See Me
Page 36
Cassidy didn’t have the best track record when it came to guys. She couldn’t have a romantic fling without becoming emotionally involved. Rock posed a huge dilemma—too many factors stood in the way of them being together. His history being the biggest. Second being no way of having a long distanced relationship. Rock didn’t exactly have WIFI out here.
Cassidy came bursting out of the trail, running right past me.
“Hey,” I called. She spun, looking breathless and flushed, and smiled when she saw me.
“Hey.” She came over and sat down at my side. “Ooh, paint my nails?”
“Sure. You look happy.”
“Yeah.” She placed her hand on my knee and zoned out, visiting la-la land while I painted. I waited until I was on her second hand to talk.
“So… what’s up with you and Rock?”
She was silent as I swiped the polish twice over her pinky nail. I was afraid to look up.
“I’ve never met anyone like him. Ronan’s amazing.”
Ronan. Yeah, she had it bad.
“Amazing, huh?” I looked at her now, at the dazzled glint in her eyes.
“What would you say if I told you I’m thinking about… you know…?”
Uh, what the what? I cleared my throat and I fought to stay calm as I answered. I didn’t want her doing anything she’d regret.
“I would say I think it’s a very bad idea.”
Her face tightened. “Why?”
She really had to ask?
“Cass, why would you give your virginity to a miscreant cousin of the Leprechaun who you’ll probably never see again?”
It came out meaner than I’d meant, like a major bash against her overall judgment, not to mention the guy she liked. She yanked her hand away from me.
“Oh, did I say thinking about it?” she snapped. “I meant I already have.”
“What?” I leapt to my feet, standing over her. “No. You’re lying.”
She shrugged nonchalantly, the challenge leaving her.
I needed to stay calm, but my voice rose despite my efforts. “When?!”
She looked away from me. “The night we first went to the waterfall.”
Oh, my goodness. She was serious. I thought back to that night. “When he stole our clothes? That was, like, our second day here!”
“Yeah, I guess I’m just fast like that.” Her eyes filled with hurt.
“No, that’s not what I said, Cass. I just meant… that was a long time ago. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Reigning in my emotion, I sat back down across from her. Cassidy had never withheld anything from me. I knew every detail of how far she’d gone with all of her past boyfriends. We told each other everything.
“Because I knew you’d react like this.” She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them and checked to see if she’d messed up her nails. “And because you were busy. And sad. I didn’t want to upset you more.”
While I’d been wallowing in self-pity about the stupid FFG, my baby sister had lost her virginity and had nobody to talk to.
“I wish you would have told me,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry, Sissy.”
She hadn’t called me Sissy in years. Cassidy’s eyes scrunched up and she covered her face as all the emotion she’d kept hidden came to the surface.
“Oh, Cass.” I sat down and held her close, letting her lean on my shoulder. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have been there for you.”
I was pretty sure Cassidy had never kept anything secret for two weeks.
“This whole trip I’ve been so emotional,” she sniffed. “I cry almost every time I’m alone. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
I did. In a way, she was losing her big sister. We only had a couple more months together. There was also the fact that she couldn’t help me against the FFG. Things weren’t working out the way we’d hoped. And then there was Rock: a fun distraction to help her escape it all.
“This whole thing has been overwhelming for both of us,” I told her. “But no matter what, don’t ever feel like you can’t talk to me. No matter how crazy things are.”
She sat up, nodding.
“Here comes McKale,” she whispered, wiping her eyes.
I followed her gaze. He’d finished work a little earlier than normal. Cassidy stood.
“You don’t have to leave,” I told her.
“It’s okay. I’m gonna go shower.”
“All right. I’ll see you at dinner.”
She left me, giving McKale a little wave as they passed one another.
I wished I had a more cheerful greeting for him when he sat down.
“Are ye all right, then?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” I felt myself clamming up.
Things had been more comfortable between McKale and I the last few days, but with each hour that passed I wondered if he’d been visited again. Constant fear nagged the back of my conscience. I hated it. And now there was this strange sense of loss that settled over me for Cass.
Needing to keep my hands busy, I opened the red polish and began to paint my toes. I’d already removed the cracked old polish. I felt McKale watching me.
“Has she come to see you again?” I made myself ask.
