Safe Word
Page 8
“I will. I promise.”
“Go sit on the couch. The remote is on the coffee table.”
I watched her walk toward the couch, tugging at her plum-colored dress as she sat down. I headed to my bedroom to get her something more comfortable. I knew she was feeling exposed and maybe letting her cover herself up a little would help her relax.
I grabbed an old pair of gray sweatpants and one of my white T-shirts for her, setting my beer on top of my dresser.
“I thought you would want…” I stopped dead in my tracks as Lily stood in front of me with her arms extended. Her fingers gripped the handle of a kitchen knife. Stupid f**king bitch.
“Could be worse. You could have found my gun.” As her eyes flicked to the kitchen I dropped the clothes and gripped her arms as I pushed her backward. She went off like bomb, her legs flailing as she struggled to connect with my skin. I backed her up against the wall, using my body to pin her in place. I angled my hip in between her thighs and forced myself against her so she could no longer kick. My fingers gripped her arms tightly, but she was refusing to drop the knife.
“I guess play time is over,” I whispered in her ear as I drew in a deep breath, filling my lungs with the smell of her soap. A sob ripped through her body and the knife fell from her finger tips and clanked on the hardwood floor. “Shh…” I tried to sooth her as I released her arms and brushed her hair back from her face. I was brought back to the last moment I had seen her, in front of the police officer. We had planned to run away together. I wished I could promise that to her again, but fairy tales are for children.
“I hate you,” she whispered and the trip down memory lane was over.
“Good.” I pulled my body back from hers and grabbed the knife from the floor. “That just might keep us both alive.” I needed to keep my head clear. Drudging up old feelings would only cause me to make a rash decision. I knew it was already too late for that. I walked across the living room and grabbed the clothes I had gotten for her. I held them out, the knife still in my other hand.
Lily never took her eyes off me as she pushed away from the wall. I knew she was scared, and it made me sick to know that she thought I would do something like that to her. As she got closer she kept her chin up in defiance, but I could see her shaking like a leaf. She reached out and gripped the clothes, but I didn’t release them. I pulled them closer, yanking her inches from me.
“If you try to hurt me again, you better pray you f**king kill me.”
She swallowed as her chest rose and fell rapidly. I had made my point. I let go of the clothing and she hurried into the spare room to change, leaving the door wide open out of fear of being locked in. I sank down onto the leather couch and flicked through the television channels.
When Lily finally glanced out of the doorway, I didn’t look at her. I had put her through hell already today, and I didn’t want to make things worse. I was actually kind of proud to see her fight back against me. She walked slowly across the room and sank down on the edge of the couch, pushing herself into the side to stay as far away from me as possible.
“I won’t bite.”
“I have no idea what you’re capable of anymore.” She folded her arms over her chest.
“I’ve fed you, clothed you, and given you shelter. I can’t be all that bad.”
“You kidnapped me, made me eat runny tuna and wear clothes ten sizes too big.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Something inside of her refused to give up.
“They look good on you.” I smiled and as her eyes caught mine. I cleared my throat and focused on the television.
“You’re going to go to jail for this,” she snapped. I turned the volume up.
“I’m not going anywhere.” All traces of humor were gone.
“You can’t hold me against my will.”
“Can’t I? I believe I am.” I raised an eyebrow at her and she narrowed her eyes.
“You’re a monster.”
Without thinking I pushed myself across the couch, hovering over her as she pushed herself deeper into the cushions.
“Maybe if things had been different all those years ago this wouldn’t be happening, but this is who I am now. I’m not the boy next door who is going to come and save you. He’s dead.” I regretted my choice of words as soon as they left my mouth.
“It’s just a storm, Rose.” I extended my hand from the protection of the pavilion and let the drops of water fall into my hand. I turned back to Rose who had her arms across her chest and tears streaming down her cheeks.
“It scares me.”
I walked over to her and ran my hand through her hair as I searched her face.
