Seductive Chaos
Page 79
“What are you talking about?” I asked. My head was starting to hurt. Vivian was giving me a headache.
“We f**k. We argue. We f**k. You do something stupid to piss me off. We f**k some more. I left you for a reason. I was fine with that. Or I was trying to be. I have a life here. And now this. Why are you doing this?” she wailed.
I got it. I really did. But just because we made things difficult didn’t mean they weren’t worth the effort.
“We’re a mess! We suck each other dry. We should end this now, once and for all, before there’s nothing left to walk away from,” Vivian appealed to me.
I shook my head, refusing to hear her. I pulled her up against me, my hand wrapping around the back of her head as I held her tight.
“If we’re a mess, then I’m ready to get dirty, baby,” I growled before I claimed her mouth.
She was mine.
It was time to remind her of that.
She was falling into me. I could feel it. I supported Vivian’s weight as her legs buckled beneath her. And we kissed and kissed like they do in those crappy chick flicks she was so damn fond of.
It was epic. This was the beginning. This is where I started to put together all of the f**ked up pieces of my life. The sun was shining, the bees were buzzing, the flowers were blooming. This was some Disney princess shit going on!
Or maybe not.
“Seriously stop it or I’m going to knee you in the nuts,” she warned, pushing me away again.
Her hands were shaking. So were mine. My adrenaline was coursing and I was two seconds away from throwing her over my shoulder and tossing her down on the bed. She always listened better with my hand between her legs.
“I love you, Vivian. I want to be with you!” I started to close the distance between us but she was still shoving me.
“You said that. I get it. You think you love me. Whooptie freaking Whoo.”
“No, I don’t think I love you. I know I love you!” I argued. This was not going at all how I fantasized about it in my head this morning. In between mild panic of course.
Vivian rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well pardon me if I have hard time believing that sentiment when I’m so used to fending off a hundred other girls who I’m sure you feel oh so deeply about.”
We were back to this. I should have expected it. I didn’t blame her. But it was still frustrating.
“There are no other girls! Not anymore! I haven’t f**ked anyone else in over six months, Viv! No one but you!” I swore.
“Do you want a medal? How about a sticker? Because you may not have done the deed, but your tongue has still been down a lot of throats. I should know. I’m usually front and center for the entire show.”
Okay, so she had me there.
I folded my hands in front of me in a pleading gesture. “Please, Viv. I don’t want anyone but you. What can I do to make you believe me?”
Vivian shook her head. “It’s hard to have faith in someone who has proven time and time again to not be trustworthy. Not only with me. What about your band? Cole, you’re planning to step out behind their backs as well. What does that say about you? How can I ever be comfortable in a relationship with someone who doesn’t honor his commitments to anyone? Not me, not your friends, not your label, not even your fans.”
I opened my mouth to deny what she was saying. But she was right.
Fuck me, she was right.
“You need to make things right, Cole, if you ever want anything to happen between us. I can’t let myself love someone who hasn’t proven that they deserve my heart.”
We stood there, staring at each other for an endless moment. I wanted to yell that she was wrong. But how could I when every single thing she uttered was the total and honest truth?
I picked up my clothes from the floor and got dressed. “I get it. I’ve got a lot to make up for.”
I started to walk past her when she grabbed my arm. “Don’t do this for me. Or because you want to prove something. Make it right because it’s what you want to do. I understand if the band isn’t your passion anymore. That maybe you need to go do your own thing. Whatever. You still owe it the people who have stood by you to talk to them about what’s in your head.”
I nodded, covering her hand briefly with mine.
“I’ll be back,” I promised. And I meant it. I wouldn’t leave her now.
Vivian gave me a sad smile.
“I hope you will be.”
I wasn’t sure what I’d say when I walked up Garrett’s front porch. I had no idea if this would be some sort of reconciliation or whether it would be the final severing.
But with Vivian’s words swimming around in my head, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.
I thought about knocking. I hadn’t knocked in years. I could hear music from inside, the familiar strains of Fuck Me along with Jordan’s voice.
I turned the doorknob and walked inside. I followed the music to the stairway off the kitchen. The light was on in the basement so I went down the steps.
Maysie was on the couch talking to a girl I recognized as Sophie McMillian from high school. Mitch, Garrett, and Jordan were playing a set I knew all too well.
I sat down on the bottom step and watched them. They didn’t realize I was there until there was a break between songs and Jordan glanced toward me. He put his sticks down. Mitch and Garrett frowned at him.
“What the hell?” Mitch asked.
