Shadows of Yesterday
Page 25
“Shhh. Leigh,” he said quickly, softly, “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, squeezing her eyes shut against the understanding she read in his. Perhaps she didn’t want him to be understanding. Perhaps she wanted him to be persuasive. Even now her body yearned for fulfillment.
But it was wrong. She couldn’t marry him, and an affair would be contradictory to everything she believed in. Yet her whole body throbbed with longing for him. And if she felt this gnawing emptiness, what must he feel? She opened her eyes to see him watching her closely.
“You must hate me for what I just did to you,” she said. “I didn’t do it maliciously.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “And if it makes you feel any better, I couldn’t have made love with you under these circumstances either. This is neither the time nor the place.”
She lay docilely as he readjusted her clothing.
When he was done, he leaned over her and whispered, “Do you think I’ll ever get to see you completely naked?” His smile was warm, mischievous.
“You’re outrageous,” she said, smiling timidly.
He gave a rakish chuckle. “Don’t you have the slightest curiosity about what I look like naked?”
“No.”
He grinned, his teeth flashing whitely in the dusk-darkened room. “Liar.” Her strenuous protest was never uttered. His mouth got in the way.
* * *
They woke Sarah, and Leigh dressed her in the denim overalls that Chad highly approved of. He carried the baby down the stairs. On the bottom step, Leigh clutched at his arm. “Do you think they’ll notice… anything?”
“You mean the whisker burns on your breasts? Not unless you take your blouse off.” He laughed at her mortified expression. “The only thing they might notice is that I’m having a terrible time keeping my hands off you. Watch out. I may not succeed.”
Indeed, while they decorated the tree, Chad did have a hard time not touching her. Once, while she was in the shadows behind the tree—the lights in the room had been turned off so they could enjoy the soft-colored lights strung on the tree—he came up behind her, encircled her with one arm, covered her breast with his hand, and kissed her wetly on the side of the neck.
“Chad, stop that!” she whispered fiercely.
He only chuckled and squeezed a handful of her bottom.
They were almost finished with the decorating when Leigh stood aside to watch Chad’s parents as they played with Sarah. Every once in a while one of them would call a suggestion to the two hanging the decorations; otherwise, they were absorbed with the baby, who seemed to share their ready affection.
“Chad,” Leigh said softly, alerting him by her tone that this wasn’t one of the playful jibes they had been tossing to each other. “What happened to your father’s leg?”
The Christmas tree was mirrored in his eyes, but she could read the hesitation in them before he said, “It was crushed by a piece of machinery while he was fighting a fire.”
The stricken expression on her face said it all, and he turned away from it, clapping his hands together and asking his mother where the refreshments were.
Amelia and Stewart heaped praise on them for the beautiful tree while they ate large slices of caramely pecan pie topped with whipped cream. When they were done and Chad announced that they’d better get Sarah home before it got any later, Leigh said, “If you’ll get her things repacked in her diaper bag, I’ll help your mother with these dishes.”
Chad grumbled over his assignment, complaining that things were scattered from here to kingdom come, but Leigh ignored him. Stewart was commissioned to entertain Sarah, a task he welcomed.
Leigh was drying the last cup when Amelia took it away from her and clasped both the younger woman’s hands between hers. “Leigh, your coming out here with Chad has meant so much to us.”
“To me, too.”
“We’ve been worried about Chad,” Amelia confessed.
“The work he does?”
“That most definitely, but I’m talking about his personal life. After Sharon, we were afraid he’d never risk falling in love again. I think he’s terribly in love with you.”
Leigh’s mind had homed in on one word. More appropriately, one name. “Sharon?” she asked in a thin, reedy voice. I don’t want to know! her mind screamed.
Amelia’s eyes widened in dismay. “You don’t know about Sharon?” Leigh shook her head. “Oh, dear,” Amelia said quietly, obviously upset.
“Who is she? Please tell me.” Leigh didn’t realize the strength with which she was gripping the other woman’s hands until she saw Amelia wince. Loosening her grip, she repeated, “Please.”
Amelia’s look was sympathetic. “I think you should ask Chad.”
Chapter Six
“Should I be apprehensive about your quiet mood? You haven’t said a word since we left.” The night was cold and dark. The moon was a crescent shadow on the far horizon that lent no light. Only Chad’s headlights sliced through the darkness of the flat, desolate highway. Sarah lay sleeping in Leigh’s lap.
Leigh turned her head and spoke to his profile. “Who is Sharon?”
His head whipped around and the car swerved enough to jar Sarah out of slumber. Her limbs stiffened reflexively and her mouth sucked at nothing before she relaxed once more.
“How did you hear about Sharon?”
“Inadvertently your mother mentioned her. She suggested I ask you about her. Who is she, Chad?”
He cursed softly and thumped his fists on the steering wheel. “Sharon was my wife. She killed herself.”
Dumbstruck, she stared at him across the darkness of the car. Her heart came to a dull, thudding halt in her chest. “Your wife?” she gasped on a filament of sound. “Your wife?” He nodded curtly. Leigh gazed out into the night, trying to digest the unreality of it. Turning back to look at him, she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me about her?”
“Because she wasn’t relevant.”
“Not relevant?” she asked so loudly that Sarah flinched again.
