Shadow
Page 31
She darted to it and yanked it over her head. In her haste the straps didn’t want to fit her arms as they tangled with her wet hair. Things couldn’t get much worse. He was angry and he’d just seen her naked. She tugged down the nightgown after untangling herself and stared at his broad back.
“I’m decent.” Heat still warmed her cheeks when he faced her again. “Sorry.” I don’t think this is what Breeze meant when she said to show him my bare body. No way was she going to ask him to have sex with her now. There was no missing the glint of anger in his eyes when she dared to meet his direct gaze. “I’m really sorry.”
“I’ve been thinking.”
Dread gripped her. “You want to return to Homeland? I blew it, didn’t I?” She hugged her waist, a habit she hated but couldn’t stop.
He glanced down at her chest and then looked away. “No.”
The sick feeling grew worse. “You’re going to have someone else stay with me?” She wanted him, not a different man living with her.
He shook his head. “I’ll sleep on your floor in here. That way you won’t be tempted to take any more strolls alone since you’ll have to step over me to do it. You aren’t to leave my view unless you’re showering.”
His words sank in and she was torn between hurt and anger. He hadn’t offered to share her bed but preferred the floor. That rejection deeply wounded her. The part where he thought she might make the same mistake twice was insulting to her intelligence. She wasn’t a total idiot.
She walked to the window to stare out but only saw her own reflection since the light in the room made it impossible to see anything else. Her hair fell in a wet mass over both shoulders. No wonder he didn’t want to sleep with her. She looked like a drowned rat. Worse, she felt like a mouse. A frightened, timid one.
“Those are the new rules.”
“Are they?” Her anger built. She was tired of being told what to do and what not to do. She was free and wanted the right to do as she pleased, the way all the other Species did. She faced him. “So you’ve spoken? It’s final? No discussion between us first?”
His eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”
“I said I was sorry. Neither of us knew there were dangerous animals out there. I went outside to get some fresh air but then wanted to see the river. I know you peed on the trees to mark the area to keep other men away. I’m Gift so none of them approach me anyway. I’m a leper in our society or may as well be.”
“A what?”
“Don’t you read? I do. It’s someone with a contagious skin disease. It’s called leprosy. That’s how I’m treated. It’s as if I have it and someone might catch it from me if they come too close.”
“Males avoid you out of respect and concern for your well-being.”
She was fed up with hearing that. Everyone was trying to be so protective that they may as well wrap her in bubble wrap and lock her inside a room. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. She wasn’t Tiny or Halfpint and she was tired of being lumped in with them.
“That’s a crock of shit.”
His eyebrows shot up.
“That means bullshit. No one asked me if I wanted to be labeled with that title or treated the way I have been. I just wanted a normal life. I’m entitled to the same things as any Species.”
“You’ve been abused.”
Is he kidding? Her anger boiled. “So have you.”
He paled slightly. “It’s not the same. The things done to me didn’t break my spirit.”
“I’m not broken either.” He was really pissing her off. “Do you think I haven’t heard the stories from some of our people? I have. Some of the women were raped by guards while they were at Mercile. Their size and strength saved them sometimes but not always. Only one man hurt me and I know it could have been a lot worse.”
“I don’t see how.”
“I could tell you. Halfpint and Tiny never want to be touched, ever again. They are broken inside to the point that men terrify them. They want to be protected and kept away from everyone who has a dick. I can’t even imagine some of the horrible things they’ve survived. It wasn’t a picnic for me but Master wasn’t some deviant sex freak.”
“He wasn’t your master.” Shadow snarled. “Don’t ever call him that again.”
“It’s the only name I have to call him. I could call him dickhead or ass**le but you get the point. He was an old man and I probably could have fought him off but I knew how much worse things could be if I did.”
He frowned. “Explain.”
“The guards, Shadow. He was the only thing keeping them from raping me. He paid them to watch me and keep their hands to themselves. Not that they kept their mouths shut. I never had a doubt what they wanted to do to me because they were often vocal about it. They tried to bribe me into allowing them to do sick things to me for more food and a promise I wouldn’t tell on them. I’ve been really hungry in my life but never that much. I had words to use as a weapon. That’s all I ever dared have.”
“Words?”
“As in threatening to tell on them if they touched me.”
“He touched you.”
“Yes, he did. It wasn’t nice either. I was an object to him instead of a person. I knew it. I felt it. I was something he owned. He’d have me dress in pretty outfits so he could admire how I looked as though I were one of those paintings he had upstairs. I’ve got emotional scars, sure, but I felt lucky after I spent time with the other Gift Females and heard their horrible stories. And, besides, I grew up there. I didn’t know people lived any other way. It was traumatic and scary but that was normal to me. I didn’t know anything else existed.”
