Silver Shadows
Page 32
“Maybe if Neil comes back, Olive will too,” said Nina. This whole encounter with Sonya had clearly upset her, but the thought of Olive cheered her a little.
“Maybe,” I said, not feeling so confident based on everything I’d heard recently from Nina. “Seems like you’d be a bigger draw than some guy she hardly knows.”
“She fell for him pretty hard, though.” Nina played with the edges of her towel a moment and then looked up to meet my eyes. “Falling in love with someone can make you do things the love of a relative can’t.”
I frowned as I studied her more closely and realized she was shivering. “Good God,” I said, ashamed of my own obliviousness. “You must be freezing.” The temperature outside, while pleasant, wasn’t as sweltering as it had been earlier in the week, and making that long walk in a drenched party dress couldn’t have been fun. I glanced at Sonya. “Do you have anything she can wear?”
Nina turned crimson. “I’m fine. Don’t go to any trouble—”
“Of course,” interjected Sonya, rising. She beckoned Nina up as well. “I’ve got a few things you can try.”
Nina followed her reluctantly out of the room. Sonya returned a minute later and rejoined me at the table. “She’s changing now.”
I nodded, my mind still on our earlier conversation. “I hope she doesn’t get too let down if Olive doesn’t come back to Court. I think Olive’s got a lot to process after—well, you understand.”
“I do,” said Sonya solemnly. “But to be too honest, I’m not worried about Olive letting Nina down.”
I was sobering a little, only enough to give me a headache and not, apparently, enough to clear my mind. “What do you mean?”
Sonya sighed. “That’s what I was afraid of. You have no idea that girl is crazy about you, do you?”
“Who . . . you mean Nina?” I shook my head. “No, she’s not. We’re just friends.”
“You spend an awful lot of time together. And whenever she and I meet for work, you’re all she talks about.”
“I have no interest in her,” I said firmly. “Not that way, at least.”
Sonya gave me one of those knowing looks she excelled at. “I never said you did. In fact, it’s perfectly clear to me you don’t. But she’s not aware of that. And it’s cruel of you to lead her on.”
“I’m not!” I protested. “We just hang out.”
“She told me you bought her clothes.”
“It’s a loan,” I said staunchly. “Because she doesn’t make enough to live on.”
“She was doing just fine until you started pushing her into the whirlwind of royal social life.” Sonya met me directly in the eyes. “Look, you want my advice? If you care about her, back off. Without realizing it, you’re sending her mixed messages, and eventually it’s going to go bad when the one she finally gets isn’t the one she was hoping for. It would be hard on anyone—but you of all people know how fragile we spirit users can be.”
“Well, actually, I don’t want your advice, and I’m not backing off anything because I’m not doing anything wrong. Nina’s a smart girl. She knows we’re just friends and likes what we have. Telling me to give her up is kind of premature.”
“Give her up?” Sonya chuckled. “That’s an addict’s term. What is it exactly you’re using her for? Or more importantly, should I ask, what—or whom—is she replacing?”
“Nothing. No one. Stop giving me the third degree! What’s wrong with me just having a friend?”
Nina returned, wearing Sonya’s borrowed sweatpants and T-shirt, and ended the conversation. Oblivious to the tension she’d walked in on, Nina was effusive with her thanks to Sonya and made a few more inquiries about the vaccine status. As they spoke, my mind wandered, and I wondered if I’d been inadvertently lying to Sonya.
Not about anything romantic with Nina and me. There was no one I could even imagine being with besides Sydney. But when we left Sonya’s and I walked Nina back to her place, I found myself wondering about the other part of Sonya’s commentary.
What—or whom—is she replacing?
There was no replacement for Sydney, of course. There was no one like her in the world, no one who could even compare to her in my heart. Yet, when Sonya had suggested I back off from Nina, the first panicked thought that had raced through my mind was that I would be alone again. Because while grief and fear and anger had dominated my emotions in the wake of Sydney’s disappearance, I couldn’t deny that loneliness had been there as well. My relationship with Sydney had healed a lost part of me, a piece of my soul that had felt adrift in the world. When she’d vanished, I’d lost that tether and floated loose once more.
Nina, though not replacing Sydney romantically, had certainly done a lot to ground me. Not that I was exactly exhibiting model behavior these days. But Nina gave me someone to talk to—who didn’t live inside my head—and at least provided some regularity to my partying lifestyle. Picking her up and getting her home on time each night ensured I wasn’t completely running wild. And aside from the pleasure of secretly punishing my father by spending his money on her, I also took satisfaction in taking care of someone. It made me feel a little less useless. I couldn’t find Sydney, but by God, I could make sure Nina was dressed for royal nightlife.
But was Sonya right that I was taking advantage of Nina in the process?
I pondered this as we reached Nina’s doorstep, over in another section of housing that was only slightly less barebones that Sonya’s. Nina unlocked her door and then turned to face me. The sun was definitely up now, lighting her face with dawn’s colors.
“Well, thanks as always for an interesting time,” she said with a small laugh. “And thanks for what you tried to do with Sonya. You really didn’t have to. But thanks.” She was wringing her hands together, a nervous habit of hers I’d noticed before.
I shrugged. “You heard what she said. Maybe something’ll come of it regardless.”
“Maybe.” A moment of silence hung between us before she asked, “Well . . . same time tomorrow?”