“You can tell me anything.” I looped my arms around her back and pulled her against my chest. After a moment she began to speak.
“When my mother kicked my real dad out it was storming like crazy. The roads were flooded and we even had a tornado watch.” I rubbed her back as she took a moment to compose herself.
“It’s okay,” I whispered into her hair.
“He was in his office packing some paperwork. I wanted to give him something to remember me by. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again, ya know? I was only ten.” She sniffed and rubbed my chest as she continued to talk. “I grabbed my participant ribbon from ice skating. I was horrible.” She let out a sad laugh. “But my dad was always there encouraging me, telling me how great I was.”
“I bet you were amazing.” She pulled back from me to look at my face and I wiped a tear from her cheek with my thumb.
“The storm was getting worse. As I walked down the hallway, thunder cracked so loud I thought it was inside of the house. I took off for his office.” Her face froze in pain from the memory and she completely broke down. I grabbed her in my arms as her knees began to give way beneath her.
“You don’t have to tell me, Rose. It’s okay. Shh…”
“At first I thought he was so upset that he was lying over his desk, crying. I thought he was so scared to leave me.”
My body stiffened as I realized where the story was going. My arms tightened around Rose. I’m sure I had to have been hurting her, but she didn’t pull away from me.
“He shot himself right there for me to find him. He didn’t care if he never got to see me again. He didn’t care.” Her sobs took over, and she tried to speak but nothing came out but painful cries.
“I don’t believe that.” My words had cut her deeply, but she struggled to keep her composure.
I slowly raised myself up and sat back in my seat. I was letting her get under my skin. I needed to f**king make a point and prove to her who was in charge. There are many out there who wouldn’t have been as nice as I was being at that moment.
“Go to your room.” I picked up the remote and turned the television off. Lily sat frozen in her seat. “Go or I will make you,” I said through clenched teeth.
“Please don’t do this. I’m sorry. I will listen to you…”
I grabbed her wrist and dragged her behind me to the spare bedroom.
“Last chance.”
Lily walked by me, making sure to look me in the eye before she stepped inside the door. If she acted like this when any of the guys came by, she would be lucky to make it out of this apartment alive. She needed to learn some f**king manners. I pulled the door closed and locked it.
The next few hours I paced the floors as I listened to her begging and pleading with me to be let go. She offered up her silence and also sexual favors. I had to give it to her, she was a survivor. When the room finally fell silent I pulled on the rest of my clothes and headed out onto the fire escape.
It was nearly two in the morning. I could find someone to take my mind off this situation. If Lily noticed I was gone, her screams would do her no good; the two floors below my apartment were empty. Her pleas would fall on deaf ears. She should thank me for not drugging her like the others.
I hit up Luna, a little local joint that stayed relatively empty, making it a great spot to relax without being noticed. I ordered up a double shot of Jack and knocked it back, ready for another. I scanned the room for someone to take home but the place was practically dead. Everyone looking for a partner had already paired up. I needed to do something, or someone, to get my mind off of Lily back at my place in my oversize clothing.
“It’s been awhile,” Amber called from behind me. I turned around on my stool and drank back my next shot.
“Yes, it has.” I scanned the dirty blonde in front of me. She was wearing a leather skirt cut short enough that her ass cheeks hung out of the back, and her glittery gold top was more like a f**king Band-Aid. Her hand landed on my thigh, fingers splayed as she moved them toward my crotch.
“Want to get reacquainted?” She ran her tongue over her upper lip and smiled. Anything to get my mind off Rose.
“Hey, Cheech, you mind if we use the supply room?” I called over my shoulder to the bartender. I didn’t wait for his response. He knew who I worked for. I grabbed Amber’s hand and let her lead me behind the bar to the room that held the liquor bottles. As soon as the door closed behind me she shoved me back against it and dropped to her knees.
“Just like old times,” I said and laughed as she undid the button of my jeans and slowly pulled the zipper down.
