Secret
Page 34
Nick gave her a reassuring look. “I’ll tell her.”
His phone chimed while he was shoveling a bite of meat loaf into his mouth. Nick reached for it.
But then Gabriel said, “Who’s Adam? And why is he asking if he’s going to see you tonight?”
Nick choked on his food.
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
His heart beat so quickly that he could swear all the blood rushed away from his head just to keep up with it. For a horri-fying moment he wondered if he’d pass out from panic.
He needed to say something. He needed to say something now before they started guessing.
They were all staring at him. Because they suspected something?
No, moron, because you’re choking on meat loaf.
Did Gabriel sound suspicious? Why would he be suspicious?
What did he think?
“Quinn’s dance partner,” Nick said quickly, wheezing a little.
He needed to calm down, but his brain wouldn’t let him stop talking. “He’s auditioning for a scholarship, and she’s helping him.”
“Why is he asking if he’ll see you?”
“I don’t know.” Nick shoved the phone in his pocket. “I guess he’s wondering if Quinn has a ride.”
That was probably sufficient, but he couldn’t look at any of them, couldn’t meet their eyes to see if they’d already guessed his secrets. They hadn’t, right? Or had they? He was going to need to look up.
If he’d been telling the truth, it would have felt like enough, and he wouldn’t have felt compelled to keep going. But he was lying through his teeth, and he needed to make sure there was no question of his non-relationship with Adam.
“He’s g*y,” he heard himself saying. “Quinn said he has a crush on me. She thought it would be funny to give him my cell number.”
What the f**k was wrong with him? Did he really say that?
“That’s not funny,” said Layne. She looked vaguely disgusted.
“It’s not like that,” said Nick quickly. His shirt felt like it was sticking to the back of his neck. “He knows I’m not. It’s like—
it’s a joke now.”
God, he needed to shut up.
“It’s creepy,” said Gabriel.
Nick froze. “Creepy?”
“A dude hitting on you? Yes. Creepy.”
Suddenly he wanted to punch his twin.
Do not pick a fight over this.
Do not.
Do. Not.
“He’s not hitting on me,” Nick said tightly. “He just asked if I’d be there tonight.”
“No, he asked if he’d see you, which is creepy.”
“Knock it off,” said Becca. “He’s Quinn’s friend. Nick’s trying to defend him, and you’re being a royal—”
Chris wrapped an arm around her neck and put his hand over her mouth. “I love you, but please don’t pick a fight I’m going to have to finish.”
“Oh, I’ll finish it,” Becca said through his fingers.
“No, I’ll finish it,” Nick snapped. He stood, grabbing his tray so roughly that he almost dropped half his food on Chris.
“An ass**le,” he said to Gabriel. His throat felt tight, and it hurt to talk. “You’re being a royal ass**le.”
Then he stormed away from the table and slammed the tray onto one of the waiting carts.
“Hey, Nicky,” Gabriel called after him, “remember what I said about drama?”
Fuck him. Nick slammed through the double doors leading out of the cafeteria, choking on emotion. He pinched his fingers over his eyes.
He wished he could take it all back. Adam had trusted him with a terrible secret, and now Nick had crapped all over it.
Making what they’d shared into a joke.
He wanted to storm back into that cafeteria and shake some sense into his brother.
He wanted to call Adam and apologize.
He wanted to stop hearing the derision in his brother’s voice.
The way he’d said creepy.
Most of all, he wanted to stop crying.
Creepy. Creepy creepy creepy.
Like he was some kind of pervert. He’d known his twin’s rejection would hurt, but he hadn’t realized it would hurt like this, a subtle stabbing a hundred times over.
Nick ducked into the restroom. Empty. Finally, a break. He went into a stall anyway. He swiped at his eyes and dug his phone out of his pocket.
There was Adam’s message.
Will I see you tonight?
Nick squeezed his eyes shut and had to swipe at them again.
Then he typed back.
We’ll be there at 8.
Adam’s response appeared almost immediately.
Can’t wait.
Then a second later, another message appeared.
U OK?
Nick sniffed. He started to type back, Yeah, fine, but they’d found this path of honesty, and he didn’t want to veer into the unknown.
Gabriel said g*y guys are creepy.
As soon as he hit SEND, he felt ridiculous. He might as well have typed, My brother is a big meanie. Wah.
But his phone buzzed almost immediately.
You told him???
Oh, shit. No. Nick shook his head, like an idiot.
No. Said in passing.
The phone didn’t buzz with a new message. But the end-of-lunch bell rang. Nick sniffed again and got himself together. He spent a minute splashing cold water on his face, until some freshman guys came through the door.
