Show Me How
Page 55
My arms tingled as goose bumps covered my skin, and my heart steadily beat faster and faster as I slowly stood from the couch and walked toward the door.
No one else ever came over here, and I knew it was stupid to dream it could be him, but I wasn’t able to stop it.
Irrational, betraying heart.
I’d spent so much time during the past month agonizing over my heartache, and even more time thinking of where I had gone wrong. How I’d kept expecting Deacon to revert back to his old self. And, most important, how I’d continued a relationship—for lack of better word—with Stranger even though I’d known deep down that it was wrong, once Deacon and I had taken a turn in ours. But no matter how much blame I put on myself for our downfall, Deacon had betrayed me just the same. Because as Deacon had said, he was there for every conversation, as was I . . .
Stranger had known the way to my heart, and had very clearly needed Words the way I’d needed him.
Stranger had told me he didn’t know if he’d be able to walk away from me, from our conversations, and I’d known what he was saying was true.
And while Deacon was subconsciously falling in love with me, Stranger had fallen for Words.
Stranger had taught me how to trust someone with my heart by taking the small pieces of it and putting it back together, one conversation at a time. Our conversations and his words left their mark; I would never deny that. But he and I knew that what he was doing was preparing me for someone else. And once my heart had been made whole again . . . I gave it freely to Deacon.
Deacon had told me that he wanted a life with my son and me. He’d made me believe he was giving me his heart in return.
He’d made me believe it was only me for him, when in reality—or depending on how you looked at the situation—I wasn’t.
I never had been.
Another knock sounded, and I held my breath as I reached out for the knob.
I opened the door, and the breath I’d been holding rushed out as disappointment flooded me.
Irrational, betraying heart.
“Graham. Hi.”
“Hey, how are you?”
“Uh . . .” I had just realized how devastatingly depressed I was a few minutes before, and had foolishly hoped I would open the door to someone else. But Graham was Deacon’s best friend, and I couldn’t allow him to see my pain. “I’m great. You?”
“Good, good.” He looked pointedly at me. “Can I come in?”
“Oh, right.” I quickly backed away, and opened the door wider. “I’m sorry.”
Graham stepped inside my house, and smirked when he saw what was playing on the TV. After turning around in a circle in the living room, he faced me, and just stared.
“What are you doing here?” I finally asked.
“What, can’t I just come visit?” Something in my expression must have answered him for me, since Graham hadn’t been to the house since he’d helped me move in. He sucked in a quick breath through his teeth, then released it. “Yeah, all right. Uh, I’m here to get Deacon’s phone.”
It felt as if my entire body fell through the floor at the mention of his name. It was the first time I’d heard it said out loud since the night he’d walked away. I swayed on my feet before I was able to steady myself, and shook my head to clear it. “You what?”
“Deacon wants his phone,” he responded. “He asked me to come get it.” At least he had the decency to look embarrassed.
I turned my head slowly toward my bedroom when I heard something come from that direction, but my eyes stayed on Graham as long as they could before dragging to look blankly down the empty hall.
“Hey, and no hard feelings, right?” he said on a rush.
“What?” I breathed, my voice sounded pained.
“About Kate.”
I looked back at Graham, my brow drawn together. “Kate? Kate . . . that you grew up with, Kate?” When Graham nodded, I asked, “What about her?”
Graham stuffed his hands in his pockets and lifted his shoulders to his ears. “We’re dating now.”
I think I looked shocked. I felt it, but I was still reeling from hearing Deacon’s name, and the fact that he’d sent Graham to come pick up something he’d left at my house weeks ago.
I hadn’t expected Graham to date anyone, ever. Then again, I hadn’t expected Deacon to, either. “That’s great. Why would there be hard feelings?”
“Well, considering I almost got my ass handed to me because you thought I was some stranger, or something.” He placed a hand on his chest, and ignored the way my cheeks reddened. “I’m flattered, Charlie, really. But, I’ve been waiting for Kate to give me the time of day my entire life. I’m sorry if you wanted me to be some guy on a phone, but—”
“Wait, what? No.” I cut him off, and made a face. “Graham, I didn’t want you to be the guy I was talking to; I just thought you were him. Every time I saw you, you ended up saying something that was nearly identical to what Stranger had said.”
“Huh, well this is embarrassing.” He brought his hands together with a clap. “How about that phone?”
Right. The phone. Deacon’s phone, which had randomly gone off with messages over the first week from girls I didn’t know who wanted a night with him. I guess he would miss that phone.
I gestured down the hall, and started walking that way. “Yeah, it’s in my room.”
Graham’s mouth suddenly pulled into a wry grin. “Perfect.”
I faltered at his look and tone, and said uneasily, “I’ll bring it to you.”
He held up his hands. “I’ll wait here.”
I hurried down the hall and into my room, and tried to hold back the angry tears that welled in my eyes as I searched through my nightstand for his phone. The fact that he wanted this phone back, the fact that he had been avoiding me for the better part of a month, the fact that he was gone . . .
It hurt, it made me angry, it made me want to beg him not to be that guy.
I gripped the phone in my hand and pulled it out of the drawer, but had taken only a step away when I noticed my notebook lying open on my bed. The same notebook that was supposed to be inside the drawer I’d just been searching through.