My stomach knotted up, and I felt him stiffen next to me.
“Nay,” he answered.
I kept painting. “Will you tell me if she does?”
Cassidy came bursting out of the trail, running right past me.
“Hey,” I called. She spun, looking breathless and flushed, and smiled when she saw me.
“Hey.” She came over and sat down at my side. “Ooh, paint my nails?”
“Sure. You look happy.”
“Yeah.” She placed her hand on my knee and zoned out, visiting la-la land while I painted. I waited until I was on her second hand to talk.
“So… what’s up with you and Rock?”
She was silent as I swiped the polish twice over her pinky nail. I was afraid to look up.
“I’ve never met anyone like him. Ronan’s amazing.”
Ronan. Yeah, she had it bad.
“Amazing, huh?” I looked at her now, at the dazzled glint in her eyes.
“What would you say if I told you I’m thinking about… you know…?”
Uh, what the what? I cleared my throat and I fought to stay calm as I answered. I didn’t want her doing anything she’d regret.
“I would say I think it’s a very bad idea.”
Her face tightened. “Why?”
She really had to ask?
“Cass, why would you give your virginity to a miscreant cousin of the Leprechaun who you’ll probably never see again?”
It came out meaner than I’d meant, like a major bash against her overall judgment, not to mention the guy she liked. She yanked her hand away from me.
“Oh, did I say thinking about it?” she snapped. “I meant I already have.”
“What?” I leapt to my feet, standing over her. “No. You’re lying.”
She shrugged nonchalantly, the challenge leaving her.
I needed to stay calm, but my voice rose despite my efforts. “When?!”
She looked away from me. “The night we first went to the waterfall.”
Oh, my goodness. She was serious. I thought back to that night. “When he stole our clothes? That was, like, our second day here!”
“Yeah, I guess I’m just fast like that.” Her eyes filled with hurt.
“No, that’s not what I said, Cass. I just meant… that was a long time ago. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Reigning in my emotion, I sat back down across from her. Cassidy had never withheld anything from me. I knew every detail of how far she’d gone with all of her past boyfriends. We told each other everything.
“Because I knew you’d react like this.” She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them and checked to see if she’d messed up her nails. “And because you were busy. And sad. I didn’t want to upset you more.”
While I’d been wallowing in self-pity about the stupid FFG, my baby sister had lost her virginity and had nobody to talk to.
“I wish you would have told me,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry, Sissy.”
She hadn’t called me Sissy in years. Cassidy’s eyes scrunched up and she covered her face as all the emotion she’d kept hidden came to the surface.
“Oh, Cass.” I sat down and held her close, letting her lean on my shoulder. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have been there for you.”
I was pretty sure Cassidy had never kept anything secret for two weeks.
“This whole trip I’ve been so emotional,” she sniffed. “I cry almost every time I’m alone. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
I did. In a way, she was losing her big sister. We only had a couple more months together. There was also the fact that she couldn’t help me against the FFG. Things weren’t working out the way we’d hoped. And then there was Rock: a fun distraction to help her escape it all.
“This whole thing has been overwhelming for both of us,” I told her. “But no matter what, don’t ever feel like you can’t talk to me. No matter how crazy things are.”
She sat up, nodding.
“Here comes McKale,” she whispered, wiping her eyes.
I followed her gaze. He’d finished work a little earlier than normal. Cassidy stood.
“You don’t have to leave,” I told her.
“It’s okay. I’m gonna go shower.”
“All right. I’ll see you at dinner.”
She left me, giving McKale a little wave as they passed one another.
I wished I had a more cheerful greeting for him when he sat down.
“Are ye all right, then?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” I felt myself clamming up.
Things had been more comfortable between McKale and I the last few days, but with each hour that passed I wondered if he’d been visited again. Constant fear nagged the back of my conscience. I hated it. And now there was this strange sense of loss that settled over me for Cass.
Needing to keep my hands busy, I opened the red polish and began to paint my toes. I’d already removed the cracked old polish. I felt McKale watching me.
“Has she come to see you again?” I made myself ask.
My stomach knotted up, and I felt him stiffen next to me.
“Nay,” he answered.
I kept painting. “Will you tell me if she does?”
