Seductive Chaos
Page 81
And then I was singing. And screaming. And yelling.
Maysie and Sophie came down a short time later, looking relieved that we were all still standing.
But I barely noticed them.
Because I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
22
I stared at the clock, knowing that Cole and the rest of Generation Rejects were on their way to New York.
Not that I had heard that from Cole. Maysie had let me know she would be heading up with them. She and Jordan were planning to stay in New York for a few days after the meeting but she promised she’d be back in time for the gala on Saturday.
I hadn’t talked to Cole since I had kicked him out of my apartment on Sunday morning.
I had been so angry. The angriest I could ever remember being towards him. It was so much worse than finding him with another woman or being handcuffed to a bed and him losing the key.
He had told me he loved me.
While we were having sex.
And then he had the audacity to act as though he didn’t understand why I would have a problem with that.
It wasn’t so much the timing of the words themselves; it had more to do with the fact that I couldn’t trust myself once he had said them.
Because I loved him madly.
To distraction.
To my ruin.
He made it all too tempting to fall head first into my total destruction.
We were the beauty in the chaos and I wanted him to annihilate me.
But I knew that it wasn’t possible for him to love me the way I loved him. Love for Cole Brandt was a pretty new toy he wanted to try out. They were words without substance. He said them without knowing what they truly meant. He didn’t know how to love anyone but himself.
He didn’t love me.
This became my mantra.
Because the need to touch him, to see him, to be with him every second of every day was overwhelming. And I was so damn weak when it came to Cole.
But I didn’t call him. And he didn’t call me. And the disappointment of that almost threw me into a moping depression.
But I held strong. I had too much on my plate to fixate on Cole and the fact that in only a few hours, his musical fate would be decided.
“Earth to Vivian!” Theo snapped his fingers in front of my face. I was standing in the middle of the large open space at the back of The Claremont Center where the gala would be held. There were people rearranging furniture and hanging colorful tapestries on the walls. Movers were starting to bring in tables and chairs. I was supposed to be directing them.
But work responsibilities became less important as I was sucked under by my Cole-centric thoughts.
Such was the danger of loving him.
I smiled, laughing. “Sorry, I was totally zoned out there, wasn’t I?”
“Just a bit,” Theo agreed. I hadn’t really spoken with Theo since our disastrous date. He had been out of town for work during the last part of the week and I had been neck deep in the final gala preparations.
There was an element of discomfort in seeing him again. I still felt guilty and ridiculous for the entire debacle. I was still smacking myself for ruining something that had so much potential. But I would have been going into it with only half a heart.
Because a certain jerk had the part of me and wasn’t giving it back anytime soon. No matter how much I wanted him to.
“This looks amazing!” Theo enthused sincerely, watching as several women started unloading the pieces of the faux ice sculptures that would be erected in the corners of the room.
“So far so good,” I agreed, signing an order slip for the table linens and handing it back to the delivery person.
“I can’t wait to see how it all turns out. It’s one thing to imagine it in my head; it’s something else entirely to see it on the actual night. I just hope everything goes smoothly,” I said with an edge of panic as Theo and I walked over to the giant screen being put up on the wall.
It was the perfect space for the event. The entire back of the room was composed of windows that overlooked the river. The room was grand and expansive and would be filled with twinkling lights and swaths of blue, silver, and white. I had envisioned a classy but eye-catching event. I was scared that something would happen to screw it all up. Because lord knows, that would be my luck.
“So how was Cole after I left the other night?” Theo asked and I sucked in a breath. I hadn’t expected him to ask about Cole. I sort of hoped he’d let us pretend the whole thing hadn’t happened.
I forced a smile and shrugged. “He was hung over.”
Theo’s piercing eyes seemed to look straight through me. “And how are things with the two of you?” he queried.
Why was he asking me about this? Why in the world would he want to know?
I prayed he hadn’t held out hope for us. Because that was never going to happen. Even if I wanted to make myself go there, I knew it wasn’t right. I couldn’t flirt and lead him on when I knew that Cole would always be there in the back of my mind.
And now that the L word had been thrown into the mix, I was even more of a lost cause.
“Couldn’t really say,” I said caustically, wishing he’d drop it. I was at work. I couldn’t fixate on Cole. I couldn’t think about how things were going for him in New York. I couldn’t allow myself to wonder whether he would call when he was finished.
“Because, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the gala with me. And I didn’t want to ask if the two of you were together.”
