Shadowfever
Page 43
Have I ever asked you where my parents are? I counter with a question that it hurts my heart to ask, hurts my soul to even think, but Im in an all-or-nothing mood. If I can get what I want tonight, Im out of here. My pain and suffering will end. I can stop hating myself. By morning, I could be talking to Alina again, touching Barrons.
His gaze sharpens. When you first saw that I was holding them captive, I thought you weak, ruled by maudlin attachment. Why have you not asked?
I understand now why Barrons was always insisting I stop asking him questions and judge him by his actions alone. Its so easy to lie. Whats even worse is how we cling to those lies. We beg for the illusion so we dont have to face the truth, dont have to feel alone.
I remember being seventeen, thinking I was head over heels in love, asking my date at the senior promtight-end hot-Rod McQueenKatie didnt really see you kissing Brandi in the hall outside the bathroom, did she, Rod? And when he said, No, I believed himdespite the smudge of lipstick on his chin that was too red to be mine and the way Brandi kept looking at us over her dates shoulder. Two weeks into summer, no one was surprised when he was her boyfriend, not mine.
I stare into Darrocs face and I see something in his eyes that elates me. Hes not kidding about making me his queen. He does want me. I dont know why, perhaps because he imprinted on Alina and Im the closest thing that remains. Perhaps because he and my sister discovered who they were together, and what they were capable of, and conjoined self-discovery is a powerful bond. Perhaps because of my strange dark glassy lake or whatever it is that makes the Sinsar Dubh like to play with me.
Perhaps its because part of him is human, and he hungers for the same illusions the rest of us do.
Barrons was a purist. I get him now. Words are so dangerous.
I say, Things change. I adapt. I cut away what is unnecessary as my circumstances change. I reach up and caress his face, brush my index finger to his perfect lips, trace his scar. And often I find my circumstances have not worsened, as I initially thought, but improved. I dont know why I refused you so many times. I understand why my sister wanted you. I say it all so simply that it rings of truth. Even I am startled by how sincere I sound. I think you should be king, Darroc, and if you want me, I would be honored to be your queen.
He sucks in a sharp breath, his copper eyes glittering. He cups my head and buries his hands in my hair, playing the silky curls through his fingers. Prove that you mean those words, MacKayla, and I will deny you nothing. Ever.
He angles my head and lowers his mouth to mine.
I close my eyes. I open my lips.
Thats when it kills him.
13
Ive had a few paradigmshifts since the day my plane landed in Ireland and I began hunting Alinas killerbig ones, or so I thoughtbut this one takes the cake.
There I stand, eyes closed, lips parted, waiting for the kiss of my sisters lover, when suddenly something wet and warm slaps my face, drips from my chin, drenches my neck, and runs into my bra. More splatters my coat.
When I open my eyes, I scream.
Darroc is no longer about to kiss me, because his head is gonejust goneand youre never ready for that, no matter how cold and hard and dead you think you are inside. Being sprayed by the blood of a headless corpseespecially someone you know, whether you like him or notgets you on a visceral level. Doubly so when you were about to kiss that person.
But even more upsetting is that I dont know how to merge with the Book.
All I can think is: His head is gone and I dont know how to merge with the Book. He eats Unseelie. Can I put his head back on? If I do, can he talk? Maybe I can patch him up and torture it out of him.
I fist my hands, furious at this turn of events.
I was a kiss awayokay, maybe a few nights of sleeping with the enemy and despising myself more than I ever thought possiblefrom getting what I wanted. But it was going to happen. I was gaining his trust. Id seen it in his eyes. He was going to confide in me. He was going to tell me all his secrets and I was going to kill him and fix the world.
And now his head is no longer on his body, and I dont know what I needed to know, and I cant live in this hellish reality for the months it could take me to get the four, the five, and the prophecy.
My entire mission was distilled to one goaland now that goal is tottering, decapitated, in front of me!
Its a total bust.
I let him touch me for nothing.
I stare at the bloody stump of his neck as his body staggers in a small circle without a head. Im astounded hes still moving. It must be the Unseelie in his veins.
He stumbles and collapses to the ground. Somewhere nearby, I hear garbled sounds. Oh, God, his head is still talking.
Good! Can he form sentences? Im in a strong bargaining position. Tell me what I want, and Ill put your head back on.
I frown. Where are the princes? Why didnt they protect him? Wait a minute! Who did this to him?
Am I next?
I glance wildly around.
Whuh, I manage. I cant process it.
Sidhe-seer, the Hunter purrs in my mind.
I stare blankly. The Hunter that Darroc summoned for us to ride is crouched a dozen paces away, dangling Darrocs head by the hair, swinging it from a taloned claw.