“I’m decent.” Heat still warmed her cheeks when he faced her again. “Sorry.” I don’t think this is what Breeze meant when she said to show him my bare body. No way was she going to ask him to have sex with her now. There was no missing the glint of anger in his eyes when she dared to meet his direct gaze. “I’m really sorry.”
“I’ve been thinking.”
Dread gripped her. “You want to return to Homeland? I blew it, didn’t I?” She hugged her waist, a habit she hated but couldn’t stop.
He glanced down at her chest and then looked away. “No.”
The sick feeling grew worse. “You’re going to have someone else stay with me?” She wanted him, not a different man living with her.
He shook his head. “I’ll sleep on your floor in here. That way you won’t be tempted to take any more strolls alone since you’ll have to step over me to do it. You aren’t to leave my view unless you’re showering.”
His words sank in and she was torn between hurt and anger. He hadn’t offered to share her bed but preferred the floor. That rejection deeply wounded her. The part where he thought she might make the same mistake twice was insulting to her intelligence. She wasn’t a total idiot.
She walked to the window to stare out but only saw her own reflection since the light in the room made it impossible to see anything else. Her hair fell in a wet mass over both shoulders. No wonder he didn’t want to sleep with her. She looked like a drowned rat. Worse, she felt like a mouse. A frightened, timid one.
“Those are the new rules.”
“Are they?” Her anger built. She was tired of being told what to do and what not to do. She was free and wanted the right to do as she pleased, the way all the other Species did. She faced him. “So you’ve spoken? It’s final? No discussion between us first?”
His eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”
“I said I was sorry. Neither of us knew there were dangerous animals out there. I went outside to get some fresh air but then wanted to see the river. I know you peed on the trees to mark the area to keep other men away. I’m Gift so none of them approach me anyway. I’m a leper in our society or may as well be.”
“A what?”
“Don’t you read? I do. It’s someone with a contagious skin disease. It’s called leprosy. That’s how I’m treated. It’s as if I have it and someone might catch it from me if they come too close.”
“Males avoid you out of respect and concern for your well-being.”
She was fed up with hearing that. Everyone was trying to be so protective that they may as well wrap her in bubble wrap and lock her inside a room. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. She wasn’t Tiny or Halfpint and she was tired of being lumped in with them.
“That’s a crock of shit.”
His eyebrows shot up.
“That means bullshit. No one asked me if I wanted to be labeled with that title or treated the way I have been. I just wanted a normal life. I’m entitled to the same things as any Species.”
“You’ve been abused.”
Is he kidding? Her anger boiled. “So have you.”
He paled slightly. “It’s not the same. The things done to me didn’t break my spirit.”
“I’m not broken either.” He was really pissing her off. “Do you think I haven’t heard the stories from some of our people? I have. Some of the women were raped by guards while they were at Mercile. Their size and strength saved them sometimes but not always. Only one man hurt me and I know it could have been a lot worse.”
“I don’t see how.”
“I could tell you. Halfpint and Tiny never want to be touched, ever again. They are broken inside to the point that men terrify them. They want to be protected and kept away from everyone who has a dick. I can’t even imagine some of the horrible things they’ve survived. It wasn’t a picnic for me but Master wasn’t some deviant sex freak.”
“He wasn’t your master.” Shadow snarled. “Don’t ever call him that again.”
“It’s the only name I have to call him. I could call him dickhead or ass**le but you get the point. He was an old man and I probably could have fought him off but I knew how much worse things could be if I did.”
He frowned. “Explain.”
“The guards, Shadow. He was the only thing keeping them from raping me. He paid them to watch me and keep their hands to themselves. Not that they kept their mouths shut. I never had a doubt what they wanted to do to me because they were often vocal about it. They tried to bribe me into allowing them to do sick things to me for more food and a promise I wouldn’t tell on them. I’ve been really hungry in my life but never that much. I had words to use as a weapon. That’s all I ever dared have.”
“Words?”
“As in threatening to tell on them if they touched me.”
“He touched you.”
“Yes, he did. It wasn’t nice either. I was an object to him instead of a person. I knew it. I felt it. I was something he owned. He’d have me dress in pretty outfits so he could admire how I looked as though I were one of those paintings he had upstairs. I’ve got emotional scars, sure, but I felt lucky after I spent time with the other Gift Females and heard their horrible stories. And, besides, I grew up there. I didn’t know people lived any other way. It was traumatic and scary but that was normal to me. I didn’t know anything else existed.”
