Shadowfever
Page 84
I buried my hands in my hair and tugged, as if the pain might clarify my thoughts or perhaps fortify my will.
See me, Barrons kept saying.
And, more recently, If you cant face the truth of your reality, you cant control it.
Ryodan had been right: I was a loose cannon, but not for the reason he thought.
I didnt know the truth of my reality. And until I did, I was a wild card, something that could flip. The question keeping me awake at night wasnt whether or not sidhe-seers were an Unseelie caste. That was small compared to my problem. The question that kept me from sleeping was much more alarming.
Impossible as it seemed, was I somehow the Unseelie Kings concubine? Reincarnated and brought back to life in a new body? Fated for her inhuman lover, destined to a tragic cycle of rebirth?
And just what were Barrons and his eight? My ill-fated lover split into nine human vessels? That was a doozy of a thought. No wonder the concubine had found the king insatiable. How could one woman handle nine men?
What are you doing, Ms. Lane? As if my thoughts had conjured him, Barrons voice slid out of the darkness behind me.
I looked at him. Id flipped on the exterior lights outside BB&B, powered by the stores immense generators, but the light was at his back and he was heavily shadowed. Still, I would have known it was him even if I were blind. I could feel him on the air; I could smell him.
He was furious with me. I didnt care. He was back. He was alive. My heart did a flip-flop. I thrilled to his presence. I would anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances. No matter what he was, what hed done. Even if he was one-ninth of the Unseelie King whod begun it all.
Somethings seriously wrong with me, I said, half under my breath.
Just now figuring that out, are you?
I gave him a look. Good to see you alive again.
Good to be alive.
Do you really mean that? Hed made comments about death in the past, which now made sense to me. Apparently he would never experience it, and at times hed seemed almost envious.
Nice tan. You just cant stay away from the Fae when Im gone, can you? Did Vlane take you to the beach again? Did you get a sand burn when he fucked you?
Are you the Unseelie King, Barrons? Is that what you and your eight are? Different facets of you, crammed into human form, while you search Dublin for your missing Book?
Are you the concubine? The Book certainly seems enamored of you. Cant stay away. Kills everyone else. Plays with you.
I blinked. He was always way ahead of me, and he didnt even know about my dream of the winged prince or my dj vu experience in the mansion. Wed been thinking the same things about each other. Id had no idea hed been wonderingif I was the allegedly dead concubine.
Theres one way to find out. You keep telling me to see you, to face the truth. Im ready. I held out my hand.
If you think Im letting you into my head again, youre wrong.
If you think you could stop me if I wanted to, youre wrong.
Arent you full of yourself? he mocked.
I want you to come somewhere with me, I said. Did Barrons know full well what he was and would just never admit to it? Was it possible the king could subdivide himself into human parts and forget who he was? Or had he been tricked into human form, his individual facets forced to drink from the cauldron, and now the most feared of the Unseelie walked the earth with no greater clue to what he was than his oblivious concubine?
One way or another, I wanted answers. I was sure enough of the truth about myself to run the gauntlet. If I was wrong about him, he didnt have much to lose, just the equivalent of a few days nap. And somehow I knew that wouldnt be the case. I was right about this one. I had to be.
He stared at me in silence.
Cmon, Barrons. Whats the worst that can happen? I lead you into some trap and you die for however long it is you go away? Not that Im going to, I added hastily.
Its hardly pleasant, Ms. Lane. Its also highly inconvenient.
Inconvenient. Thats what dying for me back on the cliff had been. An inconvenience. And Id been ready to wipe out a world for him. Fine. Do what you want. Im going.
I turned and pushed into the wall.
What the fuck do you think youreget your ass out ofMs. Lane! Fuck! Mac!
As I vanished into the wall, I felt his hand close on my coat, and I laughed. Hed called me Mac, and I wasnt even dying.
Which mirror now, Ms. Lane? He glanced around the white room, scanning the ten mirrors.
Fourth from the left. Jericho. I was sick of him calling me Ms. Lane. I picked myself up off the white floor. Once again the Silver had spit me out with entirely too much enthusiasm, and I didnt even have the stones on me. I didnt have anything but the spear in my holster, a protein bar, two flashlights, and a bottle of Unseelie in my pockets.
You dont have the right to call me Jericho.
Why? Because we havent been intimate enough? Ive had sex with you in every possible position, killed you, fed you my blood in the hopes that it would bring you back to life, crammed Unseelie into your stomach, and tried to rearrange your guts. Id say thats pretty personal. How much more intimate do we have to get for you to feel comfortable with me calling you Jericho? Jericho.
