Seize the Night

Chapter 12

Ash drew up short as he saw Kyrian in his upstairs office through the slightly ajar door. It was well after four a.m. and though Kyrian occasionally stayed up late with Amanda, it was unusual to find the former Dark-Hunter up alone.
Cocking his head, he watched through the crack as Kyrian bent over a stack of papers, pulling at his hair. Ash could sense the frustration.
He knocked lightly on the door so as not to startle him.
Kyrian looked up, then pulled the glasses off his face. "Oh, hey," he said in a low tone as Ash pushed the door open a bit. "I thought you might be Amanda, begging me to come to bed."
"Not for all the money in the universe," Ash said as he walked in. He moved to stand in front of the black, kidney-shaped, Chippendale desk where official papers and handwritten notes were scattered. "What are you doing up so late?"
"I couldn't sleep. I..." Kyrian ground his teeth.
"What?" Ash asked, worried about his long-time friend.
Kyrian let out one long, tired breath. "You have no idea what this is like, Ash. How hard every day is. Do you even remember being human?"
Ash set his backpack down on the floor as he heard Kyrian's thoughts. They were disoriented and panicky.
Normally, Ash wouldn't answer any questions about his past, but his friend needed comfort; in all honesty, given the crap that had gone on tonight between Nick, Simi, Zarek, Tabitha, the Destroyer, and Daimons, so did he. "Yeah, I remember being human, but I do my damnedest not to dwell there."
"Yeah, but no offense, you were young when you died. You have no idea of the responsibility I carry."
Ash had to bite back a bitter laugh at that. If Kyrian only knew...
He'd trade fates and responsibilities with the former Greek general in a heartbeat.
"Look at this," Kyrian said, pushing a sheet of paper at him. "Forget the damned Daimons, the scariest thing on this planet are lawyers and insurance brokers. My God, do you know the statistics for traffic accidents? I'm terrified to put my kid or wife in the car at all. My medicine cabinet that used to hold nothing but toothpaste and bandages now has Advil, Sudafed, Bengay, Lipitor, and Benicar. I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol-"
"Well, you did abuse your body for the last forty years with junk food."
"I was immortal!" Kyrian snapped, then his face went ashen. "I'm going to die again, Ash. Only this time, I doubt Artemis will be there to offer me a trade." He raked a hand through his hair. "My wife is going to die one day, and Marissa..."
"Don't think about it."
Kyrian's eyes snapped at him. "Don't think about it? That's easy for you to say. You're not going to die. And death is all I can think about, especially since Amanda keeps having her nightmares. I'm human now. I can't protect them like I could before."
"That's why Kassim and I are here."
Kyrian shook his head, then reached for his glasses. "And I hate these damned things that I have to wear so I can read all the fine print that's designed to steal my soul even more effectively than the goddess did. What happened to me, Acheron? Yesterday, I was the baddest thing stalking the night. The Daimons trembled in fear of me. Now what am I? I'm so pathetic that I have to bribe Nick to slip beignets into the house and hide in a closet to eat one so Amanda doesn't find out and ream me a new one. I have sinus problems. My back aches at night if I sleep wrong. My knees are shot to hell and yesterday when I bent over to pick up Marissa, I almost fell. Growing old really sucks."
Ash gave him an arch stare. "Are you telling me you want to go back?"
Kyrian looked away sheepishly. "At times I do, and then I look at my wife and I think what a selfish bastard I am. I love her so much that it hurts deep down in places I never knew existed. Whenever I think of her being hurt or Marissa... I can't breathe. I can't live. I hate feeling helpless. I hate knowing that I'm going to grow old and die on them."
"You're not going to die, Kyrian."
"How do you know?" he snapped.
"I won't let you."
Kyrian scoffed at him. "As if you could stop it. We both know I have no choice except to die as an old man... if I'm lucky and make it that long and don't drop dead of a heart attack, car accident, food poisoning, or a million other catastrophes." He hung his head in his hands.
Ash truly felt for his friend. It was hard to be human. Hell, it was hard to live at all.
Life was definitely not for the meek. Every time something seemed to go right, at least three or four things had to go wrong. It was just the law of nature.
"Amanda's pregnant again," Kyrian breathed after a small pause.
In spite of the dire tone, Ash sensed his happiness. And his terror. "Congratulations."
"Thanks." Kyrian looked at the stack of papers on his desk. "I'm trying to get my will in order, just in case."
Ash stifled an urge to laugh at his fatalistic friend. "You're not going to die, Kyrian," he reiterated.
He knew Kyrian wasn't listening to him. He was too busy fixating on all the things that could go wrong with not just Amanda and the baby, but himself.
