Rushing the Goal
Page 6
He was right. Problem was, Benji didn’t know how to do that.
It was scary, putting himself out there when, for so long, he had been alone. He didn’t know how to love anyone; he wasn’t even sure he could anymore. Maybe his heart had died with Ava and Leary. He wasn’t sure, but man, he wished he could try again. That he could figure out how to be normal around the opposite sex. It was easy with his buddies’ wives. Probably because the Assassins had the best wives in the league. All of them so sweet and inviting, but man, they meddled. All of them tried to hook him up with everyone they knew. He went out with whomever they fixed him up with, and every single time, he never got a call back. Even when he thought the date went great, they never called.
Maybe he was a bad date.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” Benji said slowly, feeling like a loser. “Maybe it won’t ever happen, you know? Maybe I’m meant to be alone.”
Vaughn grinned, his eyes flashing with laughter. “Which is fine. I mean, I love my single life, but, dude, you gotta get laid.”
He was right. Benji craved a woman like he did the smell of the ice, but it just never worked out. He wasn’t sure what he was doing wrong, or maybe he did.
“You gotta stop telling everyone your business. No one needs to know that you’re a sober widower. I mean, it’s on your eHarmony profile,” Jordie accused and Benji shot him a confused look.
“You looked at my profile?”
What a joke that profile was anyway. He did it just to get Jordie and his wife, Kasey, off his back. Usually, the girls who contacted him on there only wanted his money. He didn’t want that, for obvious reasons. Half the time, he didn’t even go on the site. He was still paying for the subscription, though.
He should cancel that.
Vaughn laughed as Jordie shrugged. Running his finger along his beard to clean off the burrito lingering behind, he pinned Benji with a look. “I had to. Kasey said her friend wanted to go out with you until she read it. You basically tell your whole life story. You got baggage, dude, which is cool. A girl out there won’t mind, but reel her in first and then unload the baggage. You can’t do it on the first date.”
“That’s not fair to them, though. I want to be honest,” he explained but they both weren’t satisfied with his logic. He thought he was being fair. He didn’t want someone getting involved with him and then finding out later that he was a sober guy who lost his family in a shitty car wreck he should have died in too.
“Whoa, what happened to just getting laid?” Vaughn gave them both a look and Jordie scoffed. “You don’t need to be honest to get laid, bro. It’s one night, not forever.”
“He wants a relationship, dude,” Jordie stressed, shaking his head. “But maybe you should just get some. Maybe it will help. Hell, I don’t know. We’ve been trying to get you laid for a year and it isn’t working.”
Giving them both a dry look, Benji glanced down at his half-eaten burrito. “You guys are too concerned with my love life.”
“Because you talk about it all the damn time,” Vaughn accused and Benji scrunched his face up.
“I do not!”
“Okay, maybe not all the time. But, dude, I’m going out, getting some ass, and instead of getting some ass, you go back home to watch Game of Thrones. It’s pathetic.”
Giving him a dull look, Benji held his chin high. “Um, I’ve moved on to Supernatural, thank you.”
“For fuck’s sake, again?” Jordie balked and Benji looked back down.
“What? It’s a good show.”
“That won’t get you laid!” Vaughn roared, causing everyone to look at their table. Benji knew they were right. He needed to get out of the house, go out and meet people, but TV was easy. No one could judge him at home. It was him and the TV. No one to pity him. It was easy…but it was lonely. Very lonely.
“BP, what do you want, dude?” Jordie asked then, bringing his gaze up to Benji’s. “I mean, do you want to be with someone? Or are you cool with how life is going?”
He wasn’t and he didn’t have to answer for Jordie to know that. They had been friends for a long time now. They knew each other’s darkest secrets—the perks of both being addicts. If there were perks… But, whatever, Jordie knew Benji.
He knew Benji wanted to be happy again.
“I’m saying this as your friend. Stop using Ava and Leary as your reason for not putting yourself out there. I’m not saying to forget them, you couldn’t even if you tried, but you can’t keep using them the way you do. I really don’t think you realize how much you use them as a shield.”
Looking away, Benji sucked in a breath and let it out. He did know.
“If you want to be happy, if you want what all of us have——”
“Not me, I don’t have anyone ’cause I don’t want them,” Vaughn added and Jordie rolled his eyes.
“Anyway, then go get it, dude. You’re a good dude, any girl would be lucky to have you.”
“Wow, you sounded really gay there,” Vaughn mocked, but Jordie ignored him, holding Benji’s gaze.
“You know what I mean?”
And he did. It scared him, though.
Because, in the years since he laid Ava and Leary to rest, he hadn’t found anyone who could spark even an ounce of the happiness they sparked inside of Benji.
But, if he was honest, he hadn’t really been looking. He had gotten so used to feeling sorry for himself, he didn’t know how to get what he wanted. On the ice, no problem, he fought to the point of exhaustion, but that was the player he was. He knew how to handle hockey, he knew how to win at that—but life, he kind of sucked at that. He had no fight. Probably because he had nothing to fight for.
