Shade
Page 105
“You were quiet at dinner.” He studied her remote expression.
“Just tired, I guess. It’s been a long day,” Lily said quietly.
Shade leaned against the counter, watching her face carefully. “Bliss said she had a talk with you this morning. Did something she said upset you?”
“No, we’re fine,” Lily replied as she loaded the dishwasher.
Shade nodded. Maybe he should have another talk with Bliss. When she had stopped him on the way downstairs that morning, she had told him she had apologized to Lily for her behavior. Could she have said more than she had told him?
“Ready for some football?” Rider asked as the rest of the club came through the kitchen to go into the television room.
“Go ahead. I’m going to head to bed when I finish,” Lily urged, waving her hand at him to go.
“I’ll be up after the game.”
“Okay.”
Shade left, going into the room to find a space on the already overflowing couch, listening to Beth talk to Lily.
“Need any help?” Beth asked.
“Nope, I’ve got it covered. I’m almost finished. Go watch the game.”
“I think I will. I’m exhausted.” Beth sat down on the arm of the couch next to Razer, who reached up and tugged her down onto his lap. Beth then laid her head on his shoulder.
Shade saw the way Lily stared at the two and felt a sense of disquiet. She had acted too quiet over the course of the day.
He frowned in concern as he watched her doing the dishes. She seemed so alone, lost in her own world.
When she slipped out the kitchen door, he rose.
“Aren’t you going to watch the game?” Razer asked, looking up at him.
“No. You can tell me who won later.”
Shade left, going outside to see Lily several feet in front of him as she walked toward his house. He stepped off the path, walking through the trees silently as he watched her climb the steps to sit on the porch. He had observed her often going there to sit, looking toward the mountains. He didn’t like her out alone, but he sensed her need to be so; therefore, he would stay back and give her time to herself.
It would become easier once they moved into their house. All she would have to do was walk out her front door. He needed to remind Cash to tell his grandmother to buy an old rocking chair during her yard sales. He thought Lily would like the history of an old piece of furniture on her porch, something which could withstand the test of time.
It was beginning to get cold. Shade was about to step forward and tell her it was time to go inside when he saw Lucky coming outside and walking up the path.
“You’re going to get sick sitting out here in the cold without a jacket.” Lucky came to a stop at the bottom of the steps, looking up at her.
Lily stiffened when she heard Lucky’s voice.
“I was just about to go in,” Lily replied.
When Lucky walked up the steps, taking a seat next to her, Lily turned her face away from him.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” Lucky asked quietly.
“I haven’t been avoiding you. I saw you last week at the store and Sunday at church,” Lily prevaricated.
“You hide behind Rachel at the store, you take off as soon as church is over, and you haven’t said two words to me today. What’s wrong, Lily?”
She leaned her head against the wooden rail next to her, hiding her face in the darkness. “Because I’m so ashamed,” Lily’s voice trembled.
Shade’s hands clenched by his sides. Lily had never mentioned her abuse other than when she was having a panic attack or when Rachel had helped her those two times. She had never talked about it even with Beth.
“What on Earth have you got to be ashamed of?” Lucky’s stunned voice had Lily trying to scoot farther away from him.
“Because I don’t belong in your church.” Lily paused. “I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve done things, Pastor Dean. Things I know God’s not going to forgive me for.”
“Lily, don’t. Please don’t think like that.” He reached out to touch her shoulder but Lily moved away, not wanting him to touch her.
“It’s true. I … I…” Lily’s voice firmed. “Before I came to Treepoint to live with Beth’s parents, I lived with my mother. She … she wasn’t a nice person. She had me do things, Pastor, to men she would bring to our apartment.” She shuddered.
Shade wanted to step forward and hold her in his arms, but standing still, he acknowledged Lucky was what she needed to find the peace he wanted her to find.
“I didn’t want to, but she would make me drink liquor so I wouldn’t fight them. I quit fighting what she wanted me to do so she wouldn’t make me drink it anymore. Do you think God will forgive me for that? She told me that, if I told my friends, she would kill them. I knew she would because I was her daughter, and she didn’t care if I was dead or alive. She just wanted the money they would give her for me.”
