Savor
Page 19
“Bryn.” His voice breaks on my name and the sound breaks my heart. “Don’t do this. Don’t say that.”
“I was going to give my notice when we returned home,” I blurt out, wanting him to know the truth. “I was going to give you two weeks. Then I was going to pack up all my stuff in boxes, shove it into the back of my Saturn, and drive home to Cactus. My grandma said I can stay with her until I get back on my feet and find a job.”
Now he looks good and pissed. “You were going to give your notice so you can go back to Cactus? Have you lost your mind?”
I shrug, angry that he would be so insulting. “I have nothing else holding me here.” It’s a lie. He could hold me here, but I know it wouldn’t work out. And it wouldn’t be what’s best for me. I’d just end up making another mistake and making us both look bad.
He’s better off without me. And I don’t know if this is true, but I’m probably better off without him too.
“You have nothing else.” His voice is monotone, the look in his eyes, blank. “So what happened last night doesn’t matter.”
“Not when it’ll end up hurting us, which it will undoubtedly do.” I approach him but he takes a step back, like he doesn’t want to be near me. “I’m not sure if we’re good for each other,” I admit.
He stares at me, his mouth set in a grim line. “So you still want to give your notice?”
Slowly, I nod, ignoring the wave of panic that threatens to consume me at my silent confirmation.
“Then I accept your notice. You don’t even need to give me two weeks. We’re done.” His voice, his expression, is final, and I swear I want to burst into great, heaving sobs.
But I don’t. I remain quiet, composed. How, I’m not sure.
“I think you should try and call and change your flight so you can head home tonight,” he suggests, his voice clipped. “I’ll reimburse you for the change fee which I’m sure will be huge.”
“Fine. I’ll leave tonight.” I lift my chin, refusing to let him see me down. This was what I wanted after all.
Wasn’t it?
Chapter Thirteen
Matt
Two weeks later
“YOU ANSWERED.” I rub my jaw, the rasp of stubble prickling across my palm. I haven’t shaved in days, and I’ve slept like shit.
“You keep calling my damn phone so yeah, I answered,” Dad says, sounding downright hostile. “Whatcha want, son?”
I want Bryn. I miss her. I hate what happened between us, how easily our tentative relationship was destroyed. Just by a slightly scandalous photo and a few choice words on a bunch of crappy gossip websites.
Hell, it was a very scandalous photo, leaving Bryn feeling beyond embarrassed. Vulnerable. I’m used to those gossipy sites saying a bunch of lies and spreading rumors. Bryn isn’t.
I’d been angry when I left New York. Now I’m just . . . miserable. She left. I’m not exactly sure to where, but I know she couldn’t handle being near me another minute longer. Not that I handled our last conversation in New York particularly well. The moment we discovered the article and photo, it all went to hell.
The most amazing night of my life with the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, ruined. Just like that.
“I want to know why,” I finally say, then pause. Waiting for the answer I’m sure will never really come.
“Why what?” Oh, doesn’t he sound innocent.
“You know.” I take a deep breath, trying to keep my anger under control. “Why did you blab to the media? How much did they pay you? Was it worth it? Having those photos of my innocent assistant spread across the Internet?”
“She didn’t look so innocent in that picture.” Dad has the nerve to chuckle, the bastard.
I close my eyes, count to five. He’s pushing every one of my buttons, and I’m sure the jackass knows it. “I’m used to this sort of treatment. You can drag my name through the mud. I don’t care. But you don’t bring Bryn into this. She didn’t deserve that sort of public humiliation and you know it.”
“She humiliated me at your fancy winery party,” he says, his voice full of venom. “Believe what you want but you’ll see what I did was right for you in the long run. You don’t need that silly little tramp dragging you down.”
His casual confession makes me sick to my stomach. I knew he’d done it. Finally hearing him say it reaffirms I’m about to do the right thing. “Bryn James is the best f**king thing that’s ever happened to me and you ruined it. Ruined it with your blabbing to the media. I hope they paid you enough to make this all worth it.”
