Ruthless Game
Page 40
“Tell me what you need, Rose.”
Kane just stood there in front of her. Stripped. Vulnerable. Allowing her to see him that way. Showing courage she lacked. Her heart contracted. She moistened her suddenly dry lips with the tip of her tongue. How had she fallen so far, so fast? From the time she’d been a child, it had been drilled into her to know her enemy, to seek knowledge, to have a plan. She’d had a plan until she first saw Kane—in Whitney’s camp.
“Tell me what you need,” Kane repeated.
She watched his hands, stroking the baby’s head. So gentle. She knew the feel of his hands on her skin, the way he touched her so possessively but with extraordinary tenderness. Could a man fake that kind of thing? He reached out and ran his thumb down the side of her face, just a wisp of movement, but she felt it all the way to her toes. It was only then that she realized she was holding her breath for real, and she let it out, forcing air in and out of her lungs.
“I don’t need rescuing.”
His smile twisted her heart into knots. “Don’t ruin my fantasy, honey. I’m the knight in shining armor and you’re my beautiful princess. I’m not a man of words. I’m just not. I want to say them to you, but I guess I just feel like an idiot trying to be all poetic.” His smile was crooked, almost wistful. “I want to be the man who saves you when you’re drowning, Rose, when life overwhelms you. And I want you to be the woman who does the same for me. I can’t make you believe me. I can only tell you that I’m standing in front of you, very much in love. It’s up to you whether you want to let Whitney take our lives from us.”
“He’s so cruel, Kane. So cruel. You have no idea what he’s capable of.”
“I was there. I saw what he was doing. I risked my career, my life, to expose him to the Senate. I can’t make you believe in me, Rose. I can only tell you that you’re free. If you want to walk out that door, I won’t stop you, but if you choose to stay with me, then that gives me every right to protect you in any way that I deem appropriate.”
She raised her chin. “Do I have those same rights?”
He cupped her face in his palm, his thumb sliding gently back and forth over her lips. His other palm cradled Sebastian to his chest. “Of course you do. You can’t be less than who you are any more than I could be.”
She found herself leaning into his hand, her knees a little weak. “He’s such a monster, always looming over us, playing us like puppets.”
“I wish you could have a normal life, Rose. I want you to be able to walk with confidence down to the grocery store or go shopping with Jaimie or even take our son to a park, but we’re different. We’re always going to be different. We have enemies, and we can’t pretend them away. This, what we create here together, has to be enough.”
She had always known, from the time she escaped Whitney’s compound, that she would be hunted. It made sense that Kane didn’t want her to go off alone without protection, that they always went in pairs or with shadows. If it made so much sense, then why was she panicking? And she was in full-blown panic. Even her usually calm mind felt chaotic. What was wrong with her? She had everything in the world standing in front of her that she could possibly want. He’d even told her that he loved her . . .
She gasped, realizing what was wrong. She didn’t believe she could be worth what she saw in Kane’s eyes. She’d been taught she wasn’t worth anything as a woman or as a human being. She was a soldier, service to her country, easily sacrificed. And she was good for breeding, to provide the next generation soldier who would be so much better than she was.
Her face flamed. Did she really have such low self-esteem that she couldn’t believe a man might actually love her? She knew from the start that Kane was physically attracted to her—Whitney had paired them. She knew they would have a great sex life, and she’d believed that he would stay with her for that reason. She’d fallen hard for him, something very unexpected and terrifying. But she hadn’t believed it was possible for him to feel the same emotions.
“Baby,” his voice was gentle, compelling. “You have to talk to me. If we stop talking, we’re through.”
“I just realized that I’ve allowed Whitney to undermine my confidence in myself as a woman—as a lovable woman. When it was physical attraction between us, I was comfortable with that, because it was all part of Whitney’s experiment, part of his great plan to produce the perfect supersoldier. But I fell in love with you, and that made me so vulnerable to one of his games. He knew it. He had to have known it. After you left my room, I begged him to pair us together, and I could see how pleased he was. I knew I’d given him another weapon to use against me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want you suffering without me suffering. At the time I felt I was being fair and taking responsibility.” Her eyes met his. “He knew it before me.”
