Rush
Page 47
And La Patisserie was temporary this time. She’d made it clear to Louisa and to Greg that she was pursuing other jobs. She’d work at the café while she explored other possibilities and then she’d take that step out, stop hiding and embrace her future. A future without Gabe Hamilton.
She shivered in the damp cold. It was a gray, overcast, dreary day perfectly suited to her mood. She hadn’t slept the night before—how could she? Caroline had stayed up with her until she’d started yawning and Mia had shooed her to bed. And then she’d lain in her own bed, staring up at the ceiling, remembering every minute of her relationship with Gabe.
Checking her watch, she realized she’d have to get a cab when she’d intended on walking. Jace would be at her apartment soon, and she didn’t want him freaking out on her again.
Tugging her coat tighter around her, she waded through the passersby to get to the corner so she could hail a taxi.
The biggest thing she struggled with was having to return to a routine she’d once found comfortable and reassuring. She hadn’t stepped out of the box before. Hadn’t taken risks.
Being with Gabe had definitely taken her out of her comfort zone, and she’d begun to really live. Experience the world around her. Take on new challenges.
No, the biggest thing wouldn’t be readjusting to her old routine. Her biggest challenge would be being without Gabe.
She’d come to savor every moment with him. They’d had good times. He was a damn liar if he thought he wasn’t as emotionally invested as she was. She knew him better than that. Knew he was developing feelings for her. And maybe that was her biggest crime of all.
Making him fall in love with her.
If he hadn’t developed stronger feelings for her, they’d probably still be together.
After three taxis passed her by, the fourth pulled over and she got in, grateful to be out of the cold. After directing the cabbie to her apartment, she sat back, staring out the window as the city rolled by.
What was Gabe doing now? Had he gone in to work today? Was he moving on as if she’d never occupied a place in his life? Or was he as miserable as she was?
She dearly hoped so. If there was any justice in this world, he’d be suffering every bit as much as she was.
When she pulled up at her apartment, she saw Jace’s car out front. Ash was standing with the door open, and when Mia got out of the taxi, he waved her over.
“Jace went up to get you,” Ash said. “Let me call him and tell him you’re down here.”
As Ash pulled out his phone, he directed her into the backseat and then shut the door behind her. A moment later, he climbed into the front seat.
“You okay, sweetheart?” Ash asked.
“I’m fine,” she lied.
Jace got into the driver’s seat and glanced at Mia in the rearview mirror.
“Where’ve you been, baby girl?”
“Finding a job.”
Jace and Ash both frowned.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea that you go back to work so soon,” Jace said. “You should take some time off. You know I’ll help you out.”
“I don’t start until after Thanksgiving,” she said.
Ash turned in his seat as Jace pulled into traffic. “Where are you working?”
“I got my old job back at La Patisserie. Louisa and Greg are good to me and I enjoy working for them.”
Jace sighed. “You’re cut out for more than working at a bakery, Mia.”
“Careful, Jace,” she said. “That kind of thinking was what made me go to work for Gabe, remember?”
Ash winced, and Jace let out a curse under his breath.
“Besides, it’s only temporary,” she said softly. “I’m going to pursue other job opportunities. But for now I need to be working. I need to have something to do. Greg and Louisa know when I find a different job that I’m leaving. They’re cool with it.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to ask about Gabe, but she bit it back, refusing to give in to that temptation. She didn’t want to sound like a desperate, clingy twit, even if that’s what she felt like.
Almost as if reading her mind, Ash turned again. “If it makes you feel any better, Gabe looked like shit today. He doesn’t look or sound any better than you do.”
It was hard not to react to Ash’s words. It took all her strength to act unfazed, as if she didn’t care. She wanted to yell at someone—anyone—and scream out that it didn’t have to be this way. All Gabe would have had to do was speak up. Given her any sign that he wanted her. She would have never left him. She’d be with him even now if only he’d given her any indication that it was what he wanted.
Instead he’d trotted out that crap about how it was better this way. Better for whom? Because it damn sure wasn’t better for her. And it didn’t sound like it was so damn good for him either.
“I don’t want to talk about him,” she said in a low voice. “I don’t want to hear his name.”
Jace nodded his agreement and shot Ash a quelling stare. Ash shrugged. “I just thought she might want to know.”
She did. Of course she did. But she’d never admit it. She had pride too, even if she’d sacrificed it all for Gabe.
