Safe Word
Page 3
She laughed, and I knew she thought I was just saying what any boy would say when he wanted to make out with the most popular girl in school.
“I’m serious, Rose. I’ll f**king kill him if he touches you again.” She sucked her lower lip in between her teeth and nodded.
I tucked her crimson hair behind her ear and leaned in to press my lips against hers again.
We snuck off like this nearly every day, and I was beginning to believe that one day we would walk hand in hand down the hall together, maybe even down the aisle. She was beautiful and smart but, most of all, she was real. She wasn’t this cookie-cutter teenager that fit in with the popular crowd. She was broken like I was, and I wanted us to fix each other.
It wasn’t until three months later that her mom went out of town again and Rose quit coming to school. I gathered up some worksheets from all the teachers and set off to her house to find out what was going on. I couldn’t stand a day going by without being able to hold her.
I could hear noises coming from inside the home as I approached. A television blared in the background. A rain cloud with large blue drops, drawn in chalk, covered the sidewalk in front of her house. I knew this was the sign to stay away, but I couldn’t just leave knowing she was hurting. We had been using this warning system for weeks. I hurried alongside her house toward the yard. I dropped the stack of papers on her back porch and made my way around to one of the windows. My mind raced. The living room was empty, and the light from the television bounced off the walls. Dirty clothes and beer bottles littered the floor. I continued around the house until I heard muffled crying. I glanced in Rose’s window. It was dark and I could only make out shadows, but I knew he was in there with her.
I ran around the house and up onto the back porch. Taking a deep breath, I pulled open the screen door, stopping as it squeaked on its hinges. The house grew quiet, and I forced myself to hold perfectly still until I was sure no one was coming after me.
I navigated the narrow hallway until I could hear Rose again. I reached down and picked up a beer bottle, gripping the neck in my hand as I slowly pushed the door open. I could only see his back as he struggled to pin Rose down on her bed and she fought against him. I rushed inside with my arm thrown back and swung with everything I had. As the glass connected with her stepfather’s head, it made an awful clunking noise but did not shatter like I had anticipated.
Rose screamed as he fell on top of her, pinning her down. I shoved him, grabbing him by his greasy hair and sliding him off her body.
“Come on!” I held out my hand that was now slicked with blood from the oozing wound on her stepfather’s head. She looked down at my fingers in disgust. “It will wash off, Rose. Let’s go.”
She hesitated a moment before slipping her fingers in mine. I pulled her from the bed and practically dragged her from the home. We ran for several blocks before we stopped to catch our breath. I found a hose spigot at the back of the house and rinsed the blood from my hands. It was only then that I took a moment to look over what he had done to her. Her ripped shirt hung off her left shoulder. Her feet were bare, and she had purpling bruises lining her legs.
“I can’t…I have to go back.” She panted, her hands on her knees as she hunched over, trying to regain her composure.
“You can’t go back there, Rose. You can’t ever go back.”
“Where am I going to go, Cole? I don’t have anywhere else. If I don’t go back it will only be twice as bad when he finds me.” Tears rolled over her cheeks, dripping from her chin to the ground below.
“Then we won’t let him find you. We can just run away.”
She laughed sardonically as she wiped the tears with the back of her hand.
“We can’t run away. They would find us. He always finds me.”
“We can change our names. What’s that saying, a rose by any other name?”
“I’d still be Rose.”
I stepped toward her. She eyed me cautiously but didn’t back away. I reached up and pushed a fire-red curl back from her face to reveal a large bruise that was setting in on her cheekbone.
“You’d still be you, but you would be safe.”
“I’m never going to be safe, Cole.”
“Pick a place. Anywhere in the world and I will take you there.”
“California.” She smiled sadly as she entertained the idea.
“Why California?” I tried my best to smile.
“I want to see the stars.” She smiled grimly.
“Then that’s where you’ll go.” I took her hand and began pulling her along toward my house. I didn’t know why I thought taking her there would help. I hoped that if my mother saw what was happening to someone else, she would finally do something about our situation. Maybe we could all three run away together and start new lives. That dream was short lived; when we turned the corner to my apartment, there was already a squad car sitting out front.
“How did they know?” I asked as I stood in front of Rose, looking around the corner from the alley. I’d have to think of another plan.
“You’d be surprised how many friends you have when you’ve got money. That dirty old creeper plays golf with the police chief.”
“Mr. Bishop?” the female officer called, and Rose gripped my hand painfully tight.
