Rush Too Far
Page 9
She leaned into me, and her breathing hitched. How was I supposed to be friends with her? She was so tempting.
“We can’t. Fuck me. We can’t. Friends, sweet Blaire. Just friends,” I whispered, then moved away from her and headed for the stairs. Space. We needed space. I was going to touch her if I didn’t get more space.
I reached the stairs, and the idea of her sleeping underneath them sliced through me. It was bothering me more and more every damn day. But how would I move her closer to me? We needed the space. She was safe under there.
“I don’t want you under those damn stairs. I hate it. But I can’t move you up here. I’ll never be able to stay away from you. I need you safely tucked away,” I explained, without looking back at her. I wanted to see if she believed me. I wanted to see her one last time. I wanted . . . more.
I couldn’t. I ran the rest of the way up the stairs and to my room, slamming and locking myself inside. I had to stay away from her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Grant was meeting me at the gym early this morning. We hadn’t gotten into a routine for our workouts yet this summer, but since I wasn’t sleeping that great, with Blaire haunting my thoughts, I figured I could get to the gym early with Grant before he went to work.
Blaire was still in her room when I pulled out of the driveway that morning, but the sun wasn’t up yet, either. I had to work out some of this aggression. If sex wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, then I would beat my body into submission with the weights. Maybe I could sleep after this.
Grant was waiting for me outside the gym in town. It wasn’t the one at the club, because Grant said that gym was for pussies. Real men worked out at real gyms, according to him. “About time you got here,” he grumbled when I walked up to him.
“Shut up. The sun’s not even up yet,” I replied.
Grant just grinned and took a swig of his bottled water. “You hydrate this morning?” he asked.
“No. I need some coffee. They have that in this place?”
Grant laughed loudly. “It’s a gym, Rush. Not Starbucks. Here,” he said, tossing me a bottle of water from his bag. “You need water right now. Coffee later.”
“I’m not liking your choice of gyms,” I informed him.
“Stop being a girl.”
We worked out for more than two hours before I was allowed some coffee. My lesson had been learned for the future: drink a cup before I leave the house.
“Party tonight?” Grant asked as we stepped outside the gym.
“Where?”
“Your place. Just a few people. You need the distraction from your roommate, and I need an excuse to persuade that friend of Nan’s—Bailey, I think—to visit my bed,” he said.
I winced. “A party at my place isn’t the way to make that happen. I had Bailey over last night. Didn’t end well.”
Grant stopped walking. “What? You didn’t get any? She seemed like a damn sure thing to me. I was sure she’d be all over you.”
“Blaire saw us before it got too heated, and it got screwed up. I sent Bailey home.”
Grant let out a low whistle. “Wow . . . so Blaire caught you, and you sent a girl away,” he said, shaking his head. “Dude. We need a party. We need girls over. Not Bailey, since you already went there, but some new girls. Nan has friends. You need to get your head out of Blaire Wonderland. Can’t happen. You know that.”
I nodded. He was right. It couldn’t happen. “Sure. Whatever. Invite who you want.”
The crowd was small. I was impressed with Grant for keeping it intimate. I kept my eyes toward the door, waiting for Blaire to get home. She wasn’t prepared for guests. She had to be tired after the late night last night. I intended to keep the music down and to keep people off the stairs so she could sleep. I considered letting her sleep in one of the guest bedrooms just for tonight so she could rest. People could be here late. It could get louder.
No. No. I wouldn’t be able to stay away from her. Not a good idea. She had to stay under the stairs. It was safer there. She could sleep; I’d make sure she could.
“Rush!” Grant called from the balcony. I glanced back at the door before heading outside to see what he wanted. I couldn’t stay out there long. I had to get back to watching for Blaire.
“Yeah?” I asked Grant, who was sitting on the lounge chair with a new girl in his lap. He pointed with his beer bottle toward Malcolm Henry. I hadn’t seen him since he had arrived in Rosemary Beach. His parents lived in Seattle, and the last I heard, he was attending Princeton.
