Safe with Me
Page 61
“Lewis! Bates is calling for help!” I called out. Lewis was on his stomach now, still shooting and taking down men.
My own rifle continued to fire as well, and for a moment, I thought we might survive it, just one man down.
Until a fucking sniper landed a shot in Lewis’ forehead, killing him instantly.
“Motherfucker,” I growled and continued to fire in earnest, sure that all four of us would die here on this mountain, and I’d be damned if we went out without a fight.
“Back up is coming!” Bates called down to me, just before another bullet caught him in the left shoulder and he slumped to the ground.
“You hold on!” I called out to him, my heart beating erratically. “Get down, Bates!”
“Roger, sir,” he responded and watched me with glassy eyes as I continued to take out the enemy around us.
A flash of light came straight for us and landed several yards away, knocking me out cold.
What am I doing?
I shake my head, pulling myself back into the here and now and splash more water on my face with shaking hands.
I’ve wanted Brynna since the first time I laid eyes on her. She’s fucking gorgeous, who wouldn’t want to fuck her?
But goddamn it, she’s more than that. Why did I think I could just have her in my bed, and not fall in love with her?
Why couldn’t I keep my fucking hands off her?
I stare at the hollow, broken man in the mirror, knowing the answer already.
Because Brynna Vincent is it for me. There will never be another woman who can make me feel safe, make me feel happy.
Make me feel loved.
And her daughters are two little beacons of light in this dark hell I call a life that I just can’t resist.
And God knows I don’t deserve them.
Any of them.
Just the thought of Josie and Maddie calling me Daddy fills me with so much pride and so much fear I don’t know what to do with myself.
Things have gotten so far out of hand. We have to stop playing house. If not for my own sanity, for the sake of the girls because only heartache can come of this.
I couldn’t protect my men. What in the name of Christ made me ever think I could protect these precious women?
I stomp out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, punching the keys on my phone as I move, yank my bag out of the closet and throw the few articles of clothing and toiletries I have into it, zip it, and jog down the stairs, preparing myself to go toe-to-toe with the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Because I’ll never be the best thing for her.
“What are you doing?” She asks with a scowl, rising from the couch when she sees me.
“I’ve texted Matt to come be with you and the girls. It’s time I go, Bryn.” Dear God, don’t look at me like that. She blinks and her eyes turn sad, but she crosses her arms over her chest and thrusts her chin in the air.
“Why?”
I shrug and pull my jacket over my arms.
“It’s time. I think I’ll take a job I’ve been offered in San Diego. You’ll be fine with Matt.” Every word is like a knife stabbing through my heart.
“So, I tell you I love you, my girls fall in love with you, and all you can do is run away?” She asks, her soft voice full of anger.
Betrayal.
“Look,” I begin and wipe my fingers over my mouth, not able to look her in the eye. “I can’t help it if you mistook me fucking you for anything more than that.”
She gasps and I turn my back on her, my chest heaving, hating myself.
How can I do this to her?
“I figured I’d have some fun with you while I was here, but…”
“But what?” She growls between clenched teeth.
“But I don’t love you back,” I can’t turn around and look her in the face. God, I love you so fucking much I can’t stand it.
I hear her breathing hard behind me and pray she doesn’t cry.
Doesn’t beg.
But this is Brynna we’re talking about, and she doesn’t beg for anything.
“I’m telling you right now, Caleb Montgomery, if you leave you will not be welcome to come back.” Her voice wavers on the very last word and it’s a kick in my gut.
I nod stiffly. “I’ve already texted Matt.”
“Am I supposed to fuck him too, since he’ll be filling in for you?” She asks, her voice full of venom and anger, and she does exactly what she’s aiming for.
Stabs me right through the heart.
I’ll fucking kill him if he puts a hand on you.
I clench my jaw and my fists and turn to look her in the eye. I do my best to keep my face impassive, but I know I’m failing horribly.
I’d never crack under pressure if I were being interrogated by the enemy, but this is breaking me, and I need to get the fuck out.
“Fuck whomever you want,” I reply.
Her jaw drops and eyes widen, filling with tears, but she pulls herself together and narrows her eyes on me again.
“You’re a fucking pussy,” she growls.
“I told you I’m done and I’m leaving, Brynna. What do you want?” I ask in anger, raising my voice for the first time.
“I want to be someone’s fucking first choice, goddamn it!” She yells back at me. “I want someone to want to stay with me. To choose me!” Her eyes are wide and pissed as she stomps her foot and glares at me. “I thought you were that man.”
