Royal Savage
Page 63
I shake my head and wrap my arms around his neck. “It’s not impossible,” I say. “You’re not some fucking monster like you say you are. You’re capable of love.”
He yanks my arms from his neck and backs away from me, gripping at his hair. “No, I’m not.”
I rush over to the bed and yank the sheet off, wrapping it around my body as Royal heads for the door. “You are, dammit!”
I follow him up the stairs, not willing to give up on him.
“I need this,” he says when he reaches the front door. He stops and grips the door handle, but doesn’t turn to look at me. “I can’t fucking hurt you,” he says firmly. “I can never fucking be who you need or want me to be. I’m too fucked up!”
He turns to look at me, and rushes over to grab my face when he sees the tears flowing down my face. “Don’t fucking cry. Please don’t cry. Fuck!” He brushes his face over mine, while gripping at my hair. “I need you to understand why I need to do this.”
“No.” I grip his hands and push him away from me. “I can’t, because I don’t want you to leave me! I don’t want you to leave here. I need you!”
He shakes his head and grips at his hair again, as he starts backing up toward the door. “I can’t be that right now. I don’t know if I ever can.”
He runs his hand over his face, looks me in the eyes, and then walks over to kiss me. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I let everyone down. This will hurt the least . . . I promise.”
With that, he turns and walks away, leaving me standing here in shock.
I can’t move. I just stand here and stare at the door, as if he’s going to turn back around and run at me, pulling me back into his strong arms.
He doesn’t . . .
I finally force my legs to work and run out the door, just in time to see him pulling away.
I run after the truck, screaming as the tears run down my face. “Don’t fucking leave,” I cry. “Please! Don’t leave me.”
He’s already too far gone, and the reality starts to set in at the fact that I have no idea when I’ll see him again; if I’ll see him again.
I fall down to the ground and grip at the sheet as the tears fall and I fight to breathe.
I feel a set of arms grab at me from behind, before I hear Jax whispering things that I can’t manage to put together.
“He needs time,” he whispers. “He’ll be back. He won’t leave you for good. He can’t, and the only reason why he’s leaving you at all is because he knows I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of you, girl.” He pulls me into his arms and covers my head so that it’s buried into his chest. “We just don’t know when he’ll get his head together and come back. We never do . . .”
I grab onto him and cry.
It’s all I can do . . .
Two Weeks Later . . .
WALKING TOWARD THE DOOR TO leave, I feel a strong ache in my chest over the absence of Royal and the fact that no one has heard from him yet.
I never thought it would hurt this much to lose someone. I never thought I’d be one of those lucky people to find and care about someone so much that it would kill me if I ever lost that person.
Royal has opened my heart to him, made me fall madly in love with him, and then took off, taking my crushed heart with him.
I’m not going to lie; eating and sleeping has been a hard task since that night, and I’ve been checking my phone about every damn minute, waiting and hoping that he’ll respond to one of my many calls and messages and put me out of my misery.
The boys tell me not to worry. They tell me that he’s strong . . . that he’ll be okay, and that he just needs time to get his head straight.
Well . . . what if he never gets it straight? What if he realizes that he can’t open his heart up to me? What if . . .
I can’t stop wondering about the what ifs, and it’s slowly breaking me down little by little, making me lose hope that I’ll ever get to feel his lips against mine, feel the warmth of his arms around me, or the feel of his soft breath against my neck . . . All of these things I miss so much that it hurts to breathe.
Madison looks up from the couch as I walk through the living room, past her. “You okay, honey? You want me to go with you?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m not okay, but I will be.” I grip the door handle to open it, but then stop to look back at her. “I’m going to see Mark. He’s at work but wants me to meet him at that foster care place.” I blow a strand of loose hair out of my face. “I can’t remember the name, but I know where it’s at. I’m fine to go alone. I’ll just see you later. Thanks though.”
“Always, sweets. I’m always here if you want to talk about it. Please remember that.”
I nod my head. “I know.” Turning the handle, I pull the door open and step outside.
I jump back in surprise when Jax pushes away from the railing and uncrosses his arms. “Jeez, Jax. You scared me,” I mutter. “Any word from him yet?” I ask in hope.
He gives me a sympathetic smile and shakes his head. “Not yet. Sorry.” Walking over to me, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me in for a hug, placing his mouth close to my ear. “Royal cares about you. I have no doubt that he will be back, but you need to understand how hard this is on him. He had a fiancé and a baby on the way at one point . . .” He stops and lets out a small breath. “He lost all that. Then he found you. There was never supposed to be anyone else but her. He needs time to wrap his head around that and come to terms with the fact that someone else besides Olivia has his heart.”
Feeling my heart breaking from his words, I squeeze him as tightly as I can and hide my face in his chest. “How do you know that I have his heart? I told him that I loved him . . .” I stop to swallow back the pain. “Then he left.”
Jax pulls me away from him and looks me in the eyes. “Because the only message I’ve received from Royal was the day he left. You know what that message said?”
I shake my head.
“It said check on her every day. Let me know she’s okay.” He shakes his head as if his emotions are getting to him. “I’ve done just that. He didn’t ask me to update him on his fucking bar, or to update him on his house and make sure everything is taken care of. He pretty much told me to take care of you, so that’s what I’ll do until the day he returns. Give him time. Don’t give up on him.”
