Show Me How
Page 42
I held on to his shirt for a second when he was forced backward, then let go and watched him stumble back a step.
“At least I gave you warning, asshole.” I flexed my hand a couple times, then shot Knox a grin. “Yeah, that felt pretty damn good.”
He shrugged, and bit back his own smile.
Looking at Jagger one more time, I met his challenging glare, and said, “Whatever it is you said to her, I’m not gonna hit you. She did that; she can fight for herself. As for you and me? Look, I get it. You think any of us wanted Grey with Ben? Or with you?” I scoffed. “You wouldn’t have been okay with Charlie and Ben, and you won’t be okay with Charlie and anyone. Do I have a history? Yeah. Knox does too, but Harlow doesn’t remind him about it every damn day.”
I took a step away and ran a hand roughly through my hair, and then laughed agitatedly. “Do you know what Keith said to me over there? He asked if it was okay if he was just Keith today. Look, I get you’ve all known this guy who wanted to party and sleep his way through the surrounding cities. But I don’t want to be that guy. I’m never going to get away from my past if you don’t let me. So fucking let me. Let me just be Deacon.”
No one said anything, and Jagger’s glare didn’t lessen, but Grey was beaming at me by the time I turned around and went to find Charlie.
When I turned the corner in the first hall, I saw her sitting at the very end with her back against the wall, legs out in front of her and crossed at the ankles, with Keith in her arms.
And I stopped.
I don’t know why, and I didn’t know what the feeling was that suddenly hit me when I saw them sitting there like that, but I felt pinned to where I was standing. I just knew that I needed to see that every day for the rest of my life.
And that thought confused and terrified me.
Keith’s head snapped up, and he squirmed in Charlie’s arms until he got away from her.
As soon as he took off toward me, I forced myself to walk again, and met him a little over halfway down the hall.
I dropped to a crouch, and stared into those eyes that looked so much like his mom’s. “Hey, kid. I think there’s something that we need to talk about. Can we have a grown-up talk?”
He puffed out his chest and nodded quickly.
“You know the grassy place?”
Keith’s chest immediately deflated. “My Ben is there,” he said softly.
“Yeah, he is.” I didn’t have to think long about my next words, I’d been trying to figure out a way to have this conversation with him for nearly a week. “I know you think that if your mom kisses me, then I’ll go to the grassy place.”
He nodded slowly, his eyes darted around like he was worried about what I might say next. But when I was about to continue, he leaned forward to whisper, “Don’t go. Supapowers can’t bring you back from the grassy place, Deaton. Please.”
Fuck. My throat and my chest felt tight, and it took me a few tries to be able to talk again. “No, they can’t.” I swallowed past the tightness in my throat, and hoped like hell he wouldn’t misunderstand me. “Keith, I need you to understand something. When I go to the grassy place, it will be because I’m really, really old, or because of something that is out of my control. But I swear to you, it won’t be because I kissed your mom.”
His wide eyes searched mine for a few seconds. “But what ’bout my Ben? He’s in the grassy place ’cause he kissed my mommy.”
“No, that was out of his control. It had nothing to do with your mom. Sometimes dads just have to go to the grassy place before they grow old, like Ben did.” I waited a few seconds before saying, “I need to make sure you really understand.”
After a short pause, Keith nodded. “You won’t leave me for the grassy place.”
This kid. This goddamn kid. How could he break my heart and make me want to scoop him up while talking about grass?
“Hopefully not for a long, long time, kid. But do you understand what I said about your mom?”
Keith’s next pause was longer, and his face pinched like he was trying to figure out a difficult problem. Finally, he hesitantly said, “Mommy didn’t send my Ben to the grassy place.”
“Right,” I said, relief coating the word. “And just because your Ben is in the grassy place, doesn’t mean you can’t have another dad someday, okay?” I waited until he nodded, then jerked my head toward Charlie, and said, “Now I need to go kiss your mom, if that’s okay?”
He sighed heavily and shrugged. “I guess so.”
I messed with his hair when I stood, and walked the rest of the way toward Charlie.
She had a hand pressed firmly to her mouth, with tears streaming down her face and over her hand.
I dropped to my knees in front of her, and gently pulled her hand down and brushed her wild blond hair away from her face. “Charlie Girl . . .”
“You,” she began, but didn’t continue as her head fell. She tucked her chin to her chest as a soft sob forced from her chest.
I was ready for it, for whatever she would say. I didn’t know what all they had told her, but I was ready to fight for her, just as I had been for the past three weeks.
“What are you doing to me?” she choked out when I lifted her face back up so I could wipe her tears away.
Her makeup was smeared, her cheeks were wet and red, and her bottom lip was swollen from where she’d bit down on it too many times.
And she looked so fucking gorgeous.
“I’m wiping your tears away.”
“No,” she said with a soggy laugh. “What are you doing to my heart?”
My thumbs paused on her cheeks when her words triggered something inside me, but then her blue eyes slid over to something down the hall, and that trigger disappeared as I followed her line of sight.
Keith.
“How much of that did you hear?” I asked softly when I faced her again.
“All of it.”
Her hand gripped my shirt and pulled me close, her mouth pressed against mine roughly and greedily for a few seconds before she silently begged me to take control of the kiss. Her grip loosened, and her palm flattened against my shirt until just the tips of her fingers were curled into my chest. She melted against the wall and sighed into our kiss when she opened her mouth to me, then teased me with the smallest taste of her before she put the slightest pressure against my chest.