“Malcolm can’t get tickets to Slacker Demon’s Seattle stop next month,” Grant said, grinning.
I didn’t normally get people tickets to see my dad’s band on tour, but Malcolm had been a friend of Grant’s growing up. He’d also been close to Tripp Montgomery, and Tripp was my friend. Even if I hadn’t seen him since he’d run off a couple of years ago.
“I’ll make a call,” I told him, and Grant’s grin grew.
“Tell anyone, and I’ll beat your ass,” Grant warned Malcolm, still grinning. “He doesn’t dish out tickets for just anyone. He’s doing this for me, so don’t f**k it up.”
Grant had already had one too many tonight. He got very giving and jolly when he was drunk. Which meant he drew me into his charity. I shook my head and walked back inside.
Someone called out, “Hey Woods,” and I stopped walking and jerked around. What the hell was Kerrington doing here? I hadn’t invited him, and Grant would have said something if he’d invited him. He knew I wasn’t happy with Woods right now.
I stalked to the window and glanced outside to see Blaire’s truck parked toward the back of the drive. That annoyed me. They shouldn’t have blocked her out. I should have thought about that.
But she was here. And so was Woods. Fuck.
I ignored people and moved past Woods to go directly to the pantry. Blaire was in there. Was she changing? Had she invited Woods over? What the hell was I going to do if she had? We were . . . friends now. Shit. Fuck friends. That didn’t even sound possible.
Stopping in the pantry, I watched as she stepped out of her room as if she were leaving. Maybe she was going to see Woods.
“Rush? What’s wrong?” she asked, looking sincere.
I waited a moment to respond. I didn’t want to scare her or sound harsh. “Woods is here,” I finally said, as calmly as I could manage.
“Last time I checked, he was a friend of yours,” she said.
Last time I checked, he was hot on her trail. “No. He isn’t here for me. He came for someone else,” I said.
Blaire’s confused expression became annoyed and she crossed her arms under her br**sts, which she really didn’t need to do if she wanted me to keep my eyes off them. “Maybe he is. Do you have a problem with your friends being interested in me?”
“He isn’t good enough. He’s a sorry-ass f**ker. He shouldn’t get to touch you,” I replied without thinking. The idea of him doing anything with her made my blood boil.
Blaire seemed to be considering what I had just said. Damn, she was adorable when she was frustrated. “I’m not interested in Woods that way He is my boss and possibly a friend. That’s all.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that. I couldn’t order her to stay under the damn stairs.
“I can’t sleep while people are going up and down the stairs. It keeps me up. Instead of sitting in my room alone, wondering who you’re upstairs screwing tonight, I thought I’d talk to Woods out on the beach. Have a conversation with someone. I need friends.”
Motherfucker. “I don’t want you outside with Woods talking,” I said. I wanted to tell her there was no chance I was taking anyone upstairs and f**king them. She had somehow ruined me, and all I’d done was kiss her.
“Well, maybe I don’t want you screwing some girl, but you will,” she shot back at me. The fierce look on her face made me want to laugh and kiss her senseless at the same damn time.
She was pushing me. I was too close to forgetting why this was a bad idea. I moved toward her, and she backed up until we were back inside her little room. Safe from Woods Kerrington. I wanted to keep her here. “I don’t want to f**k anyone tonight,” I told her. Then I couldn’t keep the amusement off my face. Because that was a lie. “That isn’t exactly true. Let me clarify. I don’t want to f**k anyone outside of this room. Stay here and talk to me. I’ll talk. I said we could be friends. You don’t need Woods as a friend.”
She shoved me back without much force. “You never talk to me. I ask the wrong question, and you stalk away.”
But she had said we were friends. I would play that card all damn night if I had to. “Not now. We’re friends. I’ll talk, and I won’t leave. Just, please, stay in here with me.”