His phone buzzed before he made it into his next class.
His phone chimed while he was shoveling a bite of meat loaf into his mouth. Nick reached for it.
But then Gabriel said, “Who’s Adam? And why is he asking if he’s going to see you tonight?”
Nick choked on his food.
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
His heart beat so quickly that he could swear all the blood rushed away from his head just to keep up with it. For a horri-fying moment he wondered if he’d pass out from panic.
He needed to say something. He needed to say something now before they started guessing.
They were all staring at him. Because they suspected something?
No, moron, because you’re choking on meat loaf.
Did Gabriel sound suspicious? Why would he be suspicious?
What did he think?
“Quinn’s dance partner,” Nick said quickly, wheezing a little.
He needed to calm down, but his brain wouldn’t let him stop talking. “He’s auditioning for a scholarship, and she’s helping him.”
“Why is he asking if he’ll see you?”
“I don’t know.” Nick shoved the phone in his pocket. “I guess he’s wondering if Quinn has a ride.”
That was probably sufficient, but he couldn’t look at any of them, couldn’t meet their eyes to see if they’d already guessed his secrets. They hadn’t, right? Or had they? He was going to need to look up.
If he’d been telling the truth, it would have felt like enough, and he wouldn’t have felt compelled to keep going. But he was lying through his teeth, and he needed to make sure there was no question of his non-relationship with Adam.
“He’s g*y,” he heard himself saying. “Quinn said he has a crush on me. She thought it would be funny to give him my cell number.”
What the f**k was wrong with him? Did he really say that?
“That’s not funny,” said Layne. She looked vaguely disgusted.
“It’s not like that,” said Nick quickly. His shirt felt like it was sticking to the back of his neck. “He knows I’m not. It’s like—
it’s a joke now.”
God, he needed to shut up.
“It’s creepy,” said Gabriel.
Nick froze. “Creepy?”
“A dude hitting on you? Yes. Creepy.”
Suddenly he wanted to punch his twin.
Do not pick a fight over this.
Do not.
Do. Not.
“He’s not hitting on me,” Nick said tightly. “He just asked if I’d be there tonight.”
“No, he asked if he’d see you, which is creepy.”
“Knock it off,” said Becca. “He’s Quinn’s friend. Nick’s trying to defend him, and you’re being a royal—”
Chris wrapped an arm around her neck and put his hand over her mouth. “I love you, but please don’t pick a fight I’m going to have to finish.”
“Oh, I’ll finish it,” Becca said through his fingers.
“No, I’ll finish it,” Nick snapped. He stood, grabbing his tray so roughly that he almost dropped half his food on Chris.
“An ass**le,” he said to Gabriel. His throat felt tight, and it hurt to talk. “You’re being a royal ass**le.”
Then he stormed away from the table and slammed the tray onto one of the waiting carts.
“Hey, Nicky,” Gabriel called after him, “remember what I said about drama?”
Fuck him. Nick slammed through the double doors leading out of the cafeteria, choking on emotion. He pinched his fingers over his eyes.
He wished he could take it all back. Adam had trusted him with a terrible secret, and now Nick had crapped all over it.
Making what they’d shared into a joke.
He wanted to storm back into that cafeteria and shake some sense into his brother.
He wanted to call Adam and apologize.
He wanted to stop hearing the derision in his brother’s voice.
The way he’d said creepy.
Most of all, he wanted to stop crying.
Creepy. Creepy creepy creepy.
Like he was some kind of pervert. He’d known his twin’s rejection would hurt, but he hadn’t realized it would hurt like this, a subtle stabbing a hundred times over.
Nick ducked into the restroom. Empty. Finally, a break. He went into a stall anyway. He swiped at his eyes and dug his phone out of his pocket.
There was Adam’s message.
Will I see you tonight?
Nick squeezed his eyes shut and had to swipe at them again.
Then he typed back.
We’ll be there at 8.
Adam’s response appeared almost immediately.
Can’t wait.
Then a second later, another message appeared.
U OK?
Nick sniffed. He started to type back, Yeah, fine, but they’d found this path of honesty, and he didn’t want to veer into the unknown.
Gabriel said g*y guys are creepy.
As soon as he hit SEND, he felt ridiculous. He might as well have typed, My brother is a big meanie. Wah.
But his phone buzzed almost immediately.
You told him???
Oh, shit. No. Nick shook his head, like an idiot.
No. Said in passing.
The phone didn’t buzz with a new message. But the end-of-lunch bell rang. Nick sniffed again and got himself together. He spent a minute splashing cold water on his face, until some freshman guys came through the door.
His phone buzzed before he made it into his next class.
