Shadowfever
Page 73
I ignored Rowena and addressed the sidhe-seers. Darroc believed it was not the Seelie Queen who brought the Sinsar Dubh to the abbey to be interred so long ago
Rowena shook her head. Dont do this. They need faith. Theyve precious little else. It is not your place to take it from them. Youve no confirmation of his claims.
I felt the subtle pressure grow stronger as she tried to cow me. You knew. Youve always known. And, like so many other things, you never told them.
If you believe a seed of evil exists within you, it may consume you. She searched my face. Och, surely you understand that.
One might also argue that if you believe a seed of evil exists within you, you have the opportunity to learn to control it, I countered.
One might also argue ignorance is safety.
Safety is a fence, and fences are for sheep. I would rather die at twenty-two, knowing the truth, than live in a cage of lies for a hundred years.
You sound so certain of that. Were it put to the test, I wonder where you would truly stand.
Illusion is no substitute for life, I said.
Allow them their sacred history, Rowena said.
What if its not so sacred? I said.
Tell us, Clare demanded. We have the right to know.
Rowena turned her head away and looked at me from the side, down her nose, as if I were too distasteful to regard directly. I knew from the moment I saw you that you would try to destroy us, MacKaylaor whoever you are. I should have put you down then.
Kat inhaled sharply. Shes a person, not an animal, Rowena. We dont put people down.
Right, Ro, Dani said tightly, we dont put peeps down.
I glanced at Dani. She was staring at Rowena, eyes narrowed and filled with hatred. Oh, yes, it was long past time for truth in these walls, whether we liked those truths or not. Maybe Darroc was wrong. Maybe what hed written was mere conjecture. But we couldnt question something we refused to face. And unquestioned suspicions had a nasty tendency to grow. Didnt I know; One was expanding exponentially in my head, in my heart, even now.
Rowena has a point, I conceded. I dont know whether or not Darroc was right. But you should know that Barrons suspects it, too.
Tell us, Kat demanded.
I drew a deep breath. I knew how this had affected me, and I hadnt spent my entire life indoctrinated into the sidhe-seer credo. Id skimmed Darrocs notes again before Id brought them. Farther into the pages, hed written it not as a bulleted supposition but as a fact: The Unseelie King created the sidhe-seers. Darroc believed it was the Unseelie King himself who trapped the Sinsar Dubh and created a prison for it, here, on our world. He believed the king alsocreated prison guards. I hesitated, then added grimly, Sidhe-seers. According to Darroc, it was the last caste of Unseelie the dark king created.
You could have heard a pin drop. Nobody said anything. Nobody moved.
Now that that was out, I turned my attention to Rowena. I had no doubt she knew what I needed to know. Tell me what the prophecy says, Rowena.
She sniffed and turned away.
We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Ballocks, child. We wont be doing this at all.
Tell me what the prophecy says, Rowena, I said again, and this time I used Voice to command her. It resonated, echoing back at me off the abbeys stone walls. Sidhe-seers rustled and murmured.
Eyes bulging, hands fisted, Rowena began to spit out words in a language I didnt understand.
I was about to order her to speak in English, when Kat cleared her throat and moved forward. Her face was pale, but her voice was calm and determined when she said, Dont do this, Mac. You neednt coerce her. We found the book containing the prophecies in the Forbidden Library you opened. We can tell you all you need to know. She held out her hand for the papers Id brought. May I?
I gave them to her.
She searched my gaze. Do you believe Darroc was right?
I dont know. I could Voice Rowena and see what she knows. I could interrogate her thoroughly.
Kat looked back at Rowena, who was still speaking. Its Old Irish Gaelic, she told me. Took a bit of time, but weve translated it. Come with us. But hush her, will you? She shivered. Its not right, Mac. Its like what you did to Nana. Our wills must be our own.
You can say that, knowing shes probably been using coercion on all of you for years?
Her power doesnt begin to compare to yours. There is seduction and there is rape. Some of us suspected she had compelling leadership abilities. Still, she made wise and fair decisions.
She lies to you, I said. Kat was far more forgiving than I was.
Withholds. A small but important difference, Mac. She was right about faith. Had we been told as children we might be Unseelie, we may have walked a very different path. Release her. Im asking you.
I looked at Kat a long moment. I wondered if she had something besides emotional telepathy, a kind of emotional balm she could apply if she chose. As I looked into her eyes, my anger at Rowena seemed to diminish. And I could see a grain of truth in what Kat had said. Alina and Christian had called them necessary lies. I wondered if someone had told me when I was, say, nine or ten that I was Unseelie, if I would have thought I was destined to be bad and never even tried to be good. Would I have thought: Whats the point?
