Safe Word
Page 12
“Cole, does this…”
I slammed the door and stood upright to look her in the eye. She was wringing her hands together nervously.
“This doesn’t change anything.”
Her gaze fell as sadness washed over her and she slowly nodded.
“Why are you treating me this way?”
“I tried to be the good guy once. It didn’t take.” I didn’t need to elaborate. Her eyes widened fractionally and she knew I was referencing her situation. It felt like another lifetime.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I was thankful for the distraction. I pulled it out and glanced over the text message from Danny.
Meeting tomorrow at Fig
The last time I was in Fig’s was the beginning of the end of my trying to do right.
I sat at the bar, nursing what could have been my tenth beer, when an older gentleman slid onto the stool next to me. The television above the counter filled the silence between us. I listened to them break the story of one of New York’s rising police officers who had been kicked off the force for misconduct and suspicion of drug trafficking a month ago. He was released from prison and the charges were dropped after evidence surfaced that the jury had been tampered with.
“Shame,” the man said, shaking his head as he held up a finger to the bartender. I raised an eyebrow and took a sip from my beer.
“You don’t think he should have been released?”
The man chuckled and turned to face me.
“No, Colton. I think it was a shame you got caught. Could have used a guy on the inside like you.”
“I’m sorry. Who the f**k are you?” My words slurred as I sat my glass down and met his glare.
“You have potential, son. But you’re stupid, just like your father.”
“Don’t compare me to that piece of shit.” I leaned back on my stool, wobbling as I struggled to keep my balance.
“So I guess there are no hard feelings.”
“I don’t even know you.”
“You’re right. Where are my manners? My name is Daniel Abruzzo. I’m the man who got that piece of shit out of your life. I took care of your problem and I was wondering if you could help me with mine.” My father’s murderer held out his hand for me to shake. I took his hand, knowing I was making a deal with the devil. There was no turning back. I grabbed my beer and held it up.
“To new friends.”
“Was that about me?” Lily craned her neck to look at the screen of my phone. I shoved it back in my jeans and cracked my neck.
“If I want you to know something, I will tell you. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”
Her eyes narrowed and she folded her arms over her chest.
“They will find you and me…”
I took a step closer to her, trying not to lose control even in the face of her threats.
“And what? What’s gonna happen to me?”
“They’re going to send you back to prison.”
I laughed and ran my knuckles over her cheek.
“Men like me don’t go to prison. At least, not for long.” I froze, and my hand fell away from her face. “You f**king knew.” I rubbed my jaw roughly as I recalled the national coverage about my release. Rose must have known where I was for months. Not only that, but why did she wait so long to find me?
“Knew what?” her eyebrows pulled together as she feigned innocence, but I could tell when she was lying.
I rubbed my hands over my head as I took a step back, unable to process everything that was happening. It was my fault Lily was here.
“Fuck!”
“Please tell me what is wrong.” Lily took a step toward me with her arm outstretched.
“Don’t! Don’t f**king touch me.” I held up my hand to stop her. “What I don’t understand is why you came back, when you knew what I had been accused of.”
“Cole…”
“Answer the f**king question!” I took a deep breath, struggling not to lose control completely.
“I knew you didn’t do it.”
“You don’t f**king know me, Rose. Does this look innocent to you? Huh?” I pointed to the spare bedroom with the lock dangling from its metal closure.
“I’m Lily now,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around herself. I leaned in closer, knowing she was terrified.
“You’re whoever the f**k I want you to be. For the next two weeks I f**king own you and, if you’re lucky, you may still be alive when all of this is over.” She had awakened an animal inside of me, and as I spat my hatred at her I could still taste her on my tongue. I hated myself for giving in to her. Tears welled in her eyes and her chin quivered as she struggled to keep from breaking down. I cupped her cheek, running the pad of my finger over her silky skin. “Don’t cry, Rose. Things are just about to get fun.” I placed a gentle kiss over her lower lip and ran my thumb over it, soothing her. “Can you taste that, Rose?” All traces of anger had left my voice, but something had snapped inside of me. “I can still taste your sweetness, still smell you all over me.” I leaned down and ran my nose up the curve of her neck, inhaling. I grabbed her wrist as my mouth reached her ear.
“Look what you’re doing to me, Rose.” I placed her hand on my jeans so she could feel how stiff my c**k was from just thinking about her. She tried to pull back but I tightened my grip and held her against me. “Do you still think I’m the good guy?” I smiled as she jerked her hand back. A twisted laugh escaped me as she stormed off to the spare bedroom and slammed the door.