“We’re taking a trip for Thanksgiving,” Jace said as he glanced up in the mirror again. “We leave Wednesday and we’ll come back Sunday.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “Where are we going?”
“The Caribbean. Someplace nice and warm. Lots of sunshine and beaches. It’ll cheer you up.”
She doubted that, but she wasn’t going to be a spoilsport. Jace’s eyes were hopeful. He was trying so hard to help her pick up the pieces. He’d never been able to stand her being upset about anything, and he always pulled out all the stops in his bid to make her feel better.
“And hey, you’ll get to see me in a swimsuit,” Ash said, a devilish grin on his face. “That should make your entire year.”
She rolled her eyes, a smile toying with the corners of her mouth. But she sighed because Ash wasn’t spending Thanksgiving with his family. He never did. He always spent his holidays alone or with her and Jace, or with Gabe. Her heart ached because, except for Jace, Gabe and herself, Ash was alone, and she well knew that feeling now. It sucked.
“That’s better,” Jace said, approval and relief gleaming in his eyes. “I want to see you smiling again, baby girl.”
The smile felt frozen on her lips. It was pretty damn hard to smile when her heart was splintered and lay in pieces. Dramatic maybe, but it was appropriate.
“Do you need to go shopping for the trip?” Ash asked in a coaxing voice. “Jace and I have the rest of the week off. We could take you shopping tomorrow if you need stuff for the beach.”
They were both trying so hard that she wasn’t going to make it any more difficult for them. So she smiled and nodded. “That sounds like fun.”
The relief in Jace’s eyes told her she’d done the right thing. The last thing she wanted was to worry him—and he was worried.
He and Ash would keep her busy through the Thanksgiving holiday. And on Monday she’d return to her old life. Working at La Patisserie. Living with Caroline in her apartment. Trying to forget that for a brief time she’d meant the world to Gabe Hamilton. Or that he still meant the world to her.
Chapter forty-one
Gabe sat brooding in his office, his head aching and dull, his heart even heavier. It was early—he was the only one in the office after the holiday—but he hadn’t slept since Mia had walked out of his apartment, so much hurt and betrayal in her eyes.
He stared at the two pictures of her in his phone, one of which he’d had printed and framed. It lay in his desk drawer. Often, he pulled that drawer open just to see her smile.
The Mia in those pictures was the Mia he’d done his damnedest to destroy. He’d taken the life and joy right out her eyes, and he’d damn sure taken her smile.
He ran his finger over the image of her in the snow, holding up her hands in delight as she tried to catch snowflakes. She was so goddamn beautiful that she took his breath away.
He’d spent Thanksgiving with his parents, their happiness and growing contentment almost too much for him to bear. It was hard for him to be happy that they were on the path to reconciliation when his own life was in shambles.
And he only had himself to blame.
After leaving his parents’ home, he’d returned to his apartment to find it empty and barren of life. And then he’d done something he rarely ever did. He’d gotten roaring drunk and attempted to drown his sorrows in a bottle—or three.
He’d self-medicated the entire weekend, itchy and impatient because he knew that Jace and Ash had taken Mia on holiday to the Caribbean. She was out of reach, not just physically, but emotionally as well.
He’d hurt her when he’d sworn never to do so again. He’d betrayed her trust. He’d turned his back because he’d been overwhelmed by guilt and self-loathing for how he’d treated her. Like she was some dirty secret that he was ashamed of.
Fuck that. He wanted the world to know she was his. He didn’t give a damn what Jace thought. Didn’t give a shit if Jace approved. All he cared about was making Mia happy. Making her smile and light up the way she did when she was with him.
But he’d thoroughly extinguished that light when he’d told her that it was over. As if he’d already grown tired of her and was ready to move on.
He’d never get over her. He knew that without hesitation or doubt.
He loved her.
As deeply as it was possible to love another person. And God, he wanted her. Every day. In his life. As much a part of him as he would be of her.
Without rules, conditions. Fuck the goddamn contract.
How many ways could a man ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him?
Mia was so right. He’d known it then, when her words had hit him right in the gut. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He didn’t need time or space to realize that.
He should have never let her walk out of his apartment that night with Jace and Ash. When she’d knelt before him and begged him to explain to Jace, he should have spoken up then. She was right. He hadn’t fought for her. He’d been too numb, too consumed with guilt over what he’d allowed to happen.