“Looks like we’ve got company,” Jordan said coldly, nodding his head in my direction.
“We f**k. We argue. We f**k. You do something stupid to piss me off. We f**k some more. I left you for a reason. I was fine with that. Or I was trying to be. I have a life here. And now this. Why are you doing this?” she wailed.
I got it. I really did. But just because we made things difficult didn’t mean they weren’t worth the effort.
“We’re a mess! We suck each other dry. We should end this now, once and for all, before there’s nothing left to walk away from,” Vivian appealed to me.
I shook my head, refusing to hear her. I pulled her up against me, my hand wrapping around the back of her head as I held her tight.
“If we’re a mess, then I’m ready to get dirty, baby,” I growled before I claimed her mouth.
She was mine.
It was time to remind her of that.
She was falling into me. I could feel it. I supported Vivian’s weight as her legs buckled beneath her. And we kissed and kissed like they do in those crappy chick flicks she was so damn fond of.
It was epic. This was the beginning. This is where I started to put together all of the f**ked up pieces of my life. The sun was shining, the bees were buzzing, the flowers were blooming. This was some Disney princess shit going on!
Or maybe not.
“Seriously stop it or I’m going to knee you in the nuts,” she warned, pushing me away again.
Her hands were shaking. So were mine. My adrenaline was coursing and I was two seconds away from throwing her over my shoulder and tossing her down on the bed. She always listened better with my hand between her legs.
“I love you, Vivian. I want to be with you!” I started to close the distance between us but she was still shoving me.
“You said that. I get it. You think you love me. Whooptie freaking Whoo.”
“No, I don’t think I love you. I know I love you!” I argued. This was not going at all how I fantasized about it in my head this morning. In between mild panic of course.
Vivian rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well pardon me if I have hard time believing that sentiment when I’m so used to fending off a hundred other girls who I’m sure you feel oh so deeply about.”
We were back to this. I should have expected it. I didn’t blame her. But it was still frustrating.
“There are no other girls! Not anymore! I haven’t f**ked anyone else in over six months, Viv! No one but you!” I swore.
“Do you want a medal? How about a sticker? Because you may not have done the deed, but your tongue has still been down a lot of throats. I should know. I’m usually front and center for the entire show.”
Okay, so she had me there.
I folded my hands in front of me in a pleading gesture. “Please, Viv. I don’t want anyone but you. What can I do to make you believe me?”
Vivian shook her head. “It’s hard to have faith in someone who has proven time and time again to not be trustworthy. Not only with me. What about your band? Cole, you’re planning to step out behind their backs as well. What does that say about you? How can I ever be comfortable in a relationship with someone who doesn’t honor his commitments to anyone? Not me, not your friends, not your label, not even your fans.”
I opened my mouth to deny what she was saying. But she was right.
Fuck me, she was right.
“You need to make things right, Cole, if you ever want anything to happen between us. I can’t let myself love someone who hasn’t proven that they deserve my heart.”
We stood there, staring at each other for an endless moment. I wanted to yell that she was wrong. But how could I when every single thing she uttered was the total and honest truth?
I picked up my clothes from the floor and got dressed. “I get it. I’ve got a lot to make up for.”
I started to walk past her when she grabbed my arm. “Don’t do this for me. Or because you want to prove something. Make it right because it’s what you want to do. I understand if the band isn’t your passion anymore. That maybe you need to go do your own thing. Whatever. You still owe it the people who have stood by you to talk to them about what’s in your head.”
I nodded, covering her hand briefly with mine.
“I’ll be back,” I promised. And I meant it. I wouldn’t leave her now.
Vivian gave me a sad smile.
“I hope you will be.”
I wasn’t sure what I’d say when I walked up Garrett’s front porch. I had no idea if this would be some sort of reconciliation or whether it would be the final severing.
But with Vivian’s words swimming around in my head, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.
I thought about knocking. I hadn’t knocked in years. I could hear music from inside, the familiar strains of Fuck Me along with Jordan’s voice.
I turned the doorknob and walked inside. I followed the music to the stairway off the kitchen. The light was on in the basement so I went down the steps.
Maysie was on the couch talking to a girl I recognized as Sophie McMillian from high school. Mitch, Garrett, and Jordan were playing a set I knew all too well.
I sat down on the bottom step and watched them. They didn’t realize I was there until there was a break between songs and Jordan glanced toward me. He put his sticks down. Mitch and Garrett frowned at him.
“What the hell?” Mitch asked.
“Looks like we’ve got company,” Jordan said coldly, nodding his head in my direction.
