowdy always mattered a lot to me. Now it’s in a different way, but I’m not about to let him go without a very good reason.”
Royal suddenly jumped in the conversation in her typically brash way.
“Okay, I’m not part of the inner circle, so I’m going to ask what I know we all have to be thinking.” Her eyes were almost as black as my own and they were sparkling with mischief. “Did he sleep with her—your sister, I mean? Because if he did that’s kind of weird and I think that along with the proposal might have you wanting to rethink the whole situation.”
I recoiled and made a face. There was no way I would’ve ever let him put his hands on me if I was following in my sister’s sexual footprints. “No. I asked her about it all the time when they left for the same college. She never even let him steal a kiss.”
Royal threw her fall of auburn hair over her shoulder and leaned forward intently. “So whatever reason he had for popping the question had to have been pretty major and wasn’t driven out of true love. I’ve met Rowdy, I’ve seen him around other women. That is not a guy that is going to tie himself to a woman he hasn’t gone to bed with. No way in hell.”
“He says he loved her and she broke him.” I hated the pain I heard in my own voice when I forced the words out.
“Maybe he did but there are different kinds of love. Maybe he loved her like a sister or a best friend and he just didn’t know the difference. Maybe he was just trying to protect her. I’m not a detective yet but I can tell those things don’t add up. Especially not with the way he hustled you into bed the second you gave him a green light. If your sister was the one, he never really would’ve been able to get past the guilt taking you to bed would have caused. Rowdy’s a good man, all your guys are. Just because he’s telling you that your sister was one thing doesn’t mean she really was. Look at his actions not his words.”
Her words stung and not just because they were no-nonsense and matter-of-fact but because I knew that if I did what she said I would be the one that ended up crippled by guilt. His actions back then had been clear. He needed me, relied heavily on me, and even knowing that, I still had left. My own wants and needs had outweighed everything else at the time, and now, looking back on it, I realized that while I’d had to leave, there was maybe a better way for me to have gone about it. I let my dad force my hand, had given in to the pressure to run away from all the bad things instead of leaving on my own terms and taking a stand for the shards of good that were buried deep in the Texas soil. Rowdy and I had shared everything—given each other the support we needed to make it in a place neither one of us wanted to be. I should have talked to him, included him in my choice to leave. It still would have sucked, still would’ve stunned him, but he wouldn’t have felt like I just abandoned him. My actions were the ones that spoke volumes and in retrospect I hated it.
However, Royal was also right about the love he had for my sister possibly being something other than true love. He had never treated Poppy the same way he treated me. With her he had always been reserved and quiet—with me there were no boundaries and no shame. I just wasn’t sure what that meant now that I was asking him for so much more than his friendship.
Luckily I didn’t have to dwell on it for too long because Royal was on a roll and her attention switched to Ayden.
“What is your brother’s story?” Her interest seemed far more than casual or professional curiosity.
Ayden snorted.