“Knew what?”
“That I’d already fallen in love with you.”
“Rose.” His voice sent a million birds to flight in her stomach. “Fuck Whitney and what he thinks he knows. You trusted me to make a baby with you. You trusted me to deliver our child and to get you both out of trouble. You can trust me with your heart. God knows, I gave you mine completely. You walk away, and you take it with you.”
She stared up at his beloved face, all those tough lines etched deep, those beautiful green eyes that could pierce like an arrow. He could shatter her so easily, it was true, but if she was going to shatter, better it be with him. In the end, he was offering her refuge, love, a home. He was all she needed if she had the courage to accept that he could love her.
Kane was giving her everything, openly and honestly. She could see truth in his eyes. Was she really so stupid that she’d believe what Whitney had taught her over Kane? Rose shook her head. “I’m sorry, I lost my mind for a minute.”
He bent forward to brush a gentle kiss over her mouth. “You’re allowed.”
Sebastian protested, squirming, giving a small cry of annoyance at the change in position.
Kane laughed softly. “Don’t blame me, son, your mother is the one who is all mixed up. She’s beautiful and intelligent, all right, but I’m beginning to think perhaps she has little lapses occasionally while brain cells regenerate.”
“You did not just tell our son that,” Rose said, desperate to suppress the laughter welling up. The relief at Kane’s reaction to her idiocy was overwhelming. She wanted to weep and laugh at the same time. Instead she was practical, taking Sebastian from his arms. “Clearly, the boy needs to eat. I’m going to be having a little talk with him while I feed him too.”
Kane swept his arm around her waist and pulled her beneath the protection of his shoulder. She loved it when he did that. She didn’t need protection, but it was thrilling all the same.
“Eric is bringing the physical therapist with him again today,” he reminded when she would have sunk into a chair right in the living room.
Rose rolled her eyes. “It’s natural to breast-feed, Kane.”
“Absolutely, and I love you to breast-feed him. The thing is, I must be some kind of a perv, because whenever you feed him, I want you so damn bad I think I’m going to have to throw you up against the wall and take you right there. It takes a lot of discipline and control to behave myself. I sure don’t want any other man getting the same reaction.”
She felt the blush start somewhere in her toes and steal all the way up her body. She wouldn’t mind him slamming her up against the wall and taking her right then. “I wouldn’t say no,” she informed him in her best siren’s voice.
He groaned. “That was just wrong. Now every time you feed our son, I’m going to have the hard-on from hell and think about your reaction to my throwing you up against the wall. You just can’t put images like that in my head.”
She sat demurely in the chair across from their bed and settled herself comfortably. “I believe you put the image in my head, Kane. Which, given that the odious doctor and what I am very certain is most likely a clone of him are arriving any minute, wasn’t a very nice thing for you to do.” Deliberately she took her time unbuttoning her blouse. Ordinarily she would have covered herself a bit with a blanket, but instead, just to tease him, she unclipped her nursing bra, exposing her firm, round breast.
“I’ll just have to sit here, fantasizing about taking a long, wild ride on your very enormous hard-on.” She stared hungrily at the front of his jeans, her gaze devouring the thick bulge there. Deliberately she moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue and then ran it around her lips in anticipation.
He groaned and adjusted his jeans. “That’s just not right. You’re torturing me.”
“You deserve it for being right about going out with shadows tailing us. I hate not being right. And anytime you best me, just think of this moment.” He was standing close enough to her so she gave in to temptation and reached out to stroke the front of his jeans in long caresses.
He didn’t move but pushed into her hands, allowing the friction to deepen. “I did do that, didn’t I?” He grinned at her. “Bested you, babe. I was right.”
She rolled her eyes. “Rub it in, soldier.” She increased the pressure on the front of his jeans, drawing another groan from him.
The strobe in the bedroom went off at the same time the intercom buzzed at the front door. Kane sagged. “This just sucks.”