“At least I gave you warning, asshole.” I flexed my hand a couple times, then shot Knox a grin. “Yeah, that felt pretty damn good.”
He shrugged, and bit back his own smile.
Looking at Jagger one more time, I met his challenging glare, and said, “Whatever it is you said to her, I’m not gonna hit you. She did that; she can fight for herself. As for you and me? Look, I get it. You think any of us wanted Grey with Ben? Or with you?” I scoffed. “You wouldn’t have been okay with Charlie and Ben, and you won’t be okay with Charlie and anyone. Do I have a history? Yeah. Knox does too, but Harlow doesn’t remind him about it every damn day.”
I took a step away and ran a hand roughly through my hair, and then laughed agitatedly. “Do you know what Keith said to me over there? He asked if it was okay if he was just Keith today. Look, I get you’ve all known this guy who wanted to party and sleep his way through the surrounding cities. But I don’t want to be that guy. I’m never going to get away from my past if you don’t let me. So fucking let me. Let me just be Deacon.”
No one said anything, and Jagger’s glare didn’t lessen, but Grey was beaming at me by the time I turned around and went to find Charlie.
When I turned the corner in the first hall, I saw her sitting at the very end with her back against the wall, legs out in front of her and crossed at the ankles, with Keith in her arms.
And I stopped.
I don’t know why, and I didn’t know what the feeling was that suddenly hit me when I saw them sitting there like that, but I felt pinned to where I was standing. I just knew that I needed to see that every day for the rest of my life.
And that thought confused and terrified me.
Keith’s head snapped up, and he squirmed in Charlie’s arms until he got away from her.
As soon as he took off toward me, I forced myself to walk again, and met him a little over halfway down the hall.
I dropped to a crouch, and stared into those eyes that looked so much like his mom’s. “Hey, kid. I think there’s something that we need to talk about. Can we have a grown-up talk?”
He puffed out his chest and nodded quickly.
“You know the grassy place?”
Keith’s chest immediately deflated. “My Ben is there,” he said softly.
“Yeah, he is.” I didn’t have to think long about my next words, I’d been trying to figure out a way to have this conversation with him for nearly a week. “I know you think that if your mom kisses me, then I’ll go to the grassy place.”
He nodded slowly, his eyes darted around like he was worried about what I might say next. But when I was about to continue, he leaned forward to whisper, “Don’t go. Supapowers can’t bring you back from the grassy place, Deaton. Please.”
Fuck. My throat and my chest felt tight, and it took me a few tries to be able to talk again. “No, they can’t.” I swallowed past the tightness in my throat, and hoped like hell he wouldn’t misunderstand me. “Keith, I need you to understand something. When I go to the grassy place, it will be because I’m really, really old, or because of something that is out of my control. But I swear to you, it won’t be because I kissed your mom.”
His wide eyes searched mine for a few seconds. “But what ’bout my Ben? He’s in the grassy place ’cause he kissed my mommy.”
“No, that was out of his control. It had nothing to do with your mom. Sometimes dads just have to go to the grassy place before they grow old, like Ben did.” I waited a few seconds before saying, “I need to make sure you really understand.”
After a short pause, Keith nodded. “You won’t leave me for the grassy place.”
This kid. This goddamn kid. How could he break my heart and make me want to scoop him up while talking about grass?
“Hopefully not for a long, long time, kid. But do you understand what I said about your mom?”
Keith’s next pause was longer, and his face pinched like he was trying to figure out a difficult problem. Finally, he hesitantly said, “Mommy didn’t send my Ben to the grassy place.”
“Right,” I said, relief coating the word. “And just because your Ben is in the grassy place, doesn’t mean you can’t have another dad someday, okay?” I waited until he nodded, then jerked my head toward Charlie, and said, “Now I need to go kiss your mom, if that’s okay?”
He sighed heavily and shrugged. “I guess so.”
I messed with his hair when I stood, and walked the rest of the way toward Charlie.
She had a hand pressed firmly to her mouth, with tears streaming down her face and over her hand.
I dropped to my knees in front of her, and gently pulled her hand down and brushed her wild blond hair away from her face. “Charlie Girl . . .”
“You,” she began, but didn’t continue as her head fell. She tucked her chin to her chest as a soft sob forced from her chest.
I was ready for it, for whatever she would say. I didn’t know what all they had told her, but I was ready to fight for her, just as I had been for the past three weeks.
“What are you doing to me?” she choked out when I lifted her face back up so I could wipe her tears away.
Her makeup was smeared, her cheeks were wet and red, and her bottom lip was swollen from where she’d bit down on it too many times.
And she looked so fucking gorgeous.
“I’m wiping your tears away.”
“No,” she said with a soggy laugh. “What are you doing to my heart?”
My thumbs paused on her cheeks when her words triggered something inside me, but then her blue eyes slid over to something down the hall, and that trigger disappeared as I followed her line of sight.
Keith.
“How much of that did you hear?” I asked softly when I faced her again.
“All of it.”
Her hand gripped my shirt and pulled me close, her mouth pressed against mine roughly and greedily for a few seconds before she silently begged me to take control of the kiss. Her grip loosened, and her palm flattened against my shirt until just the tips of her fingers were curled into my chest. She melted against the wall and sighed into our kiss when she opened her mouth to me, then teased me with the smallest taste of her before she put the slightest pressure against my chest.