Fear squeezed his chest. It was an alien sensation, new and overwhelming. What if Mia wouldn’t forgive him? What if she wouldn’t take him back?
He had to make her understand that this wasn’t a meaningless, sexual fling.
He wanted fucking forever.
What did he have to offer her? He’d already failed at one marriage. He was considerably older than she was. She should be having fun at her age, taking on the world, not tied to a demanding, overbearing man like himself.
There were a dozen reasons why he should leave her alone and let her move on with her life. But he wasn’t a big enough person to let her go. She was the only woman who was ever going to make him happy. Make him whole. And he couldn’t let her walk out of his life. Not without one hell of a fight.
He checked his watch, willing the time to pass. And then his intercom buzzed and Eleanor’s soft voice filled his office.
“Mr. Hamilton, Mr. Crestwell is in.”
Gabe didn’t respond. He’d told Eleanor to let him know the minute Jace arrived to his office. They hadn’t spoken since that night. They’d avoided each other the next day in the office. And then neither had been into the office the rest of the holiday week, and Gabe hadn’t wanted that confrontation so soon after the night in his apartment. Emotions had run too high.
But he couldn’t wait a minute longer. He and Jace had to air this out, and Gabe had to let Jace know that he wasn’t backing down. Whether he had Jace’s blessing and approval or not, he wasn’t letting Mia go. If it meant the end of their friendship and of their business relationship, so be it.
Mia was worth it all.
He strode down the hall, knowing he looked like shit. He didn’t care. He had to get this off his chest.
He pushed Jace’s door open without knocking. Jace looked up and his face grew cold. His eyes hardened as he stared back at Gabe.
“We have to talk,” Gabe said in a terse voice.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” Jace bit out.
Gabe shut the door and locked it behind him. “That’s too damn bad because I have a lot to say to you.”
He planted his palms on Jace’s desk, leaned over and leveled his stare at his friend.
“I’m in love with Mia,” he said bluntly.
Surprise flashed in Jace’s eyes and Jace sat back, staring harder at Gabe.
“You have a damn funny way of showing it,” Jace said in disgust.
“I fucked up. But I’m not letting her go. You and I need to come to an understanding because I don’t want her hurt any more than she already is by this situation. I want her to be happy and she can’t be happy if we’re at each other’s throats.”
She shivered in the damp cold. It was a gray, overcast, dreary day perfectly suited to her mood. She hadn’t slept the night before—how could she? Caroline had stayed up with her until she’d started yawning and Mia had shooed her to bed. And then she’d lain in her own bed, staring up at the ceiling, remembering every minute of her relationship with Gabe.
Checking her watch, she realized she’d have to get a cab when she’d intended on walking. Jace would be at her apartment soon, and she didn’t want him freaking out on her again.
Tugging her coat tighter around her, she waded through the passersby to get to the corner so she could hail a taxi.
The biggest thing she struggled with was having to return to a routine she’d once found comfortable and reassuring. She hadn’t stepped out of the box before. Hadn’t taken risks.
Being with Gabe had definitely taken her out of her comfort zone, and she’d begun to really live. Experience the world around her. Take on new challenges.
No, the biggest thing wouldn’t be readjusting to her old routine. Her biggest challenge would be being without Gabe.
She’d come to savor every moment with him. They’d had good times. He was a damn liar if he thought he wasn’t as emotionally invested as she was. She knew him better than that. Knew he was developing feelings for her. And maybe that was her biggest crime of all.
Making him fall in love with her.
If he hadn’t developed stronger feelings for her, they’d probably still be together.
After three taxis passed her by, the fourth pulled over and she got in, grateful to be out of the cold. After directing the cabbie to her apartment, she sat back, staring out the window as the city rolled by.
What was Gabe doing now? Had he gone in to work today? Was he moving on as if she’d never occupied a place in his life? Or was he as miserable as she was?
She dearly hoped so. If there was any justice in this world, he’d be suffering every bit as much as she was.
When she pulled up at her apartment, she saw Jace’s car out front. Ash was standing with the door open, and when Mia got out of the taxi, he waved her over.
“Jace went up to get you,” Ash said. “Let me call him and tell him you’re down here.”
As Ash pulled out his phone, he directed her into the backseat and then shut the door behind her. A moment later, he climbed into the front seat.
“You okay, sweetheart?” Ash asked.