“Looks like a storm is blowing in.” Her eyes locked on mine and I ran my hand over the mess of blonde curls. Her tongue shot out and licked the tip of my c**k before she sucked it into her mouth. I let my eyes close and my head fall back against the door with a quiet thud.
As soon as I did, I pictured Lily pressed up against my wall, her perfect tits pushed against my chest as she panted.
“Fuck! Spare me the f**king weather report. It doesn’t matter anymore. Only thing that should be blowing is you,” I mumbled as I gripped Amber’s head and forced myself deeper into her mouth. Her tongue ring pulled me back from my fantasy.
“You don’t like it?” Amber had pulled back from my dick and was looking up at me through contact blue eyes.
“Fucking try harder.”
Her lips wrapped around me again and to her credit, this girl could suck like a f**king hoover, but I couldn’t get my body to comply.
“Too much f**king whiskey,” I mumbled and pushed her back. I zipped up my pants and yanked the door open, leaving Amber sitting alone on the floor.
I hurried back to my apartment, pissed off and feeling more stressed than when I’d left. A lot of women have been in my bed over the years and I haven’t given a single f**k about any of them, so why Lily? I’d never even slept with her, yet somehow she had gotten inside my head. As I slipped through my window, I listened for any sounds coming from the apartment. It was silent and she had slept right through my leaving as anticipated.
I pulled off my shirt and kicked off my sneakers as I headed into my bedroom. My jeans were still unbuckled and riding low on my hips as I fell back onto my bed and scrubbed my face with my hands. All of these years I wanted to find Rose, and now she was a few feet from me. If I managed to keep her alive through all of this, she would never want to talk to me again.
Chapter Five
Two Fucking Weeks
I opened my eyes as I listened. The apartment was silent and, for a moment, I wasn’t sure if I had dreamed Rose being here. I sat up and stretched before digging into my pocket and pulling out the keys that unlocked the padlock on her door.
Curled up on the small mattress on the floor was Lily, wearing only my oversize white T-shirt and panties. She must have taken the sweatpants off last night due to the heat. Her long, tan legs stretched out below her. I walked slowly toward her, making sure she really was asleep. When she didn’t stir and her breathing remained steady, I crept closer, pausing to allow my eyes time to adjust to the darkness. This room didn’t have any windows and was technically not considered a bedroom by code, but it worked perfectly for what I needed it for.
Her breathing caught and I stared down at her as I watched her eyelids flutter before finally opening and landing on me. For a second she didn’t seem to know where she was. I smiled down at her and her mouth curved slightly like she was about to do the same. Recognition washed over her and she quickly sat up and backed away from me.
“Sleep well?” I asked as she grabbed the hem of her T-shirt and pulled it down over her knees to cover herself. “It’s only gonna get hotter today.” Her eyes danced over my body and I realized my jeans were still undone and I wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “Sorry.”
I zipped up my pants, leaving them unbuckled before turning and leaving the room. I left her door wide open, hoping she would act a little more civilized today. It was asking a lot. I usually would not allow the women to leave the room unless they needed to use the bathroom. It made things easier for me. If things ended badly, I didn’t want Rose’s last memories to be of being locked away like a prisoner.
I made my way to the kitchen, dropping my phone on the coffee table along the way, and grabbed a box of cereal from the top of the fridge. The bedroom door creaked. I grabbed two bowls from the cupboard and a couple of spoons from the drawer.
“I don’t have much in the way of groceries.” I grabbed the milk from the fridge. Lily had begun pouring the cereal into the bowls. “Lucky Charms okay?” She nodded and I filled the bowls with milk before putting the carton back in the fridge. She sat down on one of the stools and I opted to stand on my side of the counter. I didn’t know what her attitude was like this morning, and I didn’t want to risk being stabbed with a f**king spoon.
We ate in silence as I fished out the marshmallows from my cereal. It didn’t get past me that Lily hadn’t put her sweatpants back on. The heat was unbearable and I think she finally accepted that I may have been a lot of things, but ra**st wasn’t one of them.