See me, Barrons kept saying.
And, more recently, If you cant face the truth of your reality, you cant control it.
Ryodan had been right: I was a loose cannon, but not for the reason he thought.
I didnt know the truth of my reality. And until I did, I was a wild card, something that could flip. The question keeping me awake at night wasnt whether or not sidhe-seers were an Unseelie caste. That was small compared to my problem. The question that kept me from sleeping was much more alarming.
Impossible as it seemed, was I somehow the Unseelie Kings concubine? Reincarnated and brought back to life in a new body? Fated for her inhuman lover, destined to a tragic cycle of rebirth?
And just what were Barrons and his eight? My ill-fated lover split into nine human vessels? That was a doozy of a thought. No wonder the concubine had found the king insatiable. How could one woman handle nine men?
What are you doing, Ms. Lane? As if my thoughts had conjured him, Barrons voice slid out of the darkness behind me.
I looked at him. Id flipped on the exterior lights outside BB&B, powered by the stores immense generators, but the light was at his back and he was heavily shadowed. Still, I would have known it was him even if I were blind. I could feel him on the air; I could smell him.
He was furious with me. I didnt care. He was back. He was alive. My heart did a flip-flop. I thrilled to his presence. I would anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances. No matter what he was, what hed done. Even if he was one-ninth of the Unseelie King whod begun it all.
Somethings seriously wrong with me, I said, half under my breath.
Just now figuring that out, are you?
I gave him a look. Good to see you alive again.
Good to be alive.
Do you really mean that? Hed made comments about death in the past, which now made sense to me. Apparently he would never experience it, and at times hed seemed almost envious.
Nice tan. You just cant stay away from the Fae when Im gone, can you? Did Vlane take you to the beach again? Did you get a sand burn when he fucked you?
Are you the Unseelie King, Barrons? Is that what you and your eight are? Different facets of you, crammed into human form, while you search Dublin for your missing Book?
Are you the concubine? The Book certainly seems enamored of you. Cant stay away. Kills everyone else. Plays with you.
I blinked. He was always way ahead of me, and he didnt even know about my dream of the winged prince or my dj vu experience in the mansion. Wed been thinking the same things about each other. Id had no idea hed been wonderingif I was the allegedly dead concubine.
Theres one way to find out. You keep telling me to see you, to face the truth. Im ready. I held out my hand.
If you think Im letting you into my head again, youre wrong.
If you think you could stop me if I wanted to, youre wrong.
Arent you full of yourself? he mocked.
I want you to come somewhere with me, I said. Did Barrons know full well what he was and would just never admit to it? Was it possible the king could subdivide himself into human parts and forget who he was? Or had he been tricked into human form, his individual facets forced to drink from the cauldron, and now the most feared of the Unseelie walked the earth with no greater clue to what he was than his oblivious concubine?
One way or another, I wanted answers. I was sure enough of the truth about myself to run the gauntlet. If I was wrong about him, he didnt have much to lose, just the equivalent of a few days nap. And somehow I knew that wouldnt be the case. I was right about this one. I had to be.
He stared at me in silence.
Cmon, Barrons. Whats the worst that can happen? I lead you into some trap and you die for however long it is you go away? Not that Im going to, I added hastily.
Its hardly pleasant, Ms. Lane. Its also highly inconvenient.
Inconvenient. Thats what dying for me back on the cliff had been. An inconvenience. And Id been ready to wipe out a world for him. Fine. Do what you want. Im going.
I turned and pushed into the wall.
What the fuck do you think youreget your ass out ofMs. Lane! Fuck! Mac!
As I vanished into the wall, I felt his hand close on my coat, and I laughed. Hed called me Mac, and I wasnt even dying.
Which mirror now, Ms. Lane? He glanced around the white room, scanning the ten mirrors.
Fourth from the left. Jericho. I was sick of him calling me Ms. Lane. I picked myself up off the white floor. Once again the Silver had spit me out with entirely too much enthusiasm, and I didnt even have the stones on me. I didnt have anything but the spear in my holster, a protein bar, two flashlights, and a bottle of Unseelie in my pockets.
You dont have the right to call me Jericho.
Why? Because we havent been intimate enough? Ive had sex with you in every possible position, killed you, fed you my blood in the hopes that it would bring you back to life, crammed Unseelie into your stomach, and tried to rearrange your guts. Id say thats pretty personal. How much more intimate do we have to get for you to feel comfortable with me calling you Jericho? Jericho.