“No. Not to us. My marriage has nothing to do with what I feel for you. I’m in love for the first time, Leigh. Not to say that I didn’t love Sharon. But I loved her in a different way.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, squeezing her eyes shut against the understanding she read in his. Perhaps she didn’t want him to be understanding. Perhaps she wanted him to be persuasive. Even now her body yearned for fulfillment.
But it was wrong. She couldn’t marry him, and an affair would be contradictory to everything she believed in. Yet her whole body throbbed with longing for him. And if she felt this gnawing emptiness, what must he feel? She opened her eyes to see him watching her closely.
“You must hate me for what I just did to you,” she said. “I didn’t do it maliciously.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “And if it makes you feel any better, I couldn’t have made love with you under these circumstances either. This is neither the time nor the place.”
She lay docilely as he readjusted her clothing.
When he was done, he leaned over her and whispered, “Do you think I’ll ever get to see you completely naked?” His smile was warm, mischievous.
“You’re outrageous,” she said, smiling timidly.
He gave a rakish chuckle. “Don’t you have the slightest curiosity about what I look like naked?”
“No.”
He grinned, his teeth flashing whitely in the dusk-darkened room. “Liar.” Her strenuous protest was never uttered. His mouth got in the way.
* * *
They woke Sarah, and Leigh dressed her in the denim overalls that Chad highly approved of. He carried the baby down the stairs. On the bottom step, Leigh clutched at his arm. “Do you think they’ll notice… anything?”
“You mean the whisker burns on your breasts? Not unless you take your blouse off.” He laughed at her mortified expression. “The only thing they might notice is that I’m having a terrible time keeping my hands off you. Watch out. I may not succeed.”
Indeed, while they decorated the tree, Chad did have a hard time not touching her. Once, while she was in the shadows behind the tree—the lights in the room had been turned off so they could enjoy the soft-colored lights strung on the tree—he came up behind her, encircled her with one arm, covered her breast with his hand, and kissed her wetly on the side of the neck.
“Chad, stop that!” she whispered fiercely.
He only chuckled and squeezed a handful of her bottom.
They were almost finished with the decorating when Leigh stood aside to watch Chad’s parents as they played with Sarah. Every once in a while one of them would call a suggestion to the two hanging the decorations; otherwise, they were absorbed with the baby, who seemed to share their ready affection.
“Chad,” Leigh said softly, alerting him by her tone that this wasn’t one of the playful jibes they had been tossing to each other. “What happened to your father’s leg?”
The Christmas tree was mirrored in his eyes, but she could read the hesitation in them before he said, “It was crushed by a piece of machinery while he was fighting a fire.”
The stricken expression on her face said it all, and he turned away from it, clapping his hands together and asking his mother where the refreshments were.
Amelia and Stewart heaped praise on them for the beautiful tree while they ate large slices of caramely pecan pie topped with whipped cream. When they were done and Chad announced that they’d better get Sarah home before it got any later, Leigh said, “If you’ll get her things repacked in her diaper bag, I’ll help your mother with these dishes.”
Chad grumbled over his assignment, complaining that things were scattered from here to kingdom come, but Leigh ignored him. Stewart was commissioned to entertain Sarah, a task he welcomed.
Leigh was drying the last cup when Amelia took it away from her and clasped both the younger woman’s hands between hers. “Leigh, your coming out here with Chad has meant so much to us.”
“To me, too.”
“We’ve been worried about Chad,” Amelia confessed.
“The work he does?”
“That most definitely, but I’m talking about his personal life. After Sharon, we were afraid he’d never risk falling in love again. I think he’s terribly in love with you.”
Leigh’s mind had homed in on one word. More appropriately, one name. “Sharon?” she asked in a thin, reedy voice. I don’t want to know! her mind screamed.
Amelia’s eyes widened in dismay. “You don’t know about Sharon?” Leigh shook her head. “Oh, dear,” Amelia said quietly, obviously upset.
“Who is she? Please tell me.” Leigh didn’t realize the strength with which she was gripping the other woman’s hands until she saw Amelia wince. Loosening her grip, she repeated, “Please.”
Amelia’s look was sympathetic. “I think you should ask Chad.”
Chapter Six
“Should I be apprehensive about your quiet mood? You haven’t said a word since we left.” The night was cold and dark. The moon was a crescent shadow on the far horizon that lent no light. Only Chad’s headlights sliced through the darkness of the flat, desolate highway. Sarah lay sleeping in Leigh’s lap.
Leigh turned her head and spoke to his profile. “Who is Sharon?”
His head whipped around and the car swerved enough to jar Sarah out of slumber. Her limbs stiffened reflexively and her mouth sucked at nothing before she relaxed once more.
“How did you hear about Sharon?”
“Inadvertently your mother mentioned her. She suggested I ask you about her. Who is she, Chad?”
He cursed softly and thumped his fists on the steering wheel. “Sharon was my wife. She killed herself.”
Dumbstruck, she stared at him across the darkness of the car. Her heart came to a dull, thudding halt in her chest. “Your wife?” she gasped on a filament of sound. “Your wife?” He nodded curtly. Leigh gazed out into the night, trying to digest the unreality of it. Turning back to look at him, she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me about her?”
“Because she wasn’t relevant.”
“Not relevant?” she asked so loudly that Sarah flinched again.
“No. Not to us. My marriage has nothing to do with what I feel for you. I’m in love for the first time, Leigh. Not to say that I didn’t love Sharon. But I loved her in a different way.”
