Seductive Chaos
Page 43
And then my phone chirped in my purse. I made the mistake of looking at it.
You forgot to say goodbye. I thought we had some making up to do.
And my heart had fallen straight into my adorable kitten heels.
Had Cole really just used a frowny emoticon? And why was he texting me from Maysie’s phone? Did she know he had hijacked it?
My finger hovered over the screen as I thought of some snarky response. Before this weekend I would have called him a wank nugget. He would have retaliated with some sort of sexual-laced innuendo. Then the door would have opened to phone sex and plans to screw at a later date.
Not this time. I was a new woman full of awesome!
So I erased his text rather than give into the urge to write him back. And I thought that would have been the end of it. I had little doubt that Cole would move on to the next warm body with a pulse in no time.
I hated the twinge of disappointment when I was proven right.
I hadn’t heard from him since.
I arrived at work on Monday morning in a not so cheerful mood. It was virtually impossible for me to pretend I was hunky-dory when I wasn’t. I wore my emotions all over me like baby vomit.
When I arrived at The Claremont Center to find Theo waiting for me with coffee in hand, I wanted to turn back to my car and leave. Not that I didn’t want to see him, I just wasn’t sure I could affect a professional demeanor in the state I was in.
Not with my humiliation and minor heartache fresh and raw.
“White with sugar. I figured you had a sweet tooth,” Theo said, handing me the Styrofoam cup. I took a sip and couldn’t help but be pleased that he had read my coffee choice so perfectly.
I had been ready to swear off men. But when they come baring coffee and smiles that pretty, a girl could be tempted to re-think her stance on the subject.
“Thanks, Theo. Please don’t tell me I forgot another meeting,” I said, walking through the glass doors and heading to my office.
“No, nothing like that. I just, well, I felt like I should come by and apologize in person for how inappropriate I was the last time we spoke.”
My mind jogged backwards in time, trying to identify exactly what he was talking about. My head was still a soggy mess from my weekend spectacle. There wasn’t room in my grey matter for much else.
I must have looked perplexed because Theo’s lips quirked into a shy smile.
“When I asked you out.”
Oh that.
I set my free coffee (the absolute best kind of coffee) on my desk and held up my hand. “You really don’t need to. It’s fine,” I assured him. I wasn’t entirely sure whether I wanted him to repeat the offer, though I wasn’t repulsed by the idea.
It was nice to know that walking away from Cole hadn’t turned me into a nun.
One thing I was sure of, however. Scoring dates on the clock had to be frowned upon.
Theo looked relieved and I stood there appreciating how adorable he was. He was the complete opposite of Cole in every possible way.
He was fair and buff. I could make out the defined lines of his muscles under the expensive cut of his suit.
He young enough that his obvious success and responsibility were impressive. He seemed to want to spend time with me. And not in the naked and sweaty kind of way. And he brought me coffee.
The only thing Cole ever bought me was a box of condoms and a hard time.
It would be so easy to fall into something with Theo. I liked being with someone. I know that wasn’t very feminist friendly. Riley would have smacked me across the face right before she took my girl card away and shredded it.
But it was the truth. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I hadn’t been involved in some way with a guy. Sure, my relationship with Cole was questionable at best, but he was still someone I had devoted spending time with. He provided regular sex and even conversation when it suited him.
I enjoyed feeling wanted and desired. I liked knowing I had someone I could call when I was feeling lonely. I liked knowing that there was someone out there who wanted to spend time with me. For whatever the reason.
I was social and I enjoyed attention. And I knew, subconsciously, that perhaps that said quite a bit about the state of my self-esteem. Though I knew I was pretty. I liked my body and I thought that I was intelligent. I had friends and family that loved me. But there was still something inside me that craved what a relationship could give me.
I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be cared for. I wanted my fairy tale happily ever after. I blamed Titanic and every 80’s power ballad ever released. Though how I had allowed myself to think Cole could offer me anything I was looking for was beyond me. Call it two-year insanity.
I was by no means some depressing ingénue who cried over the state of her love life and wrote bad poetry. I wasn’t deep. I didn’t think about world hunger or how to end the conflict in the Gaza strip. I liked to watch bad reality television and I was unashamed to admit that I enjoyed pop music beyond acceptable levels.
I was a drama queen. I was a bitch if you crossed me. If I didn’t like you, I wasn’t one to hide it. You’d know it. And I was addicted to infatuation. The anticipation I felt when I knew I was going to see the guy I wanted.
So there.
However, call it a growing maturity or maybe a lingering lack of closure where Cole was concerned, but I didn’t jump at the chance to let this beautiful, strapping male buy me dinner.
I could flirt with him, let him adore me with his eyes, but I wasn’t ready to make it more than that.