“It’s okay, Rose. They’re going to help you. We just need to tell them the truth.” I slowly stepped out into the open and pulled Rose along with me. This wouldn’t get me away from home but as long as Rose was safe, I could sleep a little more peacefully.
“We have a complaint from Craig Mitchel saying you assaulted him and ran away with his daughter.”
“He’s not my dad,” Rose said angrily under her breath.
“He’s very worried about you getting mixed up with a bad crowd, young lady. He said he wouldn’t press charges as long as you came back home.”
“How did you find me?” Tears swam in her eyes.
“Mr. Bishop left his homework on your back porch.”
“I’m so sorry, Rose.”
“No. It’s okay. I should go back home.” Rose stepped out from behind me and I squeezed her hand, not wanting to let her go. She forced a smile, and I knew it was for my benefit. She felt trapped.
“No. You can’t go back there. Tell her what he did to you,” I begged.
“It’s okay. He will sleep it off. When he’s sober he isn’t so bad.” She leaned forward, wrapping her frail arms around my waist and hugging me tightly. Her face was buried in the crook of my neck as she whispered, “Tomorrow night at midnight. If I can’t get away I will draw raindrops on the sidewalk in chalk. When you see a sun, come and get me. Just like the other times. I promise. We will see the stars together, I promise.”
I never saw Rose again. I showed up at her house the next night, just as she had asked, but it had been cleared out. They’d moved while I was in school, with no forwarding address.
“You disappeared. I had no idea what had happened to you.” It was like looking into the eyes of a ghost. I had long convinced myself that she had died or moved out to California without me.
“No one did.”
“I thought he had…” I couldn’t even finish the disgusting thought that used to plague my nightmares. Rose was the only person who had ever had an idea of how bad things really were at my house, and I kept her secrets from the world.
“Here I am.”
“Fuck, Rose…” Her skin was darker and her features now those of a woman, but I could see the same scared little girl I had fallen for all those years ago.
“Lily. It’s Lily now.”
“Lily…” My eyes searched hers as I thought of my promise to her all those years ago, to keep her safe. Now just being here with me was going to get her hurt or worse. “I never thought I would see you again.”
“Of all the bars in New York, you had to walk into mine…” She laughed sadly as she looked down at her fingers. I grabbed her wrist, wrapping my fingers around it. Her pulse raced against the pad of my thumb.
“This isn’t a joke.” I was over the initial shock of facing her, and now anger boiled inside of me as I thought of all the years that had passed without so much as a phone call from her. She had destroyed who I was. I had struggled to be a better person than my father and Rose had brought out that side of me, but when she was ripped from my life, all hope for me had been lost.
She pulled her hand back, offended.
“I know it’s not a joke, Cole. This is my life.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t find you.” It was like looking into my mother’s eyes again. The sadness, the despair. I don’t know what I would have done if I had found her after all these years. She had gone on with her life like I had never existed.
“It wasn’t your job to find me. We were kids. I wasn’t anything to you.”
“You were everything to me.” I grabbed her hand again, tightening my fingers around her wrist.
“You’re hurting me.”
“I have to go.” I released her hand as reality swept back in. The rush of music and people talking and dancing around us nearly made me dizzy. I had a job to do and the last thing I wanted was for Lily to be put in danger because of me.
“What?” She looked hurt. This wasn’t the way she expected me to react when I discovered who she was. This wasn’t the way I thought I would react when I finally found her. I gave up on that dream a long time ago.
I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, reality swept back in.
“I have to go. It was good seeing you, Lily.” I began to push my way through the crowd and back out onto the busy sidewalk. A sleek black Cadillac sat parked along the curb. As the door opened I could feel my throat constricting.
“Cole!” Lily’s voice rang out over the music. I didn’t have time to turn back to warn her. Danny stepped out of the rear of the car in his dark suit, his peppered gray hair perfectly slicked back. He looked like your typical businessman on the pages of a men’s magazine.
“We need to discuss a few things,” he said as his eyes jumped from me to Lily, who was now by my side. “Bring your friend.” He wasn’t asking.
“It looks like rain,” I whispered so only Lily could hear me. I hoped she would understand. Our safe words were vital to our survival all those years ago.
“Who is that?” she asked as she looked up at my face. I clenched my jaw as I looped my fingers around her elbow and began to walk her toward the car. My head spun as I pulled her back into my world.
“He’s a friend I would like you to meet.” I could feel the acid rising in my throat as I smiled down at her. We rounded the back of the car, and I held open the door to let Lily slip inside before scanning the crowd and joining her in the back of the car. The car pulled away from the curb and out into the city traffic. I wished she had fought, caused a scene, but she trusted me and that would be her downfall.