“Go sit on the couch. The remote is on the coffee table.”
I watched her walk toward the couch, tugging at her plum-colored dress as she sat down. I headed to my bedroom to get her something more comfortable. I knew she was feeling exposed and maybe letting her cover herself up a little would help her relax.
I grabbed an old pair of gray sweatpants and one of my white T-shirts for her, setting my beer on top of my dresser.
“I thought you would want…” I stopped dead in my tracks as Lily stood in front of me with her arms extended. Her fingers gripped the handle of a kitchen knife. Stupid f**king bitch.
“Could be worse. You could have found my gun.” As her eyes flicked to the kitchen I dropped the clothes and gripped her arms as I pushed her backward. She went off like bomb, her legs flailing as she struggled to connect with my skin. I backed her up against the wall, using my body to pin her in place. I angled my hip in between her thighs and forced myself against her so she could no longer kick. My fingers gripped her arms tightly, but she was refusing to drop the knife.
“I guess play time is over,” I whispered in her ear as I drew in a deep breath, filling my lungs with the smell of her soap. A sob ripped through her body and the knife fell from her finger tips and clanked on the hardwood floor. “Shh…” I tried to sooth her as I released her arms and brushed her hair back from her face. I was brought back to the last moment I had seen her, in front of the police officer. We had planned to run away together. I wished I could promise that to her again, but fairy tales are for children.
“I hate you,” she whispered and the trip down memory lane was over.
“Good.” I pulled my body back from hers and grabbed the knife from the floor. “That just might keep us both alive.” I needed to keep my head clear. Drudging up old feelings would only cause me to make a rash decision. I knew it was already too late for that. I walked across the living room and grabbed the clothes I had gotten for her. I held them out, the knife still in my other hand.
Lily never took her eyes off me as she pushed away from the wall. I knew she was scared, and it made me sick to know that she thought I would do something like that to her. As she got closer she kept her chin up in defiance, but I could see her shaking like a leaf. She reached out and gripped the clothes, but I didn’t release them. I pulled them closer, yanking her inches from me.
“If you try to hurt me again, you better pray you f**king kill me.”
She swallowed as her chest rose and fell rapidly. I had made my point. I let go of the clothing and she hurried into the spare room to change, leaving the door wide open out of fear of being locked in. I sank down onto the leather couch and flicked through the television channels.
When Lily finally glanced out of the doorway, I didn’t look at her. I had put her through hell already today, and I didn’t want to make things worse. I was actually kind of proud to see her fight back against me. She walked slowly across the room and sank down on the edge of the couch, pushing herself into the side to stay as far away from me as possible.
“I won’t bite.”
“I have no idea what you’re capable of anymore.” She folded her arms over her chest.
“I’ve fed you, clothed you, and given you shelter. I can’t be all that bad.”
“You kidnapped me, made me eat runny tuna and wear clothes ten sizes too big.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Something inside of her refused to give up.
“They look good on you.” I smiled and as her eyes caught mine. I cleared my throat and focused on the television.
“You’re going to go to jail for this,” she snapped. I turned the volume up.
“I’m not going anywhere.” All traces of humor were gone.
“You can’t hold me against my will.”
“Can’t I? I believe I am.” I raised an eyebrow at her and she narrowed her eyes.
“You’re a monster.”
Without thinking I pushed myself across the couch, hovering over her as she pushed herself deeper into the cushions.
“Maybe if things had been different all those years ago this wouldn’t be happening, but this is who I am now. I’m not the boy next door who is going to come and save you. He’s dead.” I regretted my choice of words as soon as they left my mouth.
“It’s just a storm, Rose.” I extended my hand from the protection of the pavilion and let the drops of water fall into my hand. I turned back to Rose who had her arms across her chest and tears streaming down her cheeks.
“It scares me.”
I walked over to her and ran my hand through her hair as I searched her face.
“You can tell me anything.” I looped my arms around her back and pulled her against my chest. After a moment she began to speak.