I reached for the notebook, but paused halfway there. My heart skipped, then painfully took off when I saw the page it was on.
No one else ever came over here, and I knew it was stupid to dream it could be him, but I wasn’t able to stop it.
Irrational, betraying heart.
I’d spent so much time during the past month agonizing over my heartache, and even more time thinking of where I had gone wrong. How I’d kept expecting Deacon to revert back to his old self. And, most important, how I’d continued a relationship—for lack of better word—with Stranger even though I’d known deep down that it was wrong, once Deacon and I had taken a turn in ours. But no matter how much blame I put on myself for our downfall, Deacon had betrayed me just the same. Because as Deacon had said, he was there for every conversation, as was I . . .
Stranger had known the way to my heart, and had very clearly needed Words the way I’d needed him.
Stranger had told me he didn’t know if he’d be able to walk away from me, from our conversations, and I’d known what he was saying was true.
And while Deacon was subconsciously falling in love with me, Stranger had fallen for Words.
Stranger had taught me how to trust someone with my heart by taking the small pieces of it and putting it back together, one conversation at a time. Our conversations and his words left their mark; I would never deny that. But he and I knew that what he was doing was preparing me for someone else. And once my heart had been made whole again . . . I gave it freely to Deacon.
Deacon had told me that he wanted a life with my son and me. He’d made me believe he was giving me his heart in return.
He’d made me believe it was only me for him, when in reality—or depending on how you looked at the situation—I wasn’t.
I never had been.
Another knock sounded, and I held my breath as I reached out for the knob.
I opened the door, and the breath I’d been holding rushed out as disappointment flooded me.
Irrational, betraying heart.
“Graham. Hi.”
“Hey, how are you?”
“Uh . . .” I had just realized how devastatingly depressed I was a few minutes before, and had foolishly hoped I would open the door to someone else. But Graham was Deacon’s best friend, and I couldn’t allow him to see my pain. “I’m great. You?”
“Good, good.” He looked pointedly at me. “Can I come in?”
“Oh, right.” I quickly backed away, and opened the door wider. “I’m sorry.”
Graham stepped inside my house, and smirked when he saw what was playing on the TV. After turning around in a circle in the living room, he faced me, and just stared.
“What are you doing here?” I finally asked.
“What, can’t I just come visit?” Something in my expression must have answered him for me, since Graham hadn’t been to the house since he’d helped me move in. He sucked in a quick breath through his teeth, then released it. “Yeah, all right. Uh, I’m here to get Deacon’s phone.”
It felt as if my entire body fell through the floor at the mention of his name. It was the first time I’d heard it said out loud since the night he’d walked away. I swayed on my feet before I was able to steady myself, and shook my head to clear it. “You what?”
“Deacon wants his phone,” he responded. “He asked me to come get it.” At least he had the decency to look embarrassed.
I turned my head slowly toward my bedroom when I heard something come from that direction, but my eyes stayed on Graham as long as they could before dragging to look blankly down the empty hall.
“Hey, and no hard feelings, right?” he said on a rush.
“What?” I breathed, my voice sounded pained.
“About Kate.”
I looked back at Graham, my brow drawn together. “Kate? Kate . . . that you grew up with, Kate?” When Graham nodded, I asked, “What about her?”
Graham stuffed his hands in his pockets and lifted his shoulders to his ears. “We’re dating now.”
I think I looked shocked. I felt it, but I was still reeling from hearing Deacon’s name, and the fact that he’d sent Graham to come pick up something he’d left at my house weeks ago.
I hadn’t expected Graham to date anyone, ever. Then again, I hadn’t expected Deacon to, either. “That’s great. Why would there be hard feelings?”
“Well, considering I almost got my ass handed to me because you thought I was some stranger, or something.” He placed a hand on his chest, and ignored the way my cheeks reddened. “I’m flattered, Charlie, really. But, I’ve been waiting for Kate to give me the time of day my entire life. I’m sorry if you wanted me to be some guy on a phone, but—”
“Wait, what? No.” I cut him off, and made a face. “Graham, I didn’t want you to be the guy I was talking to; I just thought you were him. Every time I saw you, you ended up saying something that was nearly identical to what Stranger had said.”
“Huh, well this is embarrassing.” He brought his hands together with a clap. “How about that phone?”
Right. The phone. Deacon’s phone, which had randomly gone off with messages over the first week from girls I didn’t know who wanted a night with him. I guess he would miss that phone.
I gestured down the hall, and started walking that way. “Yeah, it’s in my room.”
Graham’s mouth suddenly pulled into a wry grin. “Perfect.”
I faltered at his look and tone, and said uneasily, “I’ll bring it to you.”
He held up his hands. “I’ll wait here.”
I hurried down the hall and into my room, and tried to hold back the angry tears that welled in my eyes as I searched through my nightstand for his phone. The fact that he wanted this phone back, the fact that he had been avoiding me for the better part of a month, the fact that he was gone . . .
It hurt, it made me angry, it made me want to beg him not to be that guy.
I gripped the phone in my hand and pulled it out of the drawer, but had taken only a step away when I noticed my notebook lying open on my bed. The same notebook that was supposed to be inside the drawer I’d just been searching through.
I reached for the notebook, but paused halfway there. My heart skipped, then painfully took off when I saw the page it was on.