“Son, it was completely worth it because it got your name in the public eye again. I bet you’ve seen an uptick in business with the winery, am I right? You don’t want people forgetting you. You’re still important you know. A hero to many. Just like I am too,” Dad says smugly.
“You’re nobody’s hero, you f**king asshole. I never want to see or talk to you again.” I’m seething. I literally see red, and I pull the phone away from my ear, ready to end the call when I hear his voice.
“Don’t cut me off too quick, Matt. I’m the last thing you’ve got in this world. And you know it.”
Not true. I have my friends. Archer and Gage. Ivy and Marina. And if I’m lucky enough, I’ll have Bryn back in my life.
“I don’t need you,” I murmur into the phone, then end the call.
I don’t need Vinnie DeLuca at all.
I definitely need my friends though. And more than anything, I need Bryn.
But first, I need to find her.
“IF I THOUGHT you were bad before, you’ve turned into a complete sullen little girl lately,” Archer says with a shake of his head as I stop at the table he’s sharing with Gage. “I don’t know if this forty-five-days idea was such a good one after all.”
“It wasn’t. Fuck the forty-five days.” The last thing I’m thinking of is the stupid bet. I settle heavily into a chair, barely looking at the scantily dressed waitress that appears at our table. “Double vodka, straight up. Make it Grey Goose,” I mutter.
“Anything else for you guys?” The waitress’s voice is bright and cheery. I chance a glance at her, taking in her short skirt, the belly-revealing top that clings to her enormous breasts. I don’t bother looking at her face. From the way she’s dressed, clearly that’s not her intent anyway.
We’re at a local sports bar known for its spectacularly gorgeous waitstaff, Archer demanding via text I meet him and Gage there for drinks after work. So here I am, miserable and ready to drown my sorrows in booze.
They’re probably somehow trying to tempt me by having us come here. With the bet extension still on, I’m sure they’re looking for any way to get me to break it. The waitress is mega hot.
I could give two shits about her. All I want is Bryn.
“We’re good right now, thanks,” Archer says. His beer bottle is full, as is Gage’s. They’re both looking at me as if I’ve lost my mind, I can feel their eyes on me, but I stare at the table, tapping my fingers against the edge of the wood.
“Lack of sex has made you grumpy,” Gage starts and I lift my head to glare at him. He shuts up.
“And angry,” Archer adds. “What gives?”
Should I tell them? My mood has nothing to do with lack of sex and everything to do with having the best sex of my life with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. The very same woman who exited my life almost two weeks ago.
The woman I’m in love with but was such a wimp I couldn’t even tell her.
“You saw the article on the gossip site right?” I say, figuring I may as well start at the beginning. And come on, have they forgotten already? I know they’re wrapped up in their own thing since they’re both busy, occupied with work and the women they love.
Lucky bastards.
Plus I’ve avoided them for fear they’d want to talk about it. Call me out on everything. I’ve been alone with my misery and finally they forced me to crawl out of my hole.
“Yeah, and the picture. You insisted nothing happened between you two.” Archer sends me one of those skeptical, raised eyebrow looks he’s so good at. “Not sure if I believe you though. What with Bryn’s, uh, panties on display.”
“You shouldn’t believe me,” I say, offering the waitress a grim smile when she sets my drink in front of me, her cl**vage practically in my face. Ignoring her boobs, I grab the glass, slam back the vodka with one long swallow and hand it back to her. “Another one, please.”
“Right away,” she says with a nod before she leaves.
“Damn, dude. Slow down,” Gage says. “I don’t want to be the one driving your drunk ass home.”
I wave a hand. “I’ll take a cab.”
“No, you won’t,” Archer says firmly. “Tell us what happened, Matt. Where’s Bryn? Ivy says she left. As in left town. Seems sort of extreme.”