She glanced around and frowned. “There isn’t a lot of room in here,” she said, her hands still flat on my chest. I wondered if she could feel my heart beating. It was hammering so hard I could hear it pounding in my ears.
“We can sit on the bed. We won’t touch. Just talk. Like friends,” I told her. Anything to get her to stay in here away from Woods.
She relaxed and sat down on the bed, her hands leaving me. I wanted to reach out and grab them and hold them against me. “Then we’ll talk,” she said, as she scooted back on the bed and crossed her legs.
I sat on the bed and leaned against the other wall. We weren’t far apart, but it was as much as this room would allow. The situation made me laugh. “I can’t believe I just begged a female to sit and talk to me.”
“What are we going to talk about?” she asked, studying me. I could tell by her expression that she expected me to bolt at any moment.
“How about how the hell you’re still a virgin at nineteen?” I said, before I could stop myself. She was just too damn beautiful to be that innocent. It made no sense to me.
She stiffened. “Who said I’m a virgin?” she asked, sounding upset.
I’d known she was a virgin from the first time I had caught her checking me out. The blush on her face had been all I needed to know. The girl was innocent. “I know a virgin when I kiss one,” I told her instead.
She relaxed again, then shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. When it was a f**king huge deal. I didn’t know nineteen-year-old virgins who looked like her. “I was in love. His name is Cain. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first makeout session, however tame it may have been. He said he loved me and claimed I was the only one for him. Then my mom got sick. I no longer had time to go on dates and see Cain on the weekends. He needed out. He needed freedom to get that kind of relationship from someone else. So I let him go. After Cain, I didn’t have time to date anyone else.”
What the hell? She loved this dick, and he left her? “He didn’t stick by you when your mom was sick?”
She tensed up again and fiddled with her hands in her lap. “We were young. He didn’t love me. He just thought he did. Simple as that.” She was defending him. Fuck that. He needed an ass-kicking.
“You’re still young,” I told her, but I was trying to remind myself more than anything.
“I’m nineteen, Rush. I’ve taken care of my mother for three years and buried her without any help from my father. Trust me, I feel forty most days,” she said. The weariness in her voice hurt my chest. I was wanting to beat some unknown kid’s ass when this shit was my fault. My gut twisted and reminded me of how I had played a part in her pain.
I reached for her hand, because I needed to touch her somehow. “You shouldn’t have had to do that alone.”
She didn’t say anything at first. The frown line in her forehead eased before she lifted her gaze from my hand on hers to my face. “Do you have a job?” she asked.
I laughed. She was changing the subject and directing the questions at me. Smart move. I squeezed her hand. “Do you believe everyone must have a job once they’re out of college?” I asked, teasing her.
She shrugged in response. I could tell that yes, she did think that. My life was something she wasn’t used to.
“When I graduated from college, I had enough money in the bank to live the rest of my life without a job, thanks to my dad. After a few weeks of doing nothing but partying, I realized I needed a life. So I began playing around with the stock market. Turns out I’m pretty damn good at it. Numbers were always my thing. I also donate financial support to Habitat for Humanity. A couple of months out of the year, I’m more hands-on, and I work on-site. Summers I take off from everything that I can and come here and relax.”
I hadn’t meant to tell her the truth—or at least all of it— but I did. It just came out of my mouth. She put me at ease. Women never put me at ease. I was always on guard for their ulterior motive. Blaire didn’t have one.
“The surprise on your face is a little insulting,” I told her. I was teasing, but it was also the truth. I didn’t like her thinking I was a spoiled brat, even though I’d been pushing that idea on her the whole time she’d been living under my roof.
“I just didn’t expect that answer,” she finally replied.
I needed distance. I could smell her again, and holy hell, she smelled good. I moved back to my side of the bed. Touching time was up.
“How old are you?” she asked.
I was surprised she didn’t already know. All she had to do was Google me. “Too old to be in this room with you and way too damn old for the thoughts I have about you,” I replied.