“When my mother kicked my real dad out it was storming like crazy. The roads were flooded and we even had a tornado watch.” I rubbed her back as she took a moment to compose herself.
“It’s okay,” I whispered into her hair.
“He was in his office packing some paperwork. I wanted to give him something to remember me by. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again, ya know? I was only ten.” She sniffed and rubbed my chest as she continued to talk. “I grabbed my participant ribbon from ice skating. I was horrible.” She let out a sad laugh. “But my dad was always there encouraging me, telling me how great I was.”
“I bet you were amazing.” She pulled back from me to look at my face and I wiped a tear from her cheek with my thumb.
“The storm was getting worse. As I walked down the hallway, thunder cracked so loud I thought it was inside of the house. I took off for his office.” Her face froze in pain from the memory and she completely broke down. I grabbed her in my arms as her knees began to give way beneath her.
“You don’t have to tell me, Rose. It’s okay. Shh…”
“At first I thought he was so upset that he was lying over his desk, crying. I thought he was so scared to leave me.”
My body stiffened as I realized where the story was going. My arms tightened around Rose. I’m sure I had to have been hurting her, but she didn’t pull away from me.
“He shot himself right there for me to find him. He didn’t care if he never got to see me again. He didn’t care.” Her sobs took over, and she tried to speak but nothing came out but painful cries.
“I don’t believe that.” My words had cut her deeply, but she struggled to keep her composure.
I slowly raised myself up and sat back in my seat. I was letting her get under my skin. I needed to f**king make a point and prove to her who was in charge. There are many out there who wouldn’t have been as nice as I was being at that moment.
“Go to your room.” I picked up the remote and turned the television off. Lily sat frozen in her seat. “Go or I will make you,” I said through clenched teeth.
“Please don’t do this. I’m sorry. I will listen to you…”
I grabbed her wrist and dragged her behind me to the spare bedroom.
“Last chance.”
Lily walked by me, making sure to look me in the eye before she stepped inside the door. If she acted like this when any of the guys came by, she would be lucky to make it out of this apartment alive. She needed to learn some f**king manners. I pulled the door closed and locked it.
The next few hours I paced the floors as I listened to her begging and pleading with me to be let go. She offered up her silence and also sexual favors. I had to give it to her, she was a survivor. When the room finally fell silent I pulled on the rest of my clothes and headed out onto the fire escape.
It was nearly two in the morning. I could find someone to take my mind off this situation. If Lily noticed I was gone, her screams would do her no good; the two floors below my apartment were empty. Her pleas would fall on deaf ears. She should thank me for not drugging her like the others.
I hit up Luna, a little local joint that stayed relatively empty, making it a great spot to relax without being noticed. I ordered up a double shot of Jack and knocked it back, ready for another. I scanned the room for someone to take home but the place was practically dead. Everyone looking for a partner had already paired up. I needed to do something, or someone, to get my mind off of Lily back at my place in my oversize clothing.
“It’s been awhile,” Amber called from behind me. I turned around on my stool and drank back my next shot.
“Yes, it has.” I scanned the dirty blonde in front of me. She was wearing a leather skirt cut short enough that her ass cheeks hung out of the back, and her glittery gold top was more like a f**king Band-Aid. Her hand landed on my thigh, fingers splayed as she moved them toward my crotch.
“Want to get reacquainted?” She ran her tongue over her upper lip and smiled. Anything to get my mind off Rose.
“Hey, Cheech, you mind if we use the supply room?” I called over my shoulder to the bartender. I didn’t wait for his response. He knew who I worked for. I grabbed Amber’s hand and let her lead me behind the bar to the room that held the liquor bottles. As soon as the door closed behind me she shoved me back against it and dropped to her knees.
“Just like old times,” I said and laughed as she undid the button of my jeans and slowly pulled the zipper down.
