Seductive Chaos
Page 30
It wasn’t the first time I felt a sharp flash of shame at the way I rushed to Cole every chance I got.
“Won’t give me any clues will you? I’m starting to think you’re involved in a secret cult with plans for global domination.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Not even close. So tell me why it’s so important that you caught me before I left?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Well, I was wondering, if you’re not too busy, if you’d like to grab some lunch today. We could look over the proposed budget and I could go ahead and approve it for you. You know so it wouldn’t delay things for you next week when you got back,” Theo suggested and I couldn’t help but smile at his less than subtle offer.
“Is that the only reason you want to have lunch with me? To see the budget? Sounds pretty boring to me,” I baited.
I was horrible.
I knew flirting with Theo was a bad idea. But it felt really nice to have the attention of such a hot guy who was genuinely interested in me.
Theo thought I was smart. Theo thought I was capable. He liked to tell me how incredible I was. He cloaked it in professionalism, of course. After all he was a client. But I knew he meant it as so much more than that.
I knew a hot and bothered male when I saw one.
Theo was the man you’d take home to Mom. He was the perfect guy for my slowly evolving lifestyle change.
Yet I was going with Gracie this weekend to Raleigh to see the other man in my life. The one Mom would never, ever know about.
The one I had no doubt would ruin me in the worst possible way.
Theo’s answering laugh was predictably uneasy but happy. He liked my flirting. But I made him nervous. He didn’t quite know if I was joking or being serious.
That made two of us.
“Well, I. . .I’d like your company as well, of course,” Theo stuttered adorably. Knowing I kept him off-balance was such a powerful feeling. With Cole I was always the one off kilter. I couldn’t think of a time he ever stumbled over his words when he spoke to me.
But what more could I expect from a man who gave me orgasms and little else?
“I’m not really worried about delays. We’re way ahead of schedule,” I stated, dialing back the flirting a bit, feeling somewhat deflated by my guilt and Cole based shame.
I had been steeling myself all week for what I expected to find when I got down to Raleigh. Who I would have to fend off and how much damage I would have to inflict.
And I was excited about it. I knew exactly what that said about me. I knew what sort of person that made me.
I had no delusions. I was addicted to the rush only Cole could give me. But it exhausted me as well.
I was torn and conflicted and oh so ashamed to feel anything at all.
Cole turned me upside down and inside out.
I loved it.
But I hated him for it.
“Vivian? Did you hear what I just said?” Theo asked and I shook my head and pressed the receiver to my ear. Fixating on Cole in any way shape or form was not conducive to getting my job done.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized.
Theo chuckled good-naturedly. “I said the budget was just my excuse. I’d really like to take you to lunch and not talk about work at all. What do you think?” he asked in a rush.
And there it was. I had been anticipating it. I knew it was only a matter of time. I had practically forced this to happen.
So why did I feel suddenly apprehensive at the prospect of going on an actual date with Theo Anderson?
Was it because I actually liked him?
Was it because with him was the possibility of an actual relationship? A tiny slice of normalcy that I had otherwise been missing in my life.
That to accept would be to take that first step away from Cole for good.
I hadn’t dated anyone since Cole and I started sleeping together. Sure there had been dates here and there but I had always found a reason to call it quits before it ever began.
I kissed some guys. But Cole was the only man I had been with in over two years.
Because Cole had been the only one I wanted. For all of his faults, he fulfilled this crazy need I had inside me like no one else could.
But Theo was different. Or maybe it was me that was different.
I felt something alter inside me. I was reaching a breaking point and I knew that now was my moment for change.
My cell phone dinged in my purse, as if on cue. I pulled it out and looked down at the screen and had to cover my mouth so I wouldn’t laugh in Theo’s ear.
Mr. Winky and I miss you…
A few seconds later another text came in and this time I had to snicker out loud at the cartoon drawing of a penis with sad eyes and a pouting mouth saying, Hurry up, I’m lonely!
My heart thudded in my chest and my stomach coiled up in anticipation. I missed him too, damn him!
I was honestly starting to question whether the man had latent psychic abilities. Even from hundreds of miles away he was screwing up my world and driving me insane.
“Vivian. I wasn’t trying to be funny. I really want to know if you’ll go out to lunch with me today. I’m asking you out,” Theo rambled and I turned off my cell phone. Cole’s Mr. Winky and his cartoon eyes would just have to wait.
I squeezed my eyes shut and did the stupidest thing I could do. I knew instantly I was a fool. But I was a fool who craved the mistake she was going to make.
“I can’t make it today, Theo. Maybe another time.”
Gracie and I drove into Raleigh around midafternoon on Friday.
