Shadow
Page 63
“Don’t lie to me. No deceit should be between us. You have something on your mind, something you want to say. Spit it out.”
She didn’t smile but instead suddenly took great interest in his tank top.
“Beauty?”
Her shoulders sagged. “It’s stupid.”
“Everything you say matters.”
“Okay. I was just thinking how pathetic you must see me. I made you food and I’m listing off my domestic qualities.”
Confused, he forced her head up gently with a firm grip on her chin. “Those are nice skills. I’m bad at laundry.” The need to assure her was strong. “Do you want to know what new black uniforms being washed with new white socks does? It turned the socks an ugly gray. The team laughed when they saw them the first time we hit the mats to train. No one told me whites should be separated from dark colors, especially ones that have never seen the inside of a washer before.”
“Ellie would never allow us to make that mistake. She’s our house mother who teaches us living skills.” Humor lit up her features before it faded quickly. “I have nothing else to offer you.”
He tried to make sense of what she was saying. He shook his head, at a loss. “I don’t ask for anything.”
“I live with our women. I know they train with our men and they play sports sometimes. They work together at jobs outside the home. I am not trained for anything but house chores.” Color bloomed in her cheeks. “They have a lot of experience with sex too. I don’t. I keep thinking that all I can offer in our relationship is to keep a good home if we were to share one and make you meals instead of you having to eat at the cafeteria. We won’t be able to share work stories or play rough together the way they do. I know nothing about sports or the hundred other things they could talk to you about to keep your interest.”
He struggled to find the right words.
“It’s pathetic.” She tugged out of his hold but kept eye contact. “You didn’t even want to be here.”
He hated the way she gasped when he lunged. The last thing he wanted was her fear but he didn’t stop. She was light when he just scooped her out of the chair to settle across his lap. He liked her there.
“I was afraid I might hurt you but I’ve wanted you since the moment we met.” He hugged her tighter to him. “I’m damaged and was worried that would cripple me when it came to sharing sex.” His fingers stroked her arm, glad she relaxed. “There isn’t a damn thing pathetic or lacking in you, Beauty.” He mentally ticked off her list. “I avoided Species women. It wasn’t just my hang-ups but they are kind of scary.” He softened his tone, smiling.
“Nothing scares you.”
“A lot of things do.” He wouldn’t lie to her. Pride was a small price to pay when it came to making sure Beauty knew her value. “I used to consider sharing sex with one of them and feared my body wouldn’t function. Can you imagine what one of them would do if I couldn’t get an erection?” His eyebrows lifted. “It wasn’t a pretty situation in my thoughts. What if I froze or had a flashback? They are great females but our males don’t seem to have those issues. I imagined them laughing or worse. Pity.”
Beauty saw sincerity in his steady gaze. It made her chest hurt as she snuggled into him, putting her arms around his neck. She loved being held so close to him on his lap.
“I wasn’t put into the breeding experiments much. They rarely sent a female to my cell at Mercile. Then they took me from there and…” his voice trailed off as he swallowed hard. “Abused me with machines and videos of human females. I don’t have that much experience either. It’s been years since I had a real female under me. Don’t you think I was worried that I wouldn’t be good at it anymore? You were abused too. It left me shaking inside thinking I’d remind you of that when I touched you.”
“You don’t. There’s no comparison. You’re really good at it.”
“I’m glad.” He grinned. “Really glad. You are good at it too. I haven’t had a complaint.”
A load of concern lifted from her shoulders.
“All those skills you mentioned are wonderful ones. I had to learn how to cook a little, living at the task force headquarters but I’d hate to have to live off the ten things I know how to make for the rest of my life or always need to stand in a line to find a good meal.” He nuzzled her cheek with his nose. “I’m not a big fan of sports and I’m glad you don’t work with me. I’d be too afraid you’d get hurt to be effective in my duties.”
Her joy dimmed. “I’m weak.”
“Never.” His tone deepened into a scary growl. “You’re stronger than you realize. It’s not just about size or muscle when it comes to strength. You have so much of it inside. You attacked a male. Did you think you’d win?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“But you did it anyway. That’s brave.”
“It was because he was attacking you. Otherwise I would have fled or hid.” She paused. “Maybe completely freaked out.”
“I’m honored.” He nuzzled her again, kissing her cheek this time. “That means a lot to me.”
“Really?” The frail ray of hope shone inside that maybe they had a chance of a future.