Rose smiled serenely and cradled Sebastian to her. She’d done a darn good job of turning the tables on him. Playing together was important. Just like trust. There were so many things she had to learn about relationships. The camaraderie between Kane and Mack and Jaimie was the same she’d shared with the women she’d been raised with. They shared trust, an unbreakable bond, along with the other members of the team. She wanted to be part of that. When she walked out onto the street to do her shopping or go to a movie—something she’d always dreamt of doing—she would feel safe knowing they were watching over her.
She rubbed Sebastian’s head, noting his hair was growing fast and thick. He seemed stronger than ever. She’d read in the baby book of the progress he was supposed to make from week to week, and he seemed far ahead both physically and mentally of where he should be. He obviously recognized both of his parents and even the team, although he was much more withdrawn around them. He rarely made a sound around the others. Rose had to watch him closely for cues when he might by hungry or need his diaper changed.
He was always eerily silent around strangers. The doctor and physical therapist as well as any deliveryman prompted him to go completely still, and he stared unblinkingly at them until they left his line of sight. He had easily held up his head far before the book told her he would, and he was pushing himself up by his arms as well as using his hands with coordination.
“Because you’re so smart, Sebastian,” she whispered. Inside, she was just a little afraid. If Whitney ever got an inkling that Sebastian was weeks ahead of where he should be in his development, she was certain he would send an army after the boy.
She tried to keep her son away from everyone and often cautioned Kane not to brag about him, even to his team members. If Sergeant Major learned about Sebastian, would he say something to his superiors? Would it be put in a report somewhere for Whitney to find? She knew the man had spies everywhere. Money talked, and Whitney had plenty of it. He also was very adept at blackmailing people into getting what he wanted. Or threatening them.
Whitney had a variety of ways to succeed at his plans, and he was ruthless enough to always come out on top.
She brushed kisses on top of Sebastian’s head before switching him to the other breast. “You don’t have to worry, son,” she whispered, rocking him a little. He always seemed to sense her agitation and reacted, snuggling closer as if to comfort her. “You’ve got not only your daddy and me but Mack and Javier and all the rest of the team. I know some of them are scary, but they’ll look after you always.”
Kane just stood there in front of her. Stripped. Vulnerable. Allowing her to see him that way. Showing courage she lacked. Her heart contracted. She moistened her suddenly dry lips with the tip of her tongue. How had she fallen so far, so fast? From the time she’d been a child, it had been drilled into her to know her enemy, to seek knowledge, to have a plan. She’d had a plan until she first saw Kane—in Whitney’s camp.
“Tell me what you need,” Kane repeated.
She watched his hands, stroking the baby’s head. So gentle. She knew the feel of his hands on her skin, the way he touched her so possessively but with extraordinary tenderness. Could a man fake that kind of thing? He reached out and ran his thumb down the side of her face, just a wisp of movement, but she felt it all the way to her toes. It was only then that she realized she was holding her breath for real, and she let it out, forcing air in and out of her lungs.
“I don’t need rescuing.”
His smile twisted her heart into knots. “Don’t ruin my fantasy, honey. I’m the knight in shining armor and you’re my beautiful princess. I’m not a man of words. I’m just not. I want to say them to you, but I guess I just feel like an idiot trying to be all poetic.” His smile was crooked, almost wistful. “I want to be the man who saves you when you’re drowning, Rose, when life overwhelms you. And I want you to be the woman who does the same for me. I can’t make you believe me. I can only tell you that I’m standing in front of you, very much in love. It’s up to you whether you want to let Whitney take our lives from us.”
“He’s so cruel, Kane. So cruel. You have no idea what he’s capable of.”
“I was there. I saw what he was doing. I risked my career, my life, to expose him to the Senate. I can’t make you believe in me, Rose. I can only tell you that you’re free. If you want to walk out that door, I won’t stop you, but if you choose to stay with me, then that gives me every right to protect you in any way that I deem appropriate.”
She raised her chin. “Do I have those same rights?”
He cupped her face in his palm, his thumb sliding gently back and forth over her lips. His other palm cradled Sebastian to his chest. “Of course you do. You can’t be less than who you are any more than I could be.”