"Will you be the baby's godfather again?" Kyrian asked quietly.
"Of course."
"Thank you. Now, if you don't mind, I have to have this in with the attorney and insurance company tomorrow."
"All right. Good night, General."
"Night, Acheron."
Ash pulled his backpack up from the floor and shut the door as he left. He paused in the hallway to find Amanda standing in her bedroom door, wrapped in a cream bathrobe. There were tears in her eyes.
Ash closed the distance between them. "You okay?"
She shrugged. "Is it like this for all of those who regain their souls?"
Sighing, he nodded. "It's hard to readjust. You spend hundreds to thousands of years thinking you literally have all the time in the world where nothing can touch you and your body never hurts for more than a few hours, only to become mortal and realize that you only have thirty or forty years left if you're lucky. You're now susceptible to death and disease just like everyone else. It's not an easy mindset. The first real paper cut damn near kills them."
A single tear went down her cheek. She wiped it away and sniffed daintily. "I wish I had left him as he was. I wish you had told me this would happen."
"Told you what, Amanda?" he asked. "That the two of you would spend the rest of your lives loving each other? Raising your kids? Neither one of you have any idea how miraculous your life is. How many people would gladly sell their souls for what you have. Forget Artemis and immortality. What you have is infinitely more precious and rare."
His heart clenched as his anger at both of them swelled over the fact that they were doubting their love and whether they had made the right decision. "Even I would trade all my immortality for one single day of what you two have."
He took her scarred hand into his and held it up so that she could see the place where Kyrian's soul had burned her hand when she returned it to his body. "I asked you once if he was worth it. Do you remember what you said to me?"
"I would walk through the fires of hell to die for him."
Ash nodded. "And I would walk through the fires of hell to keep you both safe."
"I know."
He tightened his grip on her hand. "Do you really wish you had left him to his Dark-Hunter life?"
She shook her head. "I would die without him."
"And he would die without you."
She wiped her eyes and smiled at him. "Oh, I'm just tired and pregnant. I hate this emotional hormonal state. I'm sorry to dump all over you when I'm sure it's the last thing you need." Standing on her tiptoes, she pulled him down so that she could hug him.
Ash clenched his hand into a fist against her back as he savored the kindness of her touch. It was rare for anyone to touch him as a friend and it meant everything to him.
"I love you, Ash," she breathed before she kissed his cheek. "You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for."
Except for Nick...
Ash winced as he recalled his earlier anger. He shouldn't have done what he did. It wasn't often he gave rein to his rage. Simi was one of the few triggers that was still left inside him. Up until Nick had sullied her, she had been the only pristine thing left in his life.
Part of him hated Nick for what he'd done.
But the sane, rational part of him understood. Even so, he couldn't forgive what they had done. He was afraid of how it would change Simi. Of what she might become...
"Is Nick okay?"
Amanda looked extremely uncomfortable. "He was busted up pretty badly. I tried to get him to go to the hospital, but he refused. He said he'd had enough broken ribs in his life to know how to tend them. So Kyrian and Talon taped him up and sent him home."
Ash nodded. "Keep an eye on him."
"What about you? Aren't you going to check on him?"
"I can't. At least not for awhile. I need time to get past this and I can't guarantee that I won't hurt him again. God knows, Nick has a true gift for saying the wrong thing in any given situation."
He saw the agreement on her face. "You know he loves you, right?"
"Yeah, but emotions don't have brains."
"No, I don't guess they do."
Ash gently pushed her toward her bedroom. "Go get some sleep."
Amanda took a step away, then paused and turned back to face him. "Ash?"
"Yeah?"
"Why did you put Tabitha with Valerius?"
"For the same reason I handed you Kyrian's soul on the day we first met."
"You have to know that there will never be peace between the two of them. Ever. Tabitha can't bring Valerius into our family. It's just not fair to Kyrian."
"Maybe, but the real question is this: Had you met Valerius before Kyrian, would you still feel the same way toward the Roman? And if Tabitha had married Valerius and then you found Kyrian, how would you feel if she told you that you had to let him go?"
Amanda looked away.
"Exactly, Amanda. In order to have a future, Kyrian needs to let go of the past."
Tabitha sucked her breath in sharply between her teeth as Valerius licked the salted garlic butter off her breast. He laughed playfully with her nipple between his teeth as he looked up at her.
He pulled back long enough to dip another piece of shrimp in butter before holding it up for her to bite into. Tabitha licked his fingers sensuously as she ate from his hand.
"I think we set a record for longest meal in history."
