Silver Silence
Page 78
The latter was true, Krychek having located his private facility on the outskirts of Moscow, on land that was otherwise unoccupied except for trees and wildlife.
“Before I go,” Silver added, “I need to see the clan, quietly tell my friends that I have to be away from Denhome for a while.”
He sensed no sadness or bleakness in her, only a fierce determination. “Don’t betray your secret,” he said. “It protects you.” It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his clan, but they were a big group, and people could let things slip without any bad intentions behind the slip.
“Agreed.” Silver smiled. “We’ll do this. We’ll beat it.”
“Hell yes, we will.”
• • •
EXHAUSTED by the tests and the level of noise in her head, Silver nonetheless continued to hold on to hope. It was hard, but she refused to surrender, to give in—if she did, it was Valentin who’d hurt. And that was simply unacceptable.
After the long day, she was almost surprised when the surgeon stated that he had enough data to perform the operation. “Three hours,” Dr. Bashir told her. “You should inform the large male who dropped you off. I certainly don’t want him coming after me for lack of notice.”
Silver nodded and, sitting up on the examination table, waited for the surgeon to leave before saying, “Arwen.” Her brother had waited outside while Dr. Bashir completed his final examination—a full-body workup.
Her overall health would factor into her recovery.
Are you clothed? her brother asked.
No, I’m stark naked and looking to involve you in an incestuous orgy.
Pushing aside the privacy curtains, her brother walked in with a faint scowl, his designer gray suit paired with a tie in a darker gray, his shirt white. “Those bears are a bad influence on you.” But there was no humor in his face, in his eyes. “So?”
She just nodded. And opened her arms.
He jerked into them, holding on so tight she could barely breathe. She held him back as closely, her sensitive, gifted brother who had kept her “human,” even in the depths of Silence. The empath who would make sure she didn’t turn into a psychopath, even if she lost the capacity to feel. “I’m Silver Fucking Mercant, Arwen. This won’t beat me.”
Arwen’s jerking tears came to a sobbing stop before turning into muffled laughter against her shoulder. “Those bears again?”
“Valentin.” The thought of him made joy fill every cell of her body, made her know what it was to be fully alive. “Are you saying he’s wrong?”
Arwen shook his head, his arms still locked around her. “You are Silver Fucking Mercant.”
She stroked his hair until he lifted his head. Wiping off the remnants of his tears, she said, “I love you, Arwen.” She’d never said that to him, to her twin who wasn’t a twin.
His throat moved as he swallowed convulsively. “Me, too,” he said, his voice a rasp. “You know Grandmother will never forgive you if you do this without telling her.”
“I’ll talk to her after I tell Valentin the time of the operation. Grandmother will handle it much better now that I can present her with a solution.”
Arwen’s eyes held hers. “Come back, Silver. I can’t do life without you.”
“You should call Pasha. He knows how to do life, and I’m sure he wants to do certain things to you, too.”
Color flooded Arwen’s cheeks. “You’ve definitely been corrupted by the bears.” Lifting her phone off the side table with that accusation, he handed it to her. “You’ll want to call Grandmother and your alpha bear yourself.”
“Yes.” She waited until he’d stepped out before making the call to Valentin. Then, she called the woman who’d been the defining force in her life.
• • •
TWO and a half hours later, Silver sat prepped and ready on a hospital bed, Valentin in front of her.
“Promise me something,” he said.
When she tilted her head questioningly to the side, he said, “If the operation takes your emotions, I want you to promise me ten dates afterward. A chance to win you back.”
“I promise,” Silver said without hesitation. “But Valentin, you understand nothing will win me back if my emotions are permanently suppressed?”
She touched her lips to his before he could answer, the kiss a gentle thing. It was so strange, how powerful touch could be. She could keep this big man in place with a butterfly caress. Once, she’d have taken it as a sign of weakness on his part, power on hers. That was before she understood the touch would have as deep an impact on her, that she’d do anything to make him smile, make him feel pleasure.