I swiped my arm across the counter, sending bowls and other miscellaneous items flying and crashing to the floor. She was an obsession, and after I’d lost her, I had convinced myself that she had never been real. I had cut off all emotion toward everyone, and now I was overloaded as everything came flooding back to me.
Chapter Eight
I Hate the Rain
“You have to eat,” I called through the door.
“I’ve lost my appetite.”
“It wasn’t a question. I am telling you that you will eat.” I took a step back and listened to her shuffle around before the door opened. “Are those sweatpants supposed to stop me from touching you?” My words were laced with sarcasm. I had no intention of forcing her to do anything. I wanted her to want it just as badly as I did. I could see how color tinted her cheeks whenever I made mention of something sexual, forced or otherwise.
“I thought you were hungry.” She swallowed but didn’t take a step back. I brushed the dark hair from her forehead before gripping it loosely in my hand.
“I’ve already eaten, darlin’.” I winked as her eyes widened like saucers and mine drifted down over the swell of her br**sts to my oversize sweatpants that hung from her hips. I let my hand fall and walked over to the couch. I needed to keep my distance from her. No matter how it ended it would f**king kill me. But making her off-limits only made me want her more. I watched her walk across the room and take her seat next to me.
“What’s this?” she asked as she leaned forward, examining the plates of food on the coffee table.
“Desert-fire-pasta. I thought we could use some real food.” I grabbed the remote and turned on the television for a little background noise.
“Thank you.” She smiled as she reached for her plate. I laughed and shook my head.
“What?”
“Not hungry, huh?” I grabbed my plate and sat back on the couch, my eyes fixed on the TV. I didn’t need to look at her to know she was rolling her eyes and making a face. Some things never change.
I turned the volume up and began eating my shrimp and noodle concoction. The news was reporting a murder a few miles from here. They were assuming it was a drug deal gone bad, but nothing is ever what it seems around here. If you wanted someone to disappear it was fairly easy to do. I glanced over at Rose as I thought of how easily she had slipped away. The idea of keeping her locked away here forever crossed my mind.
I could feel her eyes on me and my gaze drifted to the window. The sun had set and it was the beginning of another restless night of fighting my demons. Large raindrops splattered across the window. I hated the rain.
My eyes scanned the sidewalk-chalk artwork from the neighborhood kids. When I saw the drawing of a large yellow sun, I smiled knowing that Rose was able to sneak out and spend a little time with me. I dreaded the nights that the sidewalk was covered in bright-blue raindrops. I slipped beside her house and quietly made my way to her bedroom, an office that they had converted into a room for her while the upstairs was being remodeled.
“We are going to get caught!” Rose giggled as she stuck her leg out of her bedroom window. I grabbed her waist and held on to her as she slipped outside.
“No one will catch us. Besides, if they do you can just say I kidnapped you.”
She moved her hand to smack my chest and I grabbed it before she could connect.
“You’re gonna pay for that.” I leaned in closer, savoring that fraction of a second that the world stopped spinning and she became my gravity. Her lips met mine and she inhaled as her lips parted. I took the opportunity to run my tongue over her lower lip, but she pulled back and stopped me. I rested my forehead against hers and closed my eyes as I begged my heart rate to slow down.
Rose leaned forward and sat her plate on the coffee table, and the noise pulled me from my memories. I glanced over at her and her eyes were fixed on the window.
“I hate the rain.” She frowned as she crossed her legs in front of her on the couch.
“I remember.” I looked back at the window as the wind picked up, beating the rain against the glass. “A flower needs the rain to grow just as much as it needs the sunshine.”
“So you say.”
“Yeah, I guess I say a lot of things. One thing I do know, this storm that’s coming isn’t going to be easy. I think it’s time for bed.” I pushed myself up from the couch and grabbed our plates to put in the sink.
“Already?” Rose stirred in her seat but didn’t get up.
I dropped the dishes in the sink and they clanked against the bowls from our breakfast. Pulling open the drawer next to the fridge, I grabbed my gun from underneath the false bottom and stuck it into the waist of my jeans. Thunder rumbled and a flicker of lightening sent shadows scattering across the apartment.
“Get up, Rose.” I stalked into the living room and grabbed the remote, turning off the television and drowning us in darkness.”
“I’m scared.”
“Of the storm or me, sweetheart?”
“I don’t want to be locked in there while the weather is bad.”
“Fuck, Rose. There aren’t even any windows.”
“Can’t I just sleep on the couch?”
I laughed as I glanced around the apartment. This was her only option. I couldn’t risk her taking off in the middle of the night. She was testing me. Fucking testing me to see if I was going to be a pushover and give her what she wanted.