Valerius smiled at that as he placed another shrimp on her right nipple. The butter ran down the side of her breast. He licked it off her skin before he went after the shrimp and devoured it.
Tabitha smoothed his hair back from his face. "See, I knew you Romans were raw with this kind of stuff. I was right, wasn't I?"
"You were right," he said as he squeezed a lemon over her stomach.
Her toes actually curled as he lapped the juice off her.
His whiskers gently brushed her stomach, sending chills all over her. "You are so wonderful," she said quietly.
Valerius froze at her words. No one had ever said such a thing to him before.
No one.
And in that moment, he had a terrifying thought. He was going to have to let her go.
Some unknown force slammed into his chest at the thought. It stole the breath completely away from him.
Life without Tabitha.
How could such a thought slice through him when he'd only just met her? And yet as he tried to imagine going back to his cold, sterile world where people ignored, mocked, and disregarded him, he wanted to shout at the injustice.
He wanted to keep her.
The desire to bind her to him was feral and unreasoning. It was also selfish and wrong.
Tabitha had a family who loved her. Her family had always been a major part of her life. He'd seen it himself. The love. The care.
His family had been a nightmare of jealousy and cruelty. But hers...
He couldn't take her away from them. It wouldn't be right.
"Valerius? Is something wrong?"
He offered her a half-smile. "No."
"I don't believe you."
Valerius lay on top of her and just listened to her breathe. She cradled him with her body and he reveled at the feel of her skin against his. Of her arms and legs wrapped around his bare body.
But it wasn't just his skin that was naked. His spirit was stripped bare as well.
He would give anything to have this woman and she was the one person he could never keep.
It wasn't fair.
Tabitha stroked Valerius's back as she felt his emotions. He was filled with angry despair and she didn't know why.
"Baby," she whispered. "Talk to me."
"Why do you call me baby?" His breath tickled against her breast.
"Does it bother you?"
"No. I've just never had anyone else use an endearment when they talked to me. It's odd to hear it from you."
She ran her hand over the scars of his back as her heart clenched for him. "Were you ever in love?" she asked.
He shook his head. "I only had Agrippina."
"But you never touched her?"
"No. I slept with others who had a choice about being with me."
She frowned at that. "But you didn't love any of them?"
"No." He angled his head so that he could look up at her. "What about you? Have you ever been in love?"
She sighed as she remembered her past and the one person she had wanted to share the rest of her Me with. "I loved Eric. I wanted to marry him so badly that when he broke up with me, I thought I would die from the pain of it."
She felt jealousy cut through Valerius. "Why did he break up with you?"
She traced the fine line of his left eyebrow, then buried her hand in his hair to toy with it while she explained herself. "He said I burned him out."
Tears filled her eyes as she remembered that summer day when Eric had come over and ended the only decent relationship she'd ever had. "He said that as hard as it was to keep up with me while he was in his mid-twenties, he was terrified of trying to keep up with me at forty. He told me that if I could give up the vampire hunting and my store that we might stand a chance. But how could I ever give up the things that mean so much to me? I live to hunt. I owe it to those who can't fight for themselves."
Valerius lifted himself up and gently kissed away her tears. "Eric was a fool."
She smiled at that as his lean, muscled body slid sensuously against hers. Oh, he was delectable. All that strength and power...
And she wondered who he'd gone after once he became a Dark-Hunter.
"Who did you take revenge on?" she asked quietly.
He went rigid as he pulled away. "Why do you want to know?"
"I was just curious. I slashed Eric's car tires when he broke up with me."
His face was aghast. "No, you didn't."
She nodded. "I would have done more, but decided that that was enough to get my anger out. He had really nice Pirelli tires," she confessed.
He shook his head at her and laughed. "It's a good thing I don't drive, then."
"And you're avoiding my question," she said, tapping the end of his nose with her finger. "Tell me, Valerius. I won't think any less of you, I swear."
Valerius lay down beside her as his buried memories surfaced. He normally did his best not to recall those last hours of his human life. To remember the first night of his immortality.
He propped himself up on his elbow as he traced circles around Tabitha's breast. He adored the fact that she wasn't body conscious. Their nudity didn't bother her in the least.
"Val?" she prompted.
She wasn't going to let him escape. Taking a deep breath, he paused his hand over her belly ring. "I killed my brothers."
Tabitha traced the line of his jaw as she felt his pain and guilt.
"They were drinking and wenching with their slaves when I arrived. I will never forget the look of terror on their faces when they saw me and realized what I was there for. I should have let them go, but I couldn't." He moved away from her with eyes that were filled with torment and pain. "What kind of man kills his own brothers?"