She found herself leaning into his hand, her knees a little weak. “He’s such a monster, always looming over us, playing us like puppets.”
“I wish you could have a normal life, Rose. I want you to be able to walk with confidence down to the grocery store or go shopping with Jaimie or even take our son to a park, but we’re different. We’re always going to be different. We have enemies, and we can’t pretend them away. This, what we create here together, has to be enough.”
She had always known, from the time she escaped Whitney’s compound, that she would be hunted. It made sense that Kane didn’t want her to go off alone without protection, that they always went in pairs or with shadows. If it made so much sense, then why was she panicking? And she was in full-blown panic. Even her usually calm mind felt chaotic. What was wrong with her? She had everything in the world standing in front of her that she could possibly want. He’d even told her that he loved her . . .
She gasped, realizing what was wrong. She didn’t believe she could be worth what she saw in Kane’s eyes. She’d been taught she wasn’t worth anything as a woman or as a human being. She was a soldier, service to her country, easily sacrificed. And she was good for breeding, to provide the next generation soldier who would be so much better than she was.
Her face flamed. Did she really have such low self-esteem that she couldn’t believe a man might actually love her? She knew from the start that Kane was physically attracted to her—Whitney had paired them. She knew they would have a great sex life, and she’d believed that he would stay with her for that reason. She’d fallen hard for him, something very unexpected and terrifying. But she hadn’t believed it was possible for him to feel the same emotions.
“Baby,” his voice was gentle, compelling. “You have to talk to me. If we stop talking, we’re through.”
“I just realized that I’ve allowed Whitney to undermine my confidence in myself as a woman—as a lovable woman. When it was physical attraction between us, I was comfortable with that, because it was all part of Whitney’s experiment, part of his great plan to produce the perfect supersoldier. But I fell in love with you, and that made me so vulnerable to one of his games. He knew it. He had to have known it. After you left my room, I begged him to pair us together, and I could see how pleased he was. I knew I’d given him another weapon to use against me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want you suffering without me suffering. At the time I felt I was being fair and taking responsibility.” Her eyes met his. “He knew it before me.”
“Knew what?”
“That I’d already fallen in love with you.”
“Rose.” His voice sent a million birds to flight in her stomach. “Fuck Whitney and what he thinks he knows. You trusted me to make a baby with you. You trusted me to deliver our child and to get you both out of trouble. You can trust me with your heart. God knows, I gave you mine completely. You walk away, and you take it with you.”
She stared up at his beloved face, all those tough lines etched deep, those beautiful green eyes that could pierce like an arrow. He could shatter her so easily, it was true, but if she was going to shatter, better it be with him. In the end, he was offering her refuge, love, a home. He was all she needed if she had the courage to accept that he could love her.
Kane was giving her everything, openly and honestly. She could see truth in his eyes. Was she really so stupid that she’d believe what Whitney had taught her over Kane? Rose shook her head. “I’m sorry, I lost my mind for a minute.”
He bent forward to brush a gentle kiss over her mouth. “You’re allowed.”
Sebastian protested, squirming, giving a small cry of annoyance at the change in position.
Kane laughed softly. “Don’t blame me, son, your mother is the one who is all mixed up. She’s beautiful and intelligent, all right, but I’m beginning to think perhaps she has little lapses occasionally while brain cells regenerate.”
“You did not just tell our son that,” Rose said, desperate to suppress the laughter welling up. The relief at Kane’s reaction to her idiocy was overwhelming. She wanted to weep and laugh at the same time. Instead she was practical, taking Sebastian from his arms. “Clearly, the boy needs to eat. I’m going to be having a little talk with him while I feed him too.”
Kane swept his arm around her waist and pulled her beneath the protection of his shoulder. She loved it when he did that. She didn’t need protection, but it was thrilling all the same.
“Eric is bringing the physical therapist with him again today,” he reminded when she would have sunk into a chair right in the living room.
Rose rolled her eyes. “It’s natural to breast-feed, Kane.”