“Um. . .” I began, not sure what to say.
Maysie and Sophie came down a short time later, looking relieved that we were all still standing.
But I barely noticed them.
Because I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
22
I stared at the clock, knowing that Cole and the rest of Generation Rejects were on their way to New York.
Not that I had heard that from Cole. Maysie had let me know she would be heading up with them. She and Jordan were planning to stay in New York for a few days after the meeting but she promised she’d be back in time for the gala on Saturday.
I hadn’t talked to Cole since I had kicked him out of my apartment on Sunday morning.
I had been so angry. The angriest I could ever remember being towards him. It was so much worse than finding him with another woman or being handcuffed to a bed and him losing the key.
He had told me he loved me.
While we were having sex.
And then he had the audacity to act as though he didn’t understand why I would have a problem with that.
It wasn’t so much the timing of the words themselves; it had more to do with the fact that I couldn’t trust myself once he had said them.
Because I loved him madly.
To distraction.
To my ruin.
He made it all too tempting to fall head first into my total destruction.
We were the beauty in the chaos and I wanted him to annihilate me.
But I knew that it wasn’t possible for him to love me the way I loved him. Love for Cole Brandt was a pretty new toy he wanted to try out. They were words without substance. He said them without knowing what they truly meant. He didn’t know how to love anyone but himself.
He didn’t love me.
This became my mantra.
Because the need to touch him, to see him, to be with him every second of every day was overwhelming. And I was so damn weak when it came to Cole.
But I didn’t call him. And he didn’t call me. And the disappointment of that almost threw me into a moping depression.
But I held strong. I had too much on my plate to fixate on Cole and the fact that in only a few hours, his musical fate would be decided.
“Earth to Vivian!” Theo snapped his fingers in front of my face. I was standing in the middle of the large open space at the back of The Claremont Center where the gala would be held. There were people rearranging furniture and hanging colorful tapestries on the walls. Movers were starting to bring in tables and chairs. I was supposed to be directing them.
But work responsibilities became less important as I was sucked under by my Cole-centric thoughts.
Such was the danger of loving him.
I smiled, laughing. “Sorry, I was totally zoned out there, wasn’t I?”
“Just a bit,” Theo agreed. I hadn’t really spoken with Theo since our disastrous date. He had been out of town for work during the last part of the week and I had been neck deep in the final gala preparations.
There was an element of discomfort in seeing him again. I still felt guilty and ridiculous for the entire debacle. I was still smacking myself for ruining something that had so much potential. But I would have been going into it with only half a heart.
Because a certain jerk had the part of me and wasn’t giving it back anytime soon. No matter how much I wanted him to.
“This looks amazing!” Theo enthused sincerely, watching as several women started unloading the pieces of the faux ice sculptures that would be erected in the corners of the room.
“So far so good,” I agreed, signing an order slip for the table linens and handing it back to the delivery person.
“I can’t wait to see how it all turns out. It’s one thing to imagine it in my head; it’s something else entirely to see it on the actual night. I just hope everything goes smoothly,” I said with an edge of panic as Theo and I walked over to the giant screen being put up on the wall.
It was the perfect space for the event. The entire back of the room was composed of windows that overlooked the river. The room was grand and expansive and would be filled with twinkling lights and swaths of blue, silver, and white. I had envisioned a classy but eye-catching event. I was scared that something would happen to screw it all up. Because lord knows, that would be my luck.
“So how was Cole after I left the other night?” Theo asked and I sucked in a breath. I hadn’t expected him to ask about Cole. I sort of hoped he’d let us pretend the whole thing hadn’t happened.
I forced a smile and shrugged. “He was hung over.”
Theo’s piercing eyes seemed to look straight through me. “And how are things with the two of you?” he queried.
Why was he asking me about this? Why in the world would he want to know?
I prayed he hadn’t held out hope for us. Because that was never going to happen. Even if I wanted to make myself go there, I knew it wasn’t right. I couldn’t flirt and lead him on when I knew that Cole would always be there in the back of my mind.
And now that the L word had been thrown into the mix, I was even more of a lost cause.
“Couldn’t really say,” I said caustically, wishing he’d drop it. I was at work. I couldn’t fixate on Cole. I couldn’t think about how things were going for him in New York. I couldn’t allow myself to wonder whether he would call when he was finished.
“Because, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the gala with me. And I didn’t want to ask if the two of you were together.”
“Um. . .” I began, not sure what to say.