“I’m fine,” she lied.
Jace got into the driver’s seat and glanced at Mia in the rearview mirror.
“Where’ve you been, baby girl?”
“Finding a job.”
Jace and Ash both frowned.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea that you go back to work so soon,” Jace said. “You should take some time off. You know I’ll help you out.”
“I don’t start until after Thanksgiving,” she said.
Ash turned in his seat as Jace pulled into traffic. “Where are you working?”
“I got my old job back at La Patisserie. Louisa and Greg are good to me and I enjoy working for them.”
Jace sighed. “You’re cut out for more than working at a bakery, Mia.”
“Careful, Jace,” she said. “That kind of thinking was what made me go to work for Gabe, remember?”
Ash winced, and Jace let out a curse under his breath.
“Besides, it’s only temporary,” she said softly. “I’m going to pursue other job opportunities. But for now I need to be working. I need to have something to do. Greg and Louisa know when I find a different job that I’m leaving. They’re cool with it.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to ask about Gabe, but she bit it back, refusing to give in to that temptation. She didn’t want to sound like a desperate, clingy twit, even if that’s what she felt like.
Almost as if reading her mind, Ash turned again. “If it makes you feel any better, Gabe looked like shit today. He doesn’t look or sound any better than you do.”
It was hard not to react to Ash’s words. It took all her strength to act unfazed, as if she didn’t care. She wanted to yell at someone—anyone—and scream out that it didn’t have to be this way. All Gabe would have had to do was speak up. Given her any sign that he wanted her. She would have never left him. She’d be with him even now if only he’d given her any indication that it was what he wanted.
Instead he’d trotted out that crap about how it was better this way. Better for whom? Because it damn sure wasn’t better for her. And it didn’t sound like it was so damn good for him either.
“I don’t want to talk about him,” she said in a low voice. “I don’t want to hear his name.”
Jace nodded his agreement and shot Ash a quelling stare. Ash shrugged. “I just thought she might want to know.”
She did. Of course she did. But she’d never admit it. She had pride too, even if she’d sacrificed it all for Gabe.
“We’re taking a trip for Thanksgiving,” Jace said as he glanced up in the mirror again. “We leave Wednesday and we’ll come back Sunday.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “Where are we going?”
“The Caribbean. Someplace nice and warm. Lots of sunshine and beaches. It’ll cheer you up.”
She doubted that, but she wasn’t going to be a spoilsport. Jace’s eyes were hopeful. He was trying so hard to help her pick up the pieces. He’d never been able to stand her being upset about anything, and he always pulled out all the stops in his bid to make her feel better.
“And hey, you’ll get to see me in a swimsuit,” Ash said, a devilish grin on his face. “That should make your entire year.”
She rolled her eyes, a smile toying with the corners of her mouth. But she sighed because Ash wasn’t spending Thanksgiving with his family. He never did. He always spent his holidays alone or with her and Jace, or with Gabe. Her heart ached because, except for Jace, Gabe and herself, Ash was alone, and she well knew that feeling now. It sucked.
“That’s better,” Jace said, approval and relief gleaming in his eyes. “I want to see you smiling again, baby girl.”
The smile felt frozen on her lips. It was pretty damn hard to smile when her heart was splintered and lay in pieces. Dramatic maybe, but it was appropriate.
“Do you need to go shopping for the trip?” Ash asked in a coaxing voice. “Jace and I have the rest of the week off. We could take you shopping tomorrow if you need stuff for the beach.”
They were both trying so hard that she wasn’t going to make it any more difficult for them. So she smiled and nodded. “That sounds like fun.”
The relief in Jace’s eyes told her she’d done the right thing. The last thing she wanted was to worry him—and he was worried.
He and Ash would keep her busy through the Thanksgiving holiday. And on Monday she’d return to her old life. Working at La Patisserie. Living with Caroline in her apartment. Trying to forget that for a brief time she’d meant the world to Gabe Hamilton. Or that he still meant the world to her.
Chapter forty-one
Gabe sat brooding in his office, his head aching and dull, his heart even heavier. It was early—he was the only one in the office after the holiday—but he hadn’t slept since Mia had walked out of his apartment, so much hurt and betrayal in her eyes.
He stared at the two pictures of her in his phone, one of which he’d had printed and framed. It lay in his desk drawer. Often, he pulled that drawer open just to see her smile.