Not right now.
You forgot to say goodbye. I thought we had some making up to do.
And my heart had fallen straight into my adorable kitten heels.
Had Cole really just used a frowny emoticon? And why was he texting me from Maysie’s phone? Did she know he had hijacked it?
My finger hovered over the screen as I thought of some snarky response. Before this weekend I would have called him a wank nugget. He would have retaliated with some sort of sexual-laced innuendo. Then the door would have opened to phone sex and plans to screw at a later date.
Not this time. I was a new woman full of awesome!
So I erased his text rather than give into the urge to write him back. And I thought that would have been the end of it. I had little doubt that Cole would move on to the next warm body with a pulse in no time.
I hated the twinge of disappointment when I was proven right.
I hadn’t heard from him since.
I arrived at work on Monday morning in a not so cheerful mood. It was virtually impossible for me to pretend I was hunky-dory when I wasn’t. I wore my emotions all over me like baby vomit.
When I arrived at The Claremont Center to find Theo waiting for me with coffee in hand, I wanted to turn back to my car and leave. Not that I didn’t want to see him, I just wasn’t sure I could affect a professional demeanor in the state I was in.
Not with my humiliation and minor heartache fresh and raw.
“White with sugar. I figured you had a sweet tooth,” Theo said, handing me the Styrofoam cup. I took a sip and couldn’t help but be pleased that he had read my coffee choice so perfectly.
I had been ready to swear off men. But when they come baring coffee and smiles that pretty, a girl could be tempted to re-think her stance on the subject.
“Thanks, Theo. Please don’t tell me I forgot another meeting,” I said, walking through the glass doors and heading to my office.
“No, nothing like that. I just, well, I felt like I should come by and apologize in person for how inappropriate I was the last time we spoke.”
My mind jogged backwards in time, trying to identify exactly what he was talking about. My head was still a soggy mess from my weekend spectacle. There wasn’t room in my grey matter for much else.
I must have looked perplexed because Theo’s lips quirked into a shy smile.
“When I asked you out.”
Oh that.
I set my free coffee (the absolute best kind of coffee) on my desk and held up my hand. “You really don’t need to. It’s fine,” I assured him. I wasn’t entirely sure whether I wanted him to repeat the offer, though I wasn’t repulsed by the idea.
It was nice to know that walking away from Cole hadn’t turned me into a nun.
One thing I was sure of, however. Scoring dates on the clock had to be frowned upon.
Theo looked relieved and I stood there appreciating how adorable he was. He was the complete opposite of Cole in every possible way.
He was fair and buff. I could make out the defined lines of his muscles under the expensive cut of his suit.
He young enough that his obvious success and responsibility were impressive. He seemed to want to spend time with me. And not in the naked and sweaty kind of way. And he brought me coffee.
The only thing Cole ever bought me was a box of condoms and a hard time.
It would be so easy to fall into something with Theo. I liked being with someone. I know that wasn’t very feminist friendly. Riley would have smacked me across the face right before she took my girl card away and shredded it.
But it was the truth. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I hadn’t been involved in some way with a guy. Sure, my relationship with Cole was questionable at best, but he was still someone I had devoted spending time with. He provided regular sex and even conversation when it suited him.
I enjoyed feeling wanted and desired. I liked knowing I had someone I could call when I was feeling lonely. I liked knowing that there was someone out there who wanted to spend time with me. For whatever the reason.
I was social and I enjoyed attention. And I knew, subconsciously, that perhaps that said quite a bit about the state of my self-esteem. Though I knew I was pretty. I liked my body and I thought that I was intelligent. I had friends and family that loved me. But there was still something inside me that craved what a relationship could give me.
I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be cared for. I wanted my fairy tale happily ever after. I blamed Titanic and every 80’s power ballad ever released. Though how I had allowed myself to think Cole could offer me anything I was looking for was beyond me. Call it two-year insanity.
I was by no means some depressing ingénue who cried over the state of her love life and wrote bad poetry. I wasn’t deep. I didn’t think about world hunger or how to end the conflict in the Gaza strip. I liked to watch bad reality television and I was unashamed to admit that I enjoyed pop music beyond acceptable levels.
I was a drama queen. I was a bitch if you crossed me. If I didn’t like you, I wasn’t one to hide it. You’d know it. And I was addicted to infatuation. The anticipation I felt when I knew I was going to see the guy I wanted.
So there.
However, call it a growing maturity or maybe a lingering lack of closure where Cole was concerned, but I didn’t jump at the chance to let this beautiful, strapping male buy me dinner.
I could flirt with him, let him adore me with his eyes, but I wasn’t ready to make it more than that.
Not right now.