“She did leave. The article and photo proved too much for her. She quit. Moved back home.” I hate my dad for making this happen. Hate even more how he thought he’d been doing me a favor.
I’d been too much for her too, though. She said she’d planned on giving her notice before that stupid article came out. Before we even left for New York. She was going to leave me. After everything that had happened between us, before she would’ve given me another chance, she would’ve walked.
Great. I got my chance, and she still bailed. My heart literally f**king hurts at not having her around.
“Where’s the waitress with my drink?” I mutter, glaring at Archer and Gage. They both visibly recoil, not that I give a damn. I’m always the nice one. The easygoing guy who doesn’t give anyone much shit.
Lately, I am the furthest thing from nice and easygoing. They’re all lucky I’m holding it together because I feel like at any moment I could totally lose it.
“Hey.” Gage’s firm voice makes me meet his gaze. “What happened with you and your dad?”
I shrug. They knew Vinnie was behind this; I told them when I came home. I just haven’t talked about it since. I’ve been too busy wallowing in my misery. “I called and confronted him right after we got back.”
“And?”
“And he denied he did it at first. Kept asking why he would do something like that to his own son, but I kept throwing it back in his face. I never once believed him. I finally broke him down.”
I shook my head, offering a whisper of thanks when the waitress returned with a fresh drink. Archer waved her off when she lingered, and I held the glass up to them as if in salute. “He admitted he tipped off the reporter. They spotted Bryn and me at a restaurant in the hotel and took some pictures there. But then they somehow caught sight of us in the hotel room window and decided those were the better photos to put on the site.” I drained my glass and set it on the table.
“So your dad is responsible,” Gage says, shock in his voice. The look of disgust on my friend’s face says it all.
“Yeah. The asshole,” I mutter, sadness filling me despite my anger. That my dad could be so heartless and do something like this to me.
It sucks. Our relationship is beyond repair. At least for now. I can’t even fathom talking to him again, sharing anything personal with him, even speaking to him casually. Hell, I wouldn’t send the man a f**king Christmas card. He’s ruined everything.
He’ll have to grovel on his hands and knees before I’d consider talking to him again.
“And Bryn left,” Gage says.
“She did.” I nod, my head a little dizzy. I can feel the alcohol coursing through my blood and I wait for the numbness. I welcome the f**king numbness. “We can call off the bet you know.”
“Wait . . . what?” The confused expression on Archer’s face could almost be laughable if I wasn’t drowning in my misery.
“Call it off. I won’t collect. I can’t.” I pick up my glass, remember it’s empty and set it down again with an irritated growl. “Bryn and I had sex. Amazing, fantastic, never-to-be-had-again sex.”
“You sly, lying dog,” Gage starts, but Archer shoots him a look. Gage shuts up.
“And she left you anyway. That’s tough bro. I’m sorry,” Archer says cautiously. Funny how knowing he’s about to be a father makes a man suddenly turn compassionate. The Archer of old would’ve given me endless crap about this.
The new Archer who’s madly in love with Ivy and excited about becoming a dad has become . . . considerate of my feelings.
Yes. I’m having a total Oprah moment. I blame the vodka.
“Tough doesn’t come close to what it is.” I smile, but it feels like my face is cracking in two. “Do you know that stupid site ran the article and then they said nothing else? Some other sites picked it up, but then another scandal broke out, I can’t even remember what. Rendering me and Bryn long forgotten. That’s how much of a nonentity I’ve become. And you know what? I love that. I don’t miss the fans and the photographers and the crap. I miss playing ball. I’ll always miss that but otherwise, yeah. I’m over it. I have a new life. A new career that I love and I found a woman I could love too. Instead she leaves me.”
Damn, I sound pitiful and morose even to my own ears.
“All right. We’re calling off the bet,” Archer says, his expression full of worry. “But—”
“You’re going to let her go, huh?” Gage asks, interrupting Archer. “Just let her walk away and forget all about her?”