“We can’t. Fuck me. We can’t. Friends, sweet Blaire. Just friends,” I whispered, then moved away from her and headed for the stairs. Space. We needed space. I was going to touch her if I didn’t get more space.
I reached the stairs, and the idea of her sleeping underneath them sliced through me. It was bothering me more and more every damn day. But how would I move her closer to me? We needed the space. She was safe under there.
“I don’t want you under those damn stairs. I hate it. But I can’t move you up here. I’ll never be able to stay away from you. I need you safely tucked away,” I explained, without looking back at her. I wanted to see if she believed me. I wanted to see her one last time. I wanted . . . more.
I couldn’t. I ran the rest of the way up the stairs and to my room, slamming and locking myself inside. I had to stay away from her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Grant was meeting me at the gym early this morning. We hadn’t gotten into a routine for our workouts yet this summer, but since I wasn’t sleeping that great, with Blaire haunting my thoughts, I figured I could get to the gym early with Grant before he went to work.
Blaire was still in her room when I pulled out of the driveway that morning, but the sun wasn’t up yet, either. I had to work out some of this aggression. If sex wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, then I would beat my body into submission with the weights. Maybe I could sleep after this.
Grant was waiting for me outside the gym in town. It wasn’t the one at the club, because Grant said that gym was for pussies. Real men worked out at real gyms, according to him. “About time you got here,” he grumbled when I walked up to him.
“Shut up. The sun’s not even up yet,” I replied.
Grant just grinned and took a swig of his bottled water. “You hydrate this morning?” he asked.
“No. I need some coffee. They have that in this place?”
Grant laughed loudly. “It’s a gym, Rush. Not Starbucks. Here,” he said, tossing me a bottle of water from his bag. “You need water right now. Coffee later.”
“I’m not liking your choice of gyms,” I informed him.
“Stop being a girl.”
We worked out for more than two hours before I was allowed some coffee. My lesson had been learned for the future: drink a cup before I leave the house.
“Party tonight?” Grant asked as we stepped outside the gym.
“Where?”
“Your place. Just a few people. You need the distraction from your roommate, and I need an excuse to persuade that friend of Nan’s—Bailey, I think—to visit my bed,” he said.
I winced. “A party at my place isn’t the way to make that happen. I had Bailey over last night. Didn’t end well.”
Grant stopped walking. “What? You didn’t get any? She seemed like a damn sure thing to me. I was sure she’d be all over you.”
“Blaire saw us before it got too heated, and it got screwed up. I sent Bailey home.”
Grant let out a low whistle. “Wow . . . so Blaire caught you, and you sent a girl away,” he said, shaking his head. “Dude. We need a party. We need girls over. Not Bailey, since you already went there, but some new girls. Nan has friends. You need to get your head out of Blaire Wonderland. Can’t happen. You know that.”
I nodded. He was right. It couldn’t happen. “Sure. Whatever. Invite who you want.”
The crowd was small. I was impressed with Grant for keeping it intimate. I kept my eyes toward the door, waiting for Blaire to get home. She wasn’t prepared for guests. She had to be tired after the late night last night. I intended to keep the music down and to keep people off the stairs so she could sleep. I considered letting her sleep in one of the guest bedrooms just for tonight so she could rest. People could be here late. It could get louder.
No. No. I wouldn’t be able to stay away from her. Not a good idea. She had to stay under the stairs. It was safer there. She could sleep; I’d make sure she could.
“Rush!” Grant called from the balcony. I glanced back at the door before heading outside to see what he wanted. I couldn’t stay out there long. I had to get back to watching for Blaire.
“Yeah?” I asked Grant, who was sitting on the lounge chair with a new girl in his lap. He pointed with his beer bottle toward Malcolm Henry. I hadn’t seen him since he had arrived in Rosemary Beach. His parents lived in Seattle, and the last I heard, he was attending Princeton.