“Dear God. Lily, stop…” Lucky’s voice was hoarse.
Shade moved a little to his left, knowing Lucky would see the small movement. When he looked toward him, Shade shook his head. Lucky wouldn’t want to hear Lily’s dark confession, thinking it wasn’t his place, but it was. If anyone could help Lily find solace with her God, it was Lucky.
“If she couldn’t find someone for me, she would send me to apartments where she knew the men lived alone and make me ask if they wanted company for the night. I learned how to do what she wanted, or she would beat me so bad I couldn’t go outside and play with my friends until I healed. If anyone came to ask about me, she would tell them I was too sick to play.”
“What happened to your mother?” Lucky’s voice was harsh.
“Her boyfriend moved in with us. He was nice for a while. He paid the bills and gave her money to spend. He even bought me my first doll, but she would get mad at him because he wouldn’t give her extra money for her pills, so she would wait until he went to work and sneak men into the apartment.
“One day, he came home early and saw me in bed with a man. Marshall pulled a gun out and made them sit on the bed and told me to get dressed. I heard him call someone, but I was too scared to listen. He made us all sit there until someone knocked on the door.”
“Who was it?”
“I don’t know. I’d never seen him before, but he was big and scary to me because, when Marshall told him what he’d seen when he came home, he took the gun and killed my mother and the man on my bed.” Lily took a deep breath. “Then he turned to me, asking me if Marshall had ever touched me, and when I told him yes, he killed Marshall. He lit a fire on my bed and made me leave with him. I didn’t try to scream; I was too scared.”
“I bet you were,” Lucky said grimly.
“He took me on a long drive. I slept most of the time. When I woke up, I was in Beth’s house, and he was gone. Her parents told me they were adopting me and to forget about my mom and the life I had before, so I did. I made myself forget every dirty thing I had been forced to do. I forgot the men. I forgot my mom. I forgot Marshall. I forgot my sitter who always smelled like chocolate chip cookies. I forgot my friends, Sawyer and Vida, who were like sisters to me. I forgot every single ugly detail of my life until I forgot me.”
“Just tired, I guess. It’s been a long day,” Lily said quietly.
Shade leaned against the counter, watching her face carefully. “Bliss said she had a talk with you this morning. Did something she said upset you?”
“No, we’re fine,” Lily replied as she loaded the dishwasher.
Shade nodded. Maybe he should have another talk with Bliss. When she had stopped him on the way downstairs that morning, she had told him she had apologized to Lily for her behavior. Could she have said more than she had told him?
“Ready for some football?” Rider asked as the rest of the club came through the kitchen to go into the television room.
“Go ahead. I’m going to head to bed when I finish,” Lily urged, waving her hand at him to go.
“I’ll be up after the game.”
“Okay.”
Shade left, going into the room to find a space on the already overflowing couch, listening to Beth talk to Lily.
“Need any help?” Beth asked.
“Nope, I’ve got it covered. I’m almost finished. Go watch the game.”
“I think I will. I’m exhausted.” Beth sat down on the arm of the couch next to Razer, who reached up and tugged her down onto his lap. Beth then laid her head on his shoulder.
Shade saw the way Lily stared at the two and felt a sense of disquiet. She had acted too quiet over the course of the day.
He frowned in concern as he watched her doing the dishes. She seemed so alone, lost in her own world.
When she slipped out the kitchen door, he rose.
“Aren’t you going to watch the game?” Razer asked, looking up at him.
“No. You can tell me who won later.”
Shade left, going outside to see Lily several feet in front of him as she walked toward his house. He stepped off the path, walking through the trees silently as he watched her climb the steps to sit on the porch. He had observed her often going there to sit, looking toward the mountains. He didn’t like her out alone, but he sensed her need to be so; therefore, he would stay back and give her time to herself.
It would become easier once they moved into their house. All she would have to do was walk out her front door. He needed to remind Cash to tell his grandmother to buy an old rocking chair during her yard sales. He thought Lily would like the history of an old piece of furniture on her porch, something which could withstand the test of time.