“I was going to give my notice when we returned home,” I blurt out, wanting him to know the truth. “I was going to give you two weeks. Then I was going to pack up all my stuff in boxes, shove it into the back of my Saturn, and drive home to Cactus. My grandma said I can stay with her until I get back on my feet and find a job.”
Now he looks good and pissed. “You were going to give your notice so you can go back to Cactus? Have you lost your mind?”
I shrug, angry that he would be so insulting. “I have nothing else holding me here.” It’s a lie. He could hold me here, but I know it wouldn’t work out. And it wouldn’t be what’s best for me. I’d just end up making another mistake and making us both look bad.
He’s better off without me. And I don’t know if this is true, but I’m probably better off without him too.
“You have nothing else.” His voice is monotone, the look in his eyes, blank. “So what happened last night doesn’t matter.”
“Not when it’ll end up hurting us, which it will undoubtedly do.” I approach him but he takes a step back, like he doesn’t want to be near me. “I’m not sure if we’re good for each other,” I admit.
He stares at me, his mouth set in a grim line. “So you still want to give your notice?”
Slowly, I nod, ignoring the wave of panic that threatens to consume me at my silent confirmation.
“Then I accept your notice. You don’t even need to give me two weeks. We’re done.” His voice, his expression, is final, and I swear I want to burst into great, heaving sobs.
But I don’t. I remain quiet, composed. How, I’m not sure.
“I think you should try and call and change your flight so you can head home tonight,” he suggests, his voice clipped. “I’ll reimburse you for the change fee which I’m sure will be huge.”
“Fine. I’ll leave tonight.” I lift my chin, refusing to let him see me down. This was what I wanted after all.
Wasn’t it?
Chapter Thirteen
Matt
Two weeks later
“YOU ANSWERED.” I rub my jaw, the rasp of stubble prickling across my palm. I haven’t shaved in days, and I’ve slept like shit.
“You keep calling my damn phone so yeah, I answered,” Dad says, sounding downright hostile. “Whatcha want, son?”
I want Bryn. I miss her. I hate what happened between us, how easily our tentative relationship was destroyed. Just by a slightly scandalous photo and a few choice words on a bunch of crappy gossip websites.
Hell, it was a very scandalous photo, leaving Bryn feeling beyond embarrassed. Vulnerable. I’m used to those gossipy sites saying a bunch of lies and spreading rumors. Bryn isn’t.
I’d been angry when I left New York. Now I’m just . . . miserable. She left. I’m not exactly sure to where, but I know she couldn’t handle being near me another minute longer. Not that I handled our last conversation in New York particularly well. The moment we discovered the article and photo, it all went to hell.
The most amazing night of my life with the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, ruined. Just like that.
“I want to know why,” I finally say, then pause. Waiting for the answer I’m sure will never really come.
“Why what?” Oh, doesn’t he sound innocent.
“You know.” I take a deep breath, trying to keep my anger under control. “Why did you blab to the media? How much did they pay you? Was it worth it? Having those photos of my innocent assistant spread across the Internet?”
“She didn’t look so innocent in that picture.” Dad has the nerve to chuckle, the bastard.
I close my eyes, count to five. He’s pushing every one of my buttons, and I’m sure the jackass knows it. “I’m used to this sort of treatment. You can drag my name through the mud. I don’t care. But you don’t bring Bryn into this. She didn’t deserve that sort of public humiliation and you know it.”
“She humiliated me at your fancy winery party,” he says, his voice full of venom. “Believe what you want but you’ll see what I did was right for you in the long run. You don’t need that silly little tramp dragging you down.”
His casual confession makes me sick to my stomach. I knew he’d done it. Finally hearing him say it reaffirms I’m about to do the right thing. “Bryn James is the best f**king thing that’s ever happened to me and you ruined it. Ruined it with your blabbing to the media. I hope they paid you enough to make this all worth it.”