Today he shuddered, this strong bear who had hands twice as big as her own, and whose physical strength dwarfed hers many times over. “You’ll lose me,” she said because she had to prepare him for the hurt she might inflict. “The surgeon believes there’s a seventy-five-percent chance of success—”
Valentin’s face cracked into a huge smile. “Damn that’s good.”
“There’s also a very high chance that the operation will permanently deaden the part of me that feels.” Ashaya and Dr. Bashir had come to that conclusion earlier today. “I’ll be gone. You’ll lose me.”
“You’ll lose yourself, too.” Valentin’s voice came out raw. “The woman you are without Silence, the full brightness of you, solnyshko moyo, it’ll be shoved into a small box.”
Silver went motionless; she’d been so worried about him that she hadn’t thought about the consequences to herself. It slammed into her with brutal force. If the surgeon did turn off the part of her that felt, it would permanently turn off a part of her. The part that could hug and tease her brother. The part that could kiss a child’s cheek, the part that felt not only loyalty toward her grandmother, but also a deep, deep love and an unending pride.
The part that loved Valentin until loving him was an essential element of her being.
“Oh.” A shaky sound of acknowledgment.
Powerful arms wrapping around her, a bass heartbeat against her cheek. “I’ll die,” she whispered. “Part of me, a part I’ve barely had the chance to explore, it’ll die.”
“But you’ll live.” Her mate’s voice was barely human. “You’ll live and you’ll be Silver Fucking Mercant who owns her enemies and who I’ll get to see shining bright for the rest of my own life.”
Silver blinked back the staggering sense of loss. “I’ll be able to protect my family in the coming decades of uncertainty.” So many lives, so many futures. “And I’ll be there for StoneWater. I vow this. Even if I forget my emotions, I’ll remember the vow. So long as I draw breath, the clan will always have a friend in the Mercants.”
Amber eyes stared into her own, her Valyusha’s forehead pressed to hers. His generous heart deserved to never again feel pain, but she knew he’d endure it because that was who he was. An alpha to the core. A man who would never let her down.
“Silver Fucking Mercant, Ice Queen and my mate. Lyubov moya.” His voice shook on the words of love. “You will be that to me to my dying day. If the worst happens and if you ever need me, call. I’ll be there. I’ll always be there.”
“Before I go,” Silver added, “I need to see the clan, quietly tell my friends that I have to be away from Denhome for a while.”
He sensed no sadness or bleakness in her, only a fierce determination. “Don’t betray your secret,” he said. “It protects you.” It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his clan, but they were a big group, and people could let things slip without any bad intentions behind the slip.
“Agreed.” Silver smiled. “We’ll do this. We’ll beat it.”
“Hell yes, we will.”
• • •
EXHAUSTED by the tests and the level of noise in her head, Silver nonetheless continued to hold on to hope. It was hard, but she refused to surrender, to give in—if she did, it was Valentin who’d hurt. And that was simply unacceptable.
After the long day, she was almost surprised when the surgeon stated that he had enough data to perform the operation. “Three hours,” Dr. Bashir told her. “You should inform the large male who dropped you off. I certainly don’t want him coming after me for lack of notice.”
Silver nodded and, sitting up on the examination table, waited for the surgeon to leave before saying, “Arwen.” Her brother had waited outside while Dr. Bashir completed his final examination—a full-body workup.
Her overall health would factor into her recovery.
Are you clothed? her brother asked.
No, I’m stark naked and looking to involve you in an incestuous orgy.
Pushing aside the privacy curtains, her brother walked in with a faint scowl, his designer gray suit paired with a tie in a darker gray, his shirt white. “Those bears are a bad influence on you.” But there was no humor in his face, in his eyes. “So?”
She just nodded. And opened her arms.
He jerked into them, holding on so tight she could barely breathe. She held him back as closely, her sensitive, gifted brother who had kept her “human,” even in the depths of Silence. The empath who would make sure she didn’t turn into a psychopath, even if she lost the capacity to feel. “I’m Silver Fucking Mercant, Arwen. This won’t beat me.”
Arwen’s jerking tears came to a sobbing stop before turning into muffled laughter against her shoulder. “Those bears again?”
“Valentin.” The thought of him made joy fill every cell of her body, made her know what it was to be fully alive. “Are you saying he’s wrong?”
