Safe with Me
Page 20
“How early were they?”
“About three weeks,” I reply.
“Where was Jeff?” He growls.
I laugh again and trace Josie’s soft cheek with my fingertip.
“Working. Always working.” I bite my lip, hating that I feel tears coming on. “He wasn’t even there when they were born.”
Caleb curses under his breath.
“He wasn’t a bad man, Caleb.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Honestly, he just shouldn’t have ever started a family with anyone. I knew when I married him that the job was his priority. He never made that a secret.”
Josie stirs, changing positions in my arms.
“I guess I thought he might change once the girls were born.” I smile over at Caleb sadly. “But he didn’t. And we realized early on that he shouldn’t be with us.”
“So you’ve been a single mom from day one.” It’s not a question.
“I have,” I nod. “I love them so much. They are worth every hour of sleep lost, Caleb. But damn, it’s exhausting and scary when they’re sick. There are times that I’ve had one throwing up in the bathroom and one throwing up in her bed and I can only be with one of them. What am I supposed to do then?”
I look up at him and let the tears fall silently down my cheeks in frustration.
“Or when they’re both crying for me, and I can only hold one of them at a time, especially now that they’re so much bigger.” I shake my head and wipe my cheeks. “I worry that I’m not enough for them.”
“Stop, baby. You’re such a great mom. They couldn’t love you more.”
I just nod and gaze over at Maddie resting peacefully in Caleb’s strong arms, her cheeks still pink with fever.
“When I told them that their dad died,” I whisper and swallow, rocking slowly, “I thought they’d be hysterical, but they just frowned and Maddy said, ‘does that mean we won’t see him again?’”
I turn my eyes back down to Josie and kiss the top of her head.
“What did you say?” he asks quietly.
“I just said yes, that was right. Neither of them cried, Caleb. They just frowned and hugged me, because they said I looked sad. They didn’t mourn him because they didn’t know him.”
“It was his loss, Bryn, and his own doing.”
“I know,” I nod. “It just makes me so sad because they are so wonderful, and he missed out on knowing them.”
Suddenly, Josie stirs again and cries before throwing up all over me.
“Here we go again.”
***
Twenty hours later, we are all exhausted. At one point during the day, Meg brought us all soup and sandwiches, broth for the girls, and looked over them to make sure that it was indeed just the flu.
The past two hours have been relatively calm. The fevers are coming down, and they’ve managed to sleep relatively peacefully.
“I think we’re about through the worst of it,” I murmur and comb my fingers through Maddie’s hair. I’m lying beside her, dozing in and out with her. Caleb is rocking Josie in the chair.
“She loves to rock,” he murmurs with a soft smile.
“She’s always been my rocker,” I agree. “Maddie can sleep anywhere, anytime. Josie, not so much. But sit in a rocking chair with her, and she’s a goner.”
“I’m going to try to lay her down,” he mutters and kisses her forehead. “Fevers are down, thank God. They scared me.”
How can I resist a man who is so good to my girls?
I let my eyes drift closed, listening to him tuck Josie in her bed. I must doze for just a minute because the next thing I know, Caleb is lifting me off the bed.
“I can walk,” I protest but wrap my arms around his neck. “I’m not a small woman like Jules.”
“You’re fine.”
“I’m not feeling terribly sexy tonight,” I murmur apologetically.
“I think I can control myself tonight,” he replies with a laugh.
“I should stay with the girls. You go to bed.”
“I grabbed the monitor,” he holds it up for me to see. “So we’ll hear them if they need us. For right now, I’m going to put you in a hot bath. You deserve it, sweetheart.”
I’m shocked when he carries me into the bathroom to see that he’s already filled the tub with steaming hot water and my lavender bath oil.
“How long was I out?” I ask.
“About fifteen minutes.” He sets me down on the toilet seat, props the monitor by the sink and helps me out of my clothes and into the hot bath.
“Oh my, that feels good.” I pull in a deep breath and let it out slow, then open my eyes and gaze up at the man standing next to the tub, his hands in his pockets. His eyes are tired. “This tub is big enough for two, you know.”
“Nope, this is just for you, Legs. But do you mind if I jump in the shower while you soak?”
“Hmm…” I scrunch up my face like I thinking really hard. “Watch a sexy man get naked and take a shower while I lay here and be lazy? Sure, why not.”
“Smart ass,” he laughs and strips naked, completely comfortable in his own skin, and turns on the water in the shower.
I may be exhausted, but I’m not dead. Dear Jesus, the man is just hot.
“What is the tat on your back?” I ask. I can’t read it from here, but it looks like four lines of script on his shoulder blade.