He yanks my arms from his neck and backs away from me, gripping at his hair. “No, I’m not.”
I rush over to the bed and yank the sheet off, wrapping it around my body as Royal heads for the door. “You are, dammit!”
I follow him up the stairs, not willing to give up on him.
“I need this,” he says when he reaches the front door. He stops and grips the door handle, but doesn’t turn to look at me. “I can’t fucking hurt you,” he says firmly. “I can never fucking be who you need or want me to be. I’m too fucked up!”
He turns to look at me, and rushes over to grab my face when he sees the tears flowing down my face. “Don’t fucking cry. Please don’t cry. Fuck!” He brushes his face over mine, while gripping at my hair. “I need you to understand why I need to do this.”
“No.” I grip his hands and push him away from me. “I can’t, because I don’t want you to leave me! I don’t want you to leave here. I need you!”
He shakes his head and grips at his hair again, as he starts backing up toward the door. “I can’t be that right now. I don’t know if I ever can.”
He runs his hand over his face, looks me in the eyes, and then walks over to kiss me. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I let everyone down. This will hurt the least . . . I promise.”
With that, he turns and walks away, leaving me standing here in shock.
I can’t move. I just stand here and stare at the door, as if he’s going to turn back around and run at me, pulling me back into his strong arms.
He doesn’t . . .
I finally force my legs to work and run out the door, just in time to see him pulling away.
I run after the truck, screaming as the tears run down my face. “Don’t fucking leave,” I cry. “Please! Don’t leave me.”
He’s already too far gone, and the reality starts to set in at the fact that I have no idea when I’ll see him again; if I’ll see him again.
I fall down to the ground and grip at the sheet as the tears fall and I fight to breathe.
I feel a set of arms grab at me from behind, before I hear Jax whispering things that I can’t manage to put together.
“He needs time,” he whispers. “He’ll be back. He won’t leave you for good. He can’t, and the only reason why he’s leaving you at all is because he knows I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of you, girl.” He pulls me into his arms and covers my head so that it’s buried into his chest. “We just don’t know when he’ll get his head together and come back. We never do . . .”
I grab onto him and cry.
It’s all I can do . . .
Two Weeks Later . . .
WALKING TOWARD THE DOOR TO leave, I feel a strong ache in my chest over the absence of Royal and the fact that no one has heard from him yet.
I never thought it would hurt this much to lose someone. I never thought I’d be one of those lucky people to find and care about someone so much that it would kill me if I ever lost that person.
Royal has opened my heart to him, made me fall madly in love with him, and then took off, taking my crushed heart with him.
I’m not going to lie; eating and sleeping has been a hard task since that night, and I’ve been checking my phone about every damn minute, waiting and hoping that he’ll respond to one of my many calls and messages and put me out of my misery.
The boys tell me not to worry. They tell me that he’s strong . . . that he’ll be okay, and that he just needs time to get his head straight.
Well . . . what if he never gets it straight? What if he realizes that he can’t open his heart up to me? What if . . .
I can’t stop wondering about the what ifs, and it’s slowly breaking me down little by little, making me lose hope that I’ll ever get to feel his lips against mine, feel the warmth of his arms around me, or the feel of his soft breath against my neck . . . All of these things I miss so much that it hurts to breathe.
Madison looks up from the couch as I walk through the living room, past her. “You okay, honey? You want me to go with you?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m not okay, but I will be.” I grip the door handle to open it, but then stop to look back at her. “I’m going to see Mark. He’s at work but wants me to meet him at that foster care place.” I blow a strand of loose hair out of my face. “I can’t remember the name, but I know where it’s at. I’m fine to go alone. I’ll just see you later. Thanks though.”
“Always, sweets. I’m always here if you want to talk about it. Please remember that.”
I nod my head. “I know.” Turning the handle, I pull the door open and step outside.
I jump back in surprise when Jax pushes away from the railing and uncrosses his arms. “Jeez, Jax. You scared me,” I mutter. “Any word from him yet?” I ask in hope.
He gives me a sympathetic smile and shakes his head. “Not yet. Sorry.” Walking over to me, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me in for a hug, placing his mouth close to my ear. “Royal cares about you. I have no doubt that he will be back, but you need to understand how hard this is on him. He had a fiancé and a baby on the way at one point . . .” He stops and lets out a small breath. “He lost all that. Then he found you. There was never supposed to be anyone else but her. He needs time to wrap his head around that and come to terms with the fact that someone else besides Olivia has his heart.”
Feeling my heart breaking from his words, I squeeze him as tightly as I can and hide my face in his chest. “How do you know that I have his heart? I told him that I loved him . . .” I stop to swallow back the pain. “Then he left.”
Jax pulls me away from him and looks me in the eyes. “Because the only message I’ve received from Royal was the day he left. You know what that message said?”
I shake my head.
“It said check on her every day. Let me know she’s okay.” He shakes his head as if his emotions are getting to him. “I’ve done just that. He didn’t ask me to update him on his fucking bar, or to update him on his house and make sure everything is taken care of. He pretty much told me to take care of you, so that’s what I’ll do until the day he returns. Give him time. Don’t give up on him.”