Arwen shook his head, his arms still locked around her. “You are Silver Fucking Mercant.”
She stroked his hair until he lifted his head. Wiping off the remnants of his tears, she said, “I love you, Arwen.” She’d never said that to him, to her twin who wasn’t a twin.
His throat moved as he swallowed convulsively. “Me, too,” he said, his voice a rasp. “You know Grandmother will never forgive you if you do this without telling her.”
“I’ll talk to her after I tell Valentin the time of the operation. Grandmother will handle it much better now that I can present her with a solution.”
Arwen’s eyes held hers. “Come back, Silver. I can’t do life without you.”
“You should call Pasha. He knows how to do life, and I’m sure he wants to do certain things to you, too.”
Color flooded Arwen’s cheeks. “You’ve definitely been corrupted by the bears.” Lifting her phone off the side table with that accusation, he handed it to her. “You’ll want to call Grandmother and your alpha bear yourself.”
“Yes.” She waited until he’d stepped out before making the call to Valentin. Then, she called the woman who’d been the defining force in her life.
• • •
TWO and a half hours later, Silver sat prepped and ready on a hospital bed, Valentin in front of her.
“Promise me something,” he said.
When she tilted her head questioningly to the side, he said, “If the operation takes your emotions, I want you to promise me ten dates afterward. A chance to win you back.”
“I promise,” Silver said without hesitation. “But Valentin, you understand nothing will win me back if my emotions are permanently suppressed?”
She touched her lips to his before he could answer, the kiss a gentle thing. It was so strange, how powerful touch could be. She could keep this big man in place with a butterfly caress. Once, she’d have taken it as a sign of weakness on his part, power on hers. That was before she understood the touch would have as deep an impact on her, that she’d do anything to make him smile, make him feel pleasure.
Today he shuddered, this strong bear who had hands twice as big as her own, and whose physical strength dwarfed hers many times over. “You’ll lose me,” she said because she had to prepare him for the hurt she might inflict. “The surgeon believes there’s a seventy-five-percent chance of success—”
Valentin’s face cracked into a huge smile. “Damn that’s good.”
“There’s also a very high chance that the operation will permanently deaden the part of me that feels.” Ashaya and Dr. Bashir had come to that conclusion earlier today. “I’ll be gone. You’ll lose me.”
“You’ll lose yourself, too.” Valentin’s voice came out raw. “The woman you are without Silence, the full brightness of you, solnyshko moyo, it’ll be shoved into a small box.”
Silver went motionless; she’d been so worried about him that she hadn’t thought about the consequences to herself. It slammed into her with brutal force. If the surgeon did turn off the part of her that felt, it would permanently turn off a part of her. The part that could hug and tease her brother. The part that could kiss a child’s cheek, the part that felt not only loyalty toward her grandmother, but also a deep, deep love and an unending pride.
The part that loved Valentin until loving him was an essential element of her being.
“Oh.” A shaky sound of acknowledgment.
Powerful arms wrapping around her, a bass heartbeat against her cheek. “I’ll die,” she whispered. “Part of me, a part I’ve barely had the chance to explore, it’ll die.”
“But you’ll live.” Her mate’s voice was barely human. “You’ll live and you’ll be Silver Fucking Mercant who owns her enemies and who I’ll get to see shining bright for the rest of my own life.”
Silver blinked back the staggering sense of loss. “I’ll be able to protect my family in the coming decades of uncertainty.” So many lives, so many futures. “And I’ll be there for StoneWater. I vow this. Even if I forget my emotions, I’ll remember the vow. So long as I draw breath, the clan will always have a friend in the Mercants.”
Amber eyes stared into her own, her Valyusha’s forehead pressed to hers. His generous heart deserved to never again feel pain, but she knew he’d endure it because that was who he was. An alpha to the core. A man who would never let her down.
“Silver Fucking Mercant, Ice Queen and my mate. Lyubov moya.” His voice shook on the words of love. “You will be that to me to my dying day. If the worst happens and if you ever need me, call. I’ll be there. I’ll always be there.”