The Mia in those pictures was the Mia he’d done his damnedest to destroy. He’d taken the life and joy right out her eyes, and he’d damn sure taken her smile.
He ran his finger over the image of her in the snow, holding up her hands in delight as she tried to catch snowflakes. She was so goddamn beautiful that she took his breath away.
He’d spent Thanksgiving with his parents, their happiness and growing contentment almost too much for him to bear. It was hard for him to be happy that they were on the path to reconciliation when his own life was in shambles.
And he only had himself to blame.
After leaving his parents’ home, he’d returned to his apartment to find it empty and barren of life. And then he’d done something he rarely ever did. He’d gotten roaring drunk and attempted to drown his sorrows in a bottle—or three.
He’d self-medicated the entire weekend, itchy and impatient because he knew that Jace and Ash had taken Mia on holiday to the Caribbean. She was out of reach, not just physically, but emotionally as well.
He’d hurt her when he’d sworn never to do so again. He’d betrayed her trust. He’d turned his back because he’d been overwhelmed by guilt and self-loathing for how he’d treated her. Like she was some dirty secret that he was ashamed of.
Fuck that. He wanted the world to know she was his. He didn’t give a damn what Jace thought. Didn’t give a shit if Jace approved. All he cared about was making Mia happy. Making her smile and light up the way she did when she was with him.
But he’d thoroughly extinguished that light when he’d told her that it was over. As if he’d already grown tired of her and was ready to move on.
He’d never get over her. He knew that without hesitation or doubt.
He loved her.
As deeply as it was possible to love another person. And God, he wanted her. Every day. In his life. As much a part of him as he would be of her.
Without rules, conditions. Fuck the goddamn contract.
How many ways could a man ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him?
Mia was so right. He’d known it then, when her words had hit him right in the gut. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He didn’t need time or space to realize that.
He should have never let her walk out of his apartment that night with Jace and Ash. When she’d knelt before him and begged him to explain to Jace, he should have spoken up then. She was right. He hadn’t fought for her. He’d been too numb, too consumed with guilt over what he’d allowed to happen.
Fear squeezed his chest. It was an alien sensation, new and overwhelming. What if Mia wouldn’t forgive him? What if she wouldn’t take him back?
He had to make her understand that this wasn’t a meaningless, sexual fling.
He wanted fucking forever.
What did he have to offer her? He’d already failed at one marriage. He was considerably older than she was. She should be having fun at her age, taking on the world, not tied to a demanding, overbearing man like himself.
There were a dozen reasons why he should leave her alone and let her move on with her life. But he wasn’t a big enough person to let her go. She was the only woman who was ever going to make him happy. Make him whole. And he couldn’t let her walk out of his life. Not without one hell of a fight.
He checked his watch, willing the time to pass. And then his intercom buzzed and Eleanor’s soft voice filled his office.
“Mr. Hamilton, Mr. Crestwell is in.”
Gabe didn’t respond. He’d told Eleanor to let him know the minute Jace arrived to his office. They hadn’t spoken since that night. They’d avoided each other the next day in the office. And then neither had been into the office the rest of the holiday week, and Gabe hadn’t wanted that confrontation so soon after the night in his apartment. Emotions had run too high.
But he couldn’t wait a minute longer. He and Jace had to air this out, and Gabe had to let Jace know that he wasn’t backing down. Whether he had Jace’s blessing and approval or not, he wasn’t letting Mia go. If it meant the end of their friendship and of their business relationship, so be it.
Mia was worth it all.
He strode down the hall, knowing he looked like shit. He didn’t care. He had to get this off his chest.
He pushed Jace’s door open without knocking. Jace looked up and his face grew cold. His eyes hardened as he stared back at Gabe.
“We have to talk,” Gabe said in a terse voice.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” Jace bit out.
Gabe shut the door and locked it behind him. “That’s too damn bad because I have a lot to say to you.”
He planted his palms on Jace’s desk, leaned over and leveled his stare at his friend.
“I’m in love with Mia,” he said bluntly.
Surprise flashed in Jace’s eyes and Jace sat back, staring harder at Gabe.
“You have a damn funny way of showing it,” Jace said in disgust.
“I fucked up. But I’m not letting her go. You and I need to come to an understanding because I don’t want her hurt any more than she already is by this situation. I want her to be happy and she can’t be happy if we’re at each other’s throats.”