Tabitha sat up and caught his arm as he left the bed. "They killed you first."
"And as the old saying goes, two wrongs don't make a right. We were family and I cut them down like they were enemy strangers." He raked his hand through his hair. "I even killed my own father."
"No," she said earnestly, tightening the grip on his arm. "Zarek killed your father, not you."
He frowned at her. "How do you know that?"
"Ash told me."
His face turned to stone as he glared at her. "And did he tell you how Zarek killed him? He ran my father through with my sword. A sword I handed to him after my father begged for me to save him."
She felt his ache and wanted to give him peace. "No offense, but your father was a bastard who deserved to be butchered."
"No," he said, shaking his head. "No one deserves what happened to him. He was my father and I betrayed him. What I did was wrong. So wrong. It was just like the night when..."
Tabitha couldn't breathe as a terrible wave of guilt sliced through her. She sat up on the bed. "What, baby? What night?"
Valerius clenched his fists as he tried to block out the memories of his childhood. It was impossible.
Over and over he saw the violence, heard the screams that echoed across the centuries even now.
He had never been able to block it out.
Before he realized what he was doing, he told her what he had never told another single soul. "I was five when Kyrian died and I was there the night he came for his vengeance against my grandfather. That was how I knew what Zarek was the night he came for my father. How I knew to call out Artemis when I died. I..."
He shook his head to clear it. But it was hard. The images of the past were still crystal clear and haunting. "My grandfather had kept me up late that night to tell me how glorious it was to triumph over a worthy adversary even if it's by treachery. I was in the hall with him when we heard the horses outside reacting to something. You could feel that something evil was there. It clung to the air. Then we heard the guards shouting and dying. My grandfather pushed me into a cabinet to hide while he grabbed his sword."
Valerius winced. "There was a crack in the wood and I could see straight into the hall. I saw Kyrian come in. He was completely wild as he and my grandfather fought. My grandfather was no match for his fury. But Kyrian wasn't content to just kill him. He butchered him. Piece by piece. Inch by inch, until there was nothing left that resembled a human being at all. I kept my ears covered and choked on my sobs. I wanted to be sick, but I was terrified that Kyrian would hear me and butcher me, too.
"So I sat there like a coward in the darkness until there was complete silence in the hall. I looked and saw nothing but the red-stained floor and walls."
He raked his hand over his eyes as if to blot out the images that still tormented him. "I crept from the cabinet and remember staring at the way my grandfather's blood coated my sandals. And then I screamed until I lost my voice from the terror of it. For years, I kept thinking that if I had run for help maybe I could have saved him. That if I'd left the cabinet, I could have done something."
"You were just a child."
He refused her comfort. He knew better. "I wasn't a child when I walked away and left my father to die."
Valerius cupped her cheek in his hand. She was so beautiful. Courageous.
Unlike him, she had morals and kindness.
He had no right to touch something so precious, so priceless. "I am not a decent man, Tabitha. I have destroyed everyone I've ever touched and you... you are goodness. You have to leave while you can. Please. You can't stay with me. I'll destroy you, too. I know I will."
"Valerius," she said, taking his hand into hers. She felt his aching need to touch her. Felt his desire to keep her safe and protect her.
Pulling him into her arms, she held him quietly in the darkness. "You are a good man, Valerius Magnus. You are honor and decency, and I'll hurt anyone who says otherwise... even you."
Valerius closed his eyes as he held her. He cupped her head in his hand and savored her warmth and kindness.
And in that moment, he realized something that terrified him more than anything else.
He was falling in love with Tabitha Devereaux. Brazen temptress, vampire slayer, complete uncouth lunatic woman that she was, he loved her.
And there was no way he could have her. None.
What was he going to do?
How could he give up the only thing he'd ever had that was worth anything? Yet it was because he loved her that he understood why he had to do this.
She belonged with her family and he belonged to Artemis.
He'd sworn himself to the goddess's service centuries ago. The only way for a Dark-Hunter to be free of that oath was for someone to love them enough to survive Artemis's test.
Amanda had loved Kyrian enough. Sunshine had loved Talon, and Astrid had loved Zarek.
Tabitha was certainly strong enough to survive the test. But could a woman like her ever love someone like him enough to free him?
Even as the thought went through his head, he realized just how stupid he was.
Artemis wasn't about to let another Dark-Hunter go free, and even if she was, Tabitha would never be his. He refused to ever come between her and her family.
He might need her, but in the end, she needed them a lot more. He was used to surviving alone. She wasn't.
He wasn't cruel enough to ask her to choose the impossible when the impossible would cost her everything she held dear.