“You can walk on your own two feet or I can make you go.”
Her eyes narrowed and I was actually hoping she would take plan B. I enjoyed a challenge.
“You know I’m scared.”
“I am aware you are scared, I just don’t f**king care.”
“Yes you do, Cole.” She could see right through the facade and into my heart, which she had claimed years ago.
“Fine. Have it your way.” I rounded the coffee table and grabbed her by her shoulders, pulling her to her feet.
“Let go of me!” she yelled as her hand flew up and connected with the side of my face. I was in shock and it took a moment before I realized what had just happened.
“You’re going to pay for that one.” I grabbed her wrist and spun her around so her back was against my chest. I pulled her arm up between us, bending it at the elbow until she was on tiptoe.
“Oww! Let go of me, you f**king ass**le!”
“Give me your other arm.” I raised her wrist slightly higher. “Now.”
She complied and I relaxed my grip so she could lower herself back onto the flats of her feet.
“I’m in f**king charge here. You do what I say when I say it or I will make this little time we have together a f**king nightmare,” I spoke into her ear quietly so she knew I meant every word I was saying.
“I thought you loved me.”
“If you understand, now is the time to let me know.” I couldn’t respond to her question of love. How could she ever think that what I had felt for her Hadn’t been real? I existed for her.
She nodded and I released her arms, causing her to tumble onto the couch in front of her.
“Should we try this again?”
Lightening flashed and I could see the anger and hurt in her chocolate eyes.
“Get up.”
Rose didn’t hesitate as she pushed to her feet and tugged on her T-shirt.
“Let’s go.” I turned toward the bedrooms. “You can sleep with me tonight.”
Chapter Nine
Won’t Say It Twice
I waited for Rose to slink into the bedroom before I slammed the door closed, causing her to jump. She thought she had won by not having to sleep in her room. She underestimated me. I’ve comforted her on more than one occasion while she was scared to sleep, slipping in her window and stroking her hair until her breathing evened out. I’ve never been right since. Every cloudy day that’s passed since she disappeared has been pure f**king torture.
Thunder cracked, louder this time, as the storm grew closer. Rose sat on the edge of the bed facing me. I undid my jeans and pushed them lower on my hips, placing my gun on the dresser.
I slammed the door and stood upright to look her in the eye. She was wringing her hands together nervously.
“This doesn’t change anything.”
Her gaze fell as sadness washed over her and she slowly nodded.
“Why are you treating me this way?”
“I tried to be the good guy once. It didn’t take.” I didn’t need to elaborate. Her eyes widened fractionally and she knew I was referencing her situation. It felt like another lifetime.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I was thankful for the distraction. I pulled it out and glanced over the text message from Danny.
Meeting tomorrow at Fig
The last time I was in Fig’s was the beginning of the end of my trying to do right.
I sat at the bar, nursing what could have been my tenth beer, when an older gentleman slid onto the stool next to me. The television above the counter filled the silence between us. I listened to them break the story of one of New York’s rising police officers who had been kicked off the force for misconduct and suspicion of drug trafficking a month ago. He was released from prison and the charges were dropped after evidence surfaced that the jury had been tampered with.
“Shame,” the man said, shaking his head as he held up a finger to the bartender. I raised an eyebrow and took a sip from my beer.
“You don’t think he should have been released?”
The man chuckled and turned to face me.
“No, Colton. I think it was a shame you got caught. Could have used a guy on the inside like you.”
“I’m sorry. Who the f**k are you?” My words slurred as I sat my glass down and met his glare.
“You have potential, son. But you’re stupid, just like your father.”
“Don’t compare me to that piece of shit.” I leaned back on my stool, wobbling as I struggled to keep my balance.
“So I guess there are no hard feelings.”
“I don’t even know you.”
“You’re right. Where are my manners? My name is Daniel Abruzzo. I’m the man who got that piece of shit out of your life. I took care of your problem and I was wondering if you could help me with mine.” My father’s murderer held out his hand for me to shake. I took his hand, knowing I was making a deal with the devil. There was no turning back. I grabbed my beer and held it up.
“To new friends.”
“Was that about me?” Lily craned her neck to look at the screen of my phone. I shoved it back in my jeans and cracked my neck.
“If I want you to know something, I will tell you. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”
Her eyes narrowed and she folded her arms over her chest.
“They will find you and me…”
I took a step closer to her, trying not to lose control even in the face of her threats.
“And what? What’s gonna happen to me?”
“They’re going to send you back to prison.”