“Son, it was completely worth it because it got your name in the public eye again. I bet you’ve seen an uptick in business with the winery, am I right? You don’t want people forgetting you. You’re still important you know. A hero to many. Just like I am too,” Dad says smugly.
“You’re nobody’s hero, you f**king asshole. I never want to see or talk to you again.” I’m seething. I literally see red, and I pull the phone away from my ear, ready to end the call when I hear his voice.
“Don’t cut me off too quick, Matt. I’m the last thing you’ve got in this world. And you know it.”
Not true. I have my friends. Archer and Gage. Ivy and Marina. And if I’m lucky enough, I’ll have Bryn back in my life.
“I don’t need you,” I murmur into the phone, then end the call.
I don’t need Vinnie DeLuca at all.
I definitely need my friends though. And more than anything, I need Bryn.
But first, I need to find her.
“IF I THOUGHT you were bad before, you’ve turned into a complete sullen little girl lately,” Archer says with a shake of his head as I stop at the table he’s sharing with Gage. “I don’t know if this forty-five-days idea was such a good one after all.”
“It wasn’t. Fuck the forty-five days.” The last thing I’m thinking of is the stupid bet. I settle heavily into a chair, barely looking at the scantily dressed waitress that appears at our table. “Double vodka, straight up. Make it Grey Goose,” I mutter.
“Anything else for you guys?” The waitress’s voice is bright and cheery. I chance a glance at her, taking in her short skirt, the belly-revealing top that clings to her enormous breasts. I don’t bother looking at her face. From the way she’s dressed, clearly that’s not her intent anyway.
We’re at a local sports bar known for its spectacularly gorgeous waitstaff, Archer demanding via text I meet him and Gage there for drinks after work. So here I am, miserable and ready to drown my sorrows in booze.
They’re probably somehow trying to tempt me by having us come here. With the bet extension still on, I’m sure they’re looking for any way to get me to break it. The waitress is mega hot.
I could give two shits about her. All I want is Bryn.
“We’re good right now, thanks,” Archer says. His beer bottle is full, as is Gage’s. They’re both looking at me as if I’ve lost my mind, I can feel their eyes on me, but I stare at the table, tapping my fingers against the edge of the wood.
“Lack of sex has made you grumpy,” Gage starts and I lift my head to glare at him. He shuts up.
“And angry,” Archer adds. “What gives?”
Should I tell them? My mood has nothing to do with lack of sex and everything to do with having the best sex of my life with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. The very same woman who exited my life almost two weeks ago.
The woman I’m in love with but was such a wimp I couldn’t even tell her.
“You saw the article on the gossip site right?” I say, figuring I may as well start at the beginning. And come on, have they forgotten already? I know they’re wrapped up in their own thing since they’re both busy, occupied with work and the women they love.
Lucky bastards.
Plus I’ve avoided them for fear they’d want to talk about it. Call me out on everything. I’ve been alone with my misery and finally they forced me to crawl out of my hole.
“Yeah, and the picture. You insisted nothing happened between you two.” Archer sends me one of those skeptical, raised eyebrow looks he’s so good at. “Not sure if I believe you though. What with Bryn’s, uh, panties on display.”
“You shouldn’t believe me,” I say, offering the waitress a grim smile when she sets my drink in front of me, her cl**vage practically in my face. Ignoring her boobs, I grab the glass, slam back the vodka with one long swallow and hand it back to her. “Another one, please.”
“Right away,” she says with a nod before she leaves.
“Damn, dude. Slow down,” Gage says. “I don’t want to be the one driving your drunk ass home.”
I wave a hand. “I’ll take a cab.”
“No, you won’t,” Archer says firmly. “Tell us what happened, Matt. Where’s Bryn? Ivy says she left. As in left town. Seems sort of extreme.”