“I have to admit, you surprise me, Colt.” Danny pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and stuck one between his lips. The skin around his eyes crinkled as he smiled.
“This is Lily. Lily this is my friend Danny.” Danny grinned, clearly amused that I had called him a friend.
“Nice to meet you.” Lily nodded and smiled politely, but I could see the nervousness in her eyes. Her body leaned toward mine and I could smell her
“Is it?” He was like a cat playing with a frightened mouse. I rolled my eyes as I rubbed my palm over my forehead. “Why don’t you clue her in on why she is here?” Danny leaned forward to look me in the eye. I narrowed my eyes, knowing there was nothing I could do to change the course of events now. I should have thrown out her number, went on to find the next mark, but my curiosity had gotten the best of me and now Rose would pay for it.
“I figured that would be best done inside where there can’t be a scene,” I replied through gritted teeth. He only laughed at my response as he took a drag from his cigarette, filling the car with smoke. Lily pressed herself back into her seat and I could see the gears beginning to turn. The nervousness rolled off her, and I was worried she would have a panic attack like she had had when we were younger.
“I should be getting home now.” Her voice was a soft whisper and her eyes vacant. She had already checked out to keep from dealing with the fear.
I looked at Danny and back to Lily, leaning in close so she would keep calm. If she could feel the heat of my body she would start to relax.
“I thought we could go back to my place for a drink. How does that sound?” I kept my voice low and soothing.
“I really shouldn’t.” I could hear the fear in her voice but she tried her hardest to hide it. That was one of the things I had loved about Rose: her strength.
“I insist.” Her eyes finally met mine, and I did my best to keep mine cold. I wasn’t the boy that was going to swoop in and save her when she needed me. I was the monster. If Danny suspected any differently, neither of us would make it out of this car. I did my best to shut off my feelings for the past and focused on the pain that I had felt after she’d left.
Chapter Two
Trying to Save You
The car pulled into the alley beside my apartment building, and I couldn’t get Lily out of it fast enough. I had f**ked up. Not only was I putting her in danger, but she didn’t have a wealthy father that could pay the ransom we needed. Danny kept Lily’s purse as I pulled her from the car and guided her to the fire escape that I often used as a personal entrance.
“This isn’t funny, Cole.”
“I’m serious, Rose. I’ll f**king kill him if he touches you again.” She sucked her lower lip in between her teeth and nodded.
I tucked her crimson hair behind her ear and leaned in to press my lips against hers again.
We snuck off like this nearly every day, and I was beginning to believe that one day we would walk hand in hand down the hall together, maybe even down the aisle. She was beautiful and smart but, most of all, she was real. She wasn’t this cookie-cutter teenager that fit in with the popular crowd. She was broken like I was, and I wanted us to fix each other.
It wasn’t until three months later that her mom went out of town again and Rose quit coming to school. I gathered up some worksheets from all the teachers and set off to her house to find out what was going on. I couldn’t stand a day going by without being able to hold her.
I could hear noises coming from inside the home as I approached. A television blared in the background. A rain cloud with large blue drops, drawn in chalk, covered the sidewalk in front of her house. I knew this was the sign to stay away, but I couldn’t just leave knowing she was hurting. We had been using this warning system for weeks. I hurried alongside her house toward the yard. I dropped the stack of papers on her back porch and made my way around to one of the windows. My mind raced. The living room was empty, and the light from the television bounced off the walls. Dirty clothes and beer bottles littered the floor. I continued around the house until I heard muffled crying. I glanced in Rose’s window. It was dark and I could only make out shadows, but I knew he was in there with her.
I ran around the house and up onto the back porch. Taking a deep breath, I pulled open the screen door, stopping as it squeaked on its hinges. The house grew quiet, and I forced myself to hold perfectly still until I was sure no one was coming after me.
I navigated the narrow hallway until I could hear Rose again. I reached down and picked up a beer bottle, gripping the neck in my hand as I slowly pushed the door open. I could only see his back as he struggled to pin Rose down on her bed and she fought against him. I rushed inside with my arm thrown back and swung with everything I had. As the glass connected with her stepfather’s head, it made an awful clunking noise but did not shatter like I had anticipated.
Rose screamed as he fell on top of her, pinning her down. I shoved him, grabbing him by his greasy hair and sliding him off her body.
“Come on!” I held out my hand that was now slicked with blood from the oozing wound on her stepfather’s head. She looked down at my fingers in disgust. “It will wash off, Rose. Let’s go.”