“Malcolm can’t get tickets to Slacker Demon’s Seattle stop next month,” Grant said, grinning.
I didn’t normally get people tickets to see my dad’s band on tour, but Malcolm had been a friend of Grant’s growing up. He’d also been close to Tripp Montgomery, and Tripp was my friend. Even if I hadn’t seen him since he’d run off a couple of years ago.
“I’ll make a call,” I told him, and Grant’s grin grew.
“Tell anyone, and I’ll beat your ass,” Grant warned Malcolm, still grinning. “He doesn’t dish out tickets for just anyone. He’s doing this for me, so don’t f**k it up.”
Grant had already had one too many tonight. He got very giving and jolly when he was drunk. Which meant he drew me into his charity. I shook my head and walked back inside.
Someone called out, “Hey Woods,” and I stopped walking and jerked around. What the hell was Kerrington doing here? I hadn’t invited him, and Grant would have said something if he’d invited him. He knew I wasn’t happy with Woods right now.
I stalked to the window and glanced outside to see Blaire’s truck parked toward the back of the drive. That annoyed me. They shouldn’t have blocked her out. I should have thought about that.
But she was here. And so was Woods. Fuck.
I ignored people and moved past Woods to go directly to the pantry. Blaire was in there. Was she changing? Had she invited Woods over? What the hell was I going to do if she had? We were . . . friends now. Shit. Fuck friends. That didn’t even sound possible.
Stopping in the pantry, I watched as she stepped out of her room as if she were leaving. Maybe she was going to see Woods.
“Rush? What’s wrong?” she asked, looking sincere.
I waited a moment to respond. I didn’t want to scare her or sound harsh. “Woods is here,” I finally said, as calmly as I could manage.
“Last time I checked, he was a friend of yours,” she said.
Last time I checked, he was hot on her trail. “No. He isn’t here for me. He came for someone else,” I said.
Blaire’s confused expression became annoyed and she crossed her arms under her br**sts, which she really didn’t need to do if she wanted me to keep my eyes off them. “Maybe he is. Do you have a problem with your friends being interested in me?”
“He isn’t good enough. He’s a sorry-ass f**ker. He shouldn’t get to touch you,” I replied without thinking. The idea of him doing anything with her made my blood boil.
Blaire seemed to be considering what I had just said. Damn, she was adorable when she was frustrated. “I’m not interested in Woods that way He is my boss and possibly a friend. That’s all.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that. I couldn’t order her to stay under the damn stairs.
“I can’t sleep while people are going up and down the stairs. It keeps me up. Instead of sitting in my room alone, wondering who you’re upstairs screwing tonight, I thought I’d talk to Woods out on the beach. Have a conversation with someone. I need friends.”
Motherfucker. “I don’t want you outside with Woods talking,” I said. I wanted to tell her there was no chance I was taking anyone upstairs and f**king them. She had somehow ruined me, and all I’d done was kiss her.
“Well, maybe I don’t want you screwing some girl, but you will,” she shot back at me. The fierce look on her face made me want to laugh and kiss her senseless at the same damn time.
She was pushing me. I was too close to forgetting why this was a bad idea. I moved toward her, and she backed up until we were back inside her little room. Safe from Woods Kerrington. I wanted to keep her here. “I don’t want to f**k anyone tonight,” I told her. Then I couldn’t keep the amusement off my face. Because that was a lie. “That isn’t exactly true. Let me clarify. I don’t want to f**k anyone outside of this room. Stay here and talk to me. I’ll talk. I said we could be friends. You don’t need Woods as a friend.”
She shoved me back without much force. “You never talk to me. I ask the wrong question, and you stalk away.”
But she had said we were friends. I would play that card all damn night if I had to. “Not now. We’re friends. I’ll talk, and I won’t leave. Just, please, stay in here with me.”