“Absolutely, and I love you to breast-feed him. The thing is, I must be some kind of a perv, because whenever you feed him, I want you so damn bad I think I’m going to have to throw you up against the wall and take you right there. It takes a lot of discipline and control to behave myself. I sure don’t want any other man getting the same reaction.”
She felt the blush start somewhere in her toes and steal all the way up her body. She wouldn’t mind him slamming her up against the wall and taking her right then. “I wouldn’t say no,” she informed him in her best siren’s voice.
He groaned. “That was just wrong. Now every time you feed our son, I’m going to have the hard-on from hell and think about your reaction to my throwing you up against the wall. You just can’t put images like that in my head.”
She sat demurely in the chair across from their bed and settled herself comfortably. “I believe you put the image in my head, Kane. Which, given that the odious doctor and what I am very certain is most likely a clone of him are arriving any minute, wasn’t a very nice thing for you to do.” Deliberately she took her time unbuttoning her blouse. Ordinarily she would have covered herself a bit with a blanket, but instead, just to tease him, she unclipped her nursing bra, exposing her firm, round breast.
“I’ll just have to sit here, fantasizing about taking a long, wild ride on your very enormous hard-on.” She stared hungrily at the front of his jeans, her gaze devouring the thick bulge there. Deliberately she moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue and then ran it around her lips in anticipation.
He groaned and adjusted his jeans. “That’s just not right. You’re torturing me.”
“You deserve it for being right about going out with shadows tailing us. I hate not being right. And anytime you best me, just think of this moment.” He was standing close enough to her so she gave in to temptation and reached out to stroke the front of his jeans in long caresses.
He didn’t move but pushed into her hands, allowing the friction to deepen. “I did do that, didn’t I?” He grinned at her. “Bested you, babe. I was right.”
She rolled her eyes. “Rub it in, soldier.” She increased the pressure on the front of his jeans, drawing another groan from him.
The strobe in the bedroom went off at the same time the intercom buzzed at the front door. Kane sagged. “This just sucks.”
Rose smiled serenely and cradled Sebastian to her. She’d done a darn good job of turning the tables on him. Playing together was important. Just like trust. There were so many things she had to learn about relationships. The camaraderie between Kane and Mack and Jaimie was the same she’d shared with the women she’d been raised with. They shared trust, an unbreakable bond, along with the other members of the team. She wanted to be part of that. When she walked out onto the street to do her shopping or go to a movie—something she’d always dreamt of doing—she would feel safe knowing they were watching over her.
She rubbed Sebastian’s head, noting his hair was growing fast and thick. He seemed stronger than ever. She’d read in the baby book of the progress he was supposed to make from week to week, and he seemed far ahead both physically and mentally of where he should be. He obviously recognized both of his parents and even the team, although he was much more withdrawn around them. He rarely made a sound around the others. Rose had to watch him closely for cues when he might by hungry or need his diaper changed.
He was always eerily silent around strangers. The doctor and physical therapist as well as any deliveryman prompted him to go completely still, and he stared unblinkingly at them until they left his line of sight. He had easily held up his head far before the book told her he would, and he was pushing himself up by his arms as well as using his hands with coordination.
“Because you’re so smart, Sebastian,” she whispered. Inside, she was just a little afraid. If Whitney ever got an inkling that Sebastian was weeks ahead of where he should be in his development, she was certain he would send an army after the boy.
She tried to keep her son away from everyone and often cautioned Kane not to brag about him, even to his team members. If Sergeant Major learned about Sebastian, would he say something to his superiors? Would it be put in a report somewhere for Whitney to find? She knew the man had spies everywhere. Money talked, and Whitney had plenty of it. He also was very adept at blackmailing people into getting what he wanted. Or threatening them.
Whitney had a variety of ways to succeed at his plans, and he was ruthless enough to always come out on top.
She brushed kisses on top of Sebastian’s head before switching him to the other breast. “You don’t have to worry, son,” she whispered, rocking him a little. He always seemed to sense her agitation and reacted, snuggling closer as if to comfort her. “You’ve got not only your daddy and me but Mack and Javier and all the rest of the team. I know some of them are scary, but they’ll look after you always.”