“Looks like a storm is blowing in.” Her eyes locked on mine and I ran my hand over the mess of blonde curls. Her tongue shot out and licked the tip of my c**k before she sucked it into her mouth. I let my eyes close and my head fall back against the door with a quiet thud.
As soon as I did, I pictured Lily pressed up against my wall, her perfect tits pushed against my chest as she panted.
“Fuck! Spare me the f**king weather report. It doesn’t matter anymore. Only thing that should be blowing is you,” I mumbled as I gripped Amber’s head and forced myself deeper into her mouth. Her tongue ring pulled me back from my fantasy.
“You don’t like it?” Amber had pulled back from my dick and was looking up at me through contact blue eyes.
“Fucking try harder.”
Her lips wrapped around me again and to her credit, this girl could suck like a f**king hoover, but I couldn’t get my body to comply.
“Too much f**king whiskey,” I mumbled and pushed her back. I zipped up my pants and yanked the door open, leaving Amber sitting alone on the floor.
I hurried back to my apartment, pissed off and feeling more stressed than when I’d left. A lot of women have been in my bed over the years and I haven’t given a single f**k about any of them, so why Lily? I’d never even slept with her, yet somehow she had gotten inside my head. As I slipped through my window, I listened for any sounds coming from the apartment. It was silent and she had slept right through my leaving as anticipated.
I pulled off my shirt and kicked off my sneakers as I headed into my bedroom. My jeans were still unbuckled and riding low on my hips as I fell back onto my bed and scrubbed my face with my hands. All of these years I wanted to find Rose, and now she was a few feet from me. If I managed to keep her alive through all of this, she would never want to talk to me again.
Chapter Five
Two Fucking Weeks
I opened my eyes as I listened. The apartment was silent and, for a moment, I wasn’t sure if I had dreamed Rose being here. I sat up and stretched before digging into my pocket and pulling out the keys that unlocked the padlock on her door.
Curled up on the small mattress on the floor was Lily, wearing only my oversize white T-shirt and panties. She must have taken the sweatpants off last night due to the heat. Her long, tan legs stretched out below her. I walked slowly toward her, making sure she really was asleep. When she didn’t stir and her breathing remained steady, I crept closer, pausing to allow my eyes time to adjust to the darkness. This room didn’t have any windows and was technically not considered a bedroom by code, but it worked perfectly for what I needed it for.
Her breathing caught and I stared down at her as I watched her eyelids flutter before finally opening and landing on me. For a second she didn’t seem to know where she was. I smiled down at her and her mouth curved slightly like she was about to do the same. Recognition washed over her and she quickly sat up and backed away from me.
“Sleep well?” I asked as she grabbed the hem of her T-shirt and pulled it down over her knees to cover herself. “It’s only gonna get hotter today.” Her eyes danced over my body and I realized my jeans were still undone and I wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “Sorry.”
I zipped up my pants, leaving them unbuckled before turning and leaving the room. I left her door wide open, hoping she would act a little more civilized today. It was asking a lot. I usually would not allow the women to leave the room unless they needed to use the bathroom. It made things easier for me. If things ended badly, I didn’t want Rose’s last memories to be of being locked away like a prisoner.
I made my way to the kitchen, dropping my phone on the coffee table along the way, and grabbed a box of cereal from the top of the fridge. The bedroom door creaked. I grabbed two bowls from the cupboard and a couple of spoons from the drawer.
“I don’t have much in the way of groceries.” I grabbed the milk from the fridge. Lily had begun pouring the cereal into the bowls. “Lucky Charms okay?” She nodded and I filled the bowls with milk before putting the carton back in the fridge. She sat down on one of the stools and I opted to stand on my side of the counter. I didn’t know what her attitude was like this morning, and I didn’t want to risk being stabbed with a f**king spoon.
We ate in silence as I fished out the marshmallows from my cereal. It didn’t get past me that Lily hadn’t put her sweatpants back on. The heat was unbearable and I think she finally accepted that I may have been a lot of things, but ra**st wasn’t one of them.