“Yes.” He suddenly stood, adjusting his hold on her. “Let me show you how much.”
She didn’t smile but instead suddenly took great interest in his tank top.
“Beauty?”
Her shoulders sagged. “It’s stupid.”
“Everything you say matters.”
“Okay. I was just thinking how pathetic you must see me. I made you food and I’m listing off my domestic qualities.”
Confused, he forced her head up gently with a firm grip on her chin. “Those are nice skills. I’m bad at laundry.” The need to assure her was strong. “Do you want to know what new black uniforms being washed with new white socks does? It turned the socks an ugly gray. The team laughed when they saw them the first time we hit the mats to train. No one told me whites should be separated from dark colors, especially ones that have never seen the inside of a washer before.”
“Ellie would never allow us to make that mistake. She’s our house mother who teaches us living skills.” Humor lit up her features before it faded quickly. “I have nothing else to offer you.”
He tried to make sense of what she was saying. He shook his head, at a loss. “I don’t ask for anything.”
“I live with our women. I know they train with our men and they play sports sometimes. They work together at jobs outside the home. I am not trained for anything but house chores.” Color bloomed in her cheeks. “They have a lot of experience with sex too. I don’t. I keep thinking that all I can offer in our relationship is to keep a good home if we were to share one and make you meals instead of you having to eat at the cafeteria. We won’t be able to share work stories or play rough together the way they do. I know nothing about sports or the hundred other things they could talk to you about to keep your interest.”
He struggled to find the right words.
“It’s pathetic.” She tugged out of his hold but kept eye contact. “You didn’t even want to be here.”
He hated the way she gasped when he lunged. The last thing he wanted was her fear but he didn’t stop. She was light when he just scooped her out of the chair to settle across his lap. He liked her there.
“I was afraid I might hurt you but I’ve wanted you since the moment we met.” He hugged her tighter to him. “I’m damaged and was worried that would cripple me when it came to sharing sex.” His fingers stroked her arm, glad she relaxed. “There isn’t a damn thing pathetic or lacking in you, Beauty.” He mentally ticked off her list. “I avoided Species women. It wasn’t just my hang-ups but they are kind of scary.” He softened his tone, smiling.
“Nothing scares you.”
“A lot of things do.” He wouldn’t lie to her. Pride was a small price to pay when it came to making sure Beauty knew her value. “I used to consider sharing sex with one of them and feared my body wouldn’t function. Can you imagine what one of them would do if I couldn’t get an erection?” His eyebrows lifted. “It wasn’t a pretty situation in my thoughts. What if I froze or had a flashback? They are great females but our males don’t seem to have those issues. I imagined them laughing or worse. Pity.”
Beauty saw sincerity in his steady gaze. It made her chest hurt as she snuggled into him, putting her arms around his neck. She loved being held so close to him on his lap.
“I wasn’t put into the breeding experiments much. They rarely sent a female to my cell at Mercile. Then they took me from there and…” his voice trailed off as he swallowed hard. “Abused me with machines and videos of human females. I don’t have that much experience either. It’s been years since I had a real female under me. Don’t you think I was worried that I wouldn’t be good at it anymore? You were abused too. It left me shaking inside thinking I’d remind you of that when I touched you.”
“You don’t. There’s no comparison. You’re really good at it.”
“I’m glad.” He grinned. “Really glad. You are good at it too. I haven’t had a complaint.”
A load of concern lifted from her shoulders.
“All those skills you mentioned are wonderful ones. I had to learn how to cook a little, living at the task force headquarters but I’d hate to have to live off the ten things I know how to make for the rest of my life or always need to stand in a line to find a good meal.” He nuzzled her cheek with his nose. “I’m not a big fan of sports and I’m glad you don’t work with me. I’d be too afraid you’d get hurt to be effective in my duties.”
Her joy dimmed. “I’m weak.”
“Never.” His tone deepened into a scary growl. “You’re stronger than you realize. It’s not just about size or muscle when it comes to strength. You have so much of it inside. You attacked a male. Did you think you’d win?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“But you did it anyway. That’s brave.”
“It was because he was attacking you. Otherwise I would have fled or hid.” She paused. “Maybe completely freaked out.”
“I’m honored.” He nuzzled her again, kissing her cheek this time. “That means a lot to me.”
“Really?” The frail ray of hope shone inside that maybe they had a chance of a future.
“Yes.” He suddenly stood, adjusting his hold on her. “Let me show you how much.”