If Hunters smile, this one is. Leathery lips crack on saber teeth, and it oozes amusement.
His gaze sharpens. When you first saw that I was holding them captive, I thought you weak, ruled by maudlin attachment. Why have you not asked?
I understand now why Barrons was always insisting I stop asking him questions and judge him by his actions alone. Its so easy to lie. Whats even worse is how we cling to those lies. We beg for the illusion so we dont have to face the truth, dont have to feel alone.
I remember being seventeen, thinking I was head over heels in love, asking my date at the senior promtight-end hot-Rod McQueenKatie didnt really see you kissing Brandi in the hall outside the bathroom, did she, Rod? And when he said, No, I believed himdespite the smudge of lipstick on his chin that was too red to be mine and the way Brandi kept looking at us over her dates shoulder. Two weeks into summer, no one was surprised when he was her boyfriend, not mine.
I stare into Darrocs face and I see something in his eyes that elates me. Hes not kidding about making me his queen. He does want me. I dont know why, perhaps because he imprinted on Alina and Im the closest thing that remains. Perhaps because he and my sister discovered who they were together, and what they were capable of, and conjoined self-discovery is a powerful bond. Perhaps because of my strange dark glassy lake or whatever it is that makes the Sinsar Dubh like to play with me.
Perhaps its because part of him is human, and he hungers for the same illusions the rest of us do.
Barrons was a purist. I get him now. Words are so dangerous.
I say, Things change. I adapt. I cut away what is unnecessary as my circumstances change. I reach up and caress his face, brush my index finger to his perfect lips, trace his scar. And often I find my circumstances have not worsened, as I initially thought, but improved. I dont know why I refused you so many times. I understand why my sister wanted you. I say it all so simply that it rings of truth. Even I am startled by how sincere I sound. I think you should be king, Darroc, and if you want me, I would be honored to be your queen.
He sucks in a sharp breath, his copper eyes glittering. He cups my head and buries his hands in my hair, playing the silky curls through his fingers. Prove that you mean those words, MacKayla, and I will deny you nothing. Ever.
He angles my head and lowers his mouth to mine.
I close my eyes. I open my lips.
Thats when it kills him.
13
Ive had a few paradigmshifts since the day my plane landed in Ireland and I began hunting Alinas killerbig ones, or so I thoughtbut this one takes the cake.
There I stand, eyes closed, lips parted, waiting for the kiss of my sisters lover, when suddenly something wet and warm slaps my face, drips from my chin, drenches my neck, and runs into my bra. More splatters my coat.
When I open my eyes, I scream.
Darroc is no longer about to kiss me, because his head is gonejust goneand youre never ready for that, no matter how cold and hard and dead you think you are inside. Being sprayed by the blood of a headless corpseespecially someone you know, whether you like him or notgets you on a visceral level. Doubly so when you were about to kiss that person.
But even more upsetting is that I dont know how to merge with the Book.
All I can think is: His head is gone and I dont know how to merge with the Book. He eats Unseelie. Can I put his head back on? If I do, can he talk? Maybe I can patch him up and torture it out of him.
I fist my hands, furious at this turn of events.
I was a kiss awayokay, maybe a few nights of sleeping with the enemy and despising myself more than I ever thought possiblefrom getting what I wanted. But it was going to happen. I was gaining his trust. Id seen it in his eyes. He was going to confide in me. He was going to tell me all his secrets and I was going to kill him and fix the world.
And now his head is no longer on his body, and I dont know what I needed to know, and I cant live in this hellish reality for the months it could take me to get the four, the five, and the prophecy.
My entire mission was distilled to one goaland now that goal is tottering, decapitated, in front of me!
Its a total bust.
I let him touch me for nothing.
I stare at the bloody stump of his neck as his body staggers in a small circle without a head. Im astounded hes still moving. It must be the Unseelie in his veins.
He stumbles and collapses to the ground. Somewhere nearby, I hear garbled sounds. Oh, God, his head is still talking.
Good! Can he form sentences? Im in a strong bargaining position. Tell me what I want, and Ill put your head back on.
I frown. Where are the princes? Why didnt they protect him? Wait a minute! Who did this to him?
Am I next?
I glance wildly around.
Whuh, I manage. I cant process it.
Sidhe-seer, the Hunter purrs in my mind.
I stare blankly. The Hunter that Darroc summoned for us to ride is crouched a dozen paces away, dangling Darrocs head by the hair, swinging it from a taloned claw.
If Hunters smile, this one is. Leathery lips crack on saber teeth, and it oozes amusement.