Rowena shook her head. Dont do this. They need faith. Theyve precious little else. It is not your place to take it from them. Youve no confirmation of his claims.
I felt the subtle pressure grow stronger as she tried to cow me. You knew. Youve always known. And, like so many other things, you never told them.
If you believe a seed of evil exists within you, it may consume you. She searched my face. Och, surely you understand that.
One might also argue that if you believe a seed of evil exists within you, you have the opportunity to learn to control it, I countered.
One might also argue ignorance is safety.
Safety is a fence, and fences are for sheep. I would rather die at twenty-two, knowing the truth, than live in a cage of lies for a hundred years.
You sound so certain of that. Were it put to the test, I wonder where you would truly stand.
Illusion is no substitute for life, I said.
Allow them their sacred history, Rowena said.
What if its not so sacred? I said.
Tell us, Clare demanded. We have the right to know.
Rowena turned her head away and looked at me from the side, down her nose, as if I were too distasteful to regard directly. I knew from the moment I saw you that you would try to destroy us, MacKaylaor whoever you are. I should have put you down then.
Kat inhaled sharply. Shes a person, not an animal, Rowena. We dont put people down.
Right, Ro, Dani said tightly, we dont put peeps down.
I glanced at Dani. She was staring at Rowena, eyes narrowed and filled with hatred. Oh, yes, it was long past time for truth in these walls, whether we liked those truths or not. Maybe Darroc was wrong. Maybe what hed written was mere conjecture. But we couldnt question something we refused to face. And unquestioned suspicions had a nasty tendency to grow. Didnt I know; One was expanding exponentially in my head, in my heart, even now.
Rowena has a point, I conceded. I dont know whether or not Darroc was right. But you should know that Barrons suspects it, too.
Tell us, Kat demanded.
I drew a deep breath. I knew how this had affected me, and I hadnt spent my entire life indoctrinated into the sidhe-seer credo. Id skimmed Darrocs notes again before Id brought them. Farther into the pages, hed written it not as a bulleted supposition but as a fact: The Unseelie King created the sidhe-seers. Darroc believed it was the Unseelie King himself who trapped the Sinsar Dubh and created a prison for it, here, on our world. He believed the king alsocreated prison guards. I hesitated, then added grimly, Sidhe-seers. According to Darroc, it was the last caste of Unseelie the dark king created.
You could have heard a pin drop. Nobody said anything. Nobody moved.
Now that that was out, I turned my attention to Rowena. I had no doubt she knew what I needed to know. Tell me what the prophecy says, Rowena.
She sniffed and turned away.
We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Ballocks, child. We wont be doing this at all.
Tell me what the prophecy says, Rowena, I said again, and this time I used Voice to command her. It resonated, echoing back at me off the abbeys stone walls. Sidhe-seers rustled and murmured.
Eyes bulging, hands fisted, Rowena began to spit out words in a language I didnt understand.
I was about to order her to speak in English, when Kat cleared her throat and moved forward. Her face was pale, but her voice was calm and determined when she said, Dont do this, Mac. You neednt coerce her. We found the book containing the prophecies in the Forbidden Library you opened. We can tell you all you need to know. She held out her hand for the papers Id brought. May I?
I gave them to her.
She searched my gaze. Do you believe Darroc was right?
I dont know. I could Voice Rowena and see what she knows. I could interrogate her thoroughly.
Kat looked back at Rowena, who was still speaking. Its Old Irish Gaelic, she told me. Took a bit of time, but weve translated it. Come with us. But hush her, will you? She shivered. Its not right, Mac. Its like what you did to Nana. Our wills must be our own.
You can say that, knowing shes probably been using coercion on all of you for years?
Her power doesnt begin to compare to yours. There is seduction and there is rape. Some of us suspected she had compelling leadership abilities. Still, she made wise and fair decisions.
She lies to you, I said. Kat was far more forgiving than I was.
Withholds. A small but important difference, Mac. She was right about faith. Had we been told as children we might be Unseelie, we may have walked a very different path. Release her. Im asking you.
I looked at Kat a long moment. I wondered if she had something besides emotional telepathy, a kind of emotional balm she could apply if she chose. As I looked into her eyes, my anger at Rowena seemed to diminish. And I could see a grain of truth in what Kat had said. Alina and Christian had called them necessary lies. I wondered if someone had told me when I was, say, nine or ten that I was Unseelie, if I would have thought I was destined to be bad and never even tried to be good. Would I have thought: Whats the point?