We called Maysie and I was both disappointed and slightly relieved when she informed us that the guys were over at another radio station for some press and interviews.
“Won’t give me any clues will you? I’m starting to think you’re involved in a secret cult with plans for global domination.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Not even close. So tell me why it’s so important that you caught me before I left?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Well, I was wondering, if you’re not too busy, if you’d like to grab some lunch today. We could look over the proposed budget and I could go ahead and approve it for you. You know so it wouldn’t delay things for you next week when you got back,” Theo suggested and I couldn’t help but smile at his less than subtle offer.
“Is that the only reason you want to have lunch with me? To see the budget? Sounds pretty boring to me,” I baited.
I was horrible.
I knew flirting with Theo was a bad idea. But it felt really nice to have the attention of such a hot guy who was genuinely interested in me.
Theo thought I was smart. Theo thought I was capable. He liked to tell me how incredible I was. He cloaked it in professionalism, of course. After all he was a client. But I knew he meant it as so much more than that.
I knew a hot and bothered male when I saw one.
Theo was the man you’d take home to Mom. He was the perfect guy for my slowly evolving lifestyle change.
Yet I was going with Gracie this weekend to Raleigh to see the other man in my life. The one Mom would never, ever know about.
The one I had no doubt would ruin me in the worst possible way.
Theo’s answering laugh was predictably uneasy but happy. He liked my flirting. But I made him nervous. He didn’t quite know if I was joking or being serious.
That made two of us.
“Well, I. . .I’d like your company as well, of course,” Theo stuttered adorably. Knowing I kept him off-balance was such a powerful feeling. With Cole I was always the one off kilter. I couldn’t think of a time he ever stumbled over his words when he spoke to me.
But what more could I expect from a man who gave me orgasms and little else?
“I’m not really worried about delays. We’re way ahead of schedule,” I stated, dialing back the flirting a bit, feeling somewhat deflated by my guilt and Cole based shame.
I had been steeling myself all week for what I expected to find when I got down to Raleigh. Who I would have to fend off and how much damage I would have to inflict.
And I was excited about it. I knew exactly what that said about me. I knew what sort of person that made me.
I had no delusions. I was addicted to the rush only Cole could give me. But it exhausted me as well.
I was torn and conflicted and oh so ashamed to feel anything at all.
Cole turned me upside down and inside out.
I loved it.
But I hated him for it.
“Vivian? Did you hear what I just said?” Theo asked and I shook my head and pressed the receiver to my ear. Fixating on Cole in any way shape or form was not conducive to getting my job done.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized.
Theo chuckled good-naturedly. “I said the budget was just my excuse. I’d really like to take you to lunch and not talk about work at all. What do you think?” he asked in a rush.
And there it was. I had been anticipating it. I knew it was only a matter of time. I had practically forced this to happen.
So why did I feel suddenly apprehensive at the prospect of going on an actual date with Theo Anderson?
Was it because I actually liked him?
Was it because with him was the possibility of an actual relationship? A tiny slice of normalcy that I had otherwise been missing in my life.
That to accept would be to take that first step away from Cole for good.
I hadn’t dated anyone since Cole and I started sleeping together. Sure there had been dates here and there but I had always found a reason to call it quits before it ever began.
I kissed some guys. But Cole was the only man I had been with in over two years.
Because Cole had been the only one I wanted. For all of his faults, he fulfilled this crazy need I had inside me like no one else could.
But Theo was different. Or maybe it was me that was different.
I felt something alter inside me. I was reaching a breaking point and I knew that now was my moment for change.
My cell phone dinged in my purse, as if on cue. I pulled it out and looked down at the screen and had to cover my mouth so I wouldn’t laugh in Theo’s ear.
Mr. Winky and I miss you…
A few seconds later another text came in and this time I had to snicker out loud at the cartoon drawing of a penis with sad eyes and a pouting mouth saying, Hurry up, I’m lonely!
My heart thudded in my chest and my stomach coiled up in anticipation. I missed him too, damn him!
I was honestly starting to question whether the man had latent psychic abilities. Even from hundreds of miles away he was screwing up my world and driving me insane.
“Vivian. I wasn’t trying to be funny. I really want to know if you’ll go out to lunch with me today. I’m asking you out,” Theo rambled and I turned off my cell phone. Cole’s Mr. Winky and his cartoon eyes would just have to wait.
I squeezed my eyes shut and did the stupidest thing I could do. I knew instantly I was a fool. But I was a fool who craved the mistake she was going to make.
“I can’t make it today, Theo. Maybe another time.”
Gracie and I drove into Raleigh around midafternoon on Friday.
We called Maysie and I was both disappointed and slightly relieved when she informed us that the guys were over at another radio station for some press and interviews.