She hesitated a moment before slipping her fingers in mine. I pulled her from the bed and practically dragged her from the home. We ran for several blocks before we stopped to catch our breath. I found a hose spigot at the back of the house and rinsed the blood from my hands. It was only then that I took a moment to look over what he had done to her. Her ripped shirt hung off her left shoulder. Her feet were bare, and she had purpling bruises lining her legs.
“I can’t…I have to go back.” She panted, her hands on her knees as she hunched over, trying to regain her composure.
“You can’t go back there, Rose. You can’t ever go back.”
“Where am I going to go, Cole? I don’t have anywhere else. If I don’t go back it will only be twice as bad when he finds me.” Tears rolled over her cheeks, dripping from her chin to the ground below.
“Then we won’t let him find you. We can just run away.”
She laughed sardonically as she wiped the tears with the back of her hand.
“We can’t run away. They would find us. He always finds me.”
“We can change our names. What’s that saying, a rose by any other name?”
“I’d still be Rose.”
I stepped toward her. She eyed me cautiously but didn’t back away. I reached up and pushed a fire-red curl back from her face to reveal a large bruise that was setting in on her cheekbone.
“You’d still be you, but you would be safe.”
“I’m never going to be safe, Cole.”
“Pick a place. Anywhere in the world and I will take you there.”
“California.” She smiled sadly as she entertained the idea.
“Why California?” I tried my best to smile.
“I want to see the stars.” She smiled grimly.
“Then that’s where you’ll go.” I took her hand and began pulling her along toward my house. I didn’t know why I thought taking her there would help. I hoped that if my mother saw what was happening to someone else, she would finally do something about our situation. Maybe we could all three run away together and start new lives. That dream was short lived; when we turned the corner to my apartment, there was already a squad car sitting out front.
“How did they know?” I asked as I stood in front of Rose, looking around the corner from the alley. I’d have to think of another plan.
“You’d be surprised how many friends you have when you’ve got money. That dirty old creeper plays golf with the police chief.”
“Mr. Bishop?” the female officer called, and Rose gripped my hand painfully tight.
“It’s okay, Rose. They’re going to help you. We just need to tell them the truth.” I slowly stepped out into the open and pulled Rose along with me. This wouldn’t get me away from home but as long as Rose was safe, I could sleep a little more peacefully.
“We have a complaint from Craig Mitchel saying you assaulted him and ran away with his daughter.”
“He’s not my dad,” Rose said angrily under her breath.
“He’s very worried about you getting mixed up with a bad crowd, young lady. He said he wouldn’t press charges as long as you came back home.”
“How did you find me?” Tears swam in her eyes.
“Mr. Bishop left his homework on your back porch.”
“I’m so sorry, Rose.”
“No. It’s okay. I should go back home.” Rose stepped out from behind me and I squeezed her hand, not wanting to let her go. She forced a smile, and I knew it was for my benefit. She felt trapped.
“No. You can’t go back there. Tell her what he did to you,” I begged.
“It’s okay. He will sleep it off. When he’s sober he isn’t so bad.” She leaned forward, wrapping her frail arms around my waist and hugging me tightly. Her face was buried in the crook of my neck as she whispered, “Tomorrow night at midnight. If I can’t get away I will draw raindrops on the sidewalk in chalk. When you see a sun, come and get me. Just like the other times. I promise. We will see the stars together, I promise.”
I never saw Rose again. I showed up at her house the next night, just as she had asked, but it had been cleared out. They’d moved while I was in school, with no forwarding address.
“You disappeared. I had no idea what had happened to you.” It was like looking into the eyes of a ghost. I had long convinced myself that she had died or moved out to California without me.
“No one did.”
“I thought he had…” I couldn’t even finish the disgusting thought that used to plague my nightmares. Rose was the only person who had ever had an idea of how bad things really were at my house, and I kept her secrets from the world.
“Here I am.”
“Fuck, Rose…” Her skin was darker and her features now those of a woman, but I could see the same scared little girl I had fallen for all those years ago.
“Lily. It’s Lily now.”
“Lily…” My eyes searched hers as I thought of my promise to her all those years ago, to keep her safe. Now just being here with me was going to get her hurt or worse. “I never thought I would see you again.”
“Of all the bars in New York, you had to walk into mine…” She laughed sadly as she looked down at her fingers. I grabbed her wrist, wrapping my fingers around it. Her pulse raced against the pad of my thumb.