She glanced around and frowned. “There isn’t a lot of room in here,” she said, her hands still flat on my chest. I wondered if she could feel my heart beating. It was hammering so hard I could hear it pounding in my ears.
“We can sit on the bed. We won’t touch. Just talk. Like friends,” I told her. Anything to get her to stay in here away from Woods.
She relaxed and sat down on the bed, her hands leaving me. I wanted to reach out and grab them and hold them against me. “Then we’ll talk,” she said, as she scooted back on the bed and crossed her legs.
I sat on the bed and leaned against the other wall. We weren’t far apart, but it was as much as this room would allow. The situation made me laugh. “I can’t believe I just begged a female to sit and talk to me.”
“What are we going to talk about?” she asked, studying me. I could tell by her expression that she expected me to bolt at any moment.
“How about how the hell you’re still a virgin at nineteen?” I said, before I could stop myself. She was just too damn beautiful to be that innocent. It made no sense to me.
She stiffened. “Who said I’m a virgin?” she asked, sounding upset.
I’d known she was a virgin from the first time I had caught her checking me out. The blush on her face had been all I needed to know. The girl was innocent. “I know a virgin when I kiss one,” I told her instead.
She relaxed again, then shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. When it was a f**king huge deal. I didn’t know nineteen-year-old virgins who looked like her. “I was in love. His name is Cain. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first makeout session, however tame it may have been. He said he loved me and claimed I was the only one for him. Then my mom got sick. I no longer had time to go on dates and see Cain on the weekends. He needed out. He needed freedom to get that kind of relationship from someone else. So I let him go. After Cain, I didn’t have time to date anyone else.”
What the hell? She loved this dick, and he left her? “He didn’t stick by you when your mom was sick?”
She tensed up again and fiddled with her hands in her lap. “We were young. He didn’t love me. He just thought he did. Simple as that.” She was defending him. Fuck that. He needed an ass-kicking.
“You’re still young,” I told her, but I was trying to remind myself more than anything.
“I’m nineteen, Rush. I’ve taken care of my mother for three years and buried her without any help from my father. Trust me, I feel forty most days,” she said. The weariness in her voice hurt my chest. I was wanting to beat some unknown kid’s ass when this shit was my fault. My gut twisted and reminded me of how I had played a part in her pain.
I reached for her hand, because I needed to touch her somehow. “You shouldn’t have had to do that alone.”
She didn’t say anything at first. The frown line in her forehead eased before she lifted her gaze from my hand on hers to my face. “Do you have a job?” she asked.
I laughed. She was changing the subject and directing the questions at me. Smart move. I squeezed her hand. “Do you believe everyone must have a job once they’re out of college?” I asked, teasing her.
She shrugged in response. I could tell that yes, she did think that. My life was something she wasn’t used to.
“When I graduated from college, I had enough money in the bank to live the rest of my life without a job, thanks to my dad. After a few weeks of doing nothing but partying, I realized I needed a life. So I began playing around with the stock market. Turns out I’m pretty damn good at it. Numbers were always my thing. I also donate financial support to Habitat for Humanity. A couple of months out of the year, I’m more hands-on, and I work on-site. Summers I take off from everything that I can and come here and relax.”
I hadn’t meant to tell her the truth—or at least all of it— but I did. It just came out of my mouth. She put me at ease. Women never put me at ease. I was always on guard for their ulterior motive. Blaire didn’t have one.
“The surprise on your face is a little insulting,” I told her. I was teasing, but it was also the truth. I didn’t like her thinking I was a spoiled brat, even though I’d been pushing that idea on her the whole time she’d been living under my roof.
“I just didn’t expect that answer,” she finally replied.
I needed distance. I could smell her again, and holy hell, she smelled good. I moved back to my side of the bed. Touching time was up.
“How old are you?” she asked.
I was surprised she didn’t already know. All she had to do was Google me. “Too old to be in this room with you and way too damn old for the thoughts I have about you,” I replied.