“She did leave. The article and photo proved too much for her. She quit. Moved back home.” I hate my dad for making this happen. Hate even more how he thought he’d been doing me a favor.
I’d been too much for her too, though. She said she’d planned on giving her notice before that stupid article came out. Before we even left for New York. She was going to leave me. After everything that had happened between us, before she would’ve given me another chance, she would’ve walked.
Great. I got my chance, and she still bailed. My heart literally f**king hurts at not having her around.
“Where’s the waitress with my drink?” I mutter, glaring at Archer and Gage. They both visibly recoil, not that I give a damn. I’m always the nice one. The easygoing guy who doesn’t give anyone much shit.
Lately, I am the furthest thing from nice and easygoing. They’re all lucky I’m holding it together because I feel like at any moment I could totally lose it.
“Hey.” Gage’s firm voice makes me meet his gaze. “What happened with you and your dad?”
I shrug. They knew Vinnie was behind this; I told them when I came home. I just haven’t talked about it since. I’ve been too busy wallowing in my misery. “I called and confronted him right after we got back.”
“And?”
“And he denied he did it at first. Kept asking why he would do something like that to his own son, but I kept throwing it back in his face. I never once believed him. I finally broke him down.”
I shook my head, offering a whisper of thanks when the waitress returned with a fresh drink. Archer waved her off when she lingered, and I held the glass up to them as if in salute. “He admitted he tipped off the reporter. They spotted Bryn and me at a restaurant in the hotel and took some pictures there. But then they somehow caught sight of us in the hotel room window and decided those were the better photos to put on the site.” I drained my glass and set it on the table.
“So your dad is responsible,” Gage says, shock in his voice. The look of disgust on my friend’s face says it all.
“Yeah. The asshole,” I mutter, sadness filling me despite my anger. That my dad could be so heartless and do something like this to me.
It sucks. Our relationship is beyond repair. At least for now. I can’t even fathom talking to him again, sharing anything personal with him, even speaking to him casually. Hell, I wouldn’t send the man a f**king Christmas card. He’s ruined everything.
He’ll have to grovel on his hands and knees before I’d consider talking to him again.
“And Bryn left,” Gage says.
“She did.” I nod, my head a little dizzy. I can feel the alcohol coursing through my blood and I wait for the numbness. I welcome the f**king numbness. “We can call off the bet you know.”
“Wait . . . what?” The confused expression on Archer’s face could almost be laughable if I wasn’t drowning in my misery.
“Call it off. I won’t collect. I can’t.” I pick up my glass, remember it’s empty and set it down again with an irritated growl. “Bryn and I had sex. Amazing, fantastic, never-to-be-had-again sex.”
“You sly, lying dog,” Gage starts, but Archer shoots him a look. Gage shuts up.
“And she left you anyway. That’s tough bro. I’m sorry,” Archer says cautiously. Funny how knowing he’s about to be a father makes a man suddenly turn compassionate. The Archer of old would’ve given me endless crap about this.
The new Archer who’s madly in love with Ivy and excited about becoming a dad has become . . . considerate of my feelings.
Yes. I’m having a total Oprah moment. I blame the vodka.
“Tough doesn’t come close to what it is.” I smile, but it feels like my face is cracking in two. “Do you know that stupid site ran the article and then they said nothing else? Some other sites picked it up, but then another scandal broke out, I can’t even remember what. Rendering me and Bryn long forgotten. That’s how much of a nonentity I’ve become. And you know what? I love that. I don’t miss the fans and the photographers and the crap. I miss playing ball. I’ll always miss that but otherwise, yeah. I’m over it. I have a new life. A new career that I love and I found a woman I could love too. Instead she leaves me.”
Damn, I sound pitiful and morose even to my own ears.
“All right. We’re calling off the bet,” Archer says, his expression full of worry. “But—”
“You’re going to let her go, huh?” Gage asks, interrupting Archer. “Just let her walk away and forget all about her?”