It was scary, putting himself out there when, for so long, he had been alone. He didn’t know how to love anyone; he wasn’t even sure he could anymore. Maybe his heart had died with Ava and Leary. He wasn’t sure, but man, he wished he could try again. That he could figure out how to be normal around the opposite sex. It was easy with his buddies’ wives. Probably because the Assassins had the best wives in the league. All of them so sweet and inviting, but man, they meddled. All of them tried to hook him up with everyone they knew. He went out with whomever they fixed him up with, and every single time, he never got a call back. Even when he thought the date went great, they never called.
Maybe he was a bad date.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” Benji said slowly, feeling like a loser. “Maybe it won’t ever happen, you know? Maybe I’m meant to be alone.”
Vaughn grinned, his eyes flashing with laughter. “Which is fine. I mean, I love my single life, but, dude, you gotta get laid.”
He was right. Benji craved a woman like he did the smell of the ice, but it just never worked out. He wasn’t sure what he was doing wrong, or maybe he did.
“You gotta stop telling everyone your business. No one needs to know that you’re a sober widower. I mean, it’s on your eHarmony profile,” Jordie accused and Benji shot him a confused look.
“You looked at my profile?”
What a joke that profile was anyway. He did it just to get Jordie and his wife, Kasey, off his back. Usually, the girls who contacted him on there only wanted his money. He didn’t want that, for obvious reasons. Half the time, he didn’t even go on the site. He was still paying for the subscription, though.
He should cancel that.
Vaughn laughed as Jordie shrugged. Running his finger along his beard to clean off the burrito lingering behind, he pinned Benji with a look. “I had to. Kasey said her friend wanted to go out with you until she read it. You basically tell your whole life story. You got baggage, dude, which is cool. A girl out there won’t mind, but reel her in first and then unload the baggage. You can’t do it on the first date.”
“That’s not fair to them, though. I want to be honest,” he explained but they both weren’t satisfied with his logic. He thought he was being fair. He didn’t want someone getting involved with him and then finding out later that he was a sober guy who lost his family in a shitty car wreck he should have died in too.
“Whoa, what happened to just getting laid?” Vaughn gave them both a look and Jordie scoffed. “You don’t need to be honest to get laid, bro. It’s one night, not forever.”
“He wants a relationship, dude,” Jordie stressed, shaking his head. “But maybe you should just get some. Maybe it will help. Hell, I don’t know. We’ve been trying to get you laid for a year and it isn’t working.”
Giving them both a dry look, Benji glanced down at his half-eaten burrito. “You guys are too concerned with my love life.”
“Because you talk about it all the damn time,” Vaughn accused and Benji scrunched his face up.
“I do not!”
“Okay, maybe not all the time. But, dude, I’m going out, getting some ass, and instead of getting some ass, you go back home to watch Game of Thrones. It’s pathetic.”
Giving him a dull look, Benji held his chin high. “Um, I’ve moved on to Supernatural, thank you.”
“For fuck’s sake, again?” Jordie balked and Benji looked back down.
“What? It’s a good show.”
“That won’t get you laid!” Vaughn roared, causing everyone to look at their table. Benji knew they were right. He needed to get out of the house, go out and meet people, but TV was easy. No one could judge him at home. It was him and the TV. No one to pity him. It was easy…but it was lonely. Very lonely.
“BP, what do you want, dude?” Jordie asked then, bringing his gaze up to Benji’s. “I mean, do you want to be with someone? Or are you cool with how life is going?”
He wasn’t and he didn’t have to answer for Jordie to know that. They had been friends for a long time now. They knew each other’s darkest secrets—the perks of both being addicts. If there were perks… But, whatever, Jordie knew Benji.
He knew Benji wanted to be happy again.
“I’m saying this as your friend. Stop using Ava and Leary as your reason for not putting yourself out there. I’m not saying to forget them, you couldn’t even if you tried, but you can’t keep using them the way you do. I really don’t think you realize how much you use them as a shield.”
Looking away, Benji sucked in a breath and let it out. He did know.
“If you want to be happy, if you want what all of us have——”
“Not me, I don’t have anyone ’cause I don’t want them,” Vaughn added and Jordie rolled his eyes.
“Anyway, then go get it, dude. You’re a good dude, any girl would be lucky to have you.”
“Wow, you sounded really gay there,” Vaughn mocked, but Jordie ignored him, holding Benji’s gaze.
“You know what I mean?”
And he did. It scared him, though.
Because, in the years since he laid Ava and Leary to rest, he hadn’t found anyone who could spark even an ounce of the happiness they sparked inside of Benji.
But, if he was honest, he hadn’t really been looking. He had gotten so used to feeling sorry for himself, he didn’t know how to get what he wanted. On the ice, no problem, he fought to the point of exhaustion, but that was the player he was. He knew how to handle hockey, he knew how to win at that—but life, he kind of sucked at that. He had no fight. Probably because he had nothing to fight for.