I hesitated, wondering if I was creating an unhealthy situation for myself. Wondering if I was creating one for her.
“Maybe,” I said, not feeling so confident based on everything I’d heard recently from Nina. “Seems like you’d be a bigger draw than some guy she hardly knows.”
“She fell for him pretty hard, though.” Nina played with the edges of her towel a moment and then looked up to meet my eyes. “Falling in love with someone can make you do things the love of a relative can’t.”
I frowned as I studied her more closely and realized she was shivering. “Good God,” I said, ashamed of my own obliviousness. “You must be freezing.” The temperature outside, while pleasant, wasn’t as sweltering as it had been earlier in the week, and making that long walk in a drenched party dress couldn’t have been fun. I glanced at Sonya. “Do you have anything she can wear?”
Nina turned crimson. “I’m fine. Don’t go to any trouble—”
“Of course,” interjected Sonya, rising. She beckoned Nina up as well. “I’ve got a few things you can try.”
Nina followed her reluctantly out of the room. Sonya returned a minute later and rejoined me at the table. “She’s changing now.”
I nodded, my mind still on our earlier conversation. “I hope she doesn’t get too let down if Olive doesn’t come back to Court. I think Olive’s got a lot to process after—well, you understand.”
“I do,” said Sonya solemnly. “But to be too honest, I’m not worried about Olive letting Nina down.”
I was sobering a little, only enough to give me a headache and not, apparently, enough to clear my mind. “What do you mean?”
Sonya sighed. “That’s what I was afraid of. You have no idea that girl is crazy about you, do you?”
“Who . . . you mean Nina?” I shook my head. “No, she’s not. We’re just friends.”
“You spend an awful lot of time together. And whenever she and I meet for work, you’re all she talks about.”
“I have no interest in her,” I said firmly. “Not that way, at least.”
Sonya gave me one of those knowing looks she excelled at. “I never said you did. In fact, it’s perfectly clear to me you don’t. But she’s not aware of that. And it’s cruel of you to lead her on.”
“I’m not!” I protested. “We just hang out.”
“She told me you bought her clothes.”
“It’s a loan,” I said staunchly. “Because she doesn’t make enough to live on.”
“She was doing just fine until you started pushing her into the whirlwind of royal social life.” Sonya met me directly in the eyes. “Look, you want my advice? If you care about her, back off. Without realizing it, you’re sending her mixed messages, and eventually it’s going to go bad when the one she finally gets isn’t the one she was hoping for. It would be hard on anyone—but you of all people know how fragile we spirit users can be.”
“Well, actually, I don’t want your advice, and I’m not backing off anything because I’m not doing anything wrong. Nina’s a smart girl. She knows we’re just friends and likes what we have. Telling me to give her up is kind of premature.”
“Give her up?” Sonya chuckled. “That’s an addict’s term. What is it exactly you’re using her for? Or more importantly, should I ask, what—or whom—is she replacing?”
“Nothing. No one. Stop giving me the third degree! What’s wrong with me just having a friend?”
Nina returned, wearing Sonya’s borrowed sweatpants and T-shirt, and ended the conversation. Oblivious to the tension she’d walked in on, Nina was effusive with her thanks to Sonya and made a few more inquiries about the vaccine status. As they spoke, my mind wandered, and I wondered if I’d been inadvertently lying to Sonya.
Not about anything romantic with Nina and me. There was no one I could even imagine being with besides Sydney. But when we left Sonya’s and I walked Nina back to her place, I found myself wondering about the other part of Sonya’s commentary.
What—or whom—is she replacing?
There was no replacement for Sydney, of course. There was no one like her in the world, no one who could even compare to her in my heart. Yet, when Sonya had suggested I back off from Nina, the first panicked thought that had raced through my mind was that I would be alone again. Because while grief and fear and anger had dominated my emotions in the wake of Sydney’s disappearance, I couldn’t deny that loneliness had been there as well. My relationship with Sydney had healed a lost part of me, a piece of my soul that had felt adrift in the world. When she’d vanished, I’d lost that tether and floated loose once more.
Nina, though not replacing Sydney romantically, had certainly done a lot to ground me. Not that I was exactly exhibiting model behavior these days. But Nina gave me someone to talk to—who didn’t live inside my head—and at least provided some regularity to my partying lifestyle. Picking her up and getting her home on time each night ensured I wasn’t completely running wild. And aside from the pleasure of secretly punishing my father by spending his money on her, I also took satisfaction in taking care of someone. It made me feel a little less useless. I couldn’t find Sydney, but by God, I could make sure Nina was dressed for royal nightlife.
But was Sonya right that I was taking advantage of Nina in the process?
I pondered this as we reached Nina’s doorstep, over in another section of housing that was only slightly less barebones that Sonya’s. Nina unlocked her door and then turned to face me. The sun was definitely up now, lighting her face with dawn’s colors.
“Well, thanks as always for an interesting time,” she said with a small laugh. “And thanks for what you tried to do with Sonya. You really didn’t have to. But thanks.” She was wringing her hands together, a nervous habit of hers I’d noticed before.
I shrugged. “You heard what she said. Maybe something’ll come of it regardless.”
“Maybe.” A moment of silence hung between us before she asked, “Well . . . same time tomorrow?”
I hesitated, wondering if I was creating an unhealthy situation for myself. Wondering if I was creating one for her.