“This isn’t a joke.” I was over the initial shock of facing her, and now anger boiled inside of me as I thought of all the years that had passed without so much as a phone call from her. She had destroyed who I was. I had struggled to be a better person than my father and Rose had brought out that side of me, but when she was ripped from my life, all hope for me had been lost.
She pulled her hand back, offended.
“I know it’s not a joke, Cole. This is my life.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t find you.” It was like looking into my mother’s eyes again. The sadness, the despair. I don’t know what I would have done if I had found her after all these years. She had gone on with her life like I had never existed.
“It wasn’t your job to find me. We were kids. I wasn’t anything to you.”
“You were everything to me.” I grabbed her hand again, tightening my fingers around her wrist.
“You’re hurting me.”
“I have to go.” I released her hand as reality swept back in. The rush of music and people talking and dancing around us nearly made me dizzy. I had a job to do and the last thing I wanted was for Lily to be put in danger because of me.
“What?” She looked hurt. This wasn’t the way she expected me to react when I discovered who she was. This wasn’t the way I thought I would react when I finally found her. I gave up on that dream a long time ago.
I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, reality swept back in.
“I have to go. It was good seeing you, Lily.” I began to push my way through the crowd and back out onto the busy sidewalk. A sleek black Cadillac sat parked along the curb. As the door opened I could feel my throat constricting.
“Cole!” Lily’s voice rang out over the music. I didn’t have time to turn back to warn her. Danny stepped out of the rear of the car in his dark suit, his peppered gray hair perfectly slicked back. He looked like your typical businessman on the pages of a men’s magazine.
“We need to discuss a few things,” he said as his eyes jumped from me to Lily, who was now by my side. “Bring your friend.” He wasn’t asking.
“It looks like rain,” I whispered so only Lily could hear me. I hoped she would understand. Our safe words were vital to our survival all those years ago.
“Who is that?” she asked as she looked up at my face. I clenched my jaw as I looped my fingers around her elbow and began to walk her toward the car. My head spun as I pulled her back into my world.
“He’s a friend I would like you to meet.” I could feel the acid rising in my throat as I smiled down at her. We rounded the back of the car, and I held open the door to let Lily slip inside before scanning the crowd and joining her in the back of the car. The car pulled away from the curb and out into the city traffic. I wished she had fought, caused a scene, but she trusted me and that would be her downfall.
“I have to admit, you surprise me, Colt.” Danny pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and stuck one between his lips. The skin around his eyes crinkled as he smiled.
“This is Lily. Lily this is my friend Danny.” Danny grinned, clearly amused that I had called him a friend.
“Nice to meet you.” Lily nodded and smiled politely, but I could see the nervousness in her eyes. Her body leaned toward mine and I could smell her
“Is it?” He was like a cat playing with a frightened mouse. I rolled my eyes as I rubbed my palm over my forehead. “Why don’t you clue her in on why she is here?” Danny leaned forward to look me in the eye. I narrowed my eyes, knowing there was nothing I could do to change the course of events now. I should have thrown out her number, went on to find the next mark, but my curiosity had gotten the best of me and now Rose would pay for it.
“I figured that would be best done inside where there can’t be a scene,” I replied through gritted teeth. He only laughed at my response as he took a drag from his cigarette, filling the car with smoke. Lily pressed herself back into her seat and I could see the gears beginning to turn. The nervousness rolled off her, and I was worried she would have a panic attack like she had had when we were younger.
“I should be getting home now.” Her voice was a soft whisper and her eyes vacant. She had already checked out to keep from dealing with the fear.
I looked at Danny and back to Lily, leaning in close so she would keep calm. If she could feel the heat of my body she would start to relax.
“I thought we could go back to my place for a drink. How does that sound?” I kept my voice low and soothing.
“I really shouldn’t.” I could hear the fear in her voice but she tried her hardest to hide it. That was one of the things I had loved about Rose: her strength.
“I insist.” Her eyes finally met mine, and I did my best to keep mine cold. I wasn’t the boy that was going to swoop in and save her when she needed me. I was the monster. If Danny suspected any differently, neither of us would make it out of this car. I did my best to shut off my feelings for the past and focused on the pain that I had felt after she’d left.
Chapter Two
Trying to Save You
The car pulled into the alley beside my apartment building, and I couldn’t get Lily out of it fast enough. I had f**ked up. Not only was I putting her in danger, but she didn’t have a wealthy father that could pay the ransom we needed. Danny kept Lily’s purse as I pulled her from the car and guided her to the fire escape that I often used as a personal entrance.
“This isn’t funny, Cole.”
