Silver Silence
Page 74
“Sergey said I was a good man, a man he respected, but that I came from bad blood,” Valentin said, a grittiness to his voice. “Blood that couldn’t be trusted. Sergey was my father’s best friend and his first second—he became Zoya’s first second when she took over.”
Silver asked a question so he could pause, his anguish such a huge thing, she worried it would crush him. All the time, her own fury bubbled inside her, a creation of cutting ice. “I don’t understand how StoneWater had an alpha available, especially someone of Zoya’s age.”
“She was the retired alpha of a small clan to which StoneWater has blood ties,” Valentin told her. “She stepped in to shepherd StoneWater after we lost my father ‘in a terrible accident’—that’s what we told everyone, what the rest of the world believes.”
He exhaled in a harsh gust. “Only the clan knows that my father was executed by his seconds—he was so strong it took all of them working together to contain him. Even Zoya was only told the truth once she became alpha and had pledged to keep our secrets. Her term was to run just until a new alpha came of age.”
“Sergey had to know it would be you.” Valentin’s dominance was a force of nature.
“I think he hoped he was wrong, that I’d only be a second to another bear.” He stared ahead, his shoulders rigid. “In the darkest depths of night, I wonder if Sergey is right, if I’ll turn one day, become like my father.”
“That’s not a possibility.” Silver had never known anyone more honest, more centered, more earthy and true. “I feel you inside me, Valentin Mikhailovich Nikolaev, and I’m trained to know the mind. There is no darkness in you.” Bad-tempered and arrogant and aggravating he might be, but beyond all that, he was purest light.
Hands fisted between his knees, Valentin’s tone was bleak when he replied. “I look like him. I sound like him. Half of me comes from him. And we can’t be certain his degeneration wasn’t organic.”
“The other half comes from your mother.” When he still looked defeated, a look that simply did not belong on his face, she allowed her anger to color her tone. “What would you do if you felt such a vicious darkness begin to wake in you? If you felt murderous compulsions?”
“I’d end me,” Valentin said without hesitation. “I’d protect my clan by taking the threat out of the equation.”
“There’s your answer.” It was the same answer she’d have given had their positions been reversed.
Amber eyes glowing in the muted light of the room. “Why do you see so clearly?”
“We all see clearly when we haven’t lived the pain—and what I see is that I need to kill Sergey.”
Looking distinctly alarmed for a man who was twice her size, Valentin scooped her up into his lap. “Was the stabby poet a direct ancestor?”
“Traced back in an unbroken line,” Silver confirmed. “Tell me what this Sergey looks like.”
“I don’t think so, Starlichka, not when you’re looking so bloodthirsty.”
“He hurt you.” No one was permitted to do that. “Now tell me where he lives.”
“Bozhe, but I love you.” Valentin kissed her.
Still coldly furious on his behalf, she kissed him, drank in his laughter. And all the time, the noise continued to grow in her head.
• • •
THE next day, Silver managed not to track down and kill Sergey. She also worked a full day despite the pounding in her temples, and she returned to Denhome at a reasonable hour. Given the high caliber of applicants and the fact she might soon be out of commission, she’d sped up the hiring process of the EmNet team. She’d spent the day interviewing and had sent through the first three names for Trinity approval before she left the office.
The approval came through as she reached Denhome. She’d expected as much: She’d chosen one human, one changeling, and one Psy. All, as it turned out, the best people for the job. That they covered the racial spectrum had simply made it difficult for anyone to object. She’d need more than three people, of course, but these three were experienced enough to cover her absence during her healing . . . or if the operation didn’t succeed.
She made the calls to the applicants from the car, then told them she was going to run them through a mock disaster scenario. That took an hour, and by the end of it, she was certain beyond any doubt that they’d be able to fill in with the help of her assistant. Everyone would be told that she’d been diagnosed with the beginnings of a cancerous tumor. That wasn’t a death sentence if treated at once—no one would be concerned if she was unreachable for a few days after the op, and only available remotely for several weeks afterward.
Valentin, who she knew had gone out to see the young healer in Sergey’s group, found her at the table where she was eating dinner with clanmates who’d also driven back in from jobs in the city or who’d just finished their shifts in work within the clan.