I laughed and ran my knuckles over her cheek.
“Men like me don’t go to prison. At least, not for long.” I froze, and my hand fell away from her face. “You f**king knew.” I rubbed my jaw roughly as I recalled the national coverage about my release. Rose must have known where I was for months. Not only that, but why did she wait so long to find me?
“Knew what?” her eyebrows pulled together as she feigned innocence, but I could tell when she was lying.
I rubbed my hands over my head as I took a step back, unable to process everything that was happening. It was my fault Lily was here.
“Fuck!”
“Please tell me what is wrong.” Lily took a step toward me with her arm outstretched.
“Don’t! Don’t f**king touch me.” I held up my hand to stop her. “What I don’t understand is why you came back, when you knew what I had been accused of.”
“Cole…”
“Answer the f**king question!” I took a deep breath, struggling not to lose control completely.
“I knew you didn’t do it.”
“You don’t f**king know me, Rose. Does this look innocent to you? Huh?” I pointed to the spare bedroom with the lock dangling from its metal closure.
“I’m Lily now,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around herself. I leaned in closer, knowing she was terrified.
“You’re whoever the f**k I want you to be. For the next two weeks I f**king own you and, if you’re lucky, you may still be alive when all of this is over.” She had awakened an animal inside of me, and as I spat my hatred at her I could still taste her on my tongue. I hated myself for giving in to her. Tears welled in her eyes and her chin quivered as she struggled to keep from breaking down. I cupped her cheek, running the pad of my finger over her silky skin. “Don’t cry, Rose. Things are just about to get fun.” I placed a gentle kiss over her lower lip and ran my thumb over it, soothing her. “Can you taste that, Rose?” All traces of anger had left my voice, but something had snapped inside of me. “I can still taste your sweetness, still smell you all over me.” I leaned down and ran my nose up the curve of her neck, inhaling. I grabbed her wrist as my mouth reached her ear.
“Look what you’re doing to me, Rose.” I placed her hand on my jeans so she could feel how stiff my c**k was from just thinking about her. She tried to pull back but I tightened my grip and held her against me. “Do you still think I’m the good guy?” I smiled as she jerked her hand back. A twisted laugh escaped me as she stormed off to the spare bedroom and slammed the door.
I swiped my arm across the counter, sending bowls and other miscellaneous items flying and crashing to the floor. She was an obsession, and after I’d lost her, I had convinced myself that she had never been real. I had cut off all emotion toward everyone, and now I was overloaded as everything came flooding back to me.
Chapter Eight
I Hate the Rain
“You have to eat,” I called through the door.
“I’ve lost my appetite.”
“It wasn’t a question. I am telling you that you will eat.” I took a step back and listened to her shuffle around before the door opened. “Are those sweatpants supposed to stop me from touching you?” My words were laced with sarcasm. I had no intention of forcing her to do anything. I wanted her to want it just as badly as I did. I could see how color tinted her cheeks whenever I made mention of something sexual, forced or otherwise.
“I thought you were hungry.” She swallowed but didn’t take a step back. I brushed the dark hair from her forehead before gripping it loosely in my hand.
“I’ve already eaten, darlin’.” I winked as her eyes widened like saucers and mine drifted down over the swell of her br**sts to my oversize sweatpants that hung from her hips. I let my hand fall and walked over to the couch. I needed to keep my distance from her. No matter how it ended it would f**king kill me. But making her off-limits only made me want her more. I watched her walk across the room and take her seat next to me.
“What’s this?” she asked as she leaned forward, examining the plates of food on the coffee table.
“Desert-fire-pasta. I thought we could use some real food.” I grabbed the remote and turned on the television for a little background noise.
“Thank you.” She smiled as she reached for her plate. I laughed and shook my head.
“What?”
“Not hungry, huh?” I grabbed my plate and sat back on the couch, my eyes fixed on the TV. I didn’t need to look at her to know she was rolling her eyes and making a face. Some things never change.
I turned the volume up and began eating my shrimp and noodle concoction. The news was reporting a murder a few miles from here. They were assuming it was a drug deal gone bad, but nothing is ever what it seems around here. If you wanted someone to disappear it was fairly easy to do. I glanced over at Rose as I thought of how easily she had slipped away. The idea of keeping her locked away here forever crossed my mind.
I could feel her eyes on me and my gaze drifted to the window. The sun had set and it was the beginning of another restless night of fighting my demons. Large raindrops splattered across the window. I hated the rain.