“About three weeks,” I reply.
“Where was Jeff?” He growls.
I laugh again and trace Josie’s soft cheek with my fingertip.
“Working. Always working.” I bite my lip, hating that I feel tears coming on. “He wasn’t even there when they were born.”
Caleb curses under his breath.
“He wasn’t a bad man, Caleb.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Honestly, he just shouldn’t have ever started a family with anyone. I knew when I married him that the job was his priority. He never made that a secret.”
Josie stirs, changing positions in my arms.
“I guess I thought he might change once the girls were born.” I smile over at Caleb sadly. “But he didn’t. And we realized early on that he shouldn’t be with us.”
“So you’ve been a single mom from day one.” It’s not a question.
“I have,” I nod. “I love them so much. They are worth every hour of sleep lost, Caleb. But damn, it’s exhausting and scary when they’re sick. There are times that I’ve had one throwing up in the bathroom and one throwing up in her bed and I can only be with one of them. What am I supposed to do then?”
I look up at him and let the tears fall silently down my cheeks in frustration.
“Or when they’re both crying for me, and I can only hold one of them at a time, especially now that they’re so much bigger.” I shake my head and wipe my cheeks. “I worry that I’m not enough for them.”
“Stop, baby. You’re such a great mom. They couldn’t love you more.”
I just nod and gaze over at Maddie resting peacefully in Caleb’s strong arms, her cheeks still pink with fever.
“When I told them that their dad died,” I whisper and swallow, rocking slowly, “I thought they’d be hysterical, but they just frowned and Maddy said, ‘does that mean we won’t see him again?’”
I turn my eyes back down to Josie and kiss the top of her head.
“What did you say?” he asks quietly.
“I just said yes, that was right. Neither of them cried, Caleb. They just frowned and hugged me, because they said I looked sad. They didn’t mourn him because they didn’t know him.”
“It was his loss, Bryn, and his own doing.”
“I know,” I nod. “It just makes me so sad because they are so wonderful, and he missed out on knowing them.”
Suddenly, Josie stirs again and cries before throwing up all over me.
“Here we go again.”
***
Twenty hours later, we are all exhausted. At one point during the day, Meg brought us all soup and sandwiches, broth for the girls, and looked over them to make sure that it was indeed just the flu.
The past two hours have been relatively calm. The fevers are coming down, and they’ve managed to sleep relatively peacefully.
“I think we’re about through the worst of it,” I murmur and comb my fingers through Maddie’s hair. I’m lying beside her, dozing in and out with her. Caleb is rocking Josie in the chair.
“She loves to rock,” he murmurs with a soft smile.
“She’s always been my rocker,” I agree. “Maddie can sleep anywhere, anytime. Josie, not so much. But sit in a rocking chair with her, and she’s a goner.”
“I’m going to try to lay her down,” he mutters and kisses her forehead. “Fevers are down, thank God. They scared me.”
How can I resist a man who is so good to my girls?
I let my eyes drift closed, listening to him tuck Josie in her bed. I must doze for just a minute because the next thing I know, Caleb is lifting me off the bed.
“I can walk,” I protest but wrap my arms around his neck. “I’m not a small woman like Jules.”
“You’re fine.”
“I’m not feeling terribly sexy tonight,” I murmur apologetically.
“I think I can control myself tonight,” he replies with a laugh.
“I should stay with the girls. You go to bed.”
“I grabbed the monitor,” he holds it up for me to see. “So we’ll hear them if they need us. For right now, I’m going to put you in a hot bath. You deserve it, sweetheart.”
I’m shocked when he carries me into the bathroom to see that he’s already filled the tub with steaming hot water and my lavender bath oil.
“How long was I out?” I ask.
“About fifteen minutes.” He sets me down on the toilet seat, props the monitor by the sink and helps me out of my clothes and into the hot bath.
“Oh my, that feels good.” I pull in a deep breath and let it out slow, then open my eyes and gaze up at the man standing next to the tub, his hands in his pockets. His eyes are tired. “This tub is big enough for two, you know.”
“Nope, this is just for you, Legs. But do you mind if I jump in the shower while you soak?”
“Hmm…” I scrunch up my face like I thinking really hard. “Watch a sexy man get naked and take a shower while I lay here and be lazy? Sure, why not.”
“Smart ass,” he laughs and strips naked, completely comfortable in his own skin, and turns on the water in the shower.
I may be exhausted, but I’m not dead. Dear Jesus, the man is just hot.
“What is the tat on your back?” I ask. I can’t read it from here, but it looks like four lines of script on his shoulder blade.