“You thought wrong.”
My own rifle continued to fire as well, and for a moment, I thought we might survive it, just one man down.
Until a fucking sniper landed a shot in Lewis’ forehead, killing him instantly.
“Motherfucker,” I growled and continued to fire in earnest, sure that all four of us would die here on this mountain, and I’d be damned if we went out without a fight.
“Back up is coming!” Bates called down to me, just before another bullet caught him in the left shoulder and he slumped to the ground.
“You hold on!” I called out to him, my heart beating erratically. “Get down, Bates!”
“Roger, sir,” he responded and watched me with glassy eyes as I continued to take out the enemy around us.
A flash of light came straight for us and landed several yards away, knocking me out cold.
What am I doing?
I shake my head, pulling myself back into the here and now and splash more water on my face with shaking hands.
I’ve wanted Brynna since the first time I laid eyes on her. She’s fucking gorgeous, who wouldn’t want to fuck her?
But goddamn it, she’s more than that. Why did I think I could just have her in my bed, and not fall in love with her?
Why couldn’t I keep my fucking hands off her?
I stare at the hollow, broken man in the mirror, knowing the answer already.
Because Brynna Vincent is it for me. There will never be another woman who can make me feel safe, make me feel happy.
Make me feel loved.
And her daughters are two little beacons of light in this dark hell I call a life that I just can’t resist.
And God knows I don’t deserve them.
Any of them.
Just the thought of Josie and Maddie calling me Daddy fills me with so much pride and so much fear I don’t know what to do with myself.
Things have gotten so far out of hand. We have to stop playing house. If not for my own sanity, for the sake of the girls because only heartache can come of this.
I couldn’t protect my men. What in the name of Christ made me ever think I could protect these precious women?
I stomp out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, punching the keys on my phone as I move, yank my bag out of the closet and throw the few articles of clothing and toiletries I have into it, zip it, and jog down the stairs, preparing myself to go toe-to-toe with the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Because I’ll never be the best thing for her.
“What are you doing?” She asks with a scowl, rising from the couch when she sees me.
“I’ve texted Matt to come be with you and the girls. It’s time I go, Bryn.” Dear God, don’t look at me like that. She blinks and her eyes turn sad, but she crosses her arms over her chest and thrusts her chin in the air.
“Why?”
I shrug and pull my jacket over my arms.
“It’s time. I think I’ll take a job I’ve been offered in San Diego. You’ll be fine with Matt.” Every word is like a knife stabbing through my heart.
“So, I tell you I love you, my girls fall in love with you, and all you can do is run away?” She asks, her soft voice full of anger.
Betrayal.
“Look,” I begin and wipe my fingers over my mouth, not able to look her in the eye. “I can’t help it if you mistook me fucking you for anything more than that.”
She gasps and I turn my back on her, my chest heaving, hating myself.
How can I do this to her?
“I figured I’d have some fun with you while I was here, but…”
“But what?” She growls between clenched teeth.
“But I don’t love you back,” I can’t turn around and look her in the face. God, I love you so fucking much I can’t stand it.
I hear her breathing hard behind me and pray she doesn’t cry.
Doesn’t beg.
But this is Brynna we’re talking about, and she doesn’t beg for anything.
“I’m telling you right now, Caleb Montgomery, if you leave you will not be welcome to come back.” Her voice wavers on the very last word and it’s a kick in my gut.
I nod stiffly. “I’ve already texted Matt.”
“Am I supposed to fuck him too, since he’ll be filling in for you?” She asks, her voice full of venom and anger, and she does exactly what she’s aiming for.
Stabs me right through the heart.
I’ll fucking kill him if he puts a hand on you.
I clench my jaw and my fists and turn to look her in the eye. I do my best to keep my face impassive, but I know I’m failing horribly.
I’d never crack under pressure if I were being interrogated by the enemy, but this is breaking me, and I need to get the fuck out.
“Fuck whomever you want,” I reply.
Her jaw drops and eyes widen, filling with tears, but she pulls herself together and narrows her eyes on me again.
“You’re a fucking pussy,” she growls.
“I told you I’m done and I’m leaving, Brynna. What do you want?” I ask in anger, raising my voice for the first time.
“I want to be someone’s fucking first choice, goddamn it!” She yells back at me. “I want someone to want to stay with me. To choose me!” Her eyes are wide and pissed as she stomps her foot and glares at me. “I thought you were that man.”
“You thought wrong.”