Putting one hand on Pavel, who was seated next to her, Valentin shoved the other man aside without the least semblance of politeness. Pavel made sure to grab his bowl of dessert as he moved—giving his alpha a grunt of welcome at the same time.
Valentin sat down, his thigh and shoulder pressing against Silver. In the middle of passing a platter to a clanmate across the table, Silver didn’t immediately respond.
“Hey, pay attention to me.” Valentin closed his hand over the back of her neck.
“Subtle, Valya,” the dominant across from them said with a roll of her green eyes. “Bears really know how to court a woman.”
As Valentin grumbled at the older woman, Silver said, “I prefer bluntness. Subtle emotion is more difficult for me to read.”
The other woman’s laughter was full throated. “In that case, you chose your man well. If he ever does subtle, the world might end.”
Silver thought of the shadows of memory she’d glimpsed in Valentin’s eyes, of the determined cheer that hid the deep sadness at the heart of StoneWater. Bears, she thought, could be far more subtle than the reputation they liked to foster.
Waiting until the others had returned to their conversations, she put her hand on Valentin’s thigh under the table. Heavy muscle clenched under her hand, Valentin’s gaze limned with amber. “You feel exhausted,” she murmured, sensing him through the mating bond.
He closed his hand over hers, rubbing the pad of his thumb over her skin. “Our bears are trying to deal with the fact we’re about to lose a chunk of our clan. I have to be there for them.” No hesitation in his tone at taking on so much emotional weight. “How was work?”
“I have the beginnings of a team.” She told him about the three she’d hired, including the partially paralyzed human male who’d previously held the military rank of sergeant. “I’ve appointed him as my deputy. You were right—my mock scenario showed we’ll have no difficulty communicating in an emergency. All of us simply need to wear earpieces so we have direct access to one another.”
“I’m always right,” her brash bear said with familiar arrogance, but his next words were a rough whisper against her ear, potent with emotion. “And you?”
“Holding on.” She hadn’t heard back from Ashaya Aleine, but then she hadn’t expected to—she was asking the scientist to come up with a quick solution to a highly complex problem.
Silver asked a question so he could pause, his anguish such a huge thing, she worried it would crush him. All the time, her own fury bubbled inside her, a creation of cutting ice. “I don’t understand how StoneWater had an alpha available, especially someone of Zoya’s age.”
“She was the retired alpha of a small clan to which StoneWater has blood ties,” Valentin told her. “She stepped in to shepherd StoneWater after we lost my father ‘in a terrible accident’—that’s what we told everyone, what the rest of the world believes.”
He exhaled in a harsh gust. “Only the clan knows that my father was executed by his seconds—he was so strong it took all of them working together to contain him. Even Zoya was only told the truth once she became alpha and had pledged to keep our secrets. Her term was to run just until a new alpha came of age.”
“Sergey had to know it would be you.” Valentin’s dominance was a force of nature.
“I think he hoped he was wrong, that I’d only be a second to another bear.” He stared ahead, his shoulders rigid. “In the darkest depths of night, I wonder if Sergey is right, if I’ll turn one day, become like my father.”
“That’s not a possibility.” Silver had never known anyone more honest, more centered, more earthy and true. “I feel you inside me, Valentin Mikhailovich Nikolaev, and I’m trained to know the mind. There is no darkness in you.” Bad-tempered and arrogant and aggravating he might be, but beyond all that, he was purest light.
Hands fisted between his knees, Valentin’s tone was bleak when he replied. “I look like him. I sound like him. Half of me comes from him. And we can’t be certain his degeneration wasn’t organic.”
“The other half comes from your mother.” When he still looked defeated, a look that simply did not belong on his face, she allowed her anger to color her tone. “What would you do if you felt such a vicious darkness begin to wake in you? If you felt murderous compulsions?”
“I’d end me,” Valentin said without hesitation. “I’d protect my clan by taking the threat out of the equation.”
“There’s your answer.” It was the same answer she’d have given had their positions been reversed.