My eyes scanned the sidewalk-chalk artwork from the neighborhood kids. When I saw the drawing of a large yellow sun, I smiled knowing that Rose was able to sneak out and spend a little time with me. I dreaded the nights that the sidewalk was covered in bright-blue raindrops. I slipped beside her house and quietly made my way to her bedroom, an office that they had converted into a room for her while the upstairs was being remodeled.
“We are going to get caught!” Rose giggled as she stuck her leg out of her bedroom window. I grabbed her waist and held on to her as she slipped outside.
“No one will catch us. Besides, if they do you can just say I kidnapped you.”
She moved her hand to smack my chest and I grabbed it before she could connect.
“You’re gonna pay for that.” I leaned in closer, savoring that fraction of a second that the world stopped spinning and she became my gravity. Her lips met mine and she inhaled as her lips parted. I took the opportunity to run my tongue over her lower lip, but she pulled back and stopped me. I rested my forehead against hers and closed my eyes as I begged my heart rate to slow down.
Rose leaned forward and sat her plate on the coffee table, and the noise pulled me from my memories. I glanced over at her and her eyes were fixed on the window.
“I hate the rain.” She frowned as she crossed her legs in front of her on the couch.
“I remember.” I looked back at the window as the wind picked up, beating the rain against the glass. “A flower needs the rain to grow just as much as it needs the sunshine.”
“So you say.”
“Yeah, I guess I say a lot of things. One thing I do know, this storm that’s coming isn’t going to be easy. I think it’s time for bed.” I pushed myself up from the couch and grabbed our plates to put in the sink.
“Already?” Rose stirred in her seat but didn’t get up.
I dropped the dishes in the sink and they clanked against the bowls from our breakfast. Pulling open the drawer next to the fridge, I grabbed my gun from underneath the false bottom and stuck it into the waist of my jeans. Thunder rumbled and a flicker of lightening sent shadows scattering across the apartment.
“Get up, Rose.” I stalked into the living room and grabbed the remote, turning off the television and drowning us in darkness.”
“I’m scared.”
“Of the storm or me, sweetheart?”
“I don’t want to be locked in there while the weather is bad.”
“Fuck, Rose. There aren’t even any windows.”
“Can’t I just sleep on the couch?”
I laughed as I glanced around the apartment. This was her only option. I couldn’t risk her taking off in the middle of the night. She was testing me. Fucking testing me to see if I was going to be a pushover and give her what she wanted.
“You can walk on your own two feet or I can make you go.”
Her eyes narrowed and I was actually hoping she would take plan B. I enjoyed a challenge.
“You know I’m scared.”
“I am aware you are scared, I just don’t f**king care.”
“Yes you do, Cole.” She could see right through the facade and into my heart, which she had claimed years ago.
“Fine. Have it your way.” I rounded the coffee table and grabbed her by her shoulders, pulling her to her feet.
“Let go of me!” she yelled as her hand flew up and connected with the side of my face. I was in shock and it took a moment before I realized what had just happened.
“You’re going to pay for that one.” I grabbed her wrist and spun her around so her back was against my chest. I pulled her arm up between us, bending it at the elbow until she was on tiptoe.
“Oww! Let go of me, you f**king ass**le!”
“Give me your other arm.” I raised her wrist slightly higher. “Now.”
She complied and I relaxed my grip so she could lower herself back onto the flats of her feet.
“I’m in f**king charge here. You do what I say when I say it or I will make this little time we have together a f**king nightmare,” I spoke into her ear quietly so she knew I meant every word I was saying.
“I thought you loved me.”
“If you understand, now is the time to let me know.” I couldn’t respond to her question of love. How could she ever think that what I had felt for her Hadn’t been real? I existed for her.
She nodded and I released her arms, causing her to tumble onto the couch in front of her.
“Should we try this again?”
Lightening flashed and I could see the anger and hurt in her chocolate eyes.
“Get up.”
Rose didn’t hesitate as she pushed to her feet and tugged on her T-shirt.
“Let’s go.” I turned toward the bedrooms. “You can sleep with me tonight.”
Chapter Nine
Won’t Say It Twice
I waited for Rose to slink into the bedroom before I slammed the door closed, causing her to jump. She thought she had won by not having to sleep in her room. She underestimated me. I’ve comforted her on more than one occasion while she was scared to sleep, slipping in her window and stroking her hair until her breathing evened out. I’ve never been right since. Every cloudy day that’s passed since she disappeared has been pure f**king torture.
Thunder cracked, louder this time, as the storm grew closer. Rose sat on the edge of the bed facing me. I undid my jeans and pushed them lower on my hips, placing my gun on the dresser.