It was beginning to get cold. Shade was about to step forward and tell her it was time to go inside when he saw Lucky coming outside and walking up the path.
“You’re going to get sick sitting out here in the cold without a jacket.” Lucky came to a stop at the bottom of the steps, looking up at her.
Lily stiffened when she heard Lucky’s voice.
“I was just about to go in,” Lily replied.
When Lucky walked up the steps, taking a seat next to her, Lily turned her face away from him.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” Lucky asked quietly.
“I haven’t been avoiding you. I saw you last week at the store and Sunday at church,” Lily prevaricated.
“You hide behind Rachel at the store, you take off as soon as church is over, and you haven’t said two words to me today. What’s wrong, Lily?”
She leaned her head against the wooden rail next to her, hiding her face in the darkness. “Because I’m so ashamed,” Lily’s voice trembled.
Shade’s hands clenched by his sides. Lily had never mentioned her abuse other than when she was having a panic attack or when Rachel had helped her those two times. She had never talked about it even with Beth.
“What on Earth have you got to be ashamed of?” Lucky’s stunned voice had Lily trying to scoot farther away from him.
“Because I don’t belong in your church.” Lily paused. “I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve done things, Pastor Dean. Things I know God’s not going to forgive me for.”
“Lily, don’t. Please don’t think like that.” He reached out to touch her shoulder but Lily moved away, not wanting him to touch her.
“It’s true. I … I…” Lily’s voice firmed. “Before I came to Treepoint to live with Beth’s parents, I lived with my mother. She … she wasn’t a nice person. She had me do things, Pastor, to men she would bring to our apartment.” She shuddered.
Shade wanted to step forward and hold her in his arms, but standing still, he acknowledged Lucky was what she needed to find the peace he wanted her to find.
“I didn’t want to, but she would make me drink liquor so I wouldn’t fight them. I quit fighting what she wanted me to do so she wouldn’t make me drink it anymore. Do you think God will forgive me for that? She told me that, if I told my friends, she would kill them. I knew she would because I was her daughter, and she didn’t care if I was dead or alive. She just wanted the money they would give her for me.”
“Dear God. Lily, stop…” Lucky’s voice was hoarse.
Shade moved a little to his left, knowing Lucky would see the small movement. When he looked toward him, Shade shook his head. Lucky wouldn’t want to hear Lily’s dark confession, thinking it wasn’t his place, but it was. If anyone could help Lily find solace with her God, it was Lucky.
“If she couldn’t find someone for me, she would send me to apartments where she knew the men lived alone and make me ask if they wanted company for the night. I learned how to do what she wanted, or she would beat me so bad I couldn’t go outside and play with my friends until I healed. If anyone came to ask about me, she would tell them I was too sick to play.”
“What happened to your mother?” Lucky’s voice was harsh.
“Her boyfriend moved in with us. He was nice for a while. He paid the bills and gave her money to spend. He even bought me my first doll, but she would get mad at him because he wouldn’t give her extra money for her pills, so she would wait until he went to work and sneak men into the apartment.
“One day, he came home early and saw me in bed with a man. Marshall pulled a gun out and made them sit on the bed and told me to get dressed. I heard him call someone, but I was too scared to listen. He made us all sit there until someone knocked on the door.”
“Who was it?”
“I don’t know. I’d never seen him before, but he was big and scary to me because, when Marshall told him what he’d seen when he came home, he took the gun and killed my mother and the man on my bed.” Lily took a deep breath. “Then he turned to me, asking me if Marshall had ever touched me, and when I told him yes, he killed Marshall. He lit a fire on my bed and made me leave with him. I didn’t try to scream; I was too scared.”
“I bet you were,” Lucky said grimly.
“He took me on a long drive. I slept most of the time. When I woke up, I was in Beth’s house, and he was gone. Her parents told me they were adopting me and to forget about my mom and the life I had before, so I did. I made myself forget every dirty thing I had been forced to do. I forgot the men. I forgot my mom. I forgot Marshall. I forgot my sitter who always smelled like chocolate chip cookies. I forgot my friends, Sawyer and Vida, who were like sisters to me. I forgot every single ugly detail of my life until I forgot me.”