Amber eyes glowing in the muted light of the room. “Why do you see so clearly?”
“We all see clearly when we haven’t lived the pain—and what I see is that I need to kill Sergey.”
Looking distinctly alarmed for a man who was twice her size, Valentin scooped her up into his lap. “Was the stabby poet a direct ancestor?”
“Traced back in an unbroken line,” Silver confirmed. “Tell me what this Sergey looks like.”
“I don’t think so, Starlichka, not when you’re looking so bloodthirsty.”
“He hurt you.” No one was permitted to do that. “Now tell me where he lives.”
“Bozhe, but I love you.” Valentin kissed her.
Still coldly furious on his behalf, she kissed him, drank in his laughter. And all the time, the noise continued to grow in her head.
• • •
THE next day, Silver managed not to track down and kill Sergey. She also worked a full day despite the pounding in her temples, and she returned to Denhome at a reasonable hour. Given the high caliber of applicants and the fact she might soon be out of commission, she’d sped up the hiring process of the EmNet team. She’d spent the day interviewing and had sent through the first three names for Trinity approval before she left the office.
The approval came through as she reached Denhome. She’d expected as much: She’d chosen one human, one changeling, and one Psy. All, as it turned out, the best people for the job. That they covered the racial spectrum had simply made it difficult for anyone to object. She’d need more than three people, of course, but these three were experienced enough to cover her absence during her healing . . . or if the operation didn’t succeed.
She made the calls to the applicants from the car, then told them she was going to run them through a mock disaster scenario. That took an hour, and by the end of it, she was certain beyond any doubt that they’d be able to fill in with the help of her assistant. Everyone would be told that she’d been diagnosed with the beginnings of a cancerous tumor. That wasn’t a death sentence if treated at once—no one would be concerned if she was unreachable for a few days after the op, and only available remotely for several weeks afterward.
Valentin, who she knew had gone out to see the young healer in Sergey’s group, found her at the table where she was eating dinner with clanmates who’d also driven back in from jobs in the city or who’d just finished their shifts in work within the clan.
Putting one hand on Pavel, who was seated next to her, Valentin shoved the other man aside without the least semblance of politeness. Pavel made sure to grab his bowl of dessert as he moved—giving his alpha a grunt of welcome at the same time.
Valentin sat down, his thigh and shoulder pressing against Silver. In the middle of passing a platter to a clanmate across the table, Silver didn’t immediately respond.
“Hey, pay attention to me.” Valentin closed his hand over the back of her neck.
“Subtle, Valya,” the dominant across from them said with a roll of her green eyes. “Bears really know how to court a woman.”
As Valentin grumbled at the older woman, Silver said, “I prefer bluntness. Subtle emotion is more difficult for me to read.”
The other woman’s laughter was full throated. “In that case, you chose your man well. If he ever does subtle, the world might end.”
Silver thought of the shadows of memory she’d glimpsed in Valentin’s eyes, of the determined cheer that hid the deep sadness at the heart of StoneWater. Bears, she thought, could be far more subtle than the reputation they liked to foster.
Waiting until the others had returned to their conversations, she put her hand on Valentin’s thigh under the table. Heavy muscle clenched under her hand, Valentin’s gaze limned with amber. “You feel exhausted,” she murmured, sensing him through the mating bond.
He closed his hand over hers, rubbing the pad of his thumb over her skin. “Our bears are trying to deal with the fact we’re about to lose a chunk of our clan. I have to be there for them.” No hesitation in his tone at taking on so much emotional weight. “How was work?”
“I have the beginnings of a team.” She told him about the three she’d hired, including the partially paralyzed human male who’d previously held the military rank of sergeant. “I’ve appointed him as my deputy. You were right—my mock scenario showed we’ll have no difficulty communicating in an emergency. All of us simply need to wear earpieces so we have direct access to one another.”
“I’m always right,” her brash bear said with familiar arrogance, but his next words were a rough whisper against her ear, potent with emotion. “And you?”
“Holding on.” She hadn’t heard back from Ashaya Aleine, but then she hadn’t expected to—she was asking the scientist to come up with a quick solution to a highly complex problem.